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I'm an 29 year old guy.I'll always do my best to give well considered and sincere advice - give me your best shot. P.S. Don't be afraid to ask me private questions, I rarely spend a lot of time answering non-private questions.
o.o There is apparently a FORUM for me if you would like to talk about random non-advice stuff. Take off your shoes!
advice
Hey Silentone, I'm asking your advice on this one because I respect it and also, I guess, because I long to hear a different perspective. I've already asked Razhie, whose advice I also greatly respect and who gave me the answer that I'm 90 per cent sure is correct. But so far no men have answered this question, and I would like a male point of view.
Months and months ago, I briefly dated a forty-seven year old man(I am twenty-two/f) and it didn't really work out. He said he was still in love with his ex girlfriend back in the States(he is American, I am British and living and up until the today we both lived in Britain).
Despite our initial break up, we continued to see each other,and were sporadically sleeping together. The day before yesterday, I got a call from him saying that he was about to get kicked out of the country(long story, but he basically had a dud visa and tried to slip in to the country anyway-result ejection, even in yankee loving Britain)
So we met up-he invited me over to"watch a DVD" (you get it, code for "my c*ck is leaving in thirty-six hours, be on it") and I had the best sex of my entire life. Post-sex, though, I was troubled and sad, as I felt that my need to be close to him was not a feeling reciprocated by him-idk, I'm never sure with him. In the morning he kissed me, was tender and affectionate and promised to call me that night, his last in the country for God knows how long. He didn't call, which hurt me like caustic acid being poured on a wound. I sent him a text which gently admonished him for his failure to call, also telling him that while I was confused in my feelings for him, I thought that I loved him. This morning, just about two hours before he got on the plane he sent me a message apologising for not having called and saying that while he was stressed out, our last night had been a beautiful one for him. The message was lovely except that it in no way responded to my text. I just don't know what to do. I'm miserable and confused-part of me loves him like hell as well as feeling more lust for him than for any of my previous boyfriends, all of whom have been of my own age. But he has a history of emotional difficulties and has made me no promises. He said before he left that he would keep in touch(he is going to try to get back into the country when he can). I guess I just need someone to tell me no you fool, of course it's not going to work. But at the same time, a tiny part of me needs that less pessimistic voice. Silentone, what is your perspective?
Hi,
Sorry I haven't answered earlier. Excuse aren't really adequate, but I've been busy and I wanted to give you a well thought out answer, which takes a considerable amount of time (2 sittings :P);
I'll answer my way, then I'll check what Razhie wrote, and if it's drastically different then I might comment on a few of her points at the end;
The first thing I'll look at is your age difference, 22, and he is 47. 47/22=2.1 He is more than twice your age. Sometimes I compare this to an 18 year old going out with a 9 year old, but I don't think that comparison is completely fair in your case. As you're both adults, it's legally, and otherwise acceptable for there to be such a big age gap between you. Had you lived a few centuries earlier, perhaps it would have been normal. The important questions to ask with difference in age are;
Is the older taking advantage of the younger (you)?
How long do you want the relationship to last?
Taking advantage doesn't necessarily relate to the physical (as you said, you had the best sex of your entire life) but in your case I would be wondering whether your lover has a massive emotional and experience advantage over you that he could be using to his favour.
Forgive me for my deviant channel of thought, but how much do you trust the man? Is it possible that he's pulled a "my c*ck is leaving in thirty-six hours, be on it" as an excuse to see you with some sense of urgency, but has been in the country for several months, and didn't leave when he said he was getting kicked out? Unlikely, but I suppose throwing it in there can't hurt.
The second thing that seems important to me in your situation is Joe's problem giving up his Ex from The States. If Joe really loved his Ex from the states, then he would be back with her. If she won't have him, then he should either resolve to lead a miserable life of celibacy (Or non-committal casual sex), or try to forget about her. He needs to know that, but you need to tell him in a very careful manner. The way I would put it in your case is that perhaps he does love his Ex, but that isn't a reason for not allowing himself to fall in love with you.
Eeh, let me put it another way;
Very simply, it's you or her. Joe would be very wise to know that if he can't have his Ex's love, then he should commit to you, unless he doesn't really love you. If she's not the reason he can't commit (perhaps it's just an excuse) then he should stop making excuses, and tell you what his problem is.
Really, I guess where my answer is going is that you really need to pin Joe down and talk to him about things. If you're not sure where you stand with him, and you're confused about your feelings for him then you obviously haven't done much discussing it with him. You said that the night you sent him a text message that although his answer was nice, it didn't really reply to anything you had sent in the original. That makes me think perhaps Joe was avoiding any questions.
So (seeing as my answer has gone in a direction that not even I had expected) to sum up;
Joe is a lot older than you, meaning you're going to have to deal with issues like his illness, or death. It also means he possibly has experience and emotional advantages over you when it comes to manipulation, arguing, and relationships. That could be a good thing, could be a bad thing. From my view of men, it's more likely to be a bad thing.
Joe also seems to have problems dealing with emotion (unless he's plain out manipulating you...). That means you have to be the one to make Joe help you sort the problem out. He's got to talk to you about things, and maybe it will work out. Then again talking to him could lead to realising that you were terribly mistaken, and no longer love him.
NOT talking to him is a definite option. There is a whole lot less chance of getting hurt by just letting him know the next time he contacts you (if he does) that you don't want to see him, than there is by taking to him, and continuing to hope he will reciprocate your love.
One thing that might be useful before you talk to him is examining your 'love'. Why do you love him?
Do you love him, or do you lust him? Does he make you feel secure, insecure, cherished? What is it about him that makes you feel secure? His physical presence? Is your sense of security, love, or whatever else actually reasonably based?
It's a lot harder than it would be for someone else if they knew every detail of the situation you do, but what I'm suggesting is that you just try as hard as you can to give yourself a detached reality check. Then perhaps the whole mess will seem less complicated.
It's ultimately your decision whether or not you go after Joe. I don't know half of it. My personal opinion would be that there's no harm in trying to get him to talk to you, and it could really do some good. On the other hand, my pessimistic (cold, clinical, logic....) side says that there's no real reason to bother working things out with him. "Plenty of fish in the sea" syndrome.
