A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
Location: No where you've heard of.
Member Since: July 16, 2007
Answers: 2588
Last Update: April 13, 2014
Visitors: 97341
Main Categories:
Love Life
Random Weirdos
Mental health
View All
|
| |
|
I'm 16, and I've had a couple bfs but haven't had one in awhile. And I really enjoy being in a relationship more than being single, I feel happier and better about myself. I know it's good to learn how to stand on your own before you get involved with other people, but I think I've done that by now. How do I get the guy's attention? :D (link)
|
Patented flirting techniques guys notice (even unconciously)
1) Eye contact. Eye contact is sexy. It lets someone know theyre being noticed.
2) Smile. A genuine smile gets attention, and if you smile at a guy alot, he'll notice.
3) The neck. As ridiculous as this sounds, a woman's neck is sexy. Across almost all cultures, the neck is an intimate place and is usually only touched by those we are interested in. Use this to your advantage.
When talking to a guy you like, rub your neck lightly for a brief moment. Imagine like you're giving yourself a 1 second very light massage. Watch his eyes. If his eyes flicker to your neck when you do this, he likes you.
This technique can be used on more than just your neck. One of the most effective ways Ive seen girls work this, is get a necklace with something in front big enough that you might touch it on occasion. When you're around a guy you like, play with the necklace a little bit. It draws a guys eyes briefly down to your chest.
Yes, your chest. You don't even have to wear a low cut shirt. Its not about showing off or being slutty, its more about saying very subtly "Look, I'm a girl and I'm pretty"
Hips work equally well.
Lips work well.
Combine this with normal conversation.
4) Hints. Guys work well on hints, but they have to be a bit blunt.
Think "Oh, this movie is coming out soon and I want to see it but all my friends are busy" kind of hints.
There are two reasons you have to be this blunt.
- Because not all guys are innately perceptive, or they don't have the experience to know what these things mean
- Because many guys will chicken out on a very subtle hint not wanting to read the signals wrong and screw up if they like you.
5) Find reasons to strike up a conversation. If you like a guy, talk to him. Show interest. Ask him questions. Same rules that guys have with girls, basically.
|
|
hehe so im a 17/f and about 2 weeks ago i met this boy in driver's ed. his name is nick. i didn't meet him in class but like when we were doing driver's time we started talking. and we got to know each other. well after we were done driving he i signed up for the next driving time from 4-6 p.m. and he signed up for 2-4 but he changed it so he could drive with me.. and i thought that was sweet. haha i dunno. and then last week when we drove, he asked me for my number and we'd text each other. and i asked him why he likes to drive with me and he said cuz its fun haha and im the only person he's actually gotten to know. lol so yeah. and we talk on myspace and im on his top 8. and i put him on mine's too. but yeah im not sure like exactly what to say to him and i mean does he like me? im confused. and i don't wan t to tell him i like him yet because i've only known him for 2 weeks.. so yeah please help! thnx. (link)
|
A counter argument to the answer below.
Yes, he friggin likes you.
Guys 101
- Anytime a guy expresses prolonged interest in you, he wants you. Sexually, dating, something like that. Unless he's gay, taken (and faithful) or religious. I know thats a broad generalization, and there are exceptions, but not many in the straight male.
So what does this mean to you? If you flirt, he'll flirt back. Promise to God.
|
|
16/f I'm so pissed at my mom right now. She says I have to get a job this summer-which I'm fine with. All the places I wanna work are not really within walking distance. She's like, "you have to get a job you can walk to or else you are paying me for gas." This is so unreasonable because she drives my brother to camp every day. I don't want to have to wake up at the crack of dawn just to walk to work. I just feel like she doesn't give a crap about my safety. All my friends' parents actualy care about them and drive them and don't let them get into dangerous situations and probably wouldn't let them walk every day to a job. My mom makes me walk places by myself that are dangerous where I could be kidnapped or raped. She treats me like I'm nothing. She's like, "you can take the public bus." Whose parents would let them do that?! I feel like she doesn't care about me. Everyone's parents drive them everywhere and she makes me walk everywhere in dangerous places. I'm so freakin pissed. I'm not grown up yet, I'm still a kid. Also, I really don't care what she had to do as a kid. Times are different now. There are more killers and rapists now and our family now has more money and privledges than when she was a kid. I'm so pissed! (link)
|
Hmmm.
