My name is Angel, and I love helping people. I'm anything but perfect, and I don't expect anyone else to be. I don't judge, and I don't try to make peoples choices for them. I simply try to help in the best way I can. I've been through some very good, and very bad times in my life. They have sculpted me into the beautiful mess you see before you today.
I'm here for anyone who needs anything I have to offer, so don't be afraid to ask, or vent. Whichever will help.
Gender: Female
Location: Georgia
Age: 19
AIM: ahappebrunette
Member Since: May 23, 2008
Answers: 64
Last Update: May 26, 2009
Visitors: 6303
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Hey! well im only 18 and im having a fling with my friends brother who is now 22 and we are having a problem communicating i don't know sometimes what to say because his older than me and i want something special out of this because this the first time i went out with a guy older than me so im taking it slow but i kind of lack with the communication because i don't just want to kiss & thats it so what can i do to make him more into me and to make him feel like im there and listening and i also would like for him to open up to me but don't know how SERIOUSLY!! So back to the family his family likes me but im not so sure about his dad his dad don't know much about us but i can sense that he doesn't like me so that kinds of push me more away from him and don't need more of that plus i have another big problem 2 months ago i had sex but without protection i know i was stupid but i was kind of emotional so i got carried away and this was before i met him so this guy i had sex without protection i realized i didn't get my period for 2 months going for 3 and still nothing and strange thing my breast haven developed and doesn't feel like i am pregnant but if i am i don't know what im going to do i mean this means im going to lose all the people i love and this guy i just started something with and i was hoping for something special but this can ruin it all and worst of all his mad at me at the moment but not for replying to his messages but i feel like his not that into me as he say he is so this makes everything more confusing and my parents will freak if they hear it's him because his in college and im in school which really sucks!! well i can't understand the pregnant part but i hope im not because thats making me push my family and friends away and i don't want that at all and also it's leading me to heavy depression so im hating my life and feel so unhappy and all i want is happiness so please try and help i need it so bad!!! (link)
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I think the first thing you need to do is take a step back and breath. The thing about being human is that when a problem hits us we tend to just get wrapped up in it. Forcing us to try and see clearly through a whirl of emotions.
And that just doesn't work.
So the first thing you need to do is take step back and look at this objectively as an outsider. I know you're thinking that's impossible because it's happening to you. But it's that kind of thinking that's sending you into a depression.
So now let's look at this from the outside (I'm going to help you here). First let's address the pregnancy. Going on three months is stretching it thin. But at the time you have been under A LOT of stress lately (bordering depression) and that is proven to stop a woman's menstrual cycle.
So the first thing you need to do is get a pregnancy test. Make sure you get a pack that has at least two. Take them both. That way you can erase all suspicion and fear from your mind.
Don't even stress about the consciences before you have the results. If you do end up pregnant, just message me again. And THEN we'll worry about what you should do about that.
As for the boy, I really think that the main problem is a simple one. YOU'RE STRESSING YOURSELF OUT! If a guy says he wants you, then you have two choices...
1. You can become the insecure g/f who drives the guy away by spending all your time worrying about losing him. (refer to good luck chuck)
or
2. You can take a chance that love just might do you right, and you can trust him.
I know it's hard to just trust somebody, but that's what a relationship is. If you don't trust him to be honest with you, then what are you doing with this guy? If you don't let your insecurity go you'll scare him away. Because when you let insecurity get into your relationship, he's going to start seeing that age difference. Guys want a girl who's confident, and there's one reason for that. They don't want to fight to prove they want to be with you. They just want you to have faith in them, in their word and nobility. Not all guys are jerks, some of them just like to take it slow emotionally. Because that's what love is, a building up of trust.
So you want to learn to communicate with him? Here's what you do, next time your with him, don't nag once unless it's ABSOLUTELY CLEAR that it's a joke. Just play and have fun, for one whole date. Don't worry or stress-it's a date not a midterm.
You do that and you'll start to see the communication that's missing right now.
The reason I think he's not communicating with you openly is because he's sensing your unease with the situation, you have to realize your feelings have a huge affect on the people around you. So if you just take it easy, and relax, he'll unwind with you, and start opening up himself. So just give it time.
I really hope it helps, and I hope that you are able to realize that you are a great girl who deserves this guy, and deserves a happy life. So be happy, and don't worry about problems you don't have yet. That just leads to premature aging!
P.S. Don't worry about the dad, he might just be a little like your boyfriend. It might take him a while to let people in. Just be nice and don't try to make him like you. Be yourself and let him come to you.
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so ive been talking to this kid lately and we recently started hooking up. ive only kissed one other guy and he basically ate my face. so i never really knew how to actually makeout. this new guy is so experience compared to me and he just texted me saying that im not a bad kissser..but not good. i need advice on how to do it the next time i see him so i can prove him wrong. ahh im so embarassed! (link)
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I remember my fear of my first kiss. I was very unexperienced for my age, and the guy i was going to prom with was anything but inexperienced so in fear i ran to the internet and found this website. I studied it like crazy. Needless to say the kiss was good. i wont lie, it wasn't my best but it wasn't bad.