May you do what is right. (Ok, time to look at Razhie)
Razhie says:
"all the other things a relationship needs are only going one way, from you to him" If that's the way it is, then there are two options. -A- He shapes up. -B- He ships out.
"He isn't fighting to be with you" This made me curious. Has Joe called? What about on Valentines day? IF he hasn't called since he was kicked out of the country, then I'd suggest that's another little proof that he doesn't have feelings for you. He can't just call you up when he wants to know you, then forget about you until next time.
"You can't change his mind for him and you seem smart enough not break your heart trying." True, very. You can't change his mind. But you can let him know the deal. He sorts things out, or he IS out. It might break your heart to do it, but you can be sure that if you don't sort things out, and you don't tell him where to go it will be broken so many more times.
"...But if you don't want to do that, or know that the miraculous apperance is never going to happen, then you need to let this pain go, and him with it." - And I'll use her nice ending too.
-K
I took a hallucenogen 5 days ago, and I think it's really messed me up. I researched it a lot before I did it, and it didn't seem to cause problems in anyone else or in medical studies.
But I feel so sick. My appetite is really inconsistent and food tastes digusting. I have constant headaches and I get disoriented really easily. I'm also having trouble recognizing familiar people. My emotions are weird too. I still get happy and sad, but really mildly.
I will never do it again. I'm too scared to go to a doctor about it. I'm afraid that I'll get sent to rehab, which is pointless because I only did it once and I'll never do it again.
So my question is, what do I do? Will I ever get back to normal, or did I _really_ screw up? Does anyone know how I might start feeling better?
Thanks in advance.
A doctor wouldn't send you to rehab unless you wanted to go, or you needed to desperately. It didn't sound from your question as if the drug you took was addictive, but you would know whether or not it was.
If it was addictive, then you're obviously suffering withdrawal, and you should go to a rehab clinic whether you want to or not, because the symptoms of withdrawal from some drugs can kill you, or leave you permanently damaged unless you're propperly supervised.
It sounds like perhaps the drug has triggered some kind of recessive psychosis, or medical condition that you were vulnerable to.
Aside from drinking a lot of water, and trying to flush it out of your system by doing sport, or just sitting around doing nothing while you drink more water the only thing you could do to help yourself out is go to the doctor.
Why are you scared of the doctor anyway? If you don't like your current doctor, go see a different one. If you're not going to ever do it again, then the doctor has no legal reason that they're ALLOWED to tell your parents, because you're not threatening further harm to yourself.
As I see it, you should probably be more afraid of what's going to happen to your body, and your life if you don't get treatment for what's going wrong as soon as possible.
-K
Ok, I have a Sansa Sandisk mp3 player. Well, I wanted to create a favorites playlist and the directions on the manual said to press and hold down the select button to get into add/delete mode, but when I do this, nothing happens. I know I'm pressing the right button. Why do you think this is happening? Also, it only 109 songs. It just seems like a really random number to stop at. Like, whenever I try to put another song in the Removable disc, an error comes up and says I have too many songs (not in those exact words). So I'll take one out, and it works again. I just want to know if it's supposed to stop at 109 songs and why the add/delete mode is not working. Can anyone help me? Thank you!
Hi,
I don't have your player so I'm not answering the add/delete part of the question.
109 songs is a great number to stop at. It's over 100. If all your songs are 4 minutes long, that's more than 6 hours of music. I'm sure you don't even need that much. Anyway, that's not the answer to your question.
The player isn't limited to 109 songs. It can probably handle up to like 200 or 300. The limitation is space. All of your MP3s take up a different amount of space, depending on how long they are, and how much they're compressed. A long song compressed well might take up the same space as a short song only lightly compressed.
Basically your player is full. If you REALLY want more music, try finding something that will re-compress MP3s, and compress all of your mp3s smaller, like to 128kbps or even 96kbps.
You should get maybe twice as many, if all the mp3s you were using before are the regular bitrates you get from downloads.
(Then again, maybe your player converts everything to generic bitrate when you import, that's possible)
apologies if it will only accept 109 of any bitrate. That IS wierd...
-K
alright it always seems that when my brother has friends over that im always home, because all my friends are busy and there is no one to talk to on the phone. Now his friends are really hot so i dont want them to think im a loser its just a cowinsdense (sp) that im home when he has his friends over, and no i dont do it on purpose. I try calling people to talk so i dont look like a dork but of course no one is home when i need them . What do around the house so they dont think im a loser? and i know like watching t.v or something but last time i did that one of his friends went " why is she sitting there watching tv"
ill rate high for ANYTHING.
;)
Try hitting on his friends, and maybe he'll keep them away from you.
Ummmm but (seriously), you could always try to make friends with them. If you find out that you don't like them then there will be absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about by completely ignoring them next time. Maybe if you snobbed them after meeting them they would get interested :P That's usually the way it goes.
-K
I am a little on the shy and reserved side. I am a nice person and have a big heart. My problem is that I have a really hard time finding a nice bf. It seems like all the nice guys are taken. I'm not and never have been into casuel sex and one night stands. I want to have a permanent partner. How can I find a nice guy? I'm nearing 30 and I really wish I could get married and start a family. But I need to find the right guy first! Does anyone have any suggestions?
Hey,
There are plenty of nice guys out there. The thing is that most of the nice guys are too polite to bug someone they don't know! Mostly if you're in a bar, it's the jerks who come up and ask if you want a drink. Just generally, you've got to try and meet a lot of people if you want to find someone nice. Don't just stick to letting men introduce themselves to you.
A little brief, but I hope you get the gist.
-K
hey i was just wondering: what is the difference between ethics and morality? i've asked around, but people couldn't give me a good explaination, just said it was different. i looked it up and it basically said the same thing. if it is different, how is it?