The problem is, shes trying to teach you something. Thats where all this comes from.
You, my dear, have a huge sense of entitlement. You are a drama queen as well. The public bus is pretty safe, and the dangers of getting kidnapped or raped are vastly overstated in order to make kids (whom usually have a innate assumption of invincibility) be careful.
I would be willing to bet most of what I'm worth that you're more upset that you might have to walk/pay than you are at the chance of getting raped or kidnapped.
Simply put, you see others who have it easier than you, and it pisses you off.
Now, for the record, a sense of entitlement is natural in kids, because they DO deserve their parents consideration. Also, for the record, she IS being unreasonable in this case, and you are being completely reasonable.
The reason I brought up the sense of entitlement, is because your mother sees it in you and is trying to fight it by teaching you lessons.
So, in this case, a normal request that should under most circumstances be honored is being instead used to teach you an object lesson. That lesson is basically that life is harder than you think. She's trying to prepare you for a time when they WONT be around paying for stuff.
A sidenote: She is right. Her methods for teaching are terrible, and her object lesson was very poorly chosen, but she is right. You assume too much. Just because your family might be somewhat better off than when she was a kid doesnt mean that it isnt still a harsh world out there. She's trying to show you that. Unfortunately, its hard to do that as a parent, especially when your kids know you arent exactly struggling financially.
Compromise is in order. What she WANTS is for you to acknowledge that you arent "due" a ride from her. The more you get pissed because you think she owes you this, the more its going to strengthen her resolve. Approach it from a "mom, please I really want this job and I need your help to get it, but at 16 I'm not going to make much money and gas could eat very far into what I'm able to make/save"
Try a little humility. It generally goes a long way. Sit her down and talk to her. Before that, sit down and think. Because you need a little more self awareness here. You need to recognize your own sense of what you deserve and realize that in life few people "deserve" much of anything. Be thankful for what you are handed on a silver platter, it doesnt last forever.
And don't ever, ever use that "well times are different now" line. It never works.
|
I have a bit of a problem and I am not sure how to deal with it. I am 21 and recently discovered my mother is smoking weed. I found a joint and today when I walked in the house it smelt like weed. She is a grown woman and can make decisions, but I am worried that it will turn into worse.
My father was a drinker and druggy and thats how he ultimately died. So I am worried that she will end up the same way to early.
So please tell me if I should just butt out or what I can do about it. (link)
|
Did you know that only 20% of drug users can be in any way considered addicts?
An addict being defined as someone who has a serious attachment to a drug and whom allows their life to be negatively impacted by drugs.
Leave it alone. She is your mother, and if you're 21 she's more than old enough to make a decision like that if she wants to. And just becuase shes smoking weed doesnt mean shes going to spiral out of control.
Also, don't listen to the 13 year old below. These are the kinds of misinformation that is spread. Marijuana does not cause any kinds of mental illness. If her mother was mentally ill, she was and would have been, pot or no pot. In point of fact, many pharmacological studies have shown that outside of the same risks associated with cigarettes (lung cancer for chronic smokers, etc) pot is actually far less harmful than even alcohol to the human body.
|
|
Alright, I am a 16 year old male, I have strong morale beliefs and values, and I have a problem, I don't like to Masturbate. I have tried to stop, it lasted for about 2 months. Every time I finish, I feel disgraced and ashamed. Is there anyway to stop? Or to make these feelings go of shame go away? (link)
|
How do you stop feeling ashamed?
Well, for me, anger worked.
Religion and sex. Let me ask you, how do you control an entire populace when you have no standing army? You claim to represent God, and you tell people that they can only be saved through you.
You follow that up with lies. Lies about how you NEED to be saved. And what better to use than sex?
The origin of anti masturbation lies and shameful feelings is the Catholic Church (I was raised catholic, so I got to learn all about it) and most of the Christian churches who broke away simply didn't do away with the mis-information.