That guy said i was one of the best kissers he had ever had...and many sense have said the same thing.
so check out this website. i cant tell you any better than they can!
goodluck
http://www.kissingbooth.com/kiss.htm
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Well big mistake i went last night to that party and i reconnected with him we were both in a tipsy mode which means we were saying things that weren't true we told each other we love each other and all that crap but i knew it wasn't him talking it was the alchol wow it's hard to get that in my outta my mind because he his actually a great guy he took real good of me and brought me home and everything im just thinking to myself were will i find another guy like that because here were i stay there are not much of them around they either not anywhere to be seen or they taken...I also found out that i never have time to think of myself because im always working on someone elses problems and that means i try to forget my problems...i feel down latly and also feel unhappy tha nothing is going my way i keep hoping it will but that hope always lets me down i just feel really depressed and feel like im trying to run away from the way im feeling, school is also not something i enjoy the fact that his there also makes things worst and just don't enjoy anything anymore i feel like im not myself like i just want to die i HATE MY LIFE because all things are going great with my parents and sister and brothers but me not at all like i can't take my life and not the ex it's mostly me i don't feel HAPPY i don't know what to do i try to read a book keep myself busy and went to a social worker nothing seems to work i wish for happiness because everyone around me is my friends my family except me that makes it worst when will i be HAPPY??? (link)
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Don't beat yourself up about the party. When we're in love we all have a hard time walking away. It wasn't mistake, it was just another chapter in your book. As far as the ex, i'm he is a good guy, but that doesn't make him right guy for you. There are plenty of great guys out there, and there are too many bad ones. You can't let that scare you, and this is why; when a bad guy meets the right girl, he suddenly isn't such a bad guy anymore, and vice versa.
My advice for that situation is to just take it a day at a time, and realize that it has to hurt, you can't run and hide from it because its a part of you, and it will find you. Follow your heart, even if its back to him. Sometimes the only way to move on is to take a step back and remember why we needed to move on in the first place.
Having said that, i still think if you are emotionally strong enough at the moment you should keep your distance from this guy, just until your over the worst of it. And not to punish him, just to give yourself some space.
NOW, for the whole falling apart thing. I know this is the last thing you want to hear, but i'm going to say it anyway, everyone goes through a time like this in there life, actually there will be more than one, your family included. The reason everyone elses life seems so great right now is because yours is so out of order. It's not screwed up, it's just not the way you need it. You have to realize that, if you convince yourself that your life has been destroyed, you'll never allow yourself to fix it.
Your heartbroken! Whether you want to admit it or not thats whats tearing your life apart. This pain is eating you alive. And understandably your letting everything else around you fall apart. That's normal, its just a nasty part of the healing process. It's kinda like a scab on your knee; it's ugly, it has no place there, it ruins your plans to wear that brand new skirt, and worst of all it hurts. But that scab is a necessary part of the healing process. It makes it better. And like with a skinned Knee, it'll take a while to heal completely. And even then you'll have a bold scar that will still be sensitive and easier to break. But given more time that too will heal. It'll never completely go away but it'll fade until you almost never think of it.
Thats what getting over this boy is going to be like. You have to let it hurt, you have to let it change your plans, and most importantly, you have to let it Heal. You can't keep going back to this guy. Everytime time you do, your ripping off the scab and expanding the wound. And putting more pain in your life than necessary.
If you want to get your life back to normal, or just be happy again, you've just got to take time for yourself. Help when you can, but when your not up to it, or you just feel like crying, explain to your friends that it's a really bad day and that you need sometime to help yourself. A real friend will understand. And another thing is, you can't hide in books or stop doing the things you've always done. When we're hurt we have a tendency to avoid things that remind us of getting hurt or of the happiness we had before the pain. But you can't let it stop you. Sitting this inning out because you have a skinned knee might keep you from that homerun.
So i guess what i'm trying to say is you've got to put yourself back out there. Do the things you've always done, and let yourself have fun. If like movies go see moives, if like books then read, if like dancing...girl your legs arn't broken, your heart is. Even if you don't feel like it, do it. Once you get out there you'll be glad you did. So cry when you want to, laugh every chance you can, and when love comes knocking jump without looking down.
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Hey its soon too be typing but i did speak to my ex bf that i was deeply inlove with, he told me he can't be in a relationship because his going to leave school and he needs to do better and i respect that oh and did i tell you his friend told him me and him were having a thing i told him its a lie so that changed also the way he felt about me and he lost that hope and love and ignored me that made me worst and sad but i try my best keep smiling,and at a friends house we kissed because we never saw each other in a while and i wanted to make him get that feeling that i was longing for, but seems like that was for nothing i felt hurt I STILL want to HOLD HIM i want just that feeling from his side instead just rejecting side from him...He told me about a party ima go saturday i can't wait i want to look drop dead sexc for him but i have a feeling his going to keep rejecting me and i want us to be friends really bad, even if he doesnt want a relationship thats why im seeking that love attentions i can't believe his friends sed that SHIT about me but i just hope and pray we either good friends or together but doesnt seem he will listen to me his friends always been rude and dis respectful towards me but some of them are totally nice im getting there and it's amazing i can move on because other guys asking me on dates but i reject them because i still don't find myself intrested in anybodi but him I know om so damn stupit but his the guy that i only like and want at the moment WOW im such a wimp i can't let go and he did but i don't know now about this party it's not a good idea but i see away to patch it right but that will never happen ever...i NEED YOU TO HELP ME ANYWAY IN EVERYWAY i want to get away and saturday im going to turn my head and never LOOK BACK or is that a bad idea??? (link)
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I know that you don't want to hear this, but going to this party is an AWEFUL idea. It's obvious this guy is just jerking you around. and i hate to be insensitive but i don't think his friend said those things. It sounds to me like he's looking for a way to make you seem like the bad one.