Hi,
I did this kind of question in Philosophy last year... There are several different answers;
Here are some quoted articles with and without sources... then my own definitions
http://www.unesco.org/culture/worldreport/html_eng/wcrb41.shtml
Morals and Ethics
The second confusion is that raised between morals and ethics. Morals are linked to the very definition of ethics. Moral principles are extremely diverse. As it happens, morals, historically speaking, have come to be increasingly connected with religion as human society has developed. Therefore, the moral debate has also become a religious one and, as many religious phenomena do not lie beyond the scope of laws, between majorities and minorities, nor the ideological choices involved, it may be difficult to find the same moral values for all societies. Moral values are very diverse. A number of values are universal: "Thou shalt not steal", for example; but there are societies where ?honourable theft? is part of the structuring of the human personality, and therefore morals. We can therefore think that moral values are admittedly absolute in nature and, as such, are fundamental for each culture.
Ethics are related to institutions and rights. The Universal Declaration of Human Rights and human rights accordingly stem from ethics even if no moral grounds can be adduced. Yet moral grounds are to be found everywhere, including science. From the point where, in the name of ethics, science itself does not fall outside this domain, morals, similarly, do not lie outside the realm of ethics as ethics are a profoundly human, secular construction in so far as they represent a conscious choice or plan and a legal endeavour in terms of the law. The confusion that exists between rights and values on the one hand and between morals and ethics on the other lie at the heart of the debate on universal ethics, that is to say, universal ethics based on recognition of human rights.
http://www.iidb.org/vbb/archive/index.php/t-114773.html
Originally, 'ethics' was the Greek word and 'morality' the Latin for the same thing--ie. what people do. Aristotle's 'Ethics' is a seminal work in psychology.
Nowadays a slight differentiation seems to be emerging. My understanding of the distinction as it is used is as follows:
'Ethics' are rules and reasons for behaviour put forward by someone who holds that they are based on and may be defended by reason.
'Morals' are rules and reasons for behaviour put forward by someone who simply insists that they be obeyed.
For this reason, people complaining of irregular sexual behaviour between consenting adults in private denounce it as 'immoral', never as 'unethical'.
http://atheism.about.com/od/philosophybranches/p/Ethics.htm
General definitions
This is mine:
Key terms:
Ethics
This is the study of what is right and wrong with respect to more than just morals. There are many different approaches to Ethics, and some of these would strongly dissociate from the concept that morals always determine what is ethical. Morals are, however, strongly linked to Ethics, as they provide the general basis for what is right and wrong in normal situations. The field of ethics goes further, considering not only the person’s morals, but weighing the situation, value of virtues, consequences, and ethics of subsequent actions.
Morality
The accepted concept of morals is the development of personal values that govern ones ability to tell what action is “right” in a general sense. Morals are somewhat extended in Virtue Ethics, to be ethical principles. As morals are personally formed values, they are sometimes challenged as not being ethical, because they are open to corruption, whereas ethics should not depend upon one person alone’s perception.
-K
Hey, I've been having a little bit of trouble this year. It seems like everything has been falling apart. Last school year everything was fine, I was, my life was. Now I'm in this new private christian school and it seems as if my life went to hell. I've become more...non innocent I shall say, doing everything thatI've always been against my whole life. Now lately I can't stop thinking about how everyone is going to leave me. Can't shake the feeling that my friends will just stop talking to me. I've caused fights with almost all my friends and lost a couple already because of this feeling. I guess i've pushed them to the limit and they did leave because i figured they were going to anyways. My best friend in the world and me...I don't know. I keep thining most of all that she'll grad. this year and i'll be left behind and she'll forget about me. Everyone keeps reassurring me that they aren't going to leave me but I don't believe them and i don't know why. I WANT to believe them but I can't. I've been missing school and just plain out crying over stupd things like my best friend doesnt have me first on her top 8 on myspace. Please help me, please tell me whats wrong with me.
Is it my fault I keep shoving my friends away from me because of how I think they'll leave me anyways so why not just push them away?
and
Why is i so hard for me to believe my friends when they tell me that they're not going anywhere and they'll always be my friend?
Hi,
First of all, there's nothing 'wrong' with you as such. Most people will feel like you do now, some time before they're 20. However there is something wrong, as you know.
Becoming less innocent isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it depends what you do in getting that way. Innocence isn't necessarily to do with drugs, drinking, and being reckless. I'm not sure what you mean by innocence, but sometimes I think that those who are less innocent have a far greater understanding of the way the world really works. The dictionary says something like "The lack of knowledge of evil". Who can afford not to know about evil?
Anyway... It's not bad to do things that you would've steered clear of for most of your life, it's perhaps good that you're willing to reconsider things that you had put off limits.
But maybe you're talking about stupid things? Things that you perhaps know you shouldn't do, but have been doing anyway. There are certain things that even for the 'experience', should probably not be tried. Recreational drugs for instance. The idea of trying them to have fun is o.k., however they lead to dependence, even the non-adictive ones lead to psychological dependence as a method of 'escape'. On a whole they're not worth the damage they do to your life, and the people around you.
The best way to get around doing things which seem destructive to your life is to think about what you want to do, where you want to go, what your life used to be like, and then tell yourself that the only thing stopping you from having that is yourself. You really have to try for so long before it works, but eventually it starts to work, and you get back up, and understand what screwed you up so much.
The next thing you mentioned, having problems with your friends, is a slightly tricky one. I've gone through a similar problem, and eventually came to the conclusion that it didn't really matter what happened. My friends weren't 'mine', they were just people I did stuff with sometimes.
It depends most on what kind of friends you have. Do you have friends who you talk with, and they always seem to understand how you are feeling, or do you have friends who you play sport with, sometimes have a bit of a chat, but you only really know them because you share a class with them?
It really doesn't matter how much people re-assure you that they are your 'friend', and they'll stick by you unless you believe them. That's what you sound like you're having trouble with, and there could be several reasons for it. One of the most obvious reasons would be friends who are superficial, and don't really mean it when they say they'll stick with you.
When you have friends like that it's hard. The only way around it is to make some better more sincere friends, and know in the meantime that you're worthwhile. "Be your own friend" sort of thing. Really, it's not so easy to do because when you're in that frame of mind, you're not in much of a state to say that you're an ok person, but you are.
