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Did you ever wake up and wonder when your life became a soap opera? A bizzare mixture between 'Dawson's Creek' and 'Days of our Lives'?



I know I've had that feeling - that it's just all too dramatic and ridiculous, and wouldn't it be nice to go and under a nicely-furnished rock for a while? So, whilst I do not promise or claim to be an expert on how teenage boys minds work or how you can uncode your best friend's baffling behaviour, I'll always attempt to empathise and offer some honest words of advice.



I am 21, with a fairly dysfunctional life as a artsy student type. I've recently graduated with a degree in Philosophy, and am spending time working in the law before returning to university for further study. I still don't know what I want to do with my life, but I like where I am at the moment. I like shoes, bad television, chocolate cheescake and pretty things.



I am very busy at the moment, attempting to fund my life as a postgraduate (that's grad school to the Americans). I do still stop by quite a lot to help out with the admin stuff, but my column is pretty lame and inactive. Boo-hiss. I will however still endeavour to answer any questions that are sent my way, so feel free to send questions to my inbox.





Frequently Asked Questions


Actually, I made them up. But they are questions that I've seen more than once around this site (and, indeed, in the real world), and so have created general responses to them, linked below. It's a little sparse at the moment, but I'll be adding to the list as I think of more questions (and, er, answers to them).



Getting back together with an ex



Difficulty preparing for exams

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hailebop





Gender: Female
Location: England
Occupation: Student
Age: 21
Member Since: December 30, 2003
Answers: 455
Last Update: June 7, 2009
Visitors: 55218


Advicenators.com



14 year old male

There are a lot of "How do I get this guy/girl to like me" questions on this site, and mine is the exact opposite.


I'm pretty positive that a girl that I have PE with has a crush on me, and my friend agrees with me. The thing is, I'm not attracted to her in any way what-so-ever, not even as a friend. I don't like her because she over analyzes things and is an immature person that thinks she is mature.


Is there some sort of way I can make her not have a crush on me? I don't want to make a total jerk out of myself, because that's not that type of person that I am, and I also deffinetly do not want to hurt her. Any thoughts?

It's an akward situation. On the one hand, you don't want her to think she has a chance with you when she doesn't, as that doesn't do her any good, but on the other hand, you don't want to embarass her by saying that you suspect she has feelings for you but you don't reciprocate them or make her feel bad by being cold towards her.

You haven't said why you think this girl likes you, but as long as her behaviour isn't really overt flirting then I think it's best that you just ignore it as best you can and let her crush run its course. The chances are it's just a crush and not something she intends to act on, which would mean any action on your part would just embarass her. If however it seems that she's going to act on her feelings, then it would be kinder to make it clear you aren't interested before she does anything. I agree with you, this is difficult to do without being unpleasant. Nobody wants to hear that their feelings aren't reciprocated, so it's never going to be a pleasant experience. You could try and do it subtly, such as by talking about a girl you like or are seeing (this is a white lie, in this circumstances) when you think she can hear you, but there is the risk that she'll realise what you are doing and be even more hurt.

I think you have to play it as it comes. I wouldn't do anything unless she starts to become more obvious about her feelings, in which case I'd try to find a quiet moment alone with her and very gently say that you might be wrong, but you suspected she has some feelings for you (this gives her the oppertunity to just deny it if she would find that less embarassing) and that you're sorry but you just don't feel that way about her. All you can do is keep it short, be as gentle as you can and avoid suggesting that she's been in any way obvious. All the best.

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Thanks.

assuager
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