I know you trust him, its because you love him. Thats normal and it's ok. But there comes a time when we get tired of hurting and being made a fool of by love. I think you are there, and if you are, don't go to this party. It's just going to be another heartbreak. And i know you think that it'll hurt to give him up, but it's going to hurt trying to get him back too. Atleast when you hurt alone you save your pride and your taking a step forward...not back.
I can't tell you what to do, that is ultimately up to you, but i can tell you that going to that party is a bad idea. Stay home or go out with friends, just don't let this guy trick you again. Remember hurting is healing. So just cry until you can't anymore, and then cuss him until your not mad anymore, and love him until you can't feel the pain anymore. After you've done all that, go on one of those dates!
good luck, hope it helped
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Hey im back from the holiday and so far im doing good i stopped crying even when i remember the things me and my ex done together i just want to cry but can't and true what u said i got my period and im glad for that because i would not want him for my childs father i still miss being with him but i found in some way it will never be and excepting it so far so good and you right i'll miss him but never go back to him because he don't deserve me but im just worried we go to the same school and im going to bump into to him but i don't know if i should say anything...& usually i never speak to my exs because it's never the same but im no ready and im not willing to speak and be with him ever again...i nearly phoned him but that was stupit i know im not a stalker or anything i know he moved on but just want to hear from him but good i did'nt talk to him well the other thing now that we in the same grade and school his telling his friends ima slut and showing pictures i send to him with my new underwear but its from long before i was in his spell but his making me a slut and this ruining my friendships with my group they had sex but pictures they won't except i feel so damn stupit for that i REGRET that one thing...but im glad you helped me alot and its apprecaited thanks but i just also have a problem with guys some just use me for a kiss or want sex for the night but sex i don't give it but why do men take me so low they think im the easy type!! As for the guys i don't find any attraction at the moment im not lesbain or anything im just not intrested..but would like to be but i want a guy from my school but like i said listed as a slut how do i get clean?? How do i make other guys not see me as a fling and just something specail or should i just give in but im feeling SHIT about it i know i should ignore it but the people in our school don't stop when they start they push it in...i also been praying hard and wishing hoping to see my ex alone i know it's not right but i just wish he could tell me take me back so i can say i moved on thats all i hope and pray for is that so bad?? hope you will be replying soon!!! (Lonely Girl Soth Africa) (link)
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Sorry it's taken me so long to reply my computer crahsed and i've been a bit hopeless without it. But to your problem...you have got a lot of issues weighing you down right now and im very sad to say thats normal in this situation, breakups always bring on a load of extra trouble...its one of the things that make it so difficult.
I first want to address the issues of your feelings for your ex. It took you a while to fall for this guy, you can't expect to get over him over night. It's got to hurt first, and you have to miss him, and you have to want to talk to him. If didn't that would mean you never loved him and we both know you did and thats ok...no, thats great. Love is the most beautiful gift and its worth all the hell you'll go through trying to find it.
BUT he's not treating you well, and everytime you feel like you're going to break and call or talk to him, think about what he's doing to you with pictures and the other girl. If that's not enough to stop you nothing is.
MY other advice to avoid him for now or atleast keep your distance. You don't need false hope and its easier to get over someone when you can't see them or smell them or even touch them. Its the hardest part...walking away, but its a must. Its the best step.
As for this picture nonsense i'm going to say the one thing you probably wont like. You should ignore it. There is no room in our lives for regret. You made a mistake it doesn't make a bad person and it doesn't make you a slut. It makes you human, and you should smile about that.
When they whisper and laugh, just smile, because your the better person when you do. Someday karma will get those people and it always comes with a vengence. And besides the more you focus on that the more wrapped up in the mess your going to get.
As far as your friends, if they whisper, or turn there back on you...SCREW THEM! they arn't friends. Let them go! they'll only bring you down if you don't. it'll hurt, but the only way to start clean is to throw out the trash.
Now, about your imagine. You have no idea what doing the things i listed above will help. They will show that your strongwilled and in the end people will see who you REALLY are.
But the most important thing to remember about being respected is to remember it starts with respecting yourself. In general people are idiots and they will believe just about anything you tell them. So when they see you holding your head high and respecting yourself, they will do the same. People are followers, be a leader.
About making guys respect you. Take things slower. When you have a bad rep, deserved or not you have to do more to show your not that girl. Don't kiss until the second or thrid date. maybe even later if you don't feel secure yet. Believe it or not most guys usually understand, and if they don't you know they were there for the wrong reasons. You do that enough and the word will get around school, and suddenly the good guys will start noticing and your ex will look like a complete jerk.