Not being on your best friend's Myspace top 8 isn't something I think is important enough to worry about. 8 people isn't that many to have on your list of 'top friends', but more importantly, your friends shouldn't rate you. I don't have a best friend anymore, because I realised how silly it was to limit myself to having only one really close friend. Of course, I've still got no best friend, no really great friends that I do tons of stuff with, but I find it's a question of importance.
Friends are important, I'm not trying to say they aren't (I think that's kind of what I was sounding like). But they aren't everything. The things that are most important to remember are that if people really are your friends they have no reason to stop being. They enjoy your company, personality, whatever. The best you can do is treat them as your friends for as long as they want to stay that way, and not grieve about losing them before they're gone. It's sort of like crying because your ice-cream melted, before it has.
In one way, it is SORT of your fault that you're pushing your friends away. But all you have to do is stop. Sometimes it's even good to give your friends a little push, because it brings out the best ones, and leaves the insincere ones behind.
It's true that you have to leave friends behind as well. When you move away, or when you stop going to the same school, friendships often fall apart. Only the very good ones remain, through letters, emails, phone calls, or maybe the occasional visit. It's good to have as many friends as you can, so that one of them is always around when you need companionship. You can't expect to stay with the ones you know now for your whole life though. Life doesn't work that way, and if you expect it to, all that's going to happen is you'll get hurt by other people moving away.
I'm not really sure if that solves your problem, it takes a lot of time to change your perspective on things. If you keep having problems, maybe I could talk to you on MSN Messenger some time. It's kind of difficult to solve problems like these without knowing what's causing them. You probably know subconsciously why you don't want to believe your friends when they say they will stand by you. Uneasy feelings? Something. It's important that you try to figure it out, because it's very hard for me to know. When you know what the real problem is, it's a lot easier to try and take it apart systematically.
Sorry I took so long to answer, I had a bit of connection trouble.
Ask again any time
-K
so first off, thanks for helping.
the reason why we cant be solid is .. this. we dated for aweek, then he broke up with me because .. well i have no idea. then we started to date, the same day.and dated for 8 months. then we broke up because he went to a pool party and made out with some girls. then we dated on and off ovver the summer .. and broke up because i was out of town, or he was. then we have dated 2 times this school year, to make a year, and he broke up with me to try other girls.
he's my age, my grade. and he is normally always nice to me. he treats me the same in front as his friends as he does when we are alone. when we date his introduces me as "his girlfriend" or "amaizing girlfriend" or somethingl ike that.
and he's more of a .. well i dont know how to explain him. he's sweet, really sweet. but then he can be mean, to some people. he doesnt really speak his mind, but is wonderful with making sure i know that he 'loves' me.
so there is a little more info on him.
if you can help me out, still.. that would be wonderful.
is this worth it? him and me dating. do you think that we will last?
thank you SO much. for real ♥
Hi again,
To be honest, I wouldn't expect anything between you two to last. If it did, most likely it would be because you'd been blinded by his "love"-ing manipulation, and let him do things you never should have stayed with him after.
The boy you're talking about sounds a lot like a 'player'. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Player_(dating) .
Not perhaps, a very old or prolific player, (That definition is actually rather narrow for the way I'm using the term)
but it sounds like he is manipulating you enough to jerk you around.
I say so because of these things:
"he broke up with me because .. well i have no idea" - He should have told you. You don't break up with someone for no reason. You should have been asking for a good reason he broke up with you in the first place before you started dating him again. I'd probably take a guess that he found somebody else that he wanted to go out with, but they turned him down.
"Then we broke up because he went to a pool party and made out with some girls" - That is a no-no. This is the thing that most makes me want to bop you on the head, and make you realise what a prick the guy you've been dating is. When a guy mucks around he is telling you you're not good enough for him. It's not true, usually it's the other way around - he's not good enough for you. By messing around with some girls at a pool party, the guy has basically abandoned your relationship in the hope of finding an easier, or perhaps 'prettier' target. When a guy does this you send him to hell. He has to come crawling back, promise to never do it again, mean it, and then never do it again.
"broke up because i was out of town, or he was" - Why does being out of town for a while mean that you have to break up with someone? The way I see it, relationships (The really solid ones which mean anything) should survive things like that. The whole point of being attached to someone is that you don't just forget about them because they've gone away for a few months. You wait for them to come home so you can tell them how much you love them. Show them that you didn't want to be with anybody else while they were away.
Maybe you don't mean broke up, so much as just stopped communicating. That's not necessarily a bad point, but only if he didn't mess about while you were away. By the sounds of it he probably did.
"broke up with me to try other girls" - Excuse the language, but WTF? You are THE girl. There is nobody else. If a guy has to break up with you to 'try' other girls then there is something massively wrong in his head. If he thinks that he can get away with that, and then just come waltzing back into a relationship with you a few months later when they all realise what a loser he is, then he's really insulting your intelligence. Maybe he thinks he can do better. You.. certainly can.
"introduces me as "his girlfriend" or "amaizing girlfriend"" - Gentlemanly. However, does he make it showy? I don't know, introducing you as his girlfriend is fine, but going around introducing you as amazing... there just seems to be something sleazy about doing it repeatedly. Don't worry about me, I'm just picky.
"He's sweet, really sweet. but then he can be mean, to some people." - Being sweet to girls is nice. Being mean to other people is an almost certain sign that he is a jerk. It sounds like the guy is selectively nice, which I suppose is fine from the point of view of being his girlfriend, but really doesn't make him a very nice person. It kind of makes you wonder if there's some reason that he has to be nice to girls... hmm?
"is wonderful with making sure i know that he 'loves' me." - Here's being picky again, but don't let him saying he loves you, and flattering you, and being sweet to you get in the way of looking at the whole guy. He might be nice to you, but is he an asshole to other people? Like your friends before he knows who they are... Being nice doesn't make up for being unfaithful either. He might try to get you to forget about it, because he "won't do it again", but there is a limit to the number of mistakes a guy can make before his excuses become meaningless.
