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How do you stop a woman from being controlling
I'm a man in my mid-20's, and I've started to notice that my girlfriend of five years is very, very controlling. Like talking to a bunch of people (myself included) like she's our mother.
Now, I'm perfectly fine with a woman who can express what she wants, but how do you get her to realize that she can't control everyone, me especially, without it causing a meltdown? I mean, if this relationship goes to marriage, I need her to know that when I have a strong decision about our future, she can't just ignore me and do whatever.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You've got to talk to her. I know you've heard that one a million times before, but playing games will only screw you over in the end. You'll end up fighting so much you won't remember why you loved each other in the first place.
I suggest you sit her down in private and ask to let you have the floor. From your description this may be difficult for her, but you need to express how important it is that she hear you out completely before she jumps to any conclusions. At that point you have to tell her all your concerns, holding back anything is a bad idea.
But say it nicely, you don't want her to think you hate her, you just wnat her to understand that you're not going to put up with it. She doens't sound like a bad girlfriend, she's just dominating, and you just have to be up front with her.
Once you expressed your concerns the two of you should come up with like a secret code, nothing fancy, just something you can do that'll let her know when she's getting out of hand.
like with my boyfriend, i squeeze his elbow, even when we're not in public. It something intimate so he doesn't feel like i'm scolding him, but he understands at that point that he should stop. It always saves him the embarrassment of being called out, which means he won't get defensive.
I hope this helps, it worked for me, and hopefully it will work for you, just remember whatever solution you choose is going to take work.
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Don't marry her until you know its not going to be a problem.
You know, like you've faced decisions like this that went well.
My method, is to simply be uncontrollable. I don't make many demands, and I don't bow to many demands. If someone tries to control me for the sake of controlling me (not because theyre constantly right and I'm wrong) I resist.
Don't let yourself be dictated to, and don't let decisions be taken out of your hands completely. If the girl can't handle you being your own, independent person, the relationship will end.
All of my best relationships have been with girls who were as independent as I am. They don't need to make decisions for me, or have me make their decisions, but we come to a consensus when necessary. You sound like you need something similar.
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i think you should just let her know how you feel. dont say things such that are insulting. let her know you love her and you know she means well. let her know if taking your relationship into marriage you thought you should talk about a few things first.
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The most important thing when giving your lover constructive criticism is to BE SPECIFIC.
In this question, you speak of her in very broad terms. Don't make general comments like 'You are too controlling' or 'Don't be so demanding' when you are speaking to her. Those aren't helpful hints, they are simply insults. Those comments don't let her know what needs to change; all they tell her is that you are unhappy with her.
To get someone to change, make it easy for them too change. Let her know specifically what bothers you, like this "When you spoke over me at dinner it made me think you don't care what my opinion is. I know you have a lot to say, but could you please let me finish my thought." OR "I know you disagree with what Jen is doing, but the way you express yourself is very abrasive. I wish you'd be more generous with our friends." Or “I felt like you weren’t listening to what other people wanted to do last night. I know you had a preference, but I think you need to listen to other people’s opinions more often.”
Always phrase your criticism like that. First, say exactly what situation upset you, and follow that up immediately with what you would prefer happen.
Remember, in the begining you were probably attracted to this woman's strength and ability to stand up for herself. Make sure she understand that this isn't about her being a bad person, this is about her becoming a better person by maturing and learning.
If you are considering marriage, get some pre-martial counseling. That is a good idea for every couple, not just one with control issues.
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