I wish you luck honey. Keep that head up and don't stop smiling. And live by the golden rule...
"If can't live it down you might as well live it up, you'll and you'll learn, and worlds gonna turn, it aint going to stop for you"
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Well it’s me again , but this time me and the guy I was and still am deeply inlove with has now officially gave up me I went away for a week on a family trip we smsed and phoned each other it was sweet and we were still happy together and so much inlove I was happy that I could have him in my life and I was feeling so damn lucky and so damn happy…He went to P.E to visit his family but 3 or 4 weeks passed but and now it’s not the same I sms him but he does not even bother replying to my sms and when I phone he is like hey we just don’t speak a lot anymore like he completely gave up on me like he moved on; but I clearly have not I MISS HIM so much I can’t get him out of my mind I can’t get over the fact that he dropped me out of his life just can’t except it I cry everyday & want to call but I just gave up on it and stopped trying to make it work I told him to tell me what’s up why we so then he tells me im being stupit he like really changed on me his always rude on the phone and this tells me he has moved on because my last ex boyfriend was so and he had a new girlfriend and I thought he started to love me I thought we had a future and I thought he meant he loved me. The love faded by him but not by me I just wish it did I pray every day that this love would go away but it here to stay I can’t get over him I don’t want anybody but him but I can’t except that and I don’t see myself moving on & I tried to see other people but I simply can’t do it when will I ever be ready when!! I HATE HIM BECAUSE he did this to me…and I hate him even more because his bound to get a girl there because he tells me he partys ever night and day that is bound to lead to a new chick I feel punished hurt lost of trust I just want to see him but he told me he never wants me in his life or to see me when he comes back it will never be the same again because of me I just wish I could understand why his doing this but I can’. I gave him space for a while now that didn’t make him love me I smsed so sweet things no reply. I asked him over the phone why hasn’t he replyed he told me he rather spend his money on drinking I also got another problem I might be pregnant with his child because I never got my period this month and he asked me if I got it I said no so I asked if his worried he told me he don’t care what does that say if I am pregnant he will basically reject me and I so love him but his not a good father figure his a party animal I also wouldn’t know what to say to my parents because we know alota people whose pregnant they also going to reject me. I don’t know anymore what to do I am in so much SHIT I just wana die I im going to lose the people I love and I already lost him what now? But im broken I fell smashed into millions of pieces and I always seem to fall for the wrong guys I can’t control that I know I should just take it and forget about it but there is way tomany memories to foget us ME & HIM I need YOUR HELP BADLY!! (link)
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i wish there was some "get over the breakup" book for dummies, but there isn't. everyone hurts and heals in there own way. right now your in that lowest part of the breakup phase, and to top it all off your life feels like its crashing around you. the fear of being rejected, not being loved, not being good enough, and feeling straight screwed...is probably the best way to describe the pit your in now. that’s normal
first and foremost, before i give any advice on the matter, i want to say that this is a very iffy topic and i can only tell you what i would know to do in the situation, but despite what anyone else says, they most important advice to take is follow your heart. it never takes you anywhere you are not supposed to go.
now...
i know you can't just get over it. if the breaking up were that easy, love wouldn’t even be worth having. the reason it hurts so bad is because your losing the one thing you want most, love and all that comes with it(acceptance, respect, desire, passion, comfort, etc.). those are the things that really make a break up so heartbreaking. when you lose someone, you don't just lose all those things, you lose your hope for a better tomorrow, the one that could give you everything you've ever dreamed of.
understanding that is the first step. you have got to see that it's not just this guy that you miss, you miss the way you felt with him. so naturally being without him is indescribably painful. it hurts, its supposed to. that’s why they call it a break up. it breaks you. it's supposed to. be proud that it hurts you. what kind of person would you be if it didn't? not alive, i can tell you that much.
the next step is to just let it hurt. you have got cry, splurge, kick and scream, and say to hell with what the world thinks. if they can't understand and accept that you are hurting, they have no place in your life, they are leeches, helping to suck out what’s left of your happiness.
by the way, there is no limit on the time you are allowed to breakdown. take your time. rushing into another relationship will only sharpen the pain. it might look good on the outside, but on the inside being with a guy just cause, it will only kill you.
when the guy your supposed to move on with comes along, you'll just know. no you wont know, you'll just do it. life’s funny like that. things don't come around to you until your ready for them. more importantly, when you truly need them. there are no mistakes. not even this pain you feel. its going to hurt and its going to get worse, but its going to get better too. you wont even realize it. you are just going to wake up one day and forget to cry. a week later, your going to forget to miss him. with everyday that passes your going to be closer to realizing that it wasn't him that you loved or even miss, it was the way you loved yourself when you were with him that you miss.
you will see that, and when you do, it's going to hit you. you will find it again, and it will be better this time because you are wiser, and more open to it. you are going to see that this guy was an ass, and someone you would never choose again, but that you don't regret, because he made you a better person by showing you just how awful he is.
once you see that you are going to realize the only truth about love that will ever matter. if you are not the one for him he cant be the one for you. if every guy fit, what would make the right one special?
