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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

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Hello, I am 19 year old guy from India. Two days ago I decided to test my sexuality and I had an encounter with a guy. It was oral sex which lasted for a minute or so but I did it without a condom. Before that I asked him whether he was free from STIs or not to which he said yes he had no STIs as such. After the act, I bathed myself twice.

Now this is was my first encounter which was up close. I am actually scared. I want to take a test but the cost is a huge hinderance. I cannot tell this to my parents cause they are not open about this. Luckily I have not showed any symptoms of a disease yet. I pray to God everyday that I am fine. This is a huge confidence downer for me. I am also thinking of asking him again. What should I do in this situation? I am afraid that there will be a bad blowback.

The most common STDd to catch is the Herpes virus. The reason it is so common is that a major amount of people catch it and live with it. It doesn't kill them, just makes them miserable when there is an outbreak. First there is the oral herpes and then the one that is most often occurring on genitals but can appear other places on the body by transference of hands. I know much of this since I have herpes. I am willing to bet I have the oral kind on my genitals as it doesn't occur often, is small in the sore that appears, and heals quickly. My own mother had what my parents called cold sores but she got them regularly without colds. So I suspect they had no idea. The virus can remain dormant in your body for many years to a lifetime, so people can be a carrier and not know it. Stress will help release it so the virus which lives at the base of your nerves in the part of body that received the touch of the virus on your skin, it will rise to the surfae of your skin long before a sore starts so you can think you are not at a stage where people could catch it, but this is the most catchable stage and you can't know it. I am sensitive to my body so I do feel the subtle changes right before an outbreak so I tell my husband and we won't do anything until my sore appears and heals and then we will. I found even wiping myself when I have a herpes cycle starting, can spread the virus to another area so now I simply dab with tissue to dry. Thats how easy the virus is transferred, so if a person touches their own or partners skin which has the virus invisibly sitting on the surface of the skin and immediately after touches another part of their body, the virus can be transferred. It usually will work its way down the nearest nerve to sleep at its base until stress or what ever, wakes it to come to the surface again.
When I discovered I had it, I changed my dating profile to list that I had it. One guy answered and dated my a few months, he was a carrier too and like me, rarely had an outbreak so he wasn't scared off. Then I met my 2nd husband. Divorced first one. We have been together 13 years and he has never had the virus transfer to his genitals, likely because I can feel that stage before the outbreak. I can tell you no one with an outbreak will want sex as it is way too painful. He has the oral type of herpes, but again, I have never had that transferred to my mouth because he as well can tell when it is about to start and tells me so we don't kiss til its healed up again. Luckily for us, we don't get sores often, but maybe twice a year or less. I will say that from my experience in talking with people who have herpes, it seems the oral type is a milder case than the physical kind. It is possible if he was a carrier but he didn't have sores and never had an outbreak but carried the virus and it was now on the surface of his skin that it could be transferred to you, but that is a lot of Ifs, so it is unlikely. Now if you are a carrier, you can go your whole life and not have your first outbreak until later, like maybe age 50. I went my whole life without a first outbreak until I hit 49. It was then I discovered both sisters have it as well. I am willing to bet that somehow, a few of us caught the oral version from a kiss from Mom, wiped our mouth if kiss was sloppy and then went to use bathroom and in wiping, it was transferred from a hand to the skin of the genital area. It is far fetched sounding, but would explain why we all don't get it often and its tiny short lived sores for us all. So most people who think they don't have it, actually do and carry it their whole lives before the virus finally travels up the nerve root to sit on the surface. Other STDs will likely have different symptoms I was told here in US that Drs do not test for Herpes with an STD test because it is so common for people to have a version of Herpes that 1 out of every 4 people have it. You would have to ask for the test which I did after my divorce and wanting to find a man to remarry. That is when I found it. I then didn't have an outbreak for around 5 years after learning I had it. So all you can do is let a new partner know that you have had unprotected sex. However, since herpes will appear anywhere you specifically touch with hands that have come into contact with the virus, which can't be seen and no sore to know better, then a partners hands or genitals can transfer it and not always to where you might imagine. So if not on the penis, it can be near it as photos on the internet do show, it appears somewhere on the skin nearby, such as the labia on women not inside the vagina. This leads me to believe that a condom is not the best protection if the infection is elsewhere. I never think about whether sex one night will start an infection somewhere for me. Another fairly common virus is called HPV Human Papillomavirus is one that gets genital warts. This is one easily transferred to women inside the vaginal area and can result in warts, cancerous ones that need treatment. So yearly checkups are a must. I have the non cancerous ones and have had it for about 15 or so years that I recall Drs. saying I have it. This is found in female checkups for anything that could go wrong with her genitals. Wearing a condom will protect a lot but not fully 100% due to what I explained. It is best to not go having sex with someone out of curiousity as you have, but finding that someone you love who loves you back, male or female, and sticking to sex with only them. You can't erase the possibility you caught it. But there is the chance you already have it from before and just don't know it. Many can be a carrier, pass it on and not have the virus on the skin go to full sore, maybe a little irritation and then traveling down the nerve again. As I said, stress is a big key ingredient as to whether you have an outbreak to begin with and mine stress was a divorce and leaving abusive husband. Until you can afford a test to check for herpes, you will not know unless you get sores. The sores can start looking like waterblisters, and when the skin pops, you have an area where the nerves don't have protective cover of skin, so its painful and hurts when clothing rubs against it, or fluids like urine touch it and make it burn worse. If real bad, I've heard there is a medicine you can ask Dr. for that helps heal it faster but I have never needed it. As for any other STDs, you won't know until you have a test, which some people do after a breakup so they can have something to show a new partner, that they are clear of STDs. Others infections will differ in what the symptoms are so if concerned, look it up on line to see what it could be and best to see your Dr. Peace of mind is a great thing if you can save up for the test.

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Hello... i have some updates on my story, if you can advice please ((..
Female 33 years old, partner same..
We've been together for 2 years.. with ups and downs like every relationship, but somehow we manage to overcome it was a strong bond that we had, or at least i believed so...
Lately the relationship started to take a different form, from his side indifference, distance, not paying attention , no communication and not involving me in his everyday life).
From my side as a result.. over extreme Jealousy, desperate for love and attention, accusing him for things like cheating flirting..
In the end we both reached to a place where he had enough and i was lonely, but we never confront each other.. and it ended so badly that whenever i remember it, it's only pain.
now 1 month later it was really hard for me in every way possible, i had my ups and downs, crying , the anger, the disappointment all at once.
Now ... he wants me back, he tried to talk to me, we saw each other after long time, he said we needed this, needed this shake to come back to our senses, we were both doing mistakes and we forgot how we use to be, he told me he has more mistakes that he feels more responsible, and ready to make this work if only i leave everything behind and start new chapter without over thinking or doing more damage.
There's another thing,, he told me he was seeing someone during this time, and now all i'm thinking is "her", questions arising by itself..
Any suggestion that might help..??

And later he told me she’s pregnant, and he wants to stay with me, he will do his part as a father, taking care of the baby and everything, but he wants me on his side…
I can’t do it, it’s too much… I will be in the middle of everything, specially when we live in Dubai and 3 of works in the same company..
He regrets everything that he done to me to her.. she wants to stay with him and have a family but he doesn’t want that.. things getting out of hand.. she’s started to text me because he told her everything, that he made a mistake and wants a life with me ..
Now there’s a chance that she might abort the baby .. i feel blamed and guilty for what I don’t know.. my heart aches for him i still want him, but this is all too much..

When you say, this is all too much, it sounds like you have made your decision. But I figure there must be a sliver of doubt in there as to ending it with him. When I faced making a decision to leave my ex of almost 30 years marriage, I had a sliver of doubt until I thought the following.
Can I handle life with him as it stands now for another 6 months? Yes, of course but I would be stressed. Can I handle a year more of the same drama? 'Very hard but I can do it, but won't be happy ' I thought. Can I handle the same for another five years, no changes for the better and probably fighting due to the drama and the kids being affected. This thought scared me as I really thought hard and imagined my life being like it was for five more years. Then I asked myself if I could handle the same for another 10 or rest of my life and I instantly burst into tears. I knew I couldn't handle it. I was lying to myself that I could really stick with it all. We tend to play tricks on our own mind when we look at just the short term. Yes, we all can handle some tough stuff for a short while, but it becomes stressful, 24/7 stress. And what stress does is it needs to travel somewhere, either your mental/emotional health or your bodys physical health. On one hand, it can get as bad as depression, or start as a cancer or heart trouble all due to the stress. It isn't worth choosing a path that will do this to you. If he truly is not interested in the other woman carrying his child but she wants him, it doesn't matter if she's pregnant or not, she will forever be in your lives, interfering and trying to get him back. Now imagine having a father of your own kids, kids who mimic everything they see and hear their parents do. If he could so easily have a relationship outside of yours, do you believe it will never happen again? Wrong. Most often men who do this sort of thing are either with a woman they really don't click with but they love right now. The love will wear away someday and if it started with two mismatched people, he will at some point go looking for sex outside of relationship or marriage again. The other scenerio is the man who is a bad bf or husband material because he tires of women quickly, always looking for the next excitement and high, the high of the feeling one gets when in a new relationship. NRE or new relationship energy gets some people off track thinking they are perfect for each other when in truth, it was only the drug-like effect of a high, the newness and excitement of a relationship instead. Too many end up with just a best friend but lacking the lover part. So yes, you can feel love for the best friend you have but if he isn't solely into you for a woman and romance, love, sex, then unless there is a very grand life altering experience he goes through which changes him immensely, he will continue down the same road, and possibly get better at hiding it too, especially because he is now embarrassed and afraid of your response. Instead of stopping, guys will become secretive. Now think how this will impact your children, boys especially, who may grow up to marry and consider the wife the baby maker and other women to fulfill only his sexual desires. First husband never looked at me with desire in his eyes. My husband now, my second choice, is a man whom I can see the desire in his eyes and he mentions how much he wants me and ogles me when I don't know he's looking. Also, his calling this a mistake is the wrong word. A mistake is when a person not good at math is measuring and cutting boards to build something and finding they don't measure up right, cus the person made a 'mistake' in measuring. The key here, is that they first thought they were doing the right thing.
Deciding to give in to lust and sleep with another woman is not something that he thought was the right way to do things when he started that affair. It was ignoring of his own knowing that it was wrong and going ahead with it, going for the short term pleasure he would get, totally wrapped up in thinking about what it was doing for him, not how it might affect you or even the other woman. So look at this as it not being a mistake, but a calculated choice in his favor, not yours. If he cares so little of how this will affect you, he doesn't love you enough to make this work for you long term. Or perhaps he only says it but doesn't love you. Some people are afraid to be alone so you may simply be his security blanket, I have seen that situation before. As long as there is a warm body to come home to instead of an empty apartment, the guy is content to roam like a male cat that has not yet been fixed. It may be the only time he failed and yes, its possible he may never do it again but force himself to stay with you when his heart is not always in it and he doesn't love you enough to make you happy. He had already shown he doesn't care for your feelings, and that he thinks selfishly of his needs and wants only, thinks only in the moment, not able to look ahead to possible consequences of his actions, and so forth.... I can say, its enough for me personally to avoid dating a guy like that, too much like my ex.