You see, sex is one of a human beings most basic instincts. And men especially are hard wired to need some kind of sexual satisfaction. Men are SO hardwired to need this, that if a guy who is capable of ejaculating does not give himself an orgasm somehow every so often, he will have wet dreams where his body releases the sexual tension at night.
And religion had a brilliant idea. If you take these things that people need, and you lie to people and tell them that these are shameful things and they are going to hell because of their impulses, then tell them that only the church can save them from themselves, you have created a massive dependency upon your religion.
Religions have been using sex for years. Hell, look at the stories told to uneducated muslim extremists. They take people without even a gradeschool level education and tell them that they can have 71 virginal women all to themselves in heaven if they die for a cause. Sex used for control. Lies perpetrated for the convenience and use of a few people who are smart enough to realize people will believe this shit.
Which brings us to today, where many young men and women are completely screwed up in the head because a centuries old technique for controlling the populace is still perpetrated in ignorance. In my family, things like this were common place. My cousin was told things like "Your fingernails will turn black" and "you will grow hair on your palms" if she masturbated by her _parents_.
So, my ultimate answer to you is anger. Anger for having been lied to. At having your natural impulses used against you to create guilt. At being maniuplated simply for the sake of one religion or another keeping its power.
|
I am so, so sick of everything relating to relationships. All that ever happens to me is: I like a guy, he's really cool, and then he gets a girlfriend. That's happened to me MULTIPLE times now. And it's either that, or the guy isn't as great as he seemed to be. It seems like everyone has SOMEBODY who completely amazes them, except for me. I've liked guys before, but none of them have truly amazed me (meaning, I have never been in love).
I'm not incredibly skinny, but I'm not "fat." I'm not drop-dead gorgeous, but I'm not ugly. I'm just your average sixteen year old girl, really, but unlike the stereotype portrays, I care about more than gossip and the way my hair looks.
I apologize for the length of this question, but I just need to know: Is it even worth trying anymore? Because whenever I find a nice guy, he either doesn't like me, has someone, or just wants to do stuff. (link)
|
Welcome to the dilemma of the intelligent girl.
See, guys when theyre younger want sex. Especially those who havent had very much of it. Whats worse, is because of the culture in america, and whats popular, whats "cool and hip", everyone loves the "hook up".
The thing that everyone doesnt realize about "hooking up" when you're young, is you lose out on those teenaged dating relationships where you spend months having as much sex as possible.
How does this apply to you?
Well, all these guys are looking for what I talked about above. They think thats how relationships are supposed to start. And thats kinda incompatible with someone like you who actually wants more than a physical relationship/one time experience.
It should also be noted, that it doesnt take much to impress the kind of girl who puts out easily in high school. Really, all it takes is enough money for a date or drinks, and the right attitude at the time. Thats why you havent found anyone "amazing". You have higher standards, and most of the guys your age don't feel like bothering because its far easier to find some girl who is utterly without standards and go for her.
The good news is, things get better as you get older. It becomes easier (especially in college) to meet guys who themselves have high standards, because they meet high standards.
In the mean time, consider this. Relationships are NOT about being amazed by the other person. Relationships are about finding someone who has passions for the same things you do, who you like spending time with. And finding someone who's flaws you can put up with and who can put up with yours. So just go spend some time with some people. Theres nothing wrong with going out on dates if you can get them.
|
|
I was just wondering if my boyfriend is either REALLY bad in bed or it is just ME!! :) because, i have only had sex with him a couple of times and i dont get any orgasms!!! is it because Im new to sex and so I need some time to get use to it, or is it that he just cant give me orgasms??? Totally confused and WORRIED!! I want to enjoy sex, feels like masturbating is better than the real thing.... But that is not what everyone says, plus I should love the REAL thing!! :D Right?!?! (link)
|
I'll expand on the answers below.
There are many, many reasons why you might not be climaxing.
1) Comfort. A woman's orgasm is more mental and less physical than a guy's is. Men are required to orgasm for procreation, women's is almost entirely for pleasure. So if you arent in the right frame of mind, are nervous, etc, it can make it harder.
2) Sensitivity. Most women seem to become more responsive and sensitive as they grow older. If you are young enough (and I'm guessing you're under 18) that could be interfering.
3) Yes, he could be very bad in bed.