Well, after that comprehensive beat-up of your 7-time boyfriend, I'd like to say:
This is only the way I'm seeing it. If you don't think this boy is bad, if you think that he just made a mistake once, and that it really can work out then don't let me stop you from trying to make something work with the guy. On the other hand, just be careful not to get caught making or accepting anymore bullshit from him. If he's unfaithful, feed him to the dogs.
-K
okay well i have an ipod nano and i was putting songs on it and when i disconnected it the screen froze and now my nano is frozen whith the screen that has a big check mark and says okay to disconnect. i tryed resetting it like it says on the web site but it didnt work.. is there any way i can fix it ( i didnt drop it, and the battery is full, ive only had it for like 3 weeks)
Hey, this is what the first person told you to do, but reworded. Do it in order.
Put the "Hold" Switch in the Unlocked position
Put the "Hold" Switch in the Locked position
Put the "Hold" Switch in the Unlocked position
Press and hold the Menu and Select buttons down at the same time for 10 seconds. Make sure you don't accidentally press anything else down, or it won't work.
If you don't see the Apple logo, press and hold the Menu and Select buttons down at the same time for a further 10 seconds.
That should work (hopefully)
If it doesn't, try replacing the Select button in the previous steps with the "Play/Pause" button.
Otherwise; Mac-storeward-ho your Nano is defective.
-K
-Edit-
Feedback mark of 3: "yeah thats to turn it on if it doesnt work but i cant even turn it off. and i said i did what the website said which is that!"
Well you didn't seem to understand what the other person was saying, because you said that you couldn't turn the nano off, which isn't what they were telling you to do.
That combination of keys is not to turn the nano on. It is to reset the nano, and should work to restart it in order to allow you to turn it off. If it doesn't, as I said, take it to an Apple retail centre.
For God's sake, I give you a decent answer, to explain something it sounds like you've misunderstood, and you mark me down for it?
haha so your a boy, and i am a 14 year old girl.
and i have a crush -- yeah, i know. you've heard this one 100 times.
but i've dated this kid 7 times, and for a year off and on.
what do i do?
we are really good friends, and flirt like crazy.
i normally can get what i want. but i just want to be careful with this boy.
if you and a girl dated a couple of times, and you flirt with her .. would that mean you liked her?
what are some things that you would want a girl that likes you to do?
should i go after him, or move on?
if you help me, you'll be my hero.
k thanks ♥
Hi,
Well, the only reason that a guy will go out with a girl more than once is if he likes her. I don't think that's in question. I don't know the boy as well as you do, so you'll have to be the judge about why he likes you. There are normally two categories of guys liking girls. One is superficial (They like the way you look, and want to benefit socially, or-eh...*physically*). The other is the way you want a guy to like you, for your personality - who you are and so on. That doesn't mean he doesn't appreciate your appearance, or physical presence, but that it's not the most important thing about you as with the first kind of affection.
You asked whether you should move on, or let it go. That really depends on the kind of affection you think he shows you. Ordinarily, I encourage people to go after their crush simply because it's a chance for things to go right. However there's always the strong possibility that things will go wrong, so it's always necessary to be prepared to back away with the minimum of hurt. If you never take the small chances then it's a whole lot harder to find rewards. On the other hand if you're ever uncomfortable with a person past a short time, then it's probably not a good idea to think "Oh well, maybe things will change". Most of the time things don't change.
Something just occurred to me. Why is it that you two haven't gotten together solidly? Have there been problems between you like fights, or differences that you can't get over? It seemed important to add this little note, just to have you think about the way your relationship with the boy stands. This counts a lot more if he's older than you, and massively if he's 17 or older. Does the boy play hot and cold? Does he sometimes seem not to care about you at all, but then apologise for it later? There are several ways that some guys string girls along, but there always seems to be some attraction in it for the girls. That's why guys do it. Anyway, if you think it's possible you might want to do a little light reading at http://www.sosuave.com/niceguys/default.htm
"What are some things that you would want a girl that likes you to do?"
Well are we talking about letting him know you like him? Or just in general, what should you do when you're together? I suppose they're similar things anyway, and I'd be surprised if he didn't know that you like him by now.
Things that he would want you do to vary greatly from guy to guy. You need to figure out what 'type' of guy he is. Things like whether he's spiritual, physical, verbal... Really the best way to find out what he likes is to try several sorts of behaviour around him, and see what he seems to respond best to, and fine-tune that.
Stuff for dates includes several typical sorts of things such as resting your head on his shoulder if you're sitting next to him, holding hands (You're apparently meant to signal by squeezing his hand gently before either of you links your fingers together, but to hell with etiquette, I'd doubt he knows it - try it if you think he might understand), If you're ever lying on the ground looking up, he is your pillow (Well, don't sit on him, but listening to his heartbeat is a nice touch).
Oh yes... Remember to use all of the senses. If you're out to bag the boy, make sure you smell nice, look beautiful, and feel soft and warm. Music, and food are also powerful.
Hope things work out~
—K
hey, I'm having trouble with advicenators new little site news thing. I did everything it told me to do, but the site news keeps on popping up, I cant even ask questions on my username because it automatically goes to the site news...I emailed DangerNerd but his advice didnt help much. What should I do? I dont want to make a new account, because mine is going so well!
thanks.
XSugarpieX77
^thats my username^
I'm not sure if I've got your problem right, but I'll get you to do a couple of things, and then it should be fine;
Go to http://www.advicenators.com/settings.php
At the very top of that page, put in your email address. If it's already right, put it in again anyway.
Scroll down, until you see:
Part II: When should we e-mail you?
When someone asks you a question: Yes No
When someone answers a question you ask: Yes No
When we have facinating site news to tell: Yes No
The yes and no have circles next to them. One of the circles for each option has a black dot in the centre. On the third option, click in the middle of the circle on the right, the one next to 'no'.
Scroll to the bottom and press the button which says submit.
After that you shouldn't see any verification pages, and the news shouldn't show up unless you tell it to.