thats what it all comes down to. some part of you wants me to tell you to hold on and that everything will workout with this guy. i know because everyone(including myself) whos ever been in your shoes has secretly wished for the same thing. i sadly cant say that and mean it. even if this guy does come back, and he probably will, he'll just hurt you again.
he's a user. he's hurt you because he can, and he'll keep doing it if you let him.
so i guess my advice is to just take it day by day. take it all in. laugh, cry, and love every time you get the chance. don't hold back, don't hide, and and don't settle. this is just another one of those times that will pass. one day you look back and be thankful for it. just don't hide the pain, that’s what makes a heartache so much stronger. your keeping it locked so close to your heart on serves to deepen the love, and the pain.
as for the pregnancy issue. get a test. put your mind at ease. but i have some good news for you. stress(aka. heartbreak) causes periods to be late. when your emotions are out of wack your body doesn't work properly. another one of natures little quirks. twisted i know.
just don’t let it worry you now, not until you are sure.
and for your parents. people are always more judgmental when its not happening to them, but when its there own daughter it'll change. it suddenly wont seem so bad. and if it does, well i dont think very highly of your parents. they are not perfect, don’t let them lie to you!
but dont worry about that yet. take one problem at a time.
if it turns out you are pregnant which i dont think and pray you are not. message me and we will work through that one.
so i guess to sum it all up. just accept it, all of it, even the bad. you know he's no good for you, even if you don't want to accept it. how can anyone who intentionally makes you feel this way ever be right for you.
having said that. i know you cant just let him go. it doesn't work that way, but i do think you should try to keep as far away from him as you can. the distance will allow your heart to break in peace without any false hope. its kind of like monks and fasting. they do it because it brings them something food never could, the realization that they don't really need it the way they thought they did.
some other tips are to try and find a hobby, or at least try and do the things you normally do. the routine stuff will help you remember you are still alive and that you do have a tomorrow. and where else are you going to meet mr. right? not hidden in your room.
i hope it helped. and if there is anything else, or something that you think i didn't elaborate on or even mention, message again. i will be checking my inbox just incase. i really hope it all works out. if you need anything, even if its just a shoulder to cry on or someone to tell over and over again why it should have worked out, just im me. ahappebrunette.
much love,
angel
p.s. remember to cry when you feel like crying, laugh every chance you get, and the next time love comes knocking leap without looking down
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I have a problem me and my boyfriend we great together and all but when we alone it's also great but then he keeps asking me what now?? i mean what now, is he getting bored of me because when we were at a party he told me he loves me and opened up to me, now it's like over the phone umh bye not anything sweet to be said, am i losing it or what...like the other night he had a party at his house and i was kind of tipsy he just wanted to get in my pants and i wasn't myself because even my best friend told me i look more inlove then him i have no cooking clue what to do so please help me out...thanks (inlove with her boyfriend but not getting love inreturn) (link)
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A good and bad thing about life is that we cannot read minds. It'd be cool if we could, because then it would take all the guess work and pain out of life. But then there would be no surprises, and if you ask me that would be worse.
But to get to your problem. I'm not completely straight on the order in which things were going on, so plese don't get upset if i get somethings wrong.
It's been my experience that if a guy sits down and pours out his feelings, he usually means them. There are always exclusions, but the majority of the time they mean it. Boys are *in general* more cafeful about sharring things like that, so chances are, he wouldn't have said it if he didn't mean it.
If you think he only wants you for sex there is one way to speculate. Did the confession of his love come before or after you had sex for the first time. If it was after then i'd say he definatly meant it, unless you were pressuring him to confess how he felt about(as most of us do--we want to know we are wanted, and thats ok). Then he may have lied or exaggerated to spare your feelings.
One the otherhand if he told you he loved you and then yall had sex for the first time it could go either way. He could be one of those rare but jerky guys who enjoys taking advantage of people. but i mean it when i say they are rare. But he's still there so i wouldn't say its all just for sex.
As for his sudden change in moods with you, remember that men are subject to mood swings just like women. He could be going through something, that he's afraid to talk about. And this is his way of lashing out. It might not even have anything to do with you.
The truth is i could help you break it down all day. We could go through every little thing that happened, but i'm sad to say we'd end up in the same place.
There is only one way to solve your problem, and it's going to take some serious guts and patience on your part.
You need to get your boyfriend alone somewhere, and tell him that you want to talk. Be straight with him, but don't make him feel guilty. Just tell the complete truth as calmly as you can. And before you let him answer, remind him that you want the whole truth, even if it hurts. Remind him that lying now only hurts worse later.
Sometimes we get so caught up in the problem we forget how things started, and it was probably by being open with one another. If you want to try and get things back to the way they were, you should start with that. Honesty goes a long way.
I sincerely hope it helps.
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So there is this guy Tony I liked him alot we have a big gap in age and he was alittle iffy on it but still liked me. So i told him i just wanted to be friends. I meet this guy Nathan and we have been dating for a while. Tony and I can't talk because Tony came to my work once and i gave him a hug good bye he told me hed come to my work and kiss me infront of everyone. I love my boyfriend a lot sometimes he says things to make me feel like crap but i love him and i know he loves me. I have been thinking about Tony a lot. I feel confused and not sure what to do. whats your opinion on this? (link)
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Well, the details are vague but I'll give the best advice i can from what i know. Being stuck between two guys is never easy, but i think you need to take a step back and and really look at your situation.