It takes time for sex with someone to be very good. Sex is a skill, and you get better with practice.
|
Can u contract any STDs through fingering?? Like when a guy fingers you in the vagina (3rd base)??
18/f (link)
|
Possible but unlikely.
He would have to be bleeding in some amount, or have some form of infectious material on him somehow.
Its actually far more likely that a guy would get an STD that way than give one.
I can tell you, that if a guy fingered you and it hurts down there now, the 99.9% chance reason is that he was inexperienced and just rougher than he should have been.
|
okay so im 15....
and
pregnant! i just found out...
yes i know i am very young to be pregnant.
i will be 16 in 2 months.
so please dont write about how im too young and blah blah blah...i already know....dont need to hear it more. thank you.
anyways....today i was on the laptop and my dad was next to me and i was looking at abortion pictures and saying how horrible it was. and my dad was like so if you got pregnant you would keep it? and i said YES I COULD NEVER KILL A BABY! and then we had this whole argument on how its not a baby at a certain amount of weeks and whatever...so i showed him an article on how they get nerves at 4 weeks so they do feel it and he was like I DONT CARE ID DRAG YOU DOWN TO THE CLINC AND MAKE YOU GET ONE! i just kept saying you cant make me..
REMEMBER....HE DOES NOT KNOW IM PREGNANT!
also when he found out my mom was pregnant with my little brother he yelled and screamed at her and dropped her off at the clinc..she sat there for HOURS crying...finally went in but they said she was too far along to get one...thank god.
so my dad is capable of having the heart to leave me at a clinc.
how do i tell him im pregnant without going through that? im keeping the baby, im still with the father and he is staying with me so i have help.
when i tell my dad should i immediately tell him abortion is out of the question?
can he really force me into an abortion? thats my right though isnt it? its not like since im under 18 he could make it get it by law right?
either way i need to tell him soon because i want this baby to be healthy so regular checkups to the OBGYN and getting put on healthy stuff is needed asap.
i live in florida if that helps?
thank you. (link)
|
I know this is not what you want to hear, but abort it.
One of the most vital things to a child is more than one parent who can set an example for it.
That is, a child needs parents whom it can look up to, who have been around long enough to answer its questions. At the same time, a child needs to grow up with parents who set an example by supporting themselves and it. Kids need to see their parents being productive members of society so that when they try to figure out how to do something they havent encountered before, they can think back on their parents example.
You are 15, and I'm sure your boyfriend isnt much older. If you keep this kid, the child will have a crappier life than you could provide a child further down the road. Your life will be hell.
The responsible thing to do is abort, for all involved. Because don't forget, by keeping it you force the burden on your entire family. Everyone suffers because you are unwilling to face up to a mistake you've made.
And I'm sorry, religious or not, an unborn child is not an individual with rights. They aren't an individual at all. Your article about nerves is pointless, because a child that young is not concious of anything. They have no memory, no awareness, nothing. They are just a bundle of flesh and instincts. A misshapen ball of cells vs your and your families lives being torn apart.
Beyond that, I can't advise you. As stated below, if you follow any advice and something happens, we would be responsible. But my two cents are agreeing with your father. Because he is old enough to understand that pain and regret can fade, and you at 15 havent lived long enough to really have that point hammer home yet.
|
|
I'm 17 F and me and my boyfriend have been dating for two years this September. I love him, I really do. But idk how to really say it, but I just want to be a 17 year old and not a married old lady. Thats how I feel sometimes. My boyfriend has been there for me A LOT. I mean, he is great, we have our little fights, but I mean who don't? I NEVER cheated on him, and same for him to me. He's in college, and I'm a junior in hs, but hes home now, and I still have school left for a couple more weeks. So we're together a lot now. Hes not the hottest thing, but I don't care, I love him for how he is to me, and how wonderful he is. I love him, I do, but sometimes I wonder why did I get into a relationship so young like this. We started dating when I was 15, and I'll be 17 in a week. I know he's older and hes ready for this kind of relationship, but I'm not sure if I really am. It's hard, but I don't know what to do. I don't want to think everyday "why am I with him, when I'm not even sure what I really want." And I don't want it to go to the point where I'll cheat on him b/c I'm not sure what I want, and lose him forever. He's said if I would ever break up with him, he won't talk to me again. But how can you really do that to someone you love with all your heart, when all I would be doing is being honest with him. I need help =[ (link)
|
Ok.
