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A Good Relationship --> Breakup, Very Confused.
16/m
In the middle of May, I really became attracted to my friend Sean. I confided in one of my best friends about it, and she told me to tell him. I did, and he told me he had "a bonafide crush" on me as well. So, we started to date. The chemistry at then was great. We could both tell how much we were into each other, and the relationship blossomed.
About a month ago, something changed. All of a sudden he seemed...distant? At this point, I "loved him", and yes I'm young,I can't really love him, but I think I did/do. Everytime I'd hear his voice, my heart would skip a beat, I loved being w. him, and in his arms. It was just like heaven. He had these moments though, where he was so sweet and so amazing. But others where he was distant as I said.
Finally, I confronted him about this last week. We had this big talk, online, of all places. He said that everytime I told him I loved him, it made him feel guilty because he didn't feel the same way, and he didn't think that he ever could love me. He kept complimenting me and saying how amazing I was, and that I would find someone meant for me, but that it wasn't him. I understood, but I cannot let what I feel for him go. I was just wondering if there was anyway I could do this. I did, after all, come out about being bi to all of my friends for him. And he still wants to be good friends, I just don't know if I can do that without thinking of what we had.
Any thoughts?
Thanks.
Anthony.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Anthony, I think that you both genuinely liked and still like each other, and should be thankful that you found such a strong connection with someone that obviously cares about you a lot. Even though you still want more than he does right now, all you can do is try to appreciate what you still have. Feelings are the one thing that we struggle to control, but things like these rarely ever work out the way we plan. I'm sure that if he could reciprocate your feelings he would.. sometimes these things are more about timing than anything else, so try not to take it personally, but make sure he knows you are still sensitive about it.
and as far as justifying all of this, "If you love someone, set them free."
**TheGivingTree
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sometimes you take risks in life and great things happen and other times you take risks (like coming out) and these things happen. what you had and what you have (the possibility of friendship in the future) are still very important things to you obviously and I'm sorry you're having to go through this now, but you should also think about what a great relationship you did have for those few short summer months and what new things you'll take away from it for your future relationships and for your future entirely. you took a risk and came out for this boy and even though he doesn't love you, you now have so many new dating options by being out.
in the end, this is adolescence and things change rapidly and no one knows who they are yet. distance can mean a lot of things even unsaid ones. you're 16. your entire life is in front of you. don't get too hung up on one summer love, but don't forget your first love of a man either.
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If he doesn't believe that he will be with you in the future, you can't really change his mind on that. Maybe telling him that you loved him wasn't the best thing to do. And I'm sure you realize that so I'm not going to make you feel like crap about doing that. Did you try apologizing to him about what you were saying? Sure, you may have felt a strong connection with him, but "love" is one heck of a word to throw around. It probably just scared him. Let him know that by "love" you really just meant that you really cared a lot about him and you really enjoyed being with him, if that is the case.
--Jack
(16/m)
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