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Mom Being Unreasonable
16/f I'm so pissed at my mom right now. She says I have to get a job this summer-which I'm fine with. All the places I wanna work are not really within walking distance. She's like, "you have to get a job you can walk to or else you are paying me for gas." This is so unreasonable because she drives my brother to camp every day. I don't want to have to wake up at the crack of dawn just to walk to work. I just feel like she doesn't give a crap about my safety. All my friends' parents actualy care about them and drive them and don't let them get into dangerous situations and probably wouldn't let them walk every day to a job. My mom makes me walk places by myself that are dangerous where I could be kidnapped or raped. She treats me like I'm nothing. She's like, "you can take the public bus." Whose parents would let them do that?! I feel like she doesn't care about me. Everyone's parents drive them everywhere and she makes me walk everywhere in dangerous places. I'm so freakin pissed. I'm not grown up yet, I'm still a kid. Also, I really don't care what she had to do as a kid. Times are different now. There are more killers and rapists now and our family now has more money and privledges than when she was a kid. I'm so pissed!
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You are being a unreasonable as well.
Unless you live in a bad neighborhood in a big city, your fear of being kidnapped and raped, is not only unreasonable, but what you should be doing to deal with your fear is taking a young womens a self-defense course, not blaming your mother.
You might still be a kid, but if you are ready to worry about grown-up things that much and old enough to need to get to and from work, then you are ready take some resonsibilty for your own safety. That means learning self-defense. Every girl should do it at some point. Sounds like your point is now.
Taking responsibity also might mean, in your mothers eyes, paying for gasoline if you need regular rides to work. It might not be the same treatment your brother gets, but that doesn't make it unfair or unreasonable, only different.
Seriously, if you are working reguarly, the money from the first hour of your shift going to your mother to pay for gas is entirely reasonable. The first two days of my monethly paycheck is what is costs me to get transportation to my job each month. My friends with cars can spend over thier first eight days of work to pay for thier car that month.
Getting to work, is part of working, and it almost always costs some money. If you are ready for the responsibilty of a job, you need to understand that part of that responsibilty is getting to that job.
If you are truly afriad for your safety, take a self-defense class and learn the statistics. There are not more rapists out there then there were 30 years old. Most statistics will tell you there are actually less of them, they just get reported more often and talked about in the media.
If you need a ride to work, be aware that transportation costs money. If your mother chooses to drive you to and from work without asking for anything in return, that is a kind favor she is doing for you, not something she is required to do. Its your job to get there, not hers.
Both of those things, are completely reasonable.
Your mother wants you to take some responsibilty for yourself. Maybe that expectation is a bit early on for you. Maybe you don't like it. Maybe it isn't fair, but it's still her expectation, and I know you could met it if you tried.
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Hmmm.
The problem is, shes trying to teach you something. Thats where all this comes from.
You, my dear, have a huge sense of entitlement. You are a drama queen as well. The public bus is pretty safe, and the dangers of getting kidnapped or raped are vastly overstated in order to make kids (whom usually have a innate assumption of invincibility) be careful.
I would be willing to bet most of what I'm worth that you're more upset that you might have to walk/pay than you are at the chance of getting raped or kidnapped.
Simply put, you see others who have it easier than you, and it pisses you off.
Now, for the record, a sense of entitlement is natural in kids, because they DO deserve their parents consideration. Also, for the record, she IS being unreasonable in this case, and you are being completely reasonable.
The reason I brought up the sense of entitlement, is because your mother sees it in you and is trying to fight it by teaching you lessons.
So, in this case, a normal request that should under most circumstances be honored is being instead used to teach you an object lesson. That lesson is basically that life is harder than you think. She's trying to prepare you for a time when they WONT be around paying for stuff.
A sidenote: She is right. Her methods for teaching are terrible, and her object lesson was very poorly chosen, but she is right. You assume too much. Just because your family might be somewhat better off than when she was a kid doesnt mean that it isnt still a harsh world out there. She's trying to show you that. Unfortunately, its hard to do that as a parent, especially when your kids know you arent exactly struggling financially.
Compromise is in order. What she WANTS is for you to acknowledge that you arent "due" a ride from her. The more you get pissed because you think she owes you this, the more its going to strengthen her resolve. Approach it from a "mom, please I really want this job and I need your help to get it, but at 16 I'm not going to make much money and gas could eat very far into what I'm able to make/save"
Try a little humility. It generally goes a long way. Sit her down and talk to her. Before that, sit down and think. Because you need a little more self awareness here. You need to recognize your own sense of what you deserve and realize that in life few people "deserve" much of anything. Be thankful for what you are handed on a silver platter, it doesnt last forever.
And don't ever, ever use that "well times are different now" line. It never works.
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Please try and relax.
I think you need to tell your mom how you are feeling. You need to sit down with her and tell her calmly how you are feeling.
Also if she insists you find a job you can walk to then really try your hardest to find one! It is much safer and will be easier on you.
Again you need to tell your mom how you feel and why you feel like that, so that you can solve this problem.
Communication is the key!
Good luck! I hope this helped.
p.s. you anger is understandable!
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