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Did you ever wake up and wonder when your life became a soap opera? A bizzare mixture between 'Dawson's Creek' and 'Days of our Lives'?



I know I've had that feeling - that it's just all too dramatic and ridiculous, and wouldn't it be nice to go and under a nicely-furnished rock for a while? So, whilst I do not promise or claim to be an expert on how teenage boys minds work or how you can uncode your best friend's baffling behaviour, I'll always attempt to empathise and offer some honest words of advice.



I am 21, with a fairly dysfunctional life as a artsy student type. I've recently graduated with a degree in Philosophy, and am spending time working in the law before returning to university for further study. I still don't know what I want to do with my life, but I like where I am at the moment. I like shoes, bad television, chocolate cheescake and pretty things.



I am very busy at the moment, attempting to fund my life as a postgraduate (that's grad school to the Americans). I do still stop by quite a lot to help out with the admin stuff, but my column is pretty lame and inactive. Boo-hiss. I will however still endeavour to answer any questions that are sent my way, so feel free to send questions to my inbox.





Frequently Asked Questions


Actually, I made them up. But they are questions that I've seen more than once around this site (and, indeed, in the real world), and so have created general responses to them, linked below. It's a little sparse at the moment, but I'll be adding to the list as I think of more questions (and, er, answers to them).



Getting back together with an ex



Difficulty preparing for exams

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hailebop





Gender: Female
Location: England
Occupation: Student
Age: 21
Member Since: December 30, 2003
Answers: 455
Last Update: June 7, 2009
Visitors: 55254


Advicenators.com



ok, where to start?.... ok i met this guy he started working at my job and in the begining i hated him abd wanted nothing to do with him, then he started showing intrest in me but at the same time my best friend too. he ended up asking me out one day and we hit it off. that nigh he had asked me to be his gf! i had said yes and everything was fine we were son into eachother and spending every second with eachother, soon he started throwing how my best friend was more his type and that he wanted to be with her but be with me at the same time! i told my friend that she was not to do anything with him but of course i cant be there 24/7 and i ahd later found out that they had did stuff! so i broke up with him. but i still had all these feelings for him. so about three weeks later he had asked me to be his a again and i accepted, like an idiot!! he started using me for my money and lieing to me but everytime i tried to break it off he would have a really good reason and we would try it again till he would dump me! then the same crap would happen again. like now he dumped me yesterday, cold and blunt just kicked me out of HIS HOUSE! and now im sitting here in pain wanting him back! i dnt know wats wrong with me i have never let any guy use me like this! i have such ddep feelings for him im scared to let him go cause i think he might change! wat do i do! hes gonna call me soon i know it! and im gonna give in help i dnt wanna be in the same position i am now! pls! thankyou

I'm sorry to hear you've been so horribly used by this man. However, you need to start taking responsibility. You know, rationally, that this guy is scum and you should steer clear of him. So start standing up for yourself and take charge of your life.

Only you have the power to save yourself here. Be resolute. Do not take his calls. Change your number if you have to. Do not see him. Do not allow yourself to be tempted. I think you already know deep down that this is what you have to do - he's not going to change, and even if he did, you have no reason to forgive him and let him back into your life - he systematically mistreated you, played you and cheated on you with your best friend. Even if he never did it again, he still betrayed you massively. This is not, and will never be, a good foundation for a realtionship.

If you find it helps, write down all the things he did that hurt you. Put that list by your phone so that you see it if he rings or you are tempted to ring him and be reminded why it is you are fighting so hard to stay strong and stay away from him. At the moment, he has you under a spell and you need to break free of that. The hardest part is breaking out of the cycle of going back to him. Once you've done that and successfully steered clear of him for a week or two, things will get easier. In the meantime, keep yourself busy and distracted - surround yourself with good friends who understand and will help you out if you are tempted to contact him.

I know it hurts, but the way to make it hurt less is to be strong and not keep going back to him. In a situation like this, weaning yourself off him slowly is not going to work. You need to do this 100% and not let your guard down and be seduced by his charms, because you know deep down that it isn't good for you.

Good luck, and all the best.

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thanx you! ill try my hardest! he actually just called me and told me he loved me and wants me bac!! i guess its game time! TIME TO LET HIM GO!
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