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My Dream/Nightmare Boyfriend
I need to leave my boyfriend.
I met him playing an online game and he moved here to be with me. It was great, he was sweet and loving... I immediately felt safe. When he's happy and content he calls me his princess and treats me like a queen.. even now. I was 19 turning 20 when he moved here. We would have a lot of fights though, during the months. I've made a couple mistakes but he's my first boyfriend, although that is a poor excuse. The thing is, after some time, he'd use these mistakes of mine against me, and make me feel guilty. I'd cry often and end up apologizing... and I begin to lose a sense of who is right or wrong.. and when I complain, he tells me "You're just bitching again" or "PMSing or what?", even if the things I complain about can't help but make me angry when I think about them. He keeps bringing up all the mistakes I made from the beginning of the relationship when I complain about CURRENT situations. He always calls me names and hangs up on me which I think is really rude.. he's never there for me which hurts the most. He pushes me away from him when he's upset when I try to hug him...
Nowadays, I try to let him know what bothers me in a polite way.. saying something like "it would make me feel better if you did this instead..." but he would say I'm bitching again and that he "fu**ing hates" me so much. I'm 21 and I'm going into my 3rd year of University, planning to be a teacher. He... still lives in a duplex in a bad neighbourhood since he moved here.. and doesn't.. work on his career either, or even drives. This is what made my mom cry one time. She says "Why are you so crazy about a guy that doesn't even better himself if not for him but for you?" She worries about me bussing to his place all the time. I love her so much and I see how upset she gets when I come home with puffy eyes (from tears) so often in a week.
While he just sits around and does nothing but play online games again.. here I am typing this. I know I'm better than this, but .. I just feel disgusting, gained weight after meeting him.. I don't feel confident.. I used to think my friends were stupid when they did stupid things for love, they went to ME for advice because I never had those problems before.. I feel like the most stupidest of all. I need some words of encouragement to move on and leave him.. or else I'll fall back to that cycle where he goes all sweet and hugs me tight and makes me feel safe again where I have to say sorry just to keep feeling that safeness.
Part of this story is also relevant to sex problems I will type in another question.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Before I even start on this, I have to say this: I HATE it when people just say run run run or get out or get away! You are in need of support, not directive and upon gaining that support you are mature and wise enough to make decisions based on SELF.
People do not change unless they want to change. The negative changes you see in him are going to stay there until he decides to change them - regardless to if you leave him or if you do not leave him. You made a couple of mistakes because you are human, not because this is your first boyfriend. When you are complaining, which is really opening up about something(s) that are bothering you, he is rationalizing by using excuses and putting blame right back on you instead of listening in order to try and change his ways or behavior. He isn't listening so he has no intent of changing.
Relationships that we go through do have a direct affect on our parents because they love us so much and want us to be happy. Consistent crying is a sign of unhappiness.
When a person tells you by showing you who they really are, believe them!
You are trying to make something out of yourself. You have set goals, and plans for your future. Does it include taking care of him? Does it include verbal abuse which leads to potential physical abuse? Does it include having a grown man as a child? Does it include coming home to a filthy house to clean, dirty clothes to wash, an empty refrigerator with no food until you buy it to also cook it for him? If none of this is in your plan, then you know what to do without me telling you. In reference to feeling stupid, as time grows and goes, you will feel more stupid, but the good thing is this: Stupid is as Stupid Does- famous words of Forest. "smile"
It does become a cycle so break it before you have a daughter who also gets cursed by this and goes through the same cycle. Only you know if it's worth it.
Good Luck. You are strong and very smart to be aware of what is going on and could go on in your life. You also have the power to control it as long as you not continue allowing him to take it from you!
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Oh wow. I just answered the other question you asked.
Run. Run NOW.
You're young. You're 21. 6 months of jogging and a little healthy eating and you'll drop some weight.
No WoW Nerds. No. No No No. I used to play WoW (And no, I don't care if its actually a different game) and yeah, it eats your life. He has to give up the crack before hes going to be worthwhile to anyone, and he needs to be left by you, right now, for your own good as well as his. Maybe it will be a wake up call, maybe he'll go on to be near some other girl he meets online.
Run. Far and Fast.
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So what exactly is your question? If it's "how do I leave my boyfriend?" I've got a few suggestions.
Go straight up to him and tell him it's over. You're tired of being called such vulgar names. You're tired of his lazy ass not getting a job. You're tired of being treated like dirt under his feet. You deserve better and you deserve to be happy. Say "Since I'm so 'bitchy' all the time, I'll just leave you to your little games and go bitch to someone else."
And I know it will hurt. I know it will be hard. But you have to do it. There is no future with this guy. There's much better out there just waiting for you. Surround yourself with family and friends. Start going to the gym or do something else that is good for you. Rearrange the furniture in your home. Focus on positive thoughts. Throw yourself into school. The point is to keep yourself busy and you'll find you've forgotten all about him in know time.
Down the road when you meet the right guy, you'll be looking back on this loser and laughing.
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