First think about Nathan. What do you like about him. His looks, personality, his money? nest ask yourself, How does he make you feel? Sexy, secure, or maybe important.
Once you realize why you love this guy, you need to ask yourself, will i still want him a year from now? Can i live with his faults?
Now do the same thing with Tony.
It's easy to get so caught up in the struggle we end up walking away from what we really want for fear we will never find what we need. It's easy to be with someone because you need them, but being with someone because you want them is far more rewarding.
I think you need to take some time for yourself and decide what you really want, and make your descion. Don't let anyone else make it for you. Even if it's the wrong one, do it proudly. Life happens the way it's supposed to, so be fearless. After all, real love is fearless.
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my best friend and love of my life wants to join the marines wen he gets out of high school. he is into all the dangerous stuff n im so scared that something will happen to him. i want to be happy for him and i support him in his decision but i really dont want him to go. can anyone give some help on how to get through this because im having a really difficult time with it and ive even cried about it. and i dont want to tell my boy about it because i want him to know i support him in everything he does.i just dont want anything to happen to him but i always see how many marines die on the news and stuff. thank you for the help!!!! (link)
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I went through a similar situation last year, and it's hard, i know. The worry never goes away, and there is always a chance that things might go wrong. BUT they can go just as wrong here. People die in car crashes everyday, and yet we still drive everywhere. This isn't really any different, everything about life is dangerous, you just have to trust him to take of himself for you.
Maybe this bit of information will cheer you up, my boyfriend is a marine and he's set to be shipped out soon and he says that most marines never see the front line. It also depends on his job, that'll determine how close to the action he actually is.
But as far as you wanting to keep your fears from him, i think it's a bad idea. You shouldn't try to tell him what to do, but expressing your concerns only deepens your relationship. Talk him about what your feeling, nothing i or anyone say will compare to what his comfort will do for you.
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I'm a man in my mid-20's, and I've started to notice that my girlfriend of five years is very, very controlling. Like talking to a bunch of people (myself included) like she's our mother.
Now, I'm perfectly fine with a woman who can express what she wants, but how do you get her to realize that she can't control everyone, me especially, without it causing a meltdown? I mean, if this relationship goes to marriage, I need her to know that when I have a strong decision about our future, she can't just ignore me and do whatever. (link)
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You've got to talk to her. I know you've heard that one a million times before, but playing games will only screw you over in the end. You'll end up fighting so much you won't remember why you loved each other in the first place.
I suggest you sit her down in private and ask to let you have the floor. From your description this may be difficult for her, but you need to express how important it is that she hear you out completely before she jumps to any conclusions. At that point you have to tell her all your concerns, holding back anything is a bad idea.
But say it nicely, you don't want her to think you hate her, you just wnat her to understand that you're not going to put up with it. She doens't sound like a bad girlfriend, she's just dominating, and you just have to be up front with her.
Once you expressed your concerns the two of you should come up with like a secret code, nothing fancy, just something you can do that'll let her know when she's getting out of hand.
like with my boyfriend, i squeeze his elbow, even when we're not in public. It something intimate so he doesn't feel like i'm scolding him, but he understands at that point that he should stop. It always saves him the embarrassment of being called out, which means he won't get defensive.
I hope this helps, it worked for me, and hopefully it will work for you, just remember whatever solution you choose is going to take work.
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My boyfriend and I love each other to death, but we're drifting apart..
Any songs to help?
Thanks so much (link)
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jeff bates- long slow kisses
westlife- swear it again
hot apple pie- why can't i get to you
Kelly clarkston- where is your heart
buckcherry- without you
mindy mccready- maybe he'll notice her now
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this is going to sound pretty stupid but I'm genuinely curious about what other people do. i can't seem to make it through a day without thinking of a guy, going out with a guy, my future life with a guy...the weird thing is, it's not even one guy! i could really have no feelings for a guy friend but think about them a lot...i guess just because i always have to daydream about someone. how do you stop that??? i know friends with the same problem. just curious about answers. :) (link)
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I know what you are going through. I go through atleast twenty different fantasies a day about different guys. It used to bother me i always felt like i was living my life in my dreams, and leaving reality in the dust. The reason i think this bothers people so bad is we feel we're wasting so much energy on things we don't even want, when we could be doing more productive things with our minds.
All i can say is don't stop daydreaming, it just means your mind is rich and powerful. What you need to do is channel it. I write books, theres a huge market for romance, and you've got the gift. So just start writing these daydreams down. You won't believe how much it'll put your mind at ease.
If writing isn't for you there are other ways to express youreself and ideas. Music, art, storytelling.
You've just got to find your own thing, and you'll realize that once you really start getting involved in it your daydreams will become less frequent because your keeping that active mind busy.
