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Did you ever wake up and wonder when your life became a soap opera? A bizzare mixture between 'Dawson's Creek' and 'Days of our Lives'?



I know I've had that feeling - that it's just all too dramatic and ridiculous, and wouldn't it be nice to go and under a nicely-furnished rock for a while? So, whilst I do not promise or claim to be an expert on how teenage boys minds work or how you can uncode your best friend's baffling behaviour, I'll always attempt to empathise and offer some honest words of advice.



I am 21, with a fairly dysfunctional life as a artsy student type. I've recently graduated with a degree in Philosophy, and am spending time working in the law before returning to university for further study. I still don't know what I want to do with my life, but I like where I am at the moment. I like shoes, bad television, chocolate cheescake and pretty things.



I am very busy at the moment, attempting to fund my life as a postgraduate (that's grad school to the Americans). I do still stop by quite a lot to help out with the admin stuff, but my column is pretty lame and inactive. Boo-hiss. I will however still endeavour to answer any questions that are sent my way, so feel free to send questions to my inbox.





Frequently Asked Questions


Actually, I made them up. But they are questions that I've seen more than once around this site (and, indeed, in the real world), and so have created general responses to them, linked below. It's a little sparse at the moment, but I'll be adding to the list as I think of more questions (and, er, answers to them).



Getting back together with an ex



Difficulty preparing for exams

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hailebop





Gender: Female
Location: England
Occupation: Student
Age: 21
Member Since: December 30, 2003
Answers: 455
Last Update: June 7, 2009
Visitors: 55184


Advicenators.com



I am so Pro-Life and the "N" word hurts me so much when people say it!! and I am like so oppinionated as it is, but i cannot just sit by and let people say abortion is alright, and/or let them say the "N" word around me! it hurts so much! any tips on what to say? or anyone feel the same??
thanks-
Kelsa


You have every right to your opinions, and it's good to talk and debate about what you think is right. However, others have equal right to their opinions, and this means that you will run in to people who you disagree with. The best way for an opinionated person such as yourself to combat this is to talk to people you both agree and disagree with about the topics concerned, as listening to all sides of the argument helps you learn and develop your own opinions further.

If somebody uses language that you find offensive, call them on it. Don't be rude or aggressive, but if you calmly ask them if they think that's an acceptable word to use, then you are drawing attention to the fact that not everyone is comfortable with this type of language, and will hopefully also prompt them to think about the implications of what they are saying. Sometimes all it takes is for one person to make a stand for things to die down.

With contraversial political topics such as abortion though where you may want to dive in with bold statements about how you feel, you also have to be aware of how others feel and be a bit sensitive to others opinions. If you just jump in shouting "but how can you think that? Abortion is just wrong!", or similar, people are unlikely to want to talk about the issue with you as you've failed to say anything constructive. As with the prevoius issue, if you want to debate, approach the topic calmly, inviting the other person to talk about why they feel the way they do, before you explain the way you do, and this way you can actually hope to educate the other person about the way you feel. You can be passionate and firm in your opinions without becoming aggressive to people with different opinions or patronising them.

However, there are some fights that you will never win, and it is worth knowing which battles to pick. Even with intelligent debate, you are unlikely to convert somebody who is pro-choice to your viewpoint, just as they would be unlikely to convert you. That doesn't mean talking to them isn't worthwhile for both parties, but you do need to know when to back down and accept that it is something you will just never agree on.

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[5] | [View question]

Thanks, Its like we can agree to disagree!!!

thanks so much! :)
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