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Female 33 years old, partner same..
We've been together for 2 years.. with ups and downs like every relationship, but somehow we manage to overcome it was a strong bond that we had, or at least i believed so...
Lately the relationship started to take a different form, from his side indifference, distance, not paying attention , no communication and not involving me in his everyday life).
From my side as a result.. over extreme Jealousy, desperate for love and attention, accusing him for things like cheating flirting..
In the end we both reached to a place where he had enough and i was lonely, but we never confront each other.. and it ended so badly that whenever i remember it, it's only pain.
now 1 month later it was really hard for me in every way possible, i had my ups and downs, crying , the anger, the disappointment all at once.
Now ... he wants me back, he tried to talk to me, we saw each other after long time, he said we needed this, needed this shake to come back to our senses, we were both doing mistakes and we forgot how we use to be, he told me he has more mistakes that he feels more responsible, and ready to make this work if only i leave everything behind and start new chapter without over thinking or doing more damage.
There's another thing,, he told me he was seeing someone during this time, and now all i'm thinking is "her", questions arising by itself..
Any suggestion that might help..??


Oh boy! Well You may not like everything I have to say but it must be said. It is good that he was willing to admit what went wrong. However, taking on another female in relationship is not a minor thing and not something one accidentally does. There is the time leading up to it and the state of the couples relationship. It is a fact that there are two things needed to make a long lasting successful and satisfying relationship. One is to be each others best friend. The second is to be equals in sex and romance and have the chemistry needed for that. The sad fact is that most relationships have only one of those. Those with great sex won't be looking outside the relationship for it but may split because they don't treat each other as their best friend and only fight. The other is two people who are best friends but the chemistry isn't there or very weak for being lovers. I also have read online a piece written by men for women to help with explaining how to know if a guy really loves you. While they state he may love you enough to make him happy, it may not be enough for you. They also state that if a man changes how he treats you, becomes distant, stopping looking at you with desire and wanting you, no talking, and living a single life, leaving you out, and all of it means, he has lost interest in you. While what he had with you might now in comparison look way better to him than what he got when he went looking for love elsewhere, the fact he did that at all is actually bigger than the fact he cheated and should he be forgiven. Yes, he can be forgiven but whatever caused him to go outside the relationship in the first place, is still going to be there. It has nothing to do with you doing something wrong or him, but could very well mean you two don't have a solid foundation for your relationship and don't know it. This would mean one of two things are missing and I don't think its the friendship part. Two very nice people who are great as friends are already comfortable with each other but may not make good lovers because the chemistry is missing. I am not speaking of someone being a bad lover. I have enough life experience that I know, a man can be doing the exact same things in love making as the other, but one I feel out of control passion with and the other, it feels forced, not natural, awkward and unsatisfying. Think of receiving a romantic kiss from your Dad, brother or uncle for example, and how that would feel. Instant yuckiness for me and would kill my ability to have any joy in the experience. there is a range though and on a scale on 1 to 10 that's probably 1-3, non existent. A 4 to 7 range might mean it works great for him but not so much for you, and 8-10 is the romance and sex is out of this world for both of you. So lets say you guys hit middle of the chart, it wouldn't be enough for both of you, tho maybe one of you. However one will be unhappy once the other has curiosity to know whether there is something better on the other side of the fence and most often a person only wonders that when not totally satisfied in their sexual relationship due to lack of chemistry. The only other reasons are that it is part of their character to not commit and bed as many women as they can. This is why most usually, if things were okay to begin with, that the reason is lack of chemistry. However you may want to see if he will go for couple counseling. Getting back together after one month or so apart is not enough time for a person to change enough if the issue is not chemistry. So even if not married, it is counseling much needed for both of you to take to get things straightened out. You might go back to whatever the situation was before, like living together, but only if he goes to couple counseling which might only be called marriage counseling in your area. However if truly wanting to fight for the relationship, then this is what you do. You have to do this realizing that the two of you may not be together even after the counseling. If the counseling doesn't find an issue to work on, other than lack of chemistry, then its bad. Chemistry can't be faked, or happen just because you want it or try hard enough. If its not right, then a relationship will be an unhappy terrible one if one forces the relationship to exist, or the relationship falls apart and both part ways. I would say that sounds like the best choice, seeing a counselor first in case its something that can be corrected. You sound kinda willing to me, lets hope he is as well. So you might say, I might pick up the relationship with you if we go to counseling first to see if what went wrong can be fixed. In the end, if it can't, we may have to decide to part ways. But be clear about it. And remember if its lack of chemistry, he is not a bad man, just negligent on coming clean with you earlier. But he needs to understand the part about chemistry, so you may have to explain or show him my answer here. I wish you both the best. But if in the end the relationship must break up, I wish you both find the person with the right chemistry for you, and hopefully you can still be a friends, as much as a new partner will be okay with.

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So for background, I’m Latina, and usually, when one turns 15 you get a quinceañera. I’ve always wanted this since I was a kid but now there’s a problem when calling the hotel for reservations the day I wanted isn’t available so maybe the one a week later is (it’s not) so now I have to choose the 10th. Which is the only day available but I don’t want to do it that day since it’s a few days before my birthday and it just feels weird to do it before but if I don’t pick this day I won’t get anything at all. And I don’t know what to choose.

I know how this celebration is one of the biggest for a Latina girl. What I do not know is if you need to set up the whole event yourself instead of parents. At least, thats how I interpreted this. I do not understand why only one particular hotel is appropriate for booking this celebration. I understand wanting it to be fancy, like planning location for a wedding. If weddings can be held in someones large home, or backyard, in a park, the beach, any hotel with meeting rooms and so on, I don't see why a Quinceanera can't be planned the same way, a beautiful setting. So perhaps have the parents start looking up online the venues that take reservations for weddings to get some good ideas where to look because booking a place this close to a day you want is nearly impossible. About the only way you can get a reservation somewhere, that soon is if someone else needs to cancel theirs. And I wouldn't want to be waiting for an opening due to cancellation that doesn't come. If you don't have a backyard, perhaps there is a family friend who does and would be okay with their yard being used. Unless you live in an area that gets lots of rain through out the year, you should be safe. Then from a rental company, rent the pieces you want to make it really pretty, a trellis on which you can easily attach silk flowers to or get a florist. You can get big fountains, pillars or pedastals and so on, but it depends on what a particular rental store has at the time and those are usually not a reservation thing but get what you want in short notice. I see something like this as the best option. If you decide on a park or beach instead, the folding chairs and all you need can be brought to the location. Don't forget a photographer to capture this event for your memories.

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There's this guy from school who suddenly texted me out of nowhere saying hey! Big fan here. We started texting more late nights and I got attached. In the beginning he was very sweet to me and all. We would send heart emoticons to each other. After few days he confessed to me he likes me but I friendzoned him. But sometimes he would flirt with me saying I feel like giving you a hug from behind. In between we had a fight but then I sorted it out. After that he started telling me he is busy again and again but whenever we would text about about wwe or football because I like it. He tells me you are so awesome, Let's marry. Then tells me he is kidding. Then he asked me should he propose I told him I dont feel the same way. Recently he asked me If I am a virgin. I got mad at him confronted saying this was disrespectful he told me sorry and deleted the text and I blocked him on instagram. He whatsapped me saying thought you were mature enough and blocked me there. Now I've rekindled things with him.. he texted few days but now he is avoiding me all of a sudden. Should I block him?