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Ok , in the past my boyfriend has done alot of hurtful things . That has made me lose my trust for him , all of it . & i feel like i NEED to be with him 24/7 to make sure there is not anything going on. but everyone knows we can be with someone all the time . I'm the type of girl that if i cant get in touch with him i flip out , i worry , it drives me insane & amillion things pop in my head & not good thoughts either. I really wanna get over this because i know you cant have a relationship with out trust & that it just wont work. is there like anything i can do while im by my self to like keep my mind off of it or to keep me calm . I want things that i can actually do & will work . Thanks (link)
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Finding a hobby is always a good way to get your mind off things. You seem like an active person so i'd try something physical. For me kickboxing is a lifesavor...it takes my mind off the problem, and gives my body a way to release the frustration.
But if thats not your thing try an instrument, art, writing....there are a million things.
I can't promise that any of that will work because their kinda like a cold medicine, they only cover up the symptoms. The only real solution is to face the problem. You have to learn to trust your boyfriend again...if not, your going to drive him away. Love takes trust, so i suggest you talk to him, and find the answers your hearts looking for. That's the only cure.
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Ive been in a realtionship for three years and i cant let go because im so inlove and i dont remember how to let go anymore. I have been so emotionally abused. I have been throguh so much with this guy. Im so hurt by him i cant descibe the pain and he doesint understand me at all. He just wants things his way or no way he cant ever listen to me all he says is that ma words are just excuses and that i make him do mean things to me he says his unfaithfullness is because of me and all the above. I just cant take it anymore im so lost and confused i dont know what to tell him anymore when i try to explain how i feel he just pushes it to the side and cuts me off.. I need help to how i can let go because its so hard ive been through so much with him. When he cheated on me i felt like i was worthless and that i wasint good enough like it just hurt so bad because all i would think about is how he did it with the other girl did they do it the same way we made love it just hurt me so bad he cheated on me multiple times and i stayed with him because i love him and i couldint imagine myself with anyone one els. Also i thought he would apprcitiate me taken him back and understand that he has a good girl and wouldint hurt me like that again. But all he did was blame me for his cheating and didnt appreciate me taking him back. Why didnt he appricate me doing that? Gosh i just need hepl to let go. I need a answer...
thank you for taking time to help me... (link)
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We want to think that life happens the way we see in movies...we'll stick our heart out on the line for that bad boy, and in the end he'll realize how lucky he is to have us. All to often life doesn't work that way. When you took this guy back, he saw you as weak. The only way to start moving on is to start letting go. Tell him goodbye, and don't look back! He'll beg, and try to make you feel guilty, but you can't listen. His strategy for keeping you around is to break you down. Just walk away, and leave it in the past. If you look back, theres a good chance you'll go back, because things always look good in the rearview mirror. It's going to hurt! Letting go is never easy. But if you stick it out, you'll be stronger in the end. Even better, the next time love finds you, you'll know how to give it your all, which is much more than your boyfriend can do.
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This seems like the typical question, but I am honestly really confused. I'm 17f, I have only ever been in relationships with guys, but I have fooled around with girls before when drunk. I have always really considered myself as Bicurious. I have a bf, been with him for about 5 or 6 weeks. We havent slept together yet, but I have had sex in relationships with guys in the past.
I have been thinking about girls more and more in the last week, and last night I met this lesbian. It was at a party and I was with my bf at the time. This girl really fancied me though and I know that if i was single I would have really gone for it.
I guess my dilemma is, is that to determine what my sexuality is i am going to need to experiment. But i really dont want to break up with my boyfriend. What if I'm wrong? I really dont want to be bisexual though because everyone is trying to be as a trend.
I think I really want a relationship with a girl. What should I do?
Cheers xx (link)
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It's obvious that your boyfriend isn't doing something right for you, so i think the first thing to do is take care of that problem. If your battling with your sexuality you don't want anything swaying your opinion. Take a dating sabbatical. The space will allow you to think about which you miss more, the company of a male or a female. Once you've decided you have to find the courage to stand by your choice.
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okaay so i want to talk to a guy on my way home on the bus. the thing is that i dont know what to saay.
we've never talked before.
i was thinking about asking him for a quarter or something :P
any ideas?
and how should i keep the convo going, be sympathic and make him like me?
(link)
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Be prepared! Find out what you can about this guy, so you'll have things to talk to him about. Things like hobbies, sports, music, etc.
Once you have something to talk to him about, just approach him and introduce yourself. Guys like a girl with confidence so don't be scared. Just be like, "Hi I'm (your name), i heard that your really into/good at (fill in the blank).
And remember don't show how musch you like him, you don't want to come over love sick. Just be calm, and most importantly be yourself. Remember this guy is a person just like you so don't let it make you too nervous.
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15F
I have had a crush on one of my best friends for like 5 months now. He always flirts with me and his friends think he likes me. Everytime we go place in groups he always asks me to be his partner and whatnot. Anyways we went on a fieldtrip about 3 weeks ago and he followed me
the whole time. We went on rides together and everything.We even held hands a couple of times. The next day we had a dance.During the dance he asked my friends where i was but i didnt go. Monday when i was going to tell him i liked him
i had found out that he had asked a girl out at the dance.She said Yes.
Even though hes going out with
her do you think theres anychance for us?
Plus i found out that she
doesnt like him. She only
wants a BF. Oh and should i tell
him?
(link)
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Judging from his actions I would say there is a chance he is very interested in you, but persuing this right now would be a bad idea.
