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wedding invitations
I'm 33. My gf is 28. My girlfriend and I have been talking about marriage, and invitations to the wedding came up. She wants to invite a couple she had a three-way with. It was a one time thing, they are friends today, and she works with wife of this couple. Here's the kicker. She is the godmother to their child, and they are still good friends and have a "family" like relationship because of the said godchild. I have put my foot down and have said no to having them at the wedding. I just can't imagine having an ex-lover at the wedding, even though they just did it once. I really just couldn't stand having the guy there, saying something like, "ha, I tapped that." I know, it sounds stupid, but its the truth. Am I being unreasonable or is my objection understandable?
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Alright.
First, you're being insecure. I completely understand your reasoning, but its reasoning based in possessiveness.
Dude, she's marrying you, and its a couple. This should not make you uncomfortable. Her past is past, and especially if she is the God child to their kid, this isn't "Ex Lover" its a couple that she's dear friends with.
I will admit, in fairness, that I would not personally be troubled by this. On the contrary, I'd want to meet the couple, and as my partner's sexual pasts don't trouble me past a clean bill of health, to me they would just be another set of friends she had.
In the meantime, I'm going to seed this idea.
Your future wife likes girls. This is a good thing. If you find yourself in a trusting relationship, its a _really_ good thing.
Keep it in mind for the future. For now, you're getting married. Married. She's yours, don't sweat the past and don't let it ruin the present. Meet her friends without prejudice, show her that you trust her, you know she's yours, and that thats all that really matters to you.
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The problem is that these people are more than just ex-lovers. If that were the end of it, there would be no question that they don't need to be invited. However, that is apparently a small part of the relationship that they have with you and your girlfriend (if she's close enough to be a godparent to their child!).
You have to understand that your girlfriend would be getting married that day too and if she wants them there then they should be there, and you will have to get over your fear that they will be thinking anything other than "i'm happy for you".
I would talk to her about it until you feel better about it, keeping in mind that it's something you'll eventually have to get over one day anyway.
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Your objection is totally understandable. You will feel uncomfortable with him there and this is your wedding day too. You only get one (hopefully, ha) and you don't want anything to ruin it.
However, since she is the godmother of their child and the guy does have a wife, not inviting them would only cause problems. They would probably demand to know why they're not invited to your wedding, since they're all still obviously close. Then your fiancee will have to explain to them that you're not comfortable with him being there because they had sex way back when.
You're going to have to come to some sort of compromise. I agree with the person below me about placing them way in the back, possibly in the corner where you wouldn't even see them. I'm not sure if just inviting them to the reception would work because they would probably wonder why they weren't invited to their child's godmother's actual wedding.
It's obvious that their sexual relationship is long over with. Your wedding day is going to be so busy, you probably won't even have time to notice who's there and who isn't. Try talking to your gf and telling her how you feel and why you feel that way. Hopefully she can put you at ease about the whole thing so you can both have a wonderful, stress-free wedding.
Congrats on the marriage and good luck(:
Darby
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It's deffinitely understandable, as its your wedding day and you don't want to look around the room and have an unwanted guest. But if she is the godmother and works with the wife, it could become quite sticky if you don't invite the couple. Talk to your girlfriend about how the thought of seeing him there would bother you all night, and try not to argue about it. Let her know how uncomfortable you would feel.
If you could some how comprimise, consider inviting them only to one part of the wedding, such as the reception. Or put them in seats in the waaay back. It's important that both of you are happy on this important day. If you have to face him, just think, maybe he was with your wife once, but now your the only one who can have her for the rest of her life.
Good luck and I wish you the best!
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