I am not him, nor his mother or best friend so I am not privy to whats on his mind and don't know how he thinks or reasons things out. Yet I can say that typically, teen boys will want to experience sex and will say and do whatever they can to gain a gals trust so that it is easy to get her later to give it up. The only ones who don't do this is the rare male who is mentally at a place where they seem to have the mind of someone a decade or two older, and then the handfuls of males too scared and shy to make any move of seeming friendship towards a girl.

So the real question, you need to ask yourself and answer is "what do I really want" Some things to think about, 'Do I want a boyfriend cus I want a regular sex partner, do I want a boyfriend so I feel I fit in more with other girls and can show him off, Do I just want to add him to my life like adding an accessory to my outfit? At your age people are trying so hard to be and do what adults do when it comes to something gratifying like sex. In actuality, it is a learning time and unlikely to be perfect, more like heartbreaks, confusion and emotions rocky on both sides. Both of you have decided to show your displeasure towards each other by blocking or not answering. It sounds like you are not ok with that. If thats true, the best thing you can do is read books or research on line how to communicate well with the other sex. I am much older, grandma age, and have seen it all, been a teen and know how we all want to be liked or wanted, desired at that age. What I find confusing is your statement of him texting you out of the blue. He couldn't do that if he didn't have your number. So at some point, either you gave him your number or a friend who has your number gave it to him. If a friend, and you don't want your number going out to just any person, I'd have a talk with that friend because that is very wrong. Even businesses will ask for permission to hand your number out or say they can't give it because thats private and the person wanting any info on you should ask you directly. The way you put it makes this sound like you were never friends with him and totally shocked he called in the first place. If I got a text stating, 'Hey big fan here." I would most likely ignore it. If a guy is really interested, then he can talk to me in person. I used the internet and internet dating site as a tool to meet my second husband but once met on line, went straight to phone calls for a week, daily. Then we planned meetings in person.
If attending the same school, it should be fairly easy to talk to the other person, but if not, using the cell to call and decide on a time and place to meet. I will tell you right now that half of married couples are only each others best friend but not a good romantic match, or each others best ever sex partner but other than sex, the rest of time, fight each other and are not treating each other like best friends. The couples with lasting power of the relationship, have to be both, best friends and have the chemistry to be lovers as well. Sad part, is that chemistry for friendship might be able to be done without meeting, but the chemistry for romance and more has to be in person, you can't get that from reading someones texts or a phone call.

Also, its a scientific fact that people from mid twenties and younger, do not have the frontal lobe of their brain mature yet. So the expectations you have because the body looks mature, aren't so with the brain as it needs until mid twenties to be totally mature. Before that, both will get the emotional swings, unwillingness to learn and grow, just live for the moment and reasoning is non existent, you can't think ahead to possible consequences for any action you might take. That is what your letter sounds like to me. That you are young and therefore not going to have an easy time of dating seriously. It is only a training time, like back when a kid is young and uses training wheels to learn to ride a bike. It is normal for girls to watch men of all ages and look for traits they like. What they need to do with that info is to look for those traits in the guy they date. If it doesn't work out, next time go for someone better cus you already know what doesn't work for you. Females should do more than wait for a guy to notice her and ask her out. He's most likely looking at the outside only, anyways. If you study the guys and see one you think has some traits, (other than looks) that you like, then you approach him and start up a convo. Maybe theres enough chemistry to become best of friends and work on that first. Then later when older, you can check if both feel the same way if interested in more than just friends, and go for it. You learn a certain amount in dating but not everything so once old enough, you can learn more by living together. At any point, including the living together, if he shows a side of himself you do not like, either make it clear, that's crossing a boundary and apologize for not stating so in the beginning, and give one more chance. Or if he has already done the unwanted behavior more than once,, its a part of him that's likely to not change in time for you to date him now or soon. Some people need a long time to 'grow up' and may not until they hit their 30s, if at all. These are the helpful info I wished I knew at your age. It would have helped me avoid a verbally abusive husband in the first marriage. I am not sharing anything I haven't learned or done myself. It works or I wouldn't take the time to tell you in the first place. Stop guessing, be grown up about it and walk up to him and apologize. Dont wait for someone else to do so first. I have met a lot of adults still afraid to start up a conversation with a person they don't know yet. So its hard but can be done. Do not text or use phone to do so. In texting, you lose both sound of voice and the inflections in tone so you can tell when someone said something teasing or is serious. In phone-calls, you still lose the inflections and body language. Talking in person, you don't lose any of that so there is a lot less of guessing what the other person thinks. If he won't talk to you, he may not be ready to forgive and ask forgiveness. Or he may never do so, thinking he is always in the right, there's nothing wrong with him and the problem is only you. I've dealt with that, coming out of mental illness on part of the guy, and its a situation I was never able to improve. He wouldn't go for counseling or help because I was the problem according to him and still wouldn't if I went along with to appts. Do not try to change a person into what you want them to be for you. Guys break this rule quite often, but the ones not worth getting into relationship with. I got the ex asking me after marrying if I wanted to get a nose job or boob job and i wasn't looking for any of that. I was content with myself, but he wasn't.
So whomever you decide to date, if he is also willing, make sure you can live with his quirks before you commit. Just saying someone is your gf, bf, doesn't mean a thing. Its what the two of you put into a relationship. This already is more than you wanted to hear and not an easy pat answer to your question but it is what you need to hear and what no one else is going to take time to tell you. I wish you the best dear.

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I'm a 16 year old girl and I'm really attracted to a boy I know who just turned 13. Is it normal to be attracted to someone so much younger? I admit I'm scared that this makes me some kind of pervert or something.

Age only matters now when you are both still minors. Once considered an adult at 18 and any age after that, age doesn't matter so much. There are plenty of guys who are younger than their wives. My first landlords were a couple where the wife was older for example. In answer to your question 'is it normal' yes it is, however it isn't very common. And that is probably why you feel bad about your feelings. You see the fact that the male is the younger person as being bad or wrong or forbidden. You will find yourself constantly watching a male of any age, young or older and seeing a trait or something in them that you admire. When there are several things you may like about a guy, it is easy to develop feelings of attraction. Why not? Or at least, you feel some kind of attraction to whatever it is he has that has your attention, plainly said, you are attracted to traits in a male. And I remember my teen years as a female, ogling males I admired for something and it wasn't about sexual attraction as the range of men was from my age to grandpa age. I read that this was normal. In fact in the animal kingdom, the females are picky about who they choose to be their mate. They watch to see which males are better at building, providing, protecting, and all of the things any female might want. Yes, Humans do this too. Thing is, most of us are unaware of what we are doing. It wasn't until I read something about teen girl behavior and learned that what I was doing was normal and I could relax now. For now, just be a friend to him. I wouldn't say hang with him exclusively. You both should still nurture your other relationships like friends. It would be like being the kid next door or across the street, being a more relaxed and comfortable instant friendship, but not together really often because of living in close proximity.
Just enjoy a friendship right now. If you are both still friends by time he is older, say 15,16. . . then it wouldn't bad to date unless forbidden to, by parents. So, just know you are normal, not a pervert, or having some odd fantasys. And for now, just be the occasional friend.

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As background, my daughter had been dating Carter for about a year when her friendship with another boy got between them. He confessed his feeling for her and not wanting to hurt him (according to her) continued contact with him. Carter knew of the friendship but was very jealous and my daughter eventually broke up with Carter over it. She and Carter are still in contact, but she claims she only wants him as a friend even though he clearly wants her back. She and this second boy have continued texting nearly all day and sometimes all night. I confronted her on the after hours and now I believe she just uses other apps to communicate with him at night so I can't see it on my cell phone report. My problem is that my daughter basically cheated on her boyfriend with this boy and lied to me about the extent of their friendship repeatedly. Honestly, I don't like the person this boy has turned my daughter into. In spite of this, I have offered to allow this boy to come over or for them to go somewhere together if dating is what they want, but she has refused saying she doesn't want to date anyone right now. This boy wants more and she has admitted that. I don't tell her I know they text all day because she will just start using other ways to communicate. I have tried to talk to her about the importance of getting off her phone and I get her doing things or going places to keep her occupied but I can only do so much. She is very stubborn and any approach to this directly only makes he dig her heels in more. I need a way to make her see on her own that this non stop texting relationship isn't healthy and is probably holding both of them back from moving on.

Although limiting or stopping cell use for a while can be done, I want to point out she would find other ways to keep in touch. The title of your question is how to get her to stop texting this boy. I remind you, you are the parent and she is the minor, so you have say over what she does. If she doesn't follow the rules you decide to set for her, its the same as adults or anyone who doesn't follow the laws of this country,our state, or our city, we have to suffer the consequences. Your rules for her should be fair but also teaching her to learn balance and not go so overboard by self-regulation. The problem here is more than just her will, Mom. You will recognize once I explain that teens do not consider the consequences to their actions, can have wild crazy emotions, and have no limit on what they do. We all did that to some extent, or maybe like me, you were a goody two shoes who did not buck the rules and what was expected of you. But yes, in smaller ways, I was like that, how could I not be with a brain that is not fully mature and still in the works. Heres an article on this:
https://www.whiteswanfoundation.org/life-stages/adolescence/the-working-and-development-of-the-teenage-brain

I hope you will see that this is a normal stage for teens to go through but it is a very damaging one. Without proper guidance and help, it is very hard to gain a foothold with your teen. Yes, i am aware what it is like to have teens, I have 3 adult children now, all girls but at some point, they went through this stage. My oldest child made the worst choices, ending up in her getting raped. She is still making bad choices and has abandoned her entire family. Who knows how bad it can be. A child can lash out in anger if lets say you regulate her phone use and let her know if she can't stop using it all day and night, it will interfere with her school studies and also with her sleep, both which are very important for teens. If navigating this sounds too hard for you, I would suggest seeing a counselor with her, one geared to working with teens, and hopefully one trained in CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy, as cognitive means thoughts and she doesn't know how to curb her thoughts and ideas or to understand what is beneficial to her, whats not and why.