-K
Hey y'all...well, i need help to deal with this but i cant really get help from people i know because they know my boyfriend. Well, the other night, my boyfriend got into a lot of trouble. He was with one of his "friends" who had a gun on him and his friend used the gun in a hold up-type thing. Then the guy that my boyfriend's friend stole from, told the police it was both of them even though my boyfriend didn't do anything...he was just there. But i guess that'd be guilty by association. But anyways...then my boyfriend went home and stuff that night and him and his parents are always fighting. so, i guess that pushed him over the edge. he tried to run away last night but he got caught in his sister's car. He's only 15 so he doesn't have a license. But now his license is suspended until he turns 18. But then he got like 90 hours of community service and stuff. But then today when i was talking to him, his dad started talking to me and asking me a bunch of questions from mason's cell phone. i told mason that his dad wouldnt stop talking to me and then my boyfriend was like....i'll call you later. Then his dad told me that he ran away and that it was all because of me. Is that really my fault? But now i dont know what to do because i love him so so much!! But I dont want anything bad to happen to him. And if he stays out on the streets...what good will come from that? But please...somebody help me!!!
♥texascowgirlie
Hi
If your boyfriend was with a guy when he used a gun to do an armed robbery, he is probably technically an accessory. That can be a difficult thing for even loving parents to cope with, so it's pretty understandable that if he and his parents always fight that they would go absolutely troppo at him for being involved in anything like that. Or perhaps they didn't even know yet, and he was just edgy because he thought somehow they might know. It doesn't really matter now, except to say that it's understandable that your boyfriend would feel so much pressure that he did something a little irrational.
None of that is your fault, unless for some reason he, or his friend carried out the robbery to impress you or something. In which case it's not really your fault anyway, and I would be pissed off at your boyfriend for being so stupid about impressing you. I don't think that's the case.
Is your boyfriend still out on the streets? I'm not quite sure from your question whether your boyfriend ran away again, or if he's just up for community service, and his parents are really mad at him. I'll presume that he ran away again.
What are your parents like? Would he be allowed to stay with you for a while? At the moment, it sounds like the most disruptive thing that is happening to your boyfriend is his parents. You made them sound like really agro, controlling people. Granted his friend hasn't exactly helped him out, but if his parents had supported him, then the worst thing he would've gotten was the community service. His license wouldn't have been suspended, because he wouldn't have been driven to take his sister's car.
His girlfriend (You) wouldn't have had to worry so much about his wellbeing because she would have known that he was alright, and his parents were taking care of him. And he probably wouldn't have run away again.
So, to put everything cohesively:
None of it's your fault, and the best way to help your boyfriend at the moment is to support him in coping with his parents, and anything that happens because of the hold-up, or taking his sister's car. You should probably be patient with his parents, even if they're acting like total dropkicks, because he has to live with them for the time-being. If things get really bad then perhaps you should try to avoid them, or if he was fed up with them, perhaps he could arrange to become independent, and rent a flat, or live with another family.
If he's out on the street at the moment, then you can probably help him by (does he have his phone with him?) letting him know how much it means to you that he's ok, and trying to help find him somewhere that he feels safe going for the short term until he can go home.
Hope what I've said has made some sense :)
-K
People say body language says a lot. So, i wanted to know...what are some body language signs and stuff? like whats some things to show body language && what do they mean? && can u tell me some signs guys do and what they mean? like to show you they like you.. or even if they just want one thing? anybody?
Thanks
You've already got some websites, but I'd seriously suggest reading a good book about body language.
One short trick for if you want to know if a guy is looking at you is to look at your watch as if you're waiting for something, wait three seconds, then look to see if he's checking the time ;)
".. or even if they just want one thing?" Well if you're talking about sex, not really. There are several sexually agressive stances, and sets of body language, but with guys you never know, many men who are only out for one thing are very good at manipulating or masking their body language, which is what makes them dangerous, and sometimes successful.
-K
Well I don't have photo shop but I want to photoshop my pictures. Does anyone else know how?
Hi,
There are several free programs around that are just as powerful as photoshop, just perhaps not quite so neatly sewn together, or as easy and efficient to use for professional photo editing. I've included three links to free software for windows. If you own a Mac I'm sorry, I own one too, but most people on here seem to use windows computers, and I couldn't be bothered looking for a free mac program. If you look using google, you'll probably find one somewhere.
A good looking set of free applications for Image editing and other things;
http://www.freeserifsoftware.com/
And if you really would like to use photoshop, there is a small, function-reduced version that they give away for free at;
http://www.adobe.com/products/photoshopalbum/starter.html
Here's a top eight free image editing doftware review with links to download programs;
http://graphicssoft.about.com/cs/imageediting/tp/freephotoedw.htm top 8
Have fun
-K
Alright. So I like this guy..a lot. I never told him it, but we talk all the time. We met a while ago because we used to have the same problem. But He's so great and everything the only problem is that he's turning 16 this year and I'll be 18 in a month. I want to tell him how I feel, but I'm scared he'll think I'm wierd or something because I'm older. or I'm scared about what people would think. I mean I want to tell him, but he lives about 2 hours away, and we never see each other.And when we talk, we talk about Everything and anything. I don't know what to do. I'm probably not even making any sense. So should I tell him how I feel about him, or just let it go?
Heya
Tell him tactfully. If you talk about anything and everything, perhaps you could slip a few misguided questions into your conversation. Such as "Hey, what do you think about couples who have a few years difference between them?" And if he thought it was ok, then make sure, "Even if the girl is older?" I'm not sure, I'd hope you could be a little more creative than I just managed to be, but you get the idea. If he's smart, he'll figure out you're probing, and either cool you down, or reciprocate. I'm hoping that if you're careful you can test the waters before you try anything, and if they're a little tepid, just stay friends with him.
As for "People", well people can think whatever the hell they want to think. As long as your parents, and his parents are fine with it, then you're safe. Parents can be a little difficult with stereotypes if they're the wrong type, but they can usually be talked around. Other people don't matter. If being with him will make you happy, then the people who are stuck up enough victims of social sheep syndrome can wallow in their own sharp looks and unhappiness. They're not worth worrying about. And 16-18 isn't too bad either.
