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Did you ever wake up and wonder when your life became a soap opera? A bizzare mixture between 'Dawson's Creek' and 'Days of our Lives'?



I know I've had that feeling - that it's just all too dramatic and ridiculous, and wouldn't it be nice to go and under a nicely-furnished rock for a while? So, whilst I do not promise or claim to be an expert on how teenage boys minds work or how you can uncode your best friend's baffling behaviour, I'll always attempt to empathise and offer some honest words of advice.



I am 21, with a fairly dysfunctional life as a artsy student type. I've recently graduated with a degree in Philosophy, and am spending time working in the law before returning to university for further study. I still don't know what I want to do with my life, but I like where I am at the moment. I like shoes, bad television, chocolate cheescake and pretty things.



I am very busy at the moment, attempting to fund my life as a postgraduate (that's grad school to the Americans). I do still stop by quite a lot to help out with the admin stuff, but my column is pretty lame and inactive. Boo-hiss. I will however still endeavour to answer any questions that are sent my way, so feel free to send questions to my inbox.





Frequently Asked Questions


Actually, I made them up. But they are questions that I've seen more than once around this site (and, indeed, in the real world), and so have created general responses to them, linked below. It's a little sparse at the moment, but I'll be adding to the list as I think of more questions (and, er, answers to them).



Getting back together with an ex



Difficulty preparing for exams

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hailebop





Gender: Female
Location: England
Occupation: Student
Age: 21
Member Since: December 30, 2003
Answers: 455
Last Update: June 7, 2009
Visitors: 55172


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Me and my sister are pretty close. She tells me everything, I tell her everything. I'm 15 and she's 17 almost 18. My sister had a boyfriend for almost 3 years. He's completly rude. I never liked him one bit. He pushed my sister into a chair AT OUR HOUSE and she started crying and he ran off. Like..left our house. He always cussed at her and they almost argued everyday. They broke up 11 months ago. Once they broke up, he got another girlfriend , and my sister went balistic on him and he threatened to call the police on her. Again, that was 11 months ago..And they haven't spoken since..

My sister met this one guy who is gorgeous. He's really sweet and i think he's good for her. They've been "talking". I like him and i think she deserves a guy like this.

Two days ago, my sister went to a party and saw her ex there. Near the end of the party, he pulled her over and started asking how she was and all that. When she told me this i got soo mad. She practically said "I hate the way i'm always running to him!"

I don't want her running back to him. Chasing him and then having him make her feel like crap. I think that the new guy that she met is good for her. She realizes it. But after her ex through a couple of pretty words to her, she's wanting to hang out with him. I know i should let my sister do whatever she wants, its her life not mine. But i don't want my sister ending up hurt or anything! I really want her to realize that if she goes back to him, she'll get hurt again. What can i say to her to make her realize that he isn't good for her? Please help me. My family doesn't like him and neither do I. At first, my sister thought he was crap for her, but after she talked to him, she thinks they are going to go out. Please help me.

I think you realise this already, but there's really nothing you can do beyond saying what you've already said to her about how you feel about him. I sympathise with your dilemma - it's horrible to watch somebody you love do something you know isn't going to make them happy in the long term, but life is about making choices, and that entails sometimes making mistakes.

You are lucky that you are close to your sister and can talk to her about this. It is worth trying this route, as she may only need a gentle reminder to remember what this guy is really like. But if she's determined that he's changed or the relationship is worth a second chance the best thing to do is let her do it rather than try to persuade her as strongly as you can. Of course it's tempting to go on and on about his faults and how awful he was to her, but the problem with this strategy is that if she chooses to go back to him anyway and does get hurt as you forsee happening, she might feel too embarassed to come to you for advice or consolation.

Remind her of his faults and the reason for their original breakup, yes, but think less is more so that whatever happens the relationship between the two of you doesn't suffer and she still feels able to come to you for advice. All the best.

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thanks so much. i think i'm just going to let her do what she wants. and hopefully like you said, come to me for advice when she makes the mistake. =)
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