I don't know your daughter so I really can't tell you what will work with her. But just taking away her phone, as you might see by now, is what a parent might normally think of. However just making restrictions and new rules is not going to train our kids, they will resist, begin to hide what they are doing, become more clever at faking you out. And the bad news is that even the best Mom in the world can only be an example and her child will either accept or rebel. My oldest covered up depression for one thing and that still hurts me that I couldn't see that, even though it was talked about and I had check in with each child daily after school, and I knew what to look for, it wasn't revealed until she was much older. So you can be a great Mom and have a child with a problem or a problem child. I really do suggest taking her to see a therapist, as it would help for her to hear the same thing from the counselor and you; would say and teach her how to grow past the issue of an immature frontal cortex. My niece saw a teen counselor while she was in H.S. and for a while after graduating. She also has caring and involved parents. She learned how to grow mentally despite the fact her brain needed more time to mature and she is growing into a very fine young lady. Your daughter can too.

I will add that it isn't for you to choose which guy she should be dating. However you have the right as a caring parent to decide many things for her that you probably aren't doing. I did things wrong as a parent at times, and that is when our kids learn about how to apologize because their parent is apologizing to them when we have treated them unfairly. Thankfully, I didn't have to do that often. So, I am not having any thoughts that you are a bad parent. I know how easily it is for kids to go off track, even with good parents. But sometimes, a parent needs extra help, someone pointing out, new things they can try, how to accomplish the same end-goal but changing some of the ways you handle it to something a teen may be more open to. She needs you now more than ever. She is so tied to her phone, the first thing of concern, she doesn't set limits but is on her phone all day and night so her school work will suffer and her health will suffer too without much sleep. The dating of teens is usually not serious for long, weeks o nly sometimes, and without any goal other than having a boyfriend to be with her like an accessory in her warddrobe. So she is being typical changing on a whim from one boy to the next, not caring if anyone is hurt, (she can say so but she has no clue how to not hurt someone else by her behavior. Her behavior betrays where her mind is really at. Mom, she needs help and you need help to give the right help to her. I will again beg you to seek out a teen counselor. I don't know if the school counselors would recommend anyone. But don't be embarassed to reach out for professional help. It doesn't mean the daughter is a mental patient. Counselors are great for helping a person do their own 'tune up' of their 'thinking'. There are many ways even adults pyche themselves out, and have negative thoughts. I have met many adults, living a messed up adult life, being lead about by their emotions which do not know any self control. I am on guard and can honestly say that the attack is real, I get a negative thought probably daily. However I choose to not dwell on it and quickly think a counter thought of the opposite and something positive and that works for me to stay healthy in my thinking. I feel that most people are in the same position, not mentally ill but just needing a little direction and support and I am proud to say I too needed help at times with my kids. There are no instruction manuals that come with each child. We're all winging it basically. I wish you the best

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I have a guy friend (fake name – Jackson) and we have been flirty friends but never dated or done more than a kiss on the cheek. We have dated other people but always kept our relationship in the friend zone. We both don’t believe in FWB and consider that wrong. We do talk about sex but just like in a generic way friends do. I tease him for being a man whore even though he says he has only done it twice. He calls me the ice queen as a joke because I am a virgin and have turned a lot of boys down.

The deal is he was on his tablet in my room and we were done studying and I accused him of looking at porn as a joke. He denied it but would not show me what he was doing though so when he went to the bathroom I checked out his tablet. I know his password because he is so obvious and uses the same password for everything. I know that was wrong but I am already admitting that. It was no porn but just relationship chat rooms. I did not read the chats but I figured out his profile name. His profile was very poorly done btw with a not great pic and he could do so much better.

So here is the bad part. When he was gone I started going to the same chat site and made up a phony profile to see if he would sign on and my plan was to get him to say something crude and rude and bust him on it like a prank because he is always Mr. Polite. He eventually signed on and I followed him into a chat room. I swear it was called “crush on my best friend” with all these people talking about having the hots for their friend. It did not take long for him to start talking and saying he was with his friend all day and he could not stop thinking about her and he said other things that made it obvious to me he was talking about me. I just lurked and watched him pour out his heart about how bad he wants us to be a couple how he has to hide it whenever he gets aroused around me and how he has all these fantasies of asking me out and being intimate. It was not gross porno talk but like super sincere. He also admitted he was a virgin and lied about having sex to impress me. I decided against the prank and just signed out when he did.

So what do I do? I have this information about how he truly feels but I got it in a sneaky way. I also know his secret that he is still a virgin. I am not mad he lied. It is kind of sweet he wanted to impress me. He does that with other things trying to do sporty things even though he is not an athlete. Deep down I sometimes think of him as a potential BF and what a good BF he would make for someone, but I never considered us seriously as a couple. The things he said in the chat about how he feels about me totally melted my heart and now I see through so many things he has said and done to hide his feelings and act normal around me. Other people have said he was crushing on me but I did not believe it and he would always joke about it and say me asking meant I had a secret crush on him and we laughed it off. Now I feel like crap because he was trying to see how I felt and I shut him down.

He really is a nice boy with good hygiene and a cute face. He sort of reminds me of that boy Robert Irwin whose dad was that Australia crocodile guy who died. He has a great smile. He is wicked ticklish which could be sexy. He has slightly defined abs although he admitted he was flexing them to make them stand out and his arms flex kind of sexy when he puts his hands behind his head. He would be fun to look at shirtless but he does not do that very often. Most of the guys who do weights are brainless in my opinion so if you ask me his normal boy body is way sexy enough. He is very smart at a lot of things and is great at listening and encouraging me. He can be funny and sarcastic but not in a mean way. He needs fashion help and sexier glasses (or maybe contacts) but that is easy to fix.

I am open to giving us a chance as a couple, but how do I do it? Do I confess I spied on him? Do I call him out on being a virgin? Do I apologize for calling him a man whore? Do I just randomly encourage him so he makes a move finally? Any idea on how to drop hints or encourage him? Do I just ask him myself if he would like to try dating each other and pretend it was my idea? How can I give him more confidence so he knows he is a good catch just the way he is?

Its very simple, you ask just one question. Its a question that also helps when a person doesn't know if their friend feels the 'more than friends' chemistry with you. You know now by snooping that he is into you. Although I am into telling the truth, you could too easily spook him into pulling away, maybe even out of embarrassment. So here is the question which must be asked basically as I put it and I will explain why.

"Hey Jackson, I was just thinking, that since we do so well as best friends, I wonder how well we might do as 'more than friends'. What do you think? It is critical you ask the last part giving him a chance to decide.
If he asks first why you ask, just shrug and say, I dunno, it just popped into my head. The asking of his opinion this way gives him a chance to say he doesn't have those kinds of feelings or chemistry with you, or if interested in you as you already know, it's his chance to say, 'Yes, that sounds like a good idea, lets try' and he can save face without admitting he's had a crush all along, or he could take the time to admit right then that he has had a crush on you for quite some time. In this time and age, a female doesn't have to wait for a guy to show interest and ask her out. She can make the first move and this is a good way to get the ball rolling. It is very scary for guys to ask a girl out because of the fear of rejection. You are not asking him if he has feelings or loves you which puts a person on the spot and they easily can chicken out. And to say, you were just thinking, and you wonder .... rather than a profession of how you feel, already should put him at ease. If he does point blank ask if you said this because you have feelings for him, you could stick with the friendship and mention the friendship feelings but they feel really strong so you wonder if it may mean you should try dating. Most guys don't think that far ahead and just let you know yes we can try to be more than friends, or not. Most guys if they still don't profess feelings is fine, you can wait for that at a later time when he has gained some confidence in the relationship. Rather than the possibility of being rejected (which he doesn't know wont apply here) a guy is relieved when presented with a choice to go further than friends. I have heard back from others who have used this line and it has worked for them. I hope it works for you. By the way, the very best of all couple relationships are the ones where not only are the two each others best friend but there is the romantic chemistry to be lovers. If you want to go that far, first check what the age of consent is in your state as some are 16,17 and 18. Good luck.

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I feel like my mother is holding me back from getting a job

First things first, I know she’s just looking out for me but I feel like she’s babying me. For context I have autism and a couple of other medical conditions. I’m currently studying media production in the United Kingdom and am searching for jobs in the TV industry (trying to juggle a job with college so that once I am done with college in 2023, I’ll still have something I’ll be doing) which is proving difficult but I’m going to work as hard as I can to try and get there- but my mum doesn’t seem to think any of these jobs are a good fit (as I’m very much an introvert) and just nitpicks them and nitpicks my ambitions or says I can’t juggle both.