Living so far away can be tough, so I guess what I've just said about your relationship needs to be put into perspective. How much do you like this guy? It can be very difficult to take "Long distance" relationships. It's also sometimes hard when you're between education groups, although sometimes the one partner who's ahead will help the other. It really is up to you (And him) as to whether you think it will work as anything more than friendship, but I can't say that distance is easy. If one of you were going to move soon though...
See my answers to these questions with respect to "let it go";
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=411025
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=411195
Never let things go without trying! But be prepared to let things go, if they fail.
-K
14/f...okay I really really like one of my better guy friends named Warren. But no one knows it except me. Anyways I he was talking with one of my other friends and he said that he thinks that I like him a little (I tend to make things obvious). I totally freaked out and avoided him for a while so now he doesn't think I *like like* him anymore. It's good for now but I have a feeling that he *might* feel the same way about me. I'm not sure though. Even if he does we both don't want to make a move probably because we don't want the other one acting weird. I have no idea what to do. As far as how to act. Eventually I want him to know that I like him. But I'm not sure about the timing, or even if I should tell him. Should I wait for him to make the first move? What if he doesn't? I'm really confused...PLEASE HELP ME!
thanx
I RATE HIGH!!!^^
Hey,
Well first thing's first - don't avoid him if you still are. If you don't know whether or not the guy likes you, then the first thing that would be good to find out is that. There are several sneaky ways for the devious girl to find out whether or not a boy likes her. There are also many blunt ways for the not so devious. I'll start with the sneaky ways, because they are my favourite.
Drop something. It's a classic, and a little bit obvious, unless it's done very well - Find something unimportant such as a badge with a funny expression printed on it, or a pencil you don't like so much. When he's around leave to go somewhere, and drop whatever you've picked. You have to be sneaky about it, and then pretend no to notice that you've dropped anything. The point of this one is the check if he's watching, and the see if he cares enough to go out of his way to tell you, or give something back to you later on. Judgement of this one is up to you, because he could react that way just out of common courtesy.
Pretend your locker is broken when he's around...
Sit with him a few times at meal-breaks, and then try to beat him to a seat a small distance away from where he normally sits (So he can see where you are when he goes to sit down), and see if he gravitates towards you.
Drop an innocent little hint about not having anything to do on the weekend, and see if he bites.
Ok, here are a few blunt ones;
Write a small sticky note saying "I like you, do you like me too? Stick me!" or something short (Write it on the back so it doesn't show when stuck) and put it through his locker slats. If it turns up stuck to your locker then that's pretty definite (Although there's always room for error)
Ask his friends if he likes you, or if they can find out for you.
Ask him.
You said you're both afraid to make a move because you don't want the other acting weird, which was another reason that I gave you those few little things to try. The way I look at it, you don't need to make an outright move to show someone that you like them, it can be just little hints here and there. If he responds, then that would be the time to ask him out or something. Or just get to be his really close friend without "Acting weird", and maybe something will happen.
With respect to who should make the first move, it's ordinary culture for the guy to make the first "Move". However, if you think the guy likes you I would say screw stereotypes, because it's always nice to be asked out by girls. It makes guys feel good. Don't get caught by being shy though. If you like this guy, think he likes you, but he's just too shy to ask you out, then ask him. Ask as soon as the opportunity presents itself. As the last person said... if you leave it too late, you don't get another chance.
-K
During winter, my face gets a little bit of dry skin on my forehead and near my eyebrows. Is there any way to deal with this without making my skin oily? Thx
You could water down "Sorbolene", it's a petrolatum based soap-alternative which can be used as a moisturiser. It's oily before you water it down, but your skin absobs it VERY quickly, so you could get away with rubbing a little in, then wiping off the excess.
Another thing I would reccomend, which isn't at all oily, is Aloe Vera gel. It's a gel made from a plant which has various healing properties including ones beneficial for pimples, and dry skin. Unfortunately for winter, it tends to give a chilling sensation on the skin when applied. I suggested Sorbolene because it doesn't do that.
Keeping warm can stop chill from causing your skin to dry out, but also your dry skin could be caused by things that keep you warm in winter. I don't know where you live, so I'm not sure what keeps you warm. Air-conditioning tends to dry the air, which could cause skin dryness, as can sitting next to a rediant heat source such as a fire, or a bar radiator. Perhaps avoiding radiators, or trying to shield your face from them would help.
If moisturising creams don't work, then go to your local pharmacy and ask them about it.
-K
There is this guy that I really like, and I think he may like me too, but my shyness is holding me back. I don't have any classes with him, so it's hard to just start up a casual conversation without sounding stupid. And none of my friends are his friends, so it isn't like I could casually join into a conversation. I wrote him a note once, but I didn't even have the guts to hand it to him myself, so I had my friend do it. I think Nick would like me more if I could show him that I'm not afraid to talk to him. I'm not really "afraid" of talking to him. I guess i'm just very nervous of what might happen because of it. (Like me sounding like a total dork) Any tips or anything...? lol, thanks!
Hey,
There's not really a 'cure' as such. If you're a shy person it takes a long time to get over that part of your personality. The good thing is that you only have to get over one person. THAT is much easier.
As far as I have found, and still figure, notes aren't so good. Even if you get up the courage to hand over a note, you will still have to face the boy later, and only possibly be a little less shy. Plus, if the guy doesn't like you, and he's not such a nice guy, it gives him written paper ammo if he ever WANTS to embarrass you.
If you're nervous about talking to him because you don't know what will happen, there are a few ways to tackle that. First of all, I'll point out the thing that I think is most critical. I do know what is very likely to happen if you >don't< get up the courage to talk to him. If you don't talk to him, he will never know you. It might take you years of being at the same school as him, but eventually he won't be there anymore, and unless you're one of those people who looks back on their life at 50 and is glad that they never did anything because they didn't take any risks then you will kick yourself for a very long time for not talking to him when you had the chance. It was put concisely for me in the Mark Twain quote; "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the tradewinds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." If you never take the relatively safe risks, then you never live!
So always think when you see the guy "If I don't talk to him, soon there won't be another chance" that helps (me) a lot in getting around to things.
You said that you didn't want to sound like a total dork. Well you aren't one, are you?