If this girl really doesn't care about him she won't stay with him long. So have patience. If you run to him with gossip he may get upset with you. Plus you can never trust rumors. If you didn't hear it from her, it's null and void.
Just wait it out. Still be his friend, and as soon as she's out of the picture snatch him up!
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so theres this boy, we fight alot..we usee to neevr fight ! and i like him and he use to like me, but i dont know if he still does. but he also talks to many other girls, yes your typical man whore "why would you even bother type of guy"..i bothered because i didnt know him excatly like that, he wasnt like that at all when it came down to him and me talking. i guess hes really behaved when it comes down to almost realtionship stats. then this chick, aka the b**** well she got extremely jealous, and him and her use to talk, so she decided to come back into his life randomly? i hate girls sometimes... anyways, we stopped talkin for a while, then he had some away up about cryingg ? i thought something bad happened, so i asked if he was okay.. he just was upset a because he didnt have a ride to summer jam, june1st concert.. so i offered to take him, then later in the convo he says well can you do me a favor and youll do it if you care about me like you said you did.. so i said yeah like i said i did, and he said since ur giving me the ride, and the person i want to bring ur not friends with, can you make up with her? yeah guess who it is! thaa b****!!! mhm. well i agreed into takin her because i hate ruining peoples fun, im not getten walked on or anything, i just rather see someone happy other than pissed because i wont bring his little hotchie mama!, im not becoming friends with her, buh i feel so stupid evenn agreeing to bring him and her ! . well just brining him i didnt mind, buh brining her ! ugh. im a mess and i need some serious help ! (link)
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I know it's hard to accept but this is going nowhere. This guy is a user! Don't let him do this, giving in this time sets the stage that he can always use you. and trust me, he will as long as you let him.
I know you don't want to, but the best thing for you to do is cut all ties with him. He's playing you because he can.
You can either be the rival player, or just a piece on the board. What's it going to be
And don't be worried about ruining their fun, are they worried about ruining yours?
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ok, i'll try to make this short and sweet. i've been with this guy whom i've liked since august for 3 months, officially, but we'd been "talking" since january. he's a great guy and i like him sooo much, starting to love him. not "in love", but you know.
recently, my first love has come back into my life. we were together for a year and a half, and one night he sexually assualted me. i ended things and we had a very painful break up. then we didnt talk for a few months. that one night was the first and only time anything like that happened, otherwise we were inseperable and completely perfect together. i said i would never take him back though, because that hurt me soooo much and really kinda messed me up for awhile. now that he's back in my life and we've been talking, i'm realizing that i never got over him. he was my first love so i guess a part of me always will. but he's not over me either, and holds back saying i love you to me since i'm with my new guy, even though he's almost slipped up a few times, and says he still misses me. i do miss him alot and he wants to come visit me at work one day, which im fine with, for the most part. i just dont want to fall deeper and deeper for him. on the other hand, i dont wanna quit talking to him, because we're finally ok as friends again after having gone through a lot of sh!t.
i DONT want to hurt my current boyfriend at all. i love being with him and i wanted him for so long, i dont want to screw that up, but my ex and i were so much more... compatible? and honestly, i dont think he would do what he did again. i dont even know what im asking. i dont want to mess up my relationship, i guess i just need to be able to get past my feelings for my ex, while still talking to him. i cant just tell myself that i cant be with him in hopes that that will work, because i know i cant be with him, but he still has a part of my heart. help !? (link)
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Honey there so many things I feel but don't know how to express in a way that won't upset you.
He hurt you, and you know that. Did you expect it the first time? Probabaly not. Back then you thought this guy would never hurt you, but he did! So what makes you so sure he wouldn't do it this time?
It one thing to forgive someone, but letting him back in is only an invitation to do it again. I'm saying people can't change, but don't take the chance. it he didn't respect you back then, history says he respect you now.
The only way you'll get over him and what he did to you is to just get him out of your life. Your kidding yourself if you think you can keep talking to him, and kill your feelings for him at the same time.
It seems like your new boyfriend really cares for you, and you for him. The only thing holding it back from becoming more is you. Your refusing to let go of this boy, and i suspect your also refusing to let go of that pain he caused you.
Do yourself a favor and walk away.
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Well couple of weeks ago my boyfriend had girls over at his house & he lied about it. Well now i just cant trust him & its so hard not to be with him all the time to make sure , he lives in a neighborhood FULL of freaking whores & his friends are the greatest influence on him either. He says he's getting tired of it because i always have some smart stuff to say about it , Im just SOO scared its going to happen again even though he says its not but im scared because of my scaredness & not trusting him that its eventually going to break us up because he says he's already tired of it , idk what to do & tomorrow he's getting his license so it makes things worst on my part . idk what to do , helpppp ! (link)
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I know that sometimes we feel like we can't live without someone, so we latch on so tight to make sure we don't loose them. But you just can't do that.
You can't control your boyfriend, or otherwise your going to make him run away.
You have to learn to trust him. If you can't trust him, then what are you doing with him? Where do you think a relationship like that is going to leave you?
It takes trust to truely love. so it sounds to me like you have two opinions. You either learn to trust your boyfriend and leave the rest to fate, or you let him go save the both of you a world of hurt.
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