So what? She also wonders how I’d be able to get there (I’m dyspraxic so physically can’t drive and public transport is far too loud for me) without her driving me there- taxis are fine! And she feels like because I’m very quiet, I’d be incapable of speaking to the taxi driver to tell him the location I want him to drive me to (I’m a shy introvert, not a mute!) and seems to be somewhat overprotective rather than letting me just do my own thing- at times it’s like she doesn’t realise I’m an adult man now (only just, at 18 but still). It’s weird because my younger sister (aged 14) she lets do far more independent stuff for some reason. It feels like she doesn’t want me to ever go anywhere unsupervised (even though she’s fine with my sister doing so) but the fact is I’m really not a ‘go out’ type of person and if I do it’s just for a quiet walk in the morning (that’s why I loved lockdown- nobody else around) so i find it so bizarre that my mother is protective of me but lets my sister do whatever she pleases. In fact when i first started going on my lockdown walks, she even asked me to bring my sister with me even though those walks were supposed to be an escapism. It’s like she’s trying to lead me down, not just a career path that she personally thinks would suit me, but also a life path, rather than simply allowing me to do my own thing.

After meeting my 2nd husband, he told me he was likely a high functioning autistic. He was the first child and couldn't stand to be held by his Mom because he felt her intense feelings of Love. Anyone else could hold him. Later in life, through parents marriage counseling, the counselor met with each kid one at a time and was so interested he became a mentor to my husband as a child and I believe that helped him to challenge himself to ovrecome as much of what might identify him as being on the spectrum. In fact most people don't know. What I have learned is that there is no exact standard of what to expect from an autistic person as they can be all over the place in abilities or what they struggle with. Your Mom only knows what she has seen and experienced with you and Moms do worry about their kids, even when they are grown adults, and much older adults. I am a Mom so I know that. With your Mom, it is harder for her especially when she sees how introverted you are, how shy and quiet, and then she worries if there is anything that might upset you enough to have a meltdown. I do not know if it would give her peace of mind to know you live on your own with a room mate who understands your autism and can be a help or someone on the spectrum themselves. There is only so much reassuring you can give in words to her. But this is your life. So only you can know when you have found the right job or job position that is easier for you t handle. Go for what you feel you have interest in. When the day comes you are in your dream job, if you can't handle it, try for something different and know you have not failed, you merely eliminated one job possibility. I know a guy without being on spectrum, going back to school and changing his degree half a dozen times or more. Sometimes on a yearly basis when he showed up with a brother in law for Thanksgiving, he was pursuing something different than the year before. I dont know if this is such a thing but having a counselor trained to work with autistic people whom you could call for help when you need help figuring something out, would be a good thing...as your Mom won't live forever and there will come a time when you will need someone understanding to turn to. There is always private drivers such as Uber and Lyft, or whatever the equivalent is in the UK but that can get expensive for you, so the goal long term is to end up in a job where there is a bus you can take and buy a set of ear protection, not the little ear buds, they only dampen noise a little but the head set that covers your ears so you don't hear a thing. Many people choose these to wear to plug into their phone and listen to their music, and its used by those who use a shooting range to protect the ears. This would help with your not wanting to hear noise from public transportation. So subway, train, bus, it would work there. And ideas like that are what you need to help you start living your life. You need someone whom you can rely on. go for your dreams but there will be decisions you need to make and bouncing your ideas off Mom will not do. You need someone positive who doesn't see autism as something that will hold you back, but just that you need to do things differently sometimes than others. I wish you the best in your future.

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ive been talking to a guy but we havent texted in a week but theres something id like to tell him but i dont know if should text him again cause things are a bit awkward now.my friends are kinda...dont really agree(?)with me keeping contact with him, not because hes a bad person lol, hes just a penny pincher lol(we're both 18 btw, im a girl and hes a boy and we're both bisexual)

Bisexuality or ones sex has no effect on whether a person will text back or not. I just figured you'd want to know since you made sure we know where you stand. So far, all you did is trade phone numbers and texted a couple times. So who asked for cell #, did you ask for his, or did he ask for yours. You may have liked him enough to ask for his cell but if he didn't ask for yours, he may not be interested in pursueing anything with you, even just friendship.
It has nothing to do with anything you did wrong. Usually, its due to lack of having the right pheromones. There are pheromones that cause you to want to be friends with one person and not get along with someone else. Same with the romance pheromone. Both people need to have close to the same kind and you can't tell ahead and there's no way to change yours. Its pheromones that help animals find their mate. Humans have hardly done any research on it. I lost track of the good articles I did find but mostly its hinted at as a scientific possibility. However, in dating after a divorce, I got to check out this thing called pheromones. If just right, you won't know by any way other than being really drawn to someone, a kiss from that someone is heavenly, whereas if pheromones are missing, the kiss feels like a brother or uncle gave you a romantic kiss and that is just so yucky a feeling, I know, i've felt it.
I personally wouldn't consider a person who sticks to a budget as a bad thing but there can be extremes in penny pinchers, however that should not be the reason you do or don't text someone.

If he has not called or texted, he is not interested enough initially to want to get to know more about you so he knows whether he wants to date you to get an even deeper knowledge of who you are. When this happens, often it is lack of pheromones being the cause. Oh you both have pheromones, just not ones in sync with each other, but they will be with someone else.
Also, don't expect much from young men 18 to 29 as they often are not ready to seek out the kind of girl to marry some day. Right now, they are not sure of what they want, only choose girls by how they look, or for sex but without pheromones, he will not go on forever with the sex, leaving and seeking someone else. So decide if you want dating just for the social fun, someone to hang with sometimes or go out to dinner or been seen with like an accessory, or if you are serious and ready to find a long term partner. Then even in long term, theres people who want to marry as soon as they have met the right one, and others who fear marriage or hate it, either through their own bad previous marriage or that of parents or other couples they know of. Worrying about not getting a text back is such a little thing. Keep looking hon. When I met my current husband, we talked on phone every night til midnight, he couldn't help it, he wanted that contact with me and that lasted one week until he had to see me again in person and we never stopped. Thats when you know a guy is into you.

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Am 26yr/M from Nigeria in west Africa . My eyes have been sensitive to light since I was 11 years old, it started when I was outdoor playing with a friend, and dust got into my eyes, since then I have this HUGE sensitivity to any/all light source(cell phone, laptop, television, touch lights, car lights, being outdoor) , and it's been slowly damaging my vision. I told My dad who took me to a nurse who gave me some drugs, injections and eye drops which did nothing. This condition has define almost all my life, causing me anxiety, depression, feelings of uncertainty about the future, making me feel inferior, there were days I would wake up at night and cry. some years later I lost my dad, and I got some money from his pension which I spent it all on visits to ophthalmologists... When I first visited the doctor she did a couple of eye tests and told me she didn't find anything wrong with my eyes,she gave me eye drops, drugs nothing worked, I went to another hospital and was told the same thing, but this time I was persistent and the doctor gave me glasses which did not help and only makes my eyes hurt so I stopped using it .... I was frustrated again, depressed and having suicidal thought.(in my country therapist and counselor are not really a thing, that's if there's even any)but I managed to get on with my life found meaning and decided to go to school,but I was broke so my mom and elder brother worked multiple jobs to send me to school to study fashion designng...in the last four years I've grown alot,I now have wonderful friends, build my confidence, even became the head of a department in my church,I did well in school, out of about 200 students I was among the top 5 in my class (not trying to brag) but I found purpose, and meaning in life and I worked SO HARD! , I graduated 3 months ago...I was beginning to plan for the future. I even fell in love with a girl I would love to call my wife someday....but since two weeks ago my eyes have gotten worse, I can't see clearly, I now find it hard to read text,to focus my eyes on something,the light sensitivity is still the same as 15yrs ago with my vision declining every since day,... I am now depressed now more than I had ever been before (not having suicidal thoughts though)... My life is not perfect but I have come to love and appreciate it. now I might be slowly going blind and I don't know what to do, I've been at home all week by myself doing a lot of thinking like,if my eyes get more worse how will I read? as a fashion designer how would I sketch? how would I sew clothes? will I be poor and a liability to my family that is struggling to survive? will I have to rely on someone constantly for help? will I get a job? all I know and love is to make clothes. will i get to be with the one I love? or get married? will I be lonely? .... I called my elder brother and told him about my eyes getting worse and he tells me come back home (I live in another state)so we will go see another eye doctor,but I'm scared to meet another doctor who might tell me that everything is OK with my eyes... But the bright side is that this time am choosing to have faith so I'm trying to think and write down so as to relate to the doctor about all my symptoms and health issues I have had since and before this condition started, also planning to investigate if any family members have such eye condition..... I am depressed and uncertain about the future but I know I need help, advice, and someone to talk to.

I know how you feel as I have issues with my eyes. One of the nerves that hold the eye straight is missing from birth. The other nerves that kept my eye straight finally got too weak and tired and now my left eye will slowly move inward and that gives me double vision. I had a long road to go and accidentally came across a Dr. called a vision therapist because all other vision drs said they could find nothing wrong. Health care is bad in most the world, even the U.S. where all they want is to push pills and hope to shut you up. But I know it is worse in countries like yours. I think your best bet is seeing about getting on a list to be seen by 'Doctors without borders' where US doctors travel to other countries to help. I am not a medical person of any sort, however I have watched some medical shows on TV and often they have portrayed people who very slowly have eyesight getting worse and often when there is nothing else that is confirmed, a scan of the brain can show what might be causing your vision problem which often is a very slow growing tumor, that is not cancerous, but its size affects the vision and it slowly gets worse. This kind of situation, removing the tumor is not easily done in poorer countries and is best to at least get an MRI scan if possible of your head to prove or negate that. If a tumor, you may need to have a Dr. in the US help with that. All I can think of is to use the computer to research the best Drs in the US and write their hospitals and ask for help because in some cases, Drs will do the work at no cost to you. I am sorry to hear this is happening to you. Perhaps there are people in your church who will help you research and find US doctors who will help you.