When you're talking to your friends... (You have a male friend, right) - Well you talk to him, don't you? What makes him any different from the guy you like?
Stop and take a while to think about the guy you like. He's a person, he's human (I hope :) He's just like you. Once you see him as a person, you can start to prepare yourself to talk to him. He's no big task, he's just like you. See, the reason people screw up their sentences when they talk to people they like for the first time is that they panic, and think one thing, while saying another thing. They try to do things too fast, and break down under the pressure they put themselves under by idolising the person they like. If you pretend you're just talking to one of your male friends when you meet him for the first time, it is most likely that everything will go very smoothly.
If you're still afraid of embarrassing yourself, then try to catch him alone. Intercept him on his way to or from his locker, or at the end of school. That means there are less people around to see, and not only will less people see you if you screw up, but you'll be less nervous about it, and so you're less likely to screw up.
Depending on what kind of person you are, you could either just talk to him as a friend to start, and then try to build something out of that before you get too 'friendly', and it just seems weird to add romance to that friendship, or you could ask him if he'd like to do something (a light date - don't say that to him) with you sometime, and take it from there. If you decide to ask him on a date, try to avoid movies, or other things that will mean paying attention to things other than each other. It's all very nice to sit in a theatre and hold hands through a movie, but if you think about the value you get from the conversation you could have over lunch, it might seem a little pointless going to the movies with anybody, just to sit there and watch the film. I think I've gone a little past where your question was at, but at least it was thorough. Sorry if you're not a reader!
-K
do u think 13 is too young?
(Private question)
Sorry if I'm a little short, but if this weren't a private question I would refrain from answering it due to lack of information.
Too young for WHAT?
For the subject of this post, I will presume you are female, forgive me if I'm wrong, but most people asking questions about age on here are.
Too young to smoke?
Yes. By 13, you're probably not old enough to realise that you don't need to smoke. You don't have to conform to peer pressure, it's addictive, and costs too much money. There is no purpose to smoking, except to gain a small amount of pleasure far outweighed by the eventual misery it will cause you later in life when you are coughing up the tar from all those years of smoking, and having lung mouth and throat cancers cut out.
Too young to have sex?
Probably, but then this is subjective. If he's more than 14, YES, it is too young, because if he is that much older than you, then he is most likely taking advantage of you. If he's over 17 (depends where you live), not only is it very morally wrong for him, but it's also illegal. If you're both under age, then it's not illegal, as far as I know.
Unless you are a very well developed young person, I would not recommend having sex as young as 13. It's very difficult to judge at that age whether you will regret it later in life. If the person you have sex with is inconsiderate, it can have bad effects on your sex-life further on, like bad memories during sex with someone you really like. Also, it is easy to be taken advantage of, and at 13 it's harder to do anything about it if things go wrong. If he/she (Rather hard for girls to rape guys) raped you for instance you would have to go through hell in any court, and they probably wouldn't do anything to him.
In all, it's possible that if the guy you had sex with was the same age, and was a god guy, AND USED A CONDOM (The best way to screw your life up is to get/or get someone else pregnant that young) - that things would turn out fine. But it's much more likely that things will go wrong, and it will be a bad thing you will remember for the rest of your life.
Too young to die?
Yes. There is no point in killing yourself. If you're depressed, and you feel like killing yourself, please send me another question. As I believe the question you were asking was about sex, I won't answer this question unless you ask me again. That said, if you are feeling down, please, please send me a question, an email, anything you like. Anything you say I'll hold in confidence, but if you ask a question on advicenators the only way I will be able to answer is to send it through, and I don't remember if they show up on my column.
Too young to kiss?
No, kissing is fine. There aren't so many diseases around that you can catch by kissing, and very few that you can catch by kissing someone who seems healthy. Then again, it's easy enough to catch colds and flus through kissing. If you're in a bird flu affected area, I wouldn't go around kissing chickens, or coughing people, but HEY what the hell, right?
Kissing is a fun, and not too dangerous. Unfortunately, it often leads to sex.
Too young to go bungee jumping?
Nobody is too young to go bungee jumping.
Ok, well if you weren't asking about sex, then I would ask that next time you private question me that you be a little more specific please.
-K
Okay so basically i want the mac g5 but i dont know to much about mac computers. so i would like goods and bads of the g5 (compared to widows XP) please and thanks..
Being on a mac, I'm probably biased, but;
A Mac mHt is probably equiv to about 4 Windows ones. Macs are a lot faster than Windows machines currently, as they have branched out into dual, and quad processors. It depends what you want to use the computer for, and how long you want it to last.
Macs are pretty good at the moment, because their marketing is getting agressive enough to attract software developers to make decent programs for them. Mostly macs can run anything that windows machines can now, through either macintosh ports of windows programs, or Virtual pc, which basically turns your mac into a Windows computer at will. Perhaps not so great for gaming, but all major games that matter now come for Mac.
You don't need a G5 for word processing. In fact, you probably only need a G5 if you want to edit video, large graphics, music, or do DNA analysis. If you want a computer for gaming, a later model G4 will run most things, apart from the most recent games whose graphics are out of this world. If you want to be able to run real-time games that come out in the next 5 years, you will want a G5, because they seem to get more and more demanding.
If you do get a G5, I can almost categorically say you don't need the quad processor, and unless you're rich, you can't afford it. That machine is aimed at scientists, just to give you a bit of perspective.
So basically, get a high end old-model G4, (They've gone out of production I think, which will make them cheaper because they are old models). That will run almost everything, and probably anything you want it to. If you're doing a lot of heavy duty stuff, get a G5, because they're quite a bit faster, but most people won't require that extra speed.
Hope that helps. Oh wait. Comparison to XP... hmm
Well, the interface is faster I think. Like, easier to navigate. If something crashes, it has protected memory, so you don't have to restart. Everything else keeps working. It doesn't crash very often at all. There are currently no known OS X viruses, and several (thousand???) for XP. Macintoshes tend to be more secure, as long as you've got an additional firewall.
You should go to www.apple.com They have speed comparisons, and probably documents for XP switchers to look at.
-K