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humorist-workshop
I suggest young columnists don't answer this question...
Sorry... this is a sex question and there are somewhat graphic content. Not really bad but if you're young, you might not want to read this. Please only OLDER columnists answer this. I don't want advice from an inexperienced 13-14 year old. Someone who knows what I'm going through would help. And so... here's my question....
Hey, I'm 14/f and my boyfriend is 16. Yesterday I was at his house and we were doing sexual things and then I told him to go get a condom. (he uses them normally for self pleasure so it doesn't get anywhere...) So he went upstairs and got it but when he came back down I was crying. I don't know why I was crying. I really feel like I'm ready to have sex with him. We've been together for 2 years and we love eachother very much. It's weird though, I know that I'm physically and emotionally ready to do it it's just that, whenever we are about to, I get scared. Is this normal? Can anyone help me out?
PS- I'm a virgin and so is my boyfriend and we both want to lose our virginity to eachother.
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OK,you need to wait, do it when you feel physically and emotionally ready, because you can't take it back once you do it. Tell him you aren't ready and if he loves you he'll wait for you. It'll be ok girl.
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hay im 13 but my sisters 21 ive helped her to many times to count ill excuse that first part. its only normal 2 be scared and nervous its your first time if u didnt feel that way u gotta b drunk or something. anyway i say u wight your only 14 [at least use birth control and condoms]. good luck
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as long as ur protected and not catholic ur fine
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Just go for it i would have but you just have to go for it its not like your a horr if you lose it so just be READY AND HAVE SEX!
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I'm sixteen and my guy's almost nineteen. We were both virgins until about five or six months ago. We realized that we really love each other and want to spend forever together. I didn't get emotional the first time, but I have after that. I don't know why, but I think that I was just overcome with emotion. You are a girl, after all, and all girls are known to be emotional at times. Don't freak out, it's normal.
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It's normal to be terrified of your first sexual encounter. It takes awhile to get used to having sex, especially with all the social stigmata attached to it. Even after this guy, you may experience similiar feelings with your next boyfriend. I'm glad you are making safe and healthy decisions about condom use. Don't get discouraged; you'll be there in no time. It will be a very emotional time for you both, but that's normal!
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the first part wasnt rude at all. it makes sense. i think its perfectly normal. u think your ready but then u have second thoughts. i dont think there is any problem with that.u probally get scared becuz u might kno wat having sex can do with HIV and things. just wait ull get over being scared. tell him how u feel nervous and the emotions ur feeling. after all ur giving away the greatest thing u can give to him.
~*~kris~*~
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i think its normal..coz of course ur gonna be scared coz theres lots of things to think about b4 havin sex..like da condomm mite rip and u can get an STD or get pregnant so yea its totally normal and i think its cute how u 2 want to lose ur virginity to eachother...(i'm 13 i'm sry to answer it tho)
*-*laogurl2004*-*
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Firstly, yay! Love is awesome, and it's great that you're both virgins and there's no pushing going on. =)
Sounds like a panic situation to me. You're perfectly normal. Don't worry about it. That's how I was the first time my guy and I got close to sex. I freaked out and started shaking. I mean, girls have a lot to be afraid of, and every right to panic. Pregnancy is NOT something you wanna go through at so young an age, whether you think so or not. Also, you're probably afraid of the pain. That was most of what scared me, I think. It hurts the first time! Pain is something we all fear (well, most of us, anyway) and try to avoid. It's not exactly the kind of pain you can brace yourself for, either. Sucks for us, huh? I didn't even think of that until I experienced it, and then went "Oh, that's what was scaring me so much." While you may be physically and emotionally ready to have sex, you might not be ready for the "consequences", subconsciously.
Wait until every part of you feels right about it. When you don't panic, go for it. That's what I did.
I hope this helps! If you have any other questions about this, don't hesitate to talk to me. Been through this, know exactly how you feel, lol.
-Siren =)
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First off, aww that you two want to take each others' virginity. That's really sweet!! =)
It sounds like to me that you got scared of something happening.. that's what happened with me the first time. I backed out once, felt like crap, but I knew that moment wasn't good. We waited 2 days and it was perfect.
Getting back to you though ;) I think that the only way you'll be able to know when the time is right is when your heart tells you. That's great you have condoms, but I'd reccomend another method, like the pill to be extra safe. Good luck and let me know if it goes through =)
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Hey, its okay to have these feelings, mostly all girls are a little scared when there about to lose it, but if yall both know yall wanna lose it to each other, than l think you'll both know when its the right time <-- lt seems to me, like your not really ready, and maybe stick to the bascis, until you know your ready <-- and this is 2 years in a relationship, and l know yall probably trust each other, and feel comfortable with each others feelings, and dont worry, your not alone in this sitution
-- Hope l helped --
Good Luck
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Well I dont know if you should listen to me (13-f) But I have almost donethe same things... You could wait or just do it even if you are scared and get the experiance. If not then wait till you are phisically ready even if it is a couple of days or months It depends the person.
Ask Me Questions or write back cause I dont know how I am doing!