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This will consist of me venting while also seeking guidance or advice of any kind just please help me! A few weeks ago my sister saw my male manager and decided that she found him attractive. He told me that he thought she was cute also, since then I saw that she was becoming attached to the validation that he offered so I tried to prevent those two from crossing paths as much as possible. I’ve been praying profusely to god that these two can never see each other to prevent them one from trying to get romantically involved, Last Thursday was an exception and my current nightmare became true she got saw a window of opportunity and asked for his number. Of course he complied, since then it’s been stress and thinking/expecting only the worse from them being in contact. I’d also been showing my disapproval through my words and attitude towards the two to no avail, now my sister wants me to tell my general manager about a two weeks notice. I personally have no interest or desires to leave this job! I have love for the place and some of my coworkers since it’s my first job, I’ve become attached even though there are things I don’t like about working there lately but I don’t want to leave this early. And I can’t help but to question is this a result of my recent actions towards her or did something go on between her and my manager just that quickly? Or does she want me to leave so there relationship can further? I hate that the ball does partially land in her court because she’s supposed to be my transportation, it’s not good to give her any power to hold over me but I feel powerless if I don’t have anyone else to take me. I’ve prayed to god all day but it feels like he hit the mute button on me, my anxiety is way too bad for this type of events to constantly kick me in the face, especially my sister being a bad decision maker, she’s definitely not once thought about how I’m feeling, and she’s a frequent job quitter so she doesn’t understand that I crave and aim for longevity at work. Any advice or words to offer me in my series of unfortunate events?

I did not know your sis and you work at the same place until you mentioned she is your ride to work. There may be other things not clearly stated so I can only answer based on what you did write.

First, you must have left something out because I see no reason stated why you are trying so hard to keep them apart. Basically, in life when two people meet and are attracted to each other, there really isn't anything a person can do to stop that. Each one of us must be genuinely focused only on bettering ourselves by making changes. you mention its not good for her to hold power over you but I haven't a clue what power you speak of. So whatever you have done to each of them, may be the straw that broke the camels back. It could mean that he or she or both may treat you badly for how you treated them. It is not a good way to react but people do that when they are not focusing on being a better person each day. If there is a way to advertise at work, or just ask people, it might be wise to get another person giving you rides to work. When I was young, my job promoted ride sharing and had a bulletin board and I had two different people taking turns giving me rides, even though I had a car, this was set up as a gas saving thing by the company. If I were you, I would allow them to do as they wish. If you've already burnt your bridges by your treatment of them, yes, the day may come sooner than later when you are let go and have to find another job. You do not state why your sister wants you to leave and only she stays. I can only guess that she either sees you as competition and wants to be the only sister working there, or she sees it as a way to get back at you. Never do anything just because someone (even family) asks or demands you do it when you don't want to. A weak person might cave in and give up. If you choose to ignore her and stay, and reason at all could be written in your employee file by your boss and give him great opportunity to fire you for what looks like valid reasons. The sooner we all learn that no matter what goes wrong, those are opportunities for us to challenge ourselves to take the higher action as in "What would Jesus do?" Or 'what is this situation trying to teach me? There are many times I do not like what someone else is doing. I keep my mouth shut and pray for the people or situation. I had to learn young that God is not a Genie in a lamp that could grant me all my wishes. He is patient to allow us to do our own thing, get in a bind, mess stuff up royally. At some point, hopefully the situation causes us to grow up a bit and become more Godly. I only mention God as you did first with your praying. God does stay silent at times, not because he is mean or doesn't care. I know he cares about the small stuff too, as I have experienced it. I never go to God with a wish list of wanting a new car or old one fixed up like new, more money, some nagging health issues cleared up, and so on. God already knows what I need or want. But like a good parent, knows what really is going to be good down the road or harmful to us, as in stunting the opportunities for me to grow. If a little boy saw a snake in the wild and is begging his parent to let him take it home cus he wants a pet snake, the parent knowing it is a deadly venomous one, will not grant that wish. Sometimes its not things but situations we think should not exist or at least turn out different. God gave each one of us a will, a will to do as we wish so he won't for example change a crappy husband into a good one just because I prayed for it. Even my church at the time falsely believed that we should trust God to heal our marriage. Later God told me that he would have to take away the free will he gave my ex, and change him like magic into the perfect husband. My only choice was to stay for more abuse or leave. I left because that was the one thing I could do that did not affect the exes free will. It is because you have free will that you were not stopped by God when you treated sis and boss badly to attempt to keep them apart. And your sis and boss also have free wills to do as they wish. So if you wish, stay where you are, don't give notice and start looking for another ride provider. There are other things you can do, like allow people to make their own mistakes. Most people learn that way rather than from advice of others. If the opportunity comes up, and you find yourself able to truly mean it, then ask them for forgiveness. Its not for them but for what it will do inside for you.

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Hello, I am a female in my mid 20s. When I was 19 years old I was sexually assaulted by this guy I just met and was dating. I didn't tell anyone, not even my friends. I was in college and it really messed me up to where I became depressed and had to take a break from school. I am now on antidepressants and am seeing a therapist. My therapist does not know what happened because I did not tell her, and therefore she hasn't been able to help me with it. My question is, should I tell my parents what happened? They want to know why I haven't finished school yet and why I stopped going when I had a full scholarship. To be honest, I was too embarrassed to tell them what happened, and I was afraid they would blame me. I am trying to get my life back in order but I am having a hard time opening up about this. I feel like my parents see me as a failure, and they always ask why am I depressed, but I just say I don't know. After 5 years should I finally tell them what happened?

You are suffering something like PTSD as of course it was a traumatic thing to experience. It is not something to be embarrassed about. You should definately tell your therapist of all people because she can not help you probably deal with it until she knows. If she is not licensed to deal with PTSD or if she isn't helping you, find someone who does know how to help.

As for your parents, the change in you is a big one and I know from experience that even the best and most observant parents, can be fooled by their child if they are covering something up, like my oldest and her depression which didn't come out until she did way worse with added post partum depression after her first child. Thats when she finally told me. So unless you say something to Mom, she won't know and can't help

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You know that like saying about the boy next door. Well a hottie literally moved next door and I need advice. His name is Riley, which is so cute. Riley is 15 and he is a Caucasian boy with wavy red hair, freckles on his face and shoulders, and a goofy smile that like goes to one side. I am 16 and mixed Asian descent but our family identifies as Korean. He is younger but taller than me by a lot. He is kind of shy but kind of not at the same time. He goes around shirtless or sometimes a sleeveless muscle shirt with a superman logo or a green lantern logo. I mostly see him when he is doing chores and moving stuff and digging stuff and moving gravel and crap for a greenhouse his parents are building. The are like putting solar panels on it for some reason. At first he was shy and just said hello and stuff and did not talk much. But he smiled at me a lot and he has such a cute smile. It was kind of obvious I am watching him whenever he is outdoors and we even joked about it. I stand on our trampoline and just watch him over our fence. I asked him about his green house and he is really smart and told me all kinds of stuff about how to build things and plants and solar power. His parents are both college teachers so I guess he learns a lot from them. He laughed when I told him he was a green house nerd. He asked why I was always spying on him and I got really brave and just said right out “I love watching your muscles.” He blushed so so so red and then like turned away and would not face me. I thought I made him mad but he said that was the first time anyone said something like that to him and it kind of blew him away. I told him his muscles were perfect that he should never wear a shirt again and I could watch him all day. He gets red so easy and it goes from his face to his shoulders and neck. I asked if I should stop talking about his muscles and said no that he really liked it and it made him feel good so now I just keep doing it. He said he did not know how to flirt good and I said to just keep flexing. Now like a joke he flexes his bicep for me. We have an above ground pool and I wanted to invite him swimming but it was all gross and green even with the cover over the winter. I told him and he said he would help and he knew about the chemicals. We drained it and the liner was slimy so he got in the pool and scrubbed it with these big sponges on his hands and knees while I watched and sprayed with the hose sometimes and sometimes sprayed him. I got to watch him be all sweaty even close which was fun. After we cleaned it though there was a leak and we could not go swimming. He felt bad because he thinks it was his fault cause there was not a tear before. We did not get to swim because of the leak so that is sad and my parents said they will patch it. We did have a water fight and he looked so hot dripping wet. He is kind of dorky and shy but at the same time he is getting a little more cocky because I keep boosting him about his muscles. He is not a big body builder but he is so defined like low body fat you can see all of his muscles work and move when he just does ordinary stuff but his arms and abs are mega sexy cause they flex so perfect. He does this thing a lot where he stretches and it makes me want to kidnap him. He said he does not use weights but he does like some routine that you don’t need weights to do and he did some pullups for me cause I would not shut up and I think I want him to do pullups for me all day on my birthday LOL. He says he has adhd and so his parents give him lots of chores and he exercises a lot to call down too like if he cannot go to sleep he just exercises which I think is hot as hell. I have a purple swimsuit which is a little small for me and makes me look hyper sexy I think. Even though we did not go swimming I wore it while I watched him scrub the pool and he said “holy hell” when I walked out and I said what and he said it was a compliment and he did look at me a lot and I made him admit he had a boner and he blamed the purple swim suit’s fault and all my talk about his muscles. I was asking him a lot about dating and girlfriends and he thinks it is funny I just blurt stuff out and ask so much stuff but he says he likes it because he is shy and it makes him talk. Basically it was like truth or dare except all truth and only I got to ask. He said the girls where he lived before thought he was weird because of his always being distracted and fidgety and hardly talking and he did not do sports because he always made mistakes not paying attention. He admitted he was a virgin when I kept asking. We are both virgins. He said he thinks about sex a lot but has never even dated a girl. I normally don’t talk to boys like this but it was so fun making him blush and he was like so patient with me and I was nervous so I just kept talking and he laughed so much because I was so over the top so we just had fun with it. What sucks is he is gong to be homeschooled so I will not see him after summer at school but maybe that means I can keep him to myself. I drove him to Quick Trip to get slushes when he was looking really sweaty. We joked it was our first date. He paid but I had to go in the store because he did not have a shirt and he says he does not like being in crowded places. I could tell he was nervous about the people so I guess he has some social anxiety, but I don’t mind. He got in trouble for wandering off with me to do our pool and go to Quick Trip but his mom was nice and he had to go back to the green house thing so I just watched him until his dad came home and his dad gave him a lot of positive feedback and you could tell it meant a lot to him because he did really work hard and his dad waved to me and I said hi and apologized for distracting Riley and he was so nice and said he was glad Riley made a friend. As they went in the house Riley totally surprised me and did a bicep flex and wink. I want to kiss him so bad and do even more but I am mostly a big talker and flirter and he is horny but shy and does not realize what a hottie he is IMHO. This post is not about having sex btw because I think we both are going to stay virgins for a while. What I want to know is what is the best way to like turn this really good start in our first week into a real couple thing and make my hottie neighbor Riley my legit boyfriend. I don’t care about his ADHD and it is cute how he is always moving and can’t be still and is so easily off track. I will need to avoid getting him in trouble by distracting him. He knows how to juggle btw. And he can walk on his hands for like 20 seconds. We are going to time him to go even longer this summer. He agreed he needs a haircut so we are going to take care of that. So what are some idea on making Riley mine? How do I make him feel better about himself and know how awesome he is and that he should give dating a chance with me? Do you think he likes me more than just getting boner? What are some good excuses for him to be shirtless when I am around? Thanks for all your help everybody!!!!

