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Relationship with an older woman
Hi, I'm in desperate need of some advice. I am a 26 year old man who has been dating a 36 year old woman for about 5 months.I am very concerned about the age difference and what that will mean for us down the road. Just last week we broke up and it has been killing me. I really like this girl and I want to be with her, but the age thing is just a 24/7 nagging issue in the back of my mind. We split up because she is wanting to be in a relationship with someone that will in a few years materialize into a family and having kids. I am terrified of this. I want a family and kids, but i'm 26 and thinking about that happening in the next couple of years scares the hell out of me. On the other hand, I really do not want to lose her, she is wonderful in every way, and though we are 10 years apart we are on most of the same playing fields, intellectually, physically, professionally, etc. I have been in only 3 relationships that have lasted more than a few months, and have dated many girls, and this is the first one that has ever meant something to me, the short of it is, I have fallen for her and I have been down and out since we split up. I need some objective advice. Do I try to get her back or do I just move on and accept that our age difference is just to much to overcome. Thanks in advance for the advice.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I probably have no idea what i'm talking about.
Now, with that said, here is my objective advice:
If you were going to change your mind about wanting to be a father in the next couple years, that probably would have happened shortly after you broke up. Those all-or-nothing moments usually have a way of bringing out some surprising compromises.
So that leads me to believe you are genuinely not ready to settle down and start a family with this woman. Which is totally fine, and pretty much expected. It's also not your fault, just like it's not her fault that she IS ready.
I would try to be grateful that you came to this realization early enough that you can both walk away without baggage, cut your losses, and do your best to move on.
***TheGivingTree
PS-- The people who know you best (parents/siblings/best friends) are always going to be some of the best judges of whether or not you're ready for a family, just in case you were having second thoughts.
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you have to follow your heart.
If you are thinking about the age difference this early in the relationship than maybe u should reconsider.
At least be honest about it to her...
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Age isn't just a number for a woman who wants to have a baby.
Guys can become fathers at 12 and at 90. Women have a more limited window if they want to bear children.
If she wants to give birth, the period of time where she can do that safely is swiftly coming to a close. She only has a few years left to make that a physical reality.
If you aren't ready for a family, take a deep breath and move on.
Not because the age difference is too great, but because you don't want the same things on a timeline that is acceptable to both parties. A guy who was 35 and didn't want to have kids for 10 years would have the same problem dating this particular woman. It's just not the timeline she is willing to commit too.
That isn't just about age. That is about priorities and choices, and those conflicts can happen in relationships regardless of age. So cry it out, and let it go.
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When you're in your 20s and up, the age difference really does not matter at all since things kind of even out. I think you're pressuring yourself with that and what she said. 2-3 years is a lot of time to grow. Perhaps since you've never been in a relationship more than a few months, the idea of the long haul is still new and scary to you. She's not asking anything of you immediately. I think she's just asking you to consider it. That has nothing to do with age because any couple that's been together for 2 or 3 years would clearly start things about a bigger future as far as marriage and kids.
I was in a relationship for almost 2 years and then realized "you know what? I have no interest in a future with this girl" and ended it. Months later I met another girl who I fell head over heels for. We've been together for 11 months and I already know she's someone I want to marry and start a family with in time and we're 7 years apart in age. She feels the same way too about me and i've never been more sure of anything
You know this means something to you, more than anything else you've experienced relationship wise and like I said, she's not rushing you. You're making yourself feel pressured and rushed. If this is truly real love for you, give it a chance. At the least, give it a year, man. Or else you might just regret not trying and wondering "what if?"
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I'm one of those people who believe age really is just a number. And well, you really can't help who you fall in love with.
But do you want the same things out of life? She's wanting a family. She's 36. She wants a family ASAP because her time clock is TICK-N!
Sit and think about this. This is when "adult" decisions come in and you have the pick between two really tough choices. Is this REALLY the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with? And you just aren't ready to let her go? If so, are you ready to start a family with HER, NOW? That's choice one. Choice two, you really just don't want a family now, soon, maybe even ever! And although you might love her, hey, you just didn't want the same things. Fun while it lasted, but its over now.
It's all about happiness babyyy. Where are ya most happy? ;)
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