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Did you ever wake up and wonder when your life became a soap opera? A bizzare mixture between 'Dawson's Creek' and 'Days of our Lives'?



I know I've had that feeling - that it's just all too dramatic and ridiculous, and wouldn't it be nice to go and under a nicely-furnished rock for a while? So, whilst I do not promise or claim to be an expert on how teenage boys minds work or how you can uncode your best friend's baffling behaviour, I'll always attempt to empathise and offer some honest words of advice.



I am 21, with a fairly dysfunctional life as a artsy student type. I've recently graduated with a degree in Philosophy, and am spending time working in the law before returning to university for further study. I still don't know what I want to do with my life, but I like where I am at the moment. I like shoes, bad television, chocolate cheescake and pretty things.



I am very busy at the moment, attempting to fund my life as a postgraduate (that's grad school to the Americans). I do still stop by quite a lot to help out with the admin stuff, but my column is pretty lame and inactive. Boo-hiss. I will however still endeavour to answer any questions that are sent my way, so feel free to send questions to my inbox.





Frequently Asked Questions


Actually, I made them up. But they are questions that I've seen more than once around this site (and, indeed, in the real world), and so have created general responses to them, linked below. It's a little sparse at the moment, but I'll be adding to the list as I think of more questions (and, er, answers to them).



Getting back together with an ex



Difficulty preparing for exams

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hailebop





Gender: Female
Location: England
Occupation: Student
Age: 21
Member Since: December 30, 2003
Answers: 455
Last Update: June 7, 2009
Visitors: 55228


Advicenators.com



One of my friends likes this guys and wants to date him, so we have all been trying to get them together. the thing is whenever we all go to the movies or whatever her best friend is always all over him. her best friend just got out of a relationship and is taking it pretty hard. lately she has been hanging out with my friend's crush (just her and him)
I was wondering whether anyone thinks that she would go for the guy. I mean normally i dont think she would, but she isnt in the best mental state. what do i do?

ps: the guy likes them both

pps: i rate 5s

Thanks!!!

It appears that you have a situation where you have a guy who likes two girls, and both girls like him back to some extent. One seems to have a full blown crush, whereas the other is perhaps just interested short term in some attention or affection from a guy she finds attractive. The details aren't really important - the point is, they both want him and you've put yourself in the middle of it all.

You might think that it's bad of the friend who has only just got out of a relationship to be throwing herself towards this guy or that a relationship would never work out between them, and you may well be right, she probably wouldn't do this normally and it easily might not work out for the best. The problem is, it's not really your buisness to decide who can and can't date this guy. If he likes both of them, well, he's got to make the decesion of who to date for himself. It isn't your job to try to engineer a situation where he chooses the girl you think he's best suited to - he has to make the decesion himself, and if he chooses to date enter into a bad reltaionship with somebody on the rebound, well, that's his problem and not something you could or should attempt to prevent.

You could talk to the girl who has just broken up with her boyfriend about what she's doing - whether she realises her friend was hoping to date this guy, whether she's thought about the consequence for her friendship and whether she really sees this flirtation going somewhere. However, if she wants to persue it, you really can't stop her, and I would advise a hasty retreat.

At this stage the best thing to do is to have a quiet word with the girl who has just broken up with her boyfriend about whether she's really thought everything through, then leave them to it and be there for your friend if everything ends badly. It's all you can do, as something that is between this guy and the two girls about who dates who, and between the two girls themselves about their friendship and some boundaries they possibly need to set up. Intefering futher will only cause more hurt: just be there as a friend when you are needed.

All the best.

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thank you
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