First, accept the fact that you aren't going to marry this guy. Do you know why high school relationships almost never work out? Because everyone changes as you get over. You arent the woman you were two years ago when you first fell for him. You aren't going to be the woman you are more than another year or two. Thats just how it is, you grow, mature, and change.
Unfortunately, these changes can make compatible people incompatible. Thats why people say don't get married until you get older. Because as you grow and mature, the rate of change changes. It slows. And so you can be compatible with people for a good while.
You're going to keep changing. He's not going to as much, as he is older. At some point, it will be time to end it.
|
15/f
My family is catholic, but i found out that my brother is "agnostic". This has happened recently, he is a seventh grader and only 13 years old. Will he grow out of this? He goes to church but he never says any of the prayers or anything. A lot of people think catholicism is too "strict" but our church isn't a normal catholic church; we have a youth choir that actually sings songs that aren't boring and we have youth groups and our priests are really nice and actually give good sermons. What can i do to help him? I don't want to shove it down his throat or anything...but what should i do? please help! (link)
|
Everyone's journey is different. And those who find God on their journey find Him at different times.
He's 13. Hes rebelling. He wants to be different, and this is an outward expression of differences he can't quite understand or explain yet.
Just be his sister. Don't bring God into it. Just love him for who he is, and call him when hes not doing right, faith or no faith. If you try to convert him, all you will do is drive him apart.
The truest way to teach others about Christ is to be an example. Apply that.
|
Me & my boyfriend has been having sex, well over 3 months now. I love teasing him, but not prick teasing.
I do like to have sex afterwards.
Such as teasing for a while, getting him real aroused, then having sex.
I love this, it makes me enjoy it so much more.
I need some tricks though, to teasing.
I dont do strip teasing, or blow jobs, or none of that, its disguisting.
Tips please? (link)
|
I'm just going to comment that its kinda hard to make a suggestion knowing that you find certain things about sex disgusting. (strip teases? Seriously?)
Ask him what he likes. What he'd like you to do. Then do it. Its really that simple.
Re:
A saying you should learn and live by.
"Just because you bear the right to an opinion, does not mean that you bear an opinion that is right"
|
|
15/m i don't know if i'm gay or not, but i'm sort of leaning towards being gay... i don't know what to do with myself.. i don't know if i should find someone and get things straight, or if i should wait for someone to show up... what should i do? (link)
|
Go to school.
Hang out with your friends.
Check out whomever seems hottest to you.
If you find yourself staring at everyone, ask anyone out.
If you find yourself staring mostly at guys, ask a guy out.
If you find yourself staring mostly at girls, well I think you get the picture.
My question to you is, why are you in such a hurry to "define" yourself? We certainly don't know if you're gay.
|
ok so. my boyfriend and i have been kind of talking about the possibility of sex for a while? not actually saying "hey, lets have sex on THIS day" or whatever, but just like "yeah i want to," and yeah. well the past few times i went there things had gotten pretty heavy, but his friend was always in his room with us, so i always made him stop. but yesterday his friend wasnt there and we were making out on his bed. eventually i pulled apart from him for a second and pulled out a condom a brought. and i asked "how far are you willing to go with this?" and he kind of looked at me as if i was crazy or high or something.
I HAD NEVER BEEN SO EMBARRASSED IN MY LIFE. he was feeling me up and we were making out for what it seemed like 4-6 minutes! am i getting mixed signals here??? did i do something wrong? i dont even really know why i did that except for the fact that i thought something was about to happen. i talked to him later last night on aim. and he said he didnt want to because he loved me. WTF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!?!??!! i think im kinda ready. and hes not a virgin! so i dont get it! can someone attempt to explain this to me? im avoiding him now and i dont wanna talk to him and i wont for a while but i think im wrecking everything but im just so confused. HELP?? thanks. (link)
|
1) Hes a virgin
2) Hes very nervous (Possibly because he's a virgin and lied about it)
3) VIRGIN VIRGIN VIRGIN VIRGIN VIRGIN VIRGIN VIRGIN VIRGIN VIRGIN!
