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I hate myself
25. Male.
I have no more confidence in myself anymore. I no longer believe I can achieve my dreams or even simple goals. Nothing I do seems to matter to myself or anyone.
I hate my friends because they still stick around me when I feel like I'm dragging them down. I hate that my girlfriend won't leave me when I know I'm not good enough.
I'm not going to see a shrink. That's first and foremost.
All I want is a solution to either make myself likable again, or somehow detatch my feelings and stop caring.
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All (and I mean ALL) of this self-pity and negativity is rooted in your lack of confidence. You feel that you do not matter to yourself or the people around you because you are looking at your life through a foggy, distorted lens. In other words, if you feel like shit, then everything is going to be negative to you.
First and foremost, your friends and your girlfriend, in this case, are one and the same: people in your life. You can bundle them all up into one category since you feel you are not good enough for ANY one of them. Why would you feel that your friends have no reason to like you, or that you are not "good enough" for your girlfriend? It has less to do with who you are, than with how you feel about yourself. If you could stand tall and look the world in the eye, you would not be saying these things.
Secondly, you feel you cannot achieve your dreams or even simple goals. This is also because you lack confidence in yourself, you have said so already. Little things you do may not matter in the "here and now," but overtime, your actions add up. So don't expect an easy solution to anything. If you want something, you have to work hard for it; nothing comes easily. Now, to work hard, you have to play hard- and this requires energy and dedication. To have either one of these things, you have GOT to have some confidence. We all have our moments, but to let your insecurity get the better half of you is an entirely different story.
So, there is no solution to making yourself likable and confident..it's more of a process. You have to take little steps here and there to make you feel like YOU.
I would suggest (as some others have) really talking to some of your friends about how you feel; chances are, you are just being too hard on yourself. Try planning to do something fun over the weekends- a) to take your mind off things, and b) to realize what friends are for. You don't hate your friends, you hate how you are right now...so take it easy on them, and try to reflect more on yourself. As for your girlfriend, it does not seem that you want her to leave you, otherwise, you would have left her yourself, if an end is what you really wanted. So try to ask yourself why you feel you aren't good enough for her. Again, talk to her...communication is key. She may sense the insecurity sooner or later, and decide that enough is enough. So before it gets to that point, let her know how you feel, and what you can both do to make the relationship stronger. It all depends on you, her, and the relationship. But I think that the main thing is for you both to communicate more and see what needs to be done.
You are 25, but age is not a factor in this; there are plenty of insecure 40 year olds. You need to think about all your positive attributes, and above all, take ACTION. Stop thinking about all this negativity, and stop putting yourself down so much. Pitying yourself will not help at all. You have to honestly tell yourself that it is now the time to take it as it is. Improve upon yourself, only think positively, and be open with those around you. It can only make you feel better about yourself and the people you care about.
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Hmm.
From a guy about your age, first off, suck it up. You are wallowing in your own self pity. If you have to lightly slap yourself in the face every once in a while because you have negative thoughts, do it.
Secondly, stop pushing people away. Because eventually you will succeed, and then you'll be even more miserable and have an even harder time.
Third, you are in a state of mind where you might need a few honest conversations with friends you really trust and your girlfriend. Ask them what they like about you and what they think is wrong with you or that you need to work on. Then once you've got that information, improve both aspects of yourself, or at least start to.
Self hate is easy, and its selfish. You don't want to build yourself up and so you put the responsibility on other's heads. But thats not fair to them, and no one can support your emotional well being forever.
Are you really not good enough? I mean, seriously? You wrote this post, but you offered no evidence other than losing hope. From my perspective, you want attention more than you want actual help.
And yes, if you're wondering, some of this post is indeed targeted to piss you off a little bit. A bit of defiant fire seems to be what you might need to stop being such a friggin wus.
Try this. Get pissed off. Seriously, get pissed off at your life, at your situation. Pissed off enough that you are sick of dealing with it and want to CHANGE it. Because being sad and wallowing in your own depression is a sure way to make sure that nothing changes, ever.
Theres no easy, quick fix to liking yourself again. It takes work and effort to improve whatever parts of your life you need to improve. But beginning to work in that direction is a great start. Because every improvement you make will feel good.
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"I have no confidence in myself anymore" - this means you had it at one point. What has happened that caused you not to have it now? Once you've determined this, change it.
"Nothing I do seems to matter to myself or anyone" - It sounds like you are feeling unappreciated and need some type of recognition in order to feel good about the thing(s) you are doing or want to do. - Distance yourself for a little while to focus on things you aren't accustomed to doing for people who need your help and will appreciate you. Homeless shelters, churches, youth programs, rehabilitation centers, this site even. What you are going through can be of help to someone else who is going through it once you come out of it. Appreciate yourself and as you do this, reward yourself!
Admitting that you feel that you aren't good enough for your girlfriend, really moves me and I will pat you on the back for that comment myself! Most men DO NOT admit this when they KNOW they aren't good enough for a woman and instead they try to play mental games to make her think they are good enough for her instead of MAKING THEMSELVES GOOD ENOUGH for her. Only you know why you feel that you aren't good enough for her. If it's financial, seek better employment opportunities. If it's intellectually, seek education. Set goals for yourself to improve YOURSELF and whoever you are with will benefit from the changes you make within your life. Once you accomplish this, you will begin gaining more security and confidence in self.
Detaching feelings - you are human right? You may disassociate your feelings, but know this, they come out at a later time from being bottled up on the inside and usually it comes out in anger, frustration, depression,- NEGATIVELY. So, the first this to make yourself likable again is to LOSE to NEGATIVITY and replace with positivity.
Also when you "likeable" - know that you must like yourself first and love yourself first or you can like/love no one else- maybe this is one reason why you feel you aren't good enough. I am feeling like someone or several people have said some horrible things to you or about you and that you digested it and began to believe it. I really want to talk to you on a more personal note, please email me. sophia_pettus@yahoo.com
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Okay make a list of everything you hate.
Then for everythign you hate name something good about yourself.
If you can't do this or just don't feel good enough still, then go do something. Volunteer, make yourself a better person. Try taking Amino Acid, I hear it works wonder on mood and energy. You have the ability to change who you are. So go do it. :]
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