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Did you ever wake up and wonder when your life became a soap opera? A bizzare mixture between 'Dawson's Creek' and 'Days of our Lives'?



I know I've had that feeling - that it's just all too dramatic and ridiculous, and wouldn't it be nice to go and under a nicely-furnished rock for a while? So, whilst I do not promise or claim to be an expert on how teenage boys minds work or how you can uncode your best friend's baffling behaviour, I'll always attempt to empathise and offer some honest words of advice.



I am 21, with a fairly dysfunctional life as a artsy student type. I've recently graduated with a degree in Philosophy, and am spending time working in the law before returning to university for further study. I still don't know what I want to do with my life, but I like where I am at the moment. I like shoes, bad television, chocolate cheescake and pretty things.



I am very busy at the moment, attempting to fund my life as a postgraduate (that's grad school to the Americans). I do still stop by quite a lot to help out with the admin stuff, but my column is pretty lame and inactive. Boo-hiss. I will however still endeavour to answer any questions that are sent my way, so feel free to send questions to my inbox.





Frequently Asked Questions


Actually, I made them up. But they are questions that I've seen more than once around this site (and, indeed, in the real world), and so have created general responses to them, linked below. It's a little sparse at the moment, but I'll be adding to the list as I think of more questions (and, er, answers to them).



Getting back together with an ex



Difficulty preparing for exams

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hailebop





Gender: Female
Location: England
Occupation: Student
Age: 21
Member Since: December 30, 2003
Answers: 455
Last Update: June 7, 2009
Visitors: 55165


Advicenators.com



Sorry... this is a sex question and there are somewhat graphic content. Not really bad but if you're young, you might not want to read this. Please only OLDER columnists answer this. I don't want advice from an inexperienced 13-14 year old. Someone who knows what I'm going through would help. And so... here's my question....



Hey, I'm 14/f and my boyfriend is 16. Yesterday I was at his house and we were doing sexual things and then I told him to go get a condom. (he uses them normally for self pleasure so it doesn't get anywhere...) So he went upstairs and got it but when he came back down I was crying. I don't know why I was crying. I really feel like I'm ready to have sex with him. We've been together for 2 years and we love eachother very much. It's weird though, I know that I'm physically and emotionally ready to do it it's just that, whenever we are about to, I get scared. Is this normal? Can anyone help me out?

PS- I'm a virgin and so is my boyfriend and we both want to lose our virginity to eachother.


I think it's normal to feel slightly apprehensive even if you love the person deeply, simply because you personally place a lot of importance and significance on this event, and you want to be absolutely sure. Having a level of worry about whether what you are doing is right shows that you are making an informed decesion and weighing up your options, and that's actually a good thing. Worrying therefore is normal, because it's a big event that you are going to invest a lot emotionally in. The level you are experiencing however seems to suggest that despite your love for your boyfriend and desire to loose your virginity to him, there is something holding you back.

That might be any number of things. You say you love your boyfriend and you both seem to be dealing with this responsibly and maturely, so we can probably quite safely dismiss a nagging feeling somewhere that things aren't all perfect within your relationship. It might be something to do with the way you were raised - many people who are taught abstinence based sex-education feel feelings of guilt when they start exploring sex. It could be feelings of guilt which come from society's attitudes about young people having sex, or it could be worry about other things that is making you nervous - do you fear pregnancy, or something going wrong, or that sex might complicated your relationship? Any of these worries can play havoc with your emotions when your trying to make a decesion, so that even when you've decided rationally that you are "physically and emotionally ready" there's still something that kicks in and confuses you.

At the moment it sounds that although you've decided that rationally, you're ready, emotionally some gut instinct is holding you back. I think it's worth exploring what's going on in your head, as gut instincts often tell us a lot. If you are this ill at ease, a few more months of waiting will probably set your mind at rest or lead to the discovery of what it is that's holding you back, and then things will seem a lot clearer and easier to deal with. Good luck.

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WOw, that was the best advice I got for this question so far. Thank you so much. Your responce was detailed and very helpful. Thank you again.
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