Sorry, had to get that out of my system.
He's inexperienced, regardless of virginity loss or not. You startled him because he probably was nowhere near actually expecting to get laid, he probably figured he was going to have to work up the nerve. When you asked him, it knocked his world upside down.
Talk to him. Ask him if he really wants to or if he wants to wait. Tell him you want to do whatever he wants to do, but tell him that the option is open if and when he wants it.
I'm betting three days. Probably less.
|
My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for about 9 months. He's 19--I'm 18.
He always used to get upset when I didn't feel like having sex/messing around. I've always known that he's not in this just for the sex. I knew this for a fact--when we first started dating he thought I was a "good" girl...a very good girl.
Well it all came out eventually--he flat out asked me if I found him attractive. Apparently in his mind, if I say no, it means that I'm not physically attracted to him.
Truth is--I'm extremely attracted to him and I let him know that I think he looks good constantly but idk what to do about the sex thing because sometimes I'm just not in the mood. Even if I try explaining it to him, he still thinks the same--I've tried. Is there anything I can do...DO NOT SAY. Other than just always having sex with him? (link)
|
Hmm.
Compromise is best. Sex between consenting adults in a relationship isnt just a perk, its a duty. Its both of your responsibilities to keep him satisfied.
Towards that end, two suggestions that have helped me (I am a guy in a relationship with a girl who often has a lower sex drive)
He should masturbate more often. Maybe go find a little porn to keep on the computer. Outside of a desire for sex and intimacy, men build sexual tension. If a guy has alot of built up tension then he starts looking for any opportunity to have sex, so even when you're just affectionate he might see if it can lead to sex. When it doesnt, frustration.
You should work on getting yourself in the mood a bit as well. A good suggestion is finding yourself a toy or something of that sort. Every so often when you might not be in the mood but arent in a bad mood or feeling bad or anything, pull out the toy and follow his lead, work yourself up a little. Shortly thereafter you'll be nice and in the mood and he'll be close by, and you can go rape him.
As far as his confidence is concerned, more and better communication should solve that.
|
I can't believe I'm asking this but..
I have extreme insecurity issues about my weight and my breast. I'm about 295 lbs I'm 5'9 and a big boned girl. However when I look myself in the mirror I see saggy breast.. and a big belly.. a saggy butt etc...I'm constantly thinking about "OMG what if I ever meet a nice guy and everything...and he makes fun of me when he see's me naked.." If someone ever did that too me my heart would drop and I would probably cry my eyes out etc.. I dont' know how to get over it. I walk everyday, drink water and eat less etc but I am sooooo worried about getting rejected because of the way I look.. I mean I'm 22 years old and I have a body of a 60 year old.
-BahaiMa22... (link)
|
I'm not trying to be insulting, but you weigh more than I do and I'm 6'2 and used to be a lineman.
That, to me, sounds like a medical issue. In all seriousness, the human body is not supposed to find equilibrium at a weight that high and try to maintain it.
I would talk to a dietitian and see if they can recommend someone who you can talk to about it. Its entirely possible that there might be a chemical imbalance in your body somewhere that with proper medication could be fixed. Even if they can't find anything, you can learn alot if good information about how to help yourself lose weight along the way if its not that or if they can't fix it.
|
I need to leave my boyfriend.
I met him playing an online game and he moved here to be with me. It was great, he was sweet and loving... I immediately felt safe. When he's happy and content he calls me his princess and treats me like a queen.. even now. I was 19 turning 20 when he moved here. We would have a lot of fights though, during the months. I've made a couple mistakes but he's my first boyfriend, although that is a poor excuse. The thing is, after some time, he'd use these mistakes of mine against me, and make me feel guilty. I'd cry often and end up apologizing... and I begin to lose a sense of who is right or wrong.. and when I complain, he tells me "You're just bitching again" or "PMSing or what?", even if the things I complain about can't help but make me angry when I think about them. He keeps bringing up all the mistakes I made from the beginning of the relationship when I complain about CURRENT situations. He always calls me names and hangs up on me which I think is really rude.. he's never there for me which hurts the most. He pushes me away from him when he's upset when I try to hug him...