First love or early relationshipks come with a big learning process. For most, it's a getting ones feet wet thing and naturally wading in further and learning more. I find it interesting that most young people today want to just walk to the end of a pier and jump right in where all the older well seasoned relationships are. Life doesn't work that way hon. Now he may show interest but it could go two ways, that he is interested in the experience of dating a cute girl just because she is willing and the other choice, the two of you are not a perfect match for long term and the interest will eventually wear off. It is seldom a couple meets as teens and stay together as husband/wife their whole life but it is possible.

So to answer directly on your questions:So what are some idea on making Riley mine? It is more about pheromones than not but mostly people pay attention to that when of marrying age and ready to settle down. Also, a dating partner or a partner of any level, is not something you can own, or 'make yours' because each person is given a free will to choose to do good, bad and choose what experiences you want to try and which not. So even if he is acting friendly now as a neighbor and someone you met, it may not mean that in the long run, that one or both of you will feel the same way. I do recommend dating as a learning time for yourself. Learn from his character as to what you do and don't like from a partner, even if there are other good attributes. The not so good ones are easy to overlook and ignore when you are not living together under the same roof, seeing each other on a daily basis. So some times a person may seem right based on how they look hot to you. But there is no answer other than you silently enjoying your feelings but spending time getting to be good friends without dating first, you know, the wading in slowly I mentioned. I have a reason for mentioning friendship first. It doesn't have to be a long time as you live next door and can see each other often but just talking if you run into each other outside is not enough for this. I mean spending time hanging out with at either your house or his and likely while parents are at home for their peace of mind. Once you have enjoyed much friendship together you say, "Since we are doing so great as friends, I was wondering how we might do as more than friends. What do you think? This is a subtle way to learn what you want to know, whether he feels the same about you or not. He doesn't feel put on the spot or any pressure. Guys tend to fear being truthful with girls because of a fear of the girls reaction if its not good news, her drama, crying, begging and so on. However here You are not saying I like or love you, just noting how good you both do as each others friends. The difference between friends and romantic relationships is only one thing, the pheromones I mentioned which cause the attraction and desire to be with the one you are friends with. Most married couples don't have both, they are either friends and have terrible sex, (I know you are waiting but this info affects your
future) or the sex is terrific but they are not friends and fight like cats and dogs. Number two, you can say encouraging things but you or me or
any person on the planet can not help a person change. If he is to feel better about himself if
that's truly the issue, it is only going to work if he comes to the realization himself. If any issue starts to interfere with regular life, then it is reason to see a professional counselor for help plus the last part of the sentence saying ". . . and that he should give dating a chance with me? " As I mentioned in what to say once you've spent time as friends only together, it is still his choice to say yes I want to try dating or if he feels friendship vibes only and doesn't feel the romantic ones towards you, he can let you know that as well. So you can wish that there is some magic potion, a fairy's wand or some black magic incantation you can use to make someone against their will, decide to date you, again life doesn't work that way.

Then you ask " Do you think he likes me more than just getting boner?" Hon, I am not a medium and I do not know your friend so there is no way to know the answer to that question. All I can say is if a guy really likes you, he will want as much time as possible to spend with a gal, in person first and also on cell talking and texting falls last cus you don't get the facial expessions or the hearing of inflections in the voice so tell when a person is serious or teasing.
Lastly: What are some good excuses for him to be shirtless when I am around. Oh Honey, he doesn't need your help to think up excuses. You already have stated how much you like that. If he wants you as his girlfriend, he will be more than eager to take his shirt off often. If when he gets over his embarrassment reaction, he decides he doesn't have those romantic feelings, just friendship, well he may not take his shirt off much unless he is feeling too hot, but not for you. Males are fairly simple to understand once you get older. Its just when starting out, females tend to think them more complicated than they are.

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I am in my late 60s and worked with computers as long ago as the 1980s. Whenever the subject of a computer comes up or the internet with a total stranger they never give me any credit for being knowledgeable with computers. Today I was attending a physical therapy session, and someone asked me if I know anything about websites at all. I was really amazed. I reply that I worked with computers in the 80s. I realize that maybe some people may not mean anything by it, but I'm getting so tired of people assuming that I know nothing about computers and even nothing about cell phones. I'm still young and attractive and I don't understand the reason for this. It is not like computers just came up on the scene 6 months ago. What do you think of this?

Looking young and attractive has no bearing on whether some one assumes you know anything about computers. People no longer think about when computers came about. My ex and I had a Commodore 64 when those were finally available. I was the generation when computers were just being introduced into the work place and switching over from typing a whole form letter to just changing the date, addressee and such. I am 63 but retired early so I don't get that at work and most of people I hang with now are 50s and older so I don't get ever. About the only thing asked is if I have an email address. I am the oldest of 3 girls and my sisters know less than me, because neither was in office work where they had to switch and learn. The world has changed a lot. For example, especially with the younger folk, they are expecting to be asked which pronouns they prefer if they are transgender, of if you innocently use a pronoun they don't like and they inform you of their pronouns. And the pronouns one wishes is very specific, others will answer to anything and it doesn't matter to them. I can't remember which person I call what when there are several. To me, this is all new stuff I need to learn when its not hardwired in at a younger age and memory is not as reliable short term. I have not heard of many training courses at jobs, through friends, that have trained people to simply ask this upfront. There is no training as well on how to learn if an older appearing person is one of those generations who were much older when computers first came out, approaching retirement and seeing no need to learn like my sisters. I can't email them as they haven't learned how to use email. That's one of the first things I learned. I think in most cases, a younger person doesn't mean to offend an older person by wording things awkwardly. Computers have been around a long time as you mention. I got married in 78 and a few years later we were working on getting our first home computer. I was 22 or 23 when we got something you could only play games on but in a couple years our jobs were putting them in. So there were many people older than me just learning. From someone in their 20s to someone in their 60s, that about forty years. I just don't let in bother me cus people who were around when something was new are just not going to know they came on the scene. Like my kids, if I hadn't told them, they assumed as kids and teens that cell phones has always been around and pc's too. In fact what I find hilarious is that kids can figure out how to run a complicated cell phone when they can't figure out what to do with a rotary phone, so if you need a good laugh after someone asks if you know anything about computers, watch some you tube videos about teens trying to figure out how to use a rotary phone. My favorite is grandma instructing them to call their mom from her place and to use that phone, pointing to the rotary and saying she would not help, and they had to figure it out themselves. So simple and yet they couldn't do it. You can just change your perspective and not let it bother you. I always use humor if it can help the situation but tone of voice and lots of genuine smiles are a must also. If someone did ask me if I knew anything about computers, I would explain yes, and that I have been using them since they appeared in the 80s. Then maybe ask if they know how to use a rotary phone. Some don't even know what they are called, let alone see one in real life, other than on old black and white shows or movies. When they answer No, then I giggle and clap my hands and say, 'then I still know more than you do." And then follow with a smile and laugh and sometimes I will even bat my eyes even to a female to just look funny.