Hope I helped
askmeg
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if you don't mind my advice then dont' worry take it (I'm seriously not trying to make it sound rude lol)
But although I've never been sexually active with any of my former boyfriends i know alot of emotional crap and love crap lol. i'm wise beyond my years (so i'm told) but down to the serious crap:
your crying could be linked to several things...
maybe the crying is a sign that you aren't really all that ready (Even though you believe that you are).
or the crying could be just from confusion of since you are pretty young and confused about if this is correct or not. sex IS a big and serious thing and i really do hope that you are prepared. it's good that you two are virgins and still using protection.
But back to your actual problem...
really take some time and really look at things.. you've waited 14 years to have sex so would some more time really hurt you? it seems like your boyfriend is very devoted and understanding and if you really aren't all that certain (like 110% certain) then i bet he'll understand you want to wait.
Loosing your virginity isn't a contest; it should be something beautiful and wonderful in which every moment be happy and enjoyable (in the good clean way lol).
It's totally normal to be scared and even cry before it. This is a major deal and a moment you won't get back. So it makes total sense that you could be frightened. Just make sure that you take note that maybe this is something that your subconcious mind is trying to tell you.
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hey...well if you cry and get scared maybe your just not ready....if he loves you he will understand that your not ready and wait for you and its better to wait till later anyways because if you wait till marriage then you will know your doing it with the right person.....
JesusFreak
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Oh goodness....I was in your exact postion about two years ago. I was 14 and my boyfriend was 16 and I knew I was ready but I was scared. He said to me one night after I had changed my mind about it like fifty thousand times, "I think you're ready, but you're just scared." Then it hit me. He was completely right. Virginity is a very special thing, and it's only normal to cry...Afterwards, I cried a little bit, because it was a very emotional experience. We were both virgins and we had been together for over a year. Before that we had talked about it and talked about it for months. I don't regret it and I know I felt exactly the same way you did.
If you're going to do it, i'm proud that you told him to get a condom, protection is very important. If you want to reassure yourself, this is with a person you've been committed to for two years, you love him, he loves you. You've held on to your virginity your whole life, so yes it's going to be very hard to give it up and very emotional. Just do something to calm yourself down before...coz trust me, everything will be fine. =) It's a truly amazing experience.
But, if you think hard and decide you still aren't ready to go for something like this, don't. Because even if you feel ready, you may not be...even though I was in my case. So do some reflecting of your feelings, and maybe you'll find the answer. Hope I helped any! =)
ps- talking to your partner always makes you feel better about it too =)
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I think it's normal to feel slightly apprehensive even if you love the person deeply, simply because you personally place a lot of importance and significance on this event, and you want to be absolutely sure. Having a level of worry about whether what you are doing is right shows that you are making an informed decesion and weighing up your options, and that's actually a good thing. Worrying therefore is normal, because it's a big event that you are going to invest a lot emotionally in. The level you are experiencing however seems to suggest that despite your love for your boyfriend and desire to loose your virginity to him, there is something holding you back.
That might be any number of things. You say you love your boyfriend and you both seem to be dealing with this responsibly and maturely, so we can probably quite safely dismiss a nagging feeling somewhere that things aren't all perfect within your relationship. It might be something to do with the way you were raised - many people who are taught abstinence based sex-education feel feelings of guilt when they start exploring sex. It could be feelings of guilt which come from society's attitudes about young people having sex, or it could be worry about other things that is making you nervous - do you fear pregnancy, or something going wrong, or that sex might complicated your relationship? Any of these worries can play havoc with your emotions when your trying to make a decesion, so that even when you've decided rationally that you are "physically and emotionally ready" there's still something that kicks in and confuses you.
At the moment it sounds that although you've decided that rationally, you're ready, emotionally some gut instinct is holding you back. I think it's worth exploring what's going on in your head, as gut instincts often tell us a lot. If you are this ill at ease, a few more months of waiting will probably set your mind at rest or lead to the discovery of what it is that's holding you back, and then things will seem a lot clearer and easier to deal with. Good luck.
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yeah thats perfectly normal... but i dont think u are emotionally ready to have sex... sumtimes people think they are... but they still need more time... i think u should just wait a lil longer... cuz when ur ready... you'll know it...
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Sorry, but I had to answer this one.
You said, you know you are physically and EMOTIONALLY* ready? Then why did you cry?? Think about that, maybe you should wait a while!!
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It is normal, because you believe it's a big huge enormous thing. Whether it is or not is really up to your upbringing and your personal thought on the subject. You are ready emotionally and physically, you say, but this is clashing with a huge stigma you have about sex. There's a deep-rooted psychological fear here, and you either need to get to the root of it or just forge ahead. It may be that the best thing you can do is calm yourself with some proven technique--close your eyes and breathe slowly, hold each other, etc... Then just go for it. Once it's over with you'll probably have some trembling and freaking out. Everyone does. But I promise every time it gets better. Really!
Also, 14 is a bit young to be scrumping, but that's just my two cents. You sound relatively mature but you know your own life best.
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Okay sorry for what I said really, but i just go off when someone judges by my age because its happened so much with people online who dont even know me. You can say I'm rude but I take it personally when people dont know me and have no clue what I've been through. I really am sorry and if you're mature enough you'll understand. And I have been through a lot for my age and undertsand a lot. Again sorry.
- LIVEY
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