Nowadays, I try to let him know what bothers me in a polite way.. saying something like "it would make me feel better if you did this instead..." but he would say I'm bitching again and that he "fu**ing hates" me so much. I'm 21 and I'm going into my 3rd year of University, planning to be a teacher. He... still lives in a duplex in a bad neighbourhood since he moved here.. and doesn't.. work on his career either, or even drives. This is what made my mom cry one time. She says "Why are you so crazy about a guy that doesn't even better himself if not for him but for you?" She worries about me bussing to his place all the time. I love her so much and I see how upset she gets when I come home with puffy eyes (from tears) so often in a week.
While he just sits around and does nothing but play online games again.. here I am typing this. I know I'm better than this, but .. I just feel disgusting, gained weight after meeting him.. I don't feel confident.. I used to think my friends were stupid when they did stupid things for love, they went to ME for advice because I never had those problems before.. I feel like the most stupidest of all. I need some words of encouragement to move on and leave him.. or else I'll fall back to that cycle where he goes all sweet and hugs me tight and makes me feel safe again where I have to say sorry just to keep feeling that safeness.
Part of this story is also relevant to sex problems I will type in another question. (link)
|
Oh wow. I just answered the other question you asked.
Run. Run NOW.
You're young. You're 21. 6 months of jogging and a little healthy eating and you'll drop some weight.
No WoW Nerds. No. No No No. I used to play WoW (And no, I don't care if its actually a different game) and yeah, it eats your life. He has to give up the crack before hes going to be worthwhile to anyone, and he needs to be left by you, right now, for your own good as well as his. Maybe it will be a wake up call, maybe he'll go on to be near some other girl he meets online.
Run. Far and Fast.
|
My first time was with my current bf. The first thing he did was eat me out. He said I tasted like a "fine liquor" I was incredibly shy and embarrassed and even freak out if he stared at me down there but I really trust him and love him.
He would make sure I'd orgasm everyday with him and we did it so often and were crazy about each other. One time while walking downtown we just couldn't keep our hands off each other that we ran to the top of some stairs in some building beside the door to the roof so no one would see and foreplayed for a while there.. (we were really scared to get caught).
After months taking the pill, we decided to let him cum inside me. It made both of us happy, he didn't have to stop cold turkey to take it out and jack off and I could see his face when he cums.
This is when he'd stop eating me out. I mean even if I take a long shower or thoroughly clean myself, his cum is still stuck way up there.
It's been over a year with him now and he doesn't bother to make me cum anymore.. he only worries about himself cumming.. and even though I give him lots of oral, hoping he'd atleast do the same... I get nothing. I ask him to eat me out or to stop cumming in me all the time but he doesn't care..
After over a month of not cumming with him anymore, I got tired and was unsatisfied again. While he napped, I'd go on his computer, and orgasm from porn. This happened twice without him knowing and with the 3rd, he caught me, and looked upset or hurt.
Now this really confused me, I told him I didn't think he cared whether I came or not anymore and why should this bother him? It turned into a heated arguement and after me mentioning that I wanted to be eaten out again (which he hasn't for several months.. half a year, or over), he shouted at me "You f**ing reek down there, you should f***ing wash yourself down there! I always get soft from that sh*t!!". Ouch. I tried to explain to him that it wasn't like that before he came in me all the time... that even though I shower a lot and often wash myself down there.. perhaps the extra juices I build up down there from the pills (so sperm can swim slow down and thus not be able to reach my egg) and his cum is making it harder to clean it all out...
Nevertheless, he brought in the problems of our relationship (See my Love Life question) and continues to say I'm bitching so I could not get another word in...
Even after another shower right now, just thinking of what he said made me feel really ugly.. and really unsexy.. I used to feel confident about my body and feel sexy and happy but.. I don't know.. I feel like losing my sex drive over him. I just think about him trying to get in my pants again and then I feel like crying from what he said and I feel like he won't get any from me anymore and this will leave us both unsatisfied. I love him but he's such a jerk and... is there any advice on how to feel sexy again, become less dependent on him AND find a really good dildo? (link)
|
Its time to trade up.
Seriously. He's immature, he's selfish, and now that he's getting what he wants he's relaxed enough that he just doesnt care.
And yes, you can tell him that if you smell bad down there its BECAUSE he's cumming in you. Stale cum just doesnt smell that great. Also, after a shower you shouldnt smell bad anymore. Vast experience from my side is that ALL women taste great fresh out the shower, even if its a shower that was immediately preceeded by sex.
So, part of it might be the cum, but a big part is that he is still being selfish and probably hiding behind that excuse because he doesnt care.
This relationship isnt going to work. You're both very sexual and he isnt satisfying you. The lack of sexual satisfaction is also going to lead to a lack of intimacy between you two, which is eventually going to lead to a breakup or you cheating.
So instead of waiting, my advice is to get out now.
Also, Razhie is brilliant. Listen to her.
|
i asked my bf for sex and he said no and so now im pissed off and im not talking to him.
is that a whoreish thing to do?? (link)
|
Wow.
Such irony.
Not you, the person who answered you below me. Its beautiful to see such immature 14 year old horny teen perspective coming from a username like "Arealman"
Ok, so its more annoying, but I was still amused.
Anyway, your question.
Your boyfriend said no. You are hurt. That parts normal and understandable. It sucks to be rejected. But, at this point, you don't know why.
With more information I could be more accurate in a prediction, but what its all going to boil down to is talking to him again and asking you why.
What I will tell you, is that if a teenaged boy turns down sex, theres usually a good reason (for him, at least)
He might be religious (you didnt say, so I didnt know). Even more likely, he's nervous as hell. Is it possible you kinda surprised him with the request for sex?
If you just were doing what you normally do, and you asked for sex, he might well have panicked. Even if he isnt a virgin (which Im betting he is) he could have performance anxiety and worry about if you'll like it, if you'll laugh at him, if anything bad will happen. And when all that is up in his head, getting hard and having sex just aren't on the menu. He might just not be ready for it yet.
Talk to him. Ask him what he thinks about sex.
Also, a little perspective. If a guy asked a girl for sex and she said no, and he didnt talk to her for a while after that, every single person in this country would say he was an asshole for not being sensitive to her needs.
Just because youre the girl and he's the guy and guys are "supposed" to be constantly horny and always up for sex doesnt mean that it works that way in the real world. Be careful, or you might break up with a decent guy for some horny moron like "arealman" down there.
|
25. Male.
I have no more confidence in myself anymore. I no longer believe I can achieve my dreams or even simple goals. Nothing I do seems to matter to myself or anyone.
I hate my friends because they still stick around me when I feel like I'm dragging them down. I hate that my girlfriend won't leave me when I know I'm not good enough.
I'm not going to see a shrink. That's first and foremost.
All I want is a solution to either make myself likable again, or somehow detatch my feelings and stop caring. (link)
|
...
Hmm.
From a guy about your age, first off, suck it up. You are wallowing in your own self pity. If you have to lightly slap yourself in the face every once in a while because you have negative thoughts, do it.
Secondly, stop pushing people away. Because eventually you will succeed, and then you'll be even more miserable and have an even harder time.
Third, you are in a state of mind where you might need a few honest conversations with friends you really trust and your girlfriend. Ask them what they like about you and what they think is wrong with you or that you need to work on. Then once you've got that information, improve both aspects of yourself, or at least start to.
Self hate is easy, and its selfish. You don't want to build yourself up and so you put the responsibility on other's heads. But thats not fair to them, and no one can support your emotional well being forever.
Are you really not good enough? I mean, seriously? You wrote this post, but you offered no evidence other than losing hope. From my perspective, you want attention more than you want actual help.
And yes, if you're wondering, some of this post is indeed targeted to piss you off a little bit. A bit of defiant fire seems to be what you might need to stop being such a friggin wus.
Try this. Get pissed off. Seriously, get pissed off at your life, at your situation. Pissed off enough that you are sick of dealing with it and want to CHANGE it. Because being sad and wallowing in your own depression is a sure way to make sure that nothing changes, ever.
Theres no easy, quick fix to liking yourself again. It takes work and effort to improve whatever parts of your life you need to improve. But beginning to work in that direction is a great start. Because every improvement you make will feel good.
|
|