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Some background information:
- my dad cheated on my mom and left us to live with his mistress
- my brother has a mental and physical disability
- my brother has severe trauma from all the fighting my parents did and his psychologist told me he trusts me the most
- my brother visits my dad every sunday and always comes home crying.
- last sunday my brother told me he did not want to see my dad anymore if I did not go with him because he only feels safe when i am with him
- a month ago my dad attacked my mom and got thrown into prison for a week (I was not home during this, I was at my dorm in another city)

Last week my brother told me he did not want to see our father if I did not come with because he feels unsafe. I called my dad and told him I would be joining them. He angrily said I was not welcome because I was the reason he got thrown into jail. I tried to reason with him because i had nothing to do with that situation but he did not want to listen.
What should I do now?
Do i send my brother to visit my dad alone again (he will probably cry and be afraid again)
Do i go with him anyway (my father will probably be really angry)
Do i keep my brother at home, where he will not see our das (dad wil probably also be really angry)

Well, the world isn't always fair. Some of us get good parents, and others get people who are kids in adult bodies. Whatever your Dad was supposed to learn when younger, he never learned so life will keep putting him in situations where he is forced to do the right things and so far, sounds like he is fighting tooth and nail to do or not do as he wished, heck with the rules, laws, common decency, and so on. The only change for the better for Dad can come from inside of him, of his facing what he is doing, admitting he was wrong and sincerely applying himself to whatever he needs to be healthier in his mind. There is a possibility that having a child with mental and physical disabilities was the final thing that sent him off track into this downward cycle, into which he'd like to drag any family he can. There is a reason for that saying, "Misery loves company" and it can mean simply that no one really likes being alone if they are living a life they are miserable with but it usually means, their drama is so far from anyone else, that such a person will do all they can to make them miserable too so that they can feel briefly good that someone else is miserable now too. It seems that's what Dad is doing with your brother. I used to do caregiving for a mentally disabled gal who lived on her own but needed some help. If people on the phone gave her the run around, she'd get extremely upset. Once she threw her phone on the floor real hard and broke it, another she called 911 cus her heart rate went up too high. Now this is just non targeted frustrations, the non help on the line with someone, and frustrating for even the non mentally challenged. So it definitely is not a good idea to allow your brother to go visit Dad. You don't take him and go along either. Dad won't have changed that soon. For many, its a lifetime and still no change for the better, and there is nothing you, brother or Mom can do to fix it. Your Mom may love the person he used to be but would be safer once he gets out if she gets a restraining order that keeps him from being within so many feet of her or the house or your brother. She might want to check on getting a legal separation. Not divorce yet. He gets a chance to go for professional help. If he doesn't within a time limit Mom sets, then she will file for divorce. I mention your Mom now as you boys aren't the only ones abused. Abuse is verbal and physical. I suffered verbal abuse in first marriage which changed at the end to also pushing and shoving me. It likely would have escalated. I went with him to a dr we both choose for him. I thought he was going to his appts til I over-heard him tell a friend on phone that he wasn't going, just pretending so I'd be happy. Funny, it didn't occur to him that it wasn't going to the Dr. I wanted the most but for him to change for the better, which was not happening so I talked to the Dr. who told me some people are very ready and work on change right away while others never change up to the day they die. Then he follows that with the question: "So do you feel based on what I told you whether there is any hope for your marriage?" My answer was no and that's when I began my plan to leave him. I hope your Mom can do something rather than just sit around waiting to see what happens. If she is prompted to, she can ask me more of my experience with an abusive husband. Sorry but your Dad most likely from what you have said is both verbally and physically abusive. You are the only one who can protect yourself cus no super-hero is gonna swoop in and save the day. I heard someone say that the definition of being insane is to have a problem that you can't fix (fixing your dad) and yet put yourself in that situation over and over, (seeing and visiting him) hoping that even with no changes to make things work now, that things will magically work fine. Thats crazy and yet so many of us without thinking of it, subject our selves to such bad stuff thinking it will get better. Once I realized he wasn't going to change, I had to learn next to never again subject myself to such treatment, from spouse, friends, an employer. For peace of mind, its not worth getting sucked into their game, thinking maybe we can win an argument, it won't happen. I know from experience with the ex. It didn't help when I detached my mind from the ex while he was chewing me out, my mind was elsewere. However, one time I didn't respond in anger when he was sure he would get an angry reaction now and he started yelling about how I didn't care and take things seriously. So all your decisions will need to be for the best for your brother and yourself. If I were you, I would not visit Dad at all, not to keep up the routine of visits that only hurt you two.

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I want very badly to move out of state. I have a lot of personal belongings in a storage facility. Could someone please tell me the best fastest and cheapest way of moving them out and getting them to where I want them to go? I don't have any furniture or appliances. They consist of luggage bags and boxes. I do not drive and have no vehicle. What also complicates this is that I am not sure where I will be living when I get to the new place. At first it will be it will have to be some type of hotel. I greatly appreciate your advice thank you.

I would advise against taking things out of storage facility until you have a permanent place. If it is a ton of boxes, a hotel may not allow you to fill up your suite with them and as you said, you don't drive so they cant be sitting in your own vehicle. I don't know how many boxes and things but it is very likely that you will not be able to fit them into any car that you might borrow or buy for someone else to drive. If you drove, renting a box truck if no issue but since you can't, you may want to hire an actual moving company, even if its a smaller owned business, maybe two guys. But you'd probably have to pay them very well for their time, driving your stuff out of state, maybe motels too as they wouldn't need them if not doing this job for you. It may not be easy but just call around and say you are curious for the future and if you find a company, tell them you will let them know once you have a place. To get yourself out of town, its an easy bus ticket to where ever you want to go. This means you are packing along a bag of your clothes and bag of toiletry items and maybe small memento's. You then check around town for a job first, a cheap place to stay and save up money
to get your permanent place. If there are other crucial things you may want at your non permanent place or permanent place, pack and seal a box to leave with a close friend, when you have a postal address for the friend, give it to them and money for the cost to ship. I did this once, but I already knew where I was going, I merely shipped a box of stuff that wouldn't fit in my car.

Now, you don't mention the reason for the 'need' to move so I doubt its for a job or just to see new scenery. I don't even have your age, so if you are not yet 18, you are still a minor and so going out on your own means running away from home. If home life is really that bad, whatever the issues are, consider talking to relatives who will side with you if the parents are truly in the wrong, and ask their help for giving you a place to live, and if they want to be on the legal end of it, then it involves child protection services, maybe even a court but relatives get first dibs on a kid, I know from my own family issues like that in the recent past, not me but someone else. You can be awarded to the relative. Finish school if that applies, or get a job and work hard and save all your money. This way, You are not on your own and have someone to help you.

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So I have a friend who is a guy who I have started to think about more romantically after I saw him wearing a spiderman costume which showed off his very cute muscles which I had never seen before. Side note he had the costume because he is a marvel maniac and we were going to a children’s hospital and thought it would be fun to do costumes. The kids loved him and he totally got into the moves and hanging from stuff even upside down. He only fell once. He has always been a cute guy but nerdy and shy and totally hid his bod in clothes too big for him. Our friend group includes some athletes and I can see him being intimidated being smaller. But the truth is he is sexy fit. He has visible well-defined abs. We are not talking huge muscles like the football players but everything about his muscles was so perfectly shaped under the costume and he totally has a cute butt all of which I could see in the costume. If you think about it those spidey costumes are like skin tight and show everything. We got a moment of privacy and I made all kinds of comments about his body and asked why he had been hiding it. He just stuttered. Without asking I touched his arm and chest and then his butt and abs and I kissed his shoulder and told him he was hot. He had the mask on but he turned his back to me and asked for privacy. I realized he had a boner and could not hide it so I got protective and back in friend mode and sort of distracted people when we got off the elevator and he went to the bathroom to do whatever boys do. TBH I have the hots for him now. He is shorter than most of the guys but he is still one inch taller than me and is so funny, kind, and cool to be around once you get him to talk and open up. He just does not realize he has the secret bod of a superhero. LOL Maybe I am being shallow focusing on his newly discovered physical hotness, but he is so yummy and the idea of seducing my cute nerdy guy friend is exciting even if it is just FWB. I would totally date him even though it would be weird at first. Besides his spidey muscles he has great manners and I think would be a thoughtful boyfriend. He is 15 and I am 17 btw. He is a virgin I think. I am not but hardly anyone knows that. Not sure what to do next exactly. Any ideas?

If he enjoys spending time with you as friends, there is one thing you can say to know if he likes you only as a friend, or more than friends.
Once you have spent some time just hanging as friends, you can ask, "Since we are doing so great as friends, I just thought of this , , ,do you think we'd do just as great if we were more than friends?"
This way you ask his opinion without cornering him. He will feel more secure in telling you the truth...whether he says, yeah I think we can be more than friends, lets try, or he says, I like you as a friend but I don't have romantic feelings for you. Keep your smiling face and then decide whether you want him only as a friend, no seducing as you call it.

I will post link for description as the word seduce has a lot to do with getting a guy to have sex when he is already taken or married. Here's the link: https://www.thefreedictionary.com/seduce

If you meant another word, then forgive this but I can't let it go by, since following up on it is not necessarily a good idea. Generally all teen boys will be way hornier than girls and if there is an opportunity to experience sex no matter if first time, they can easily be talked into it. However there are laws that differ by state as to the age one must be before considered the age of consent to have sex. It will vary by state from age 16, to 17 and 18. Next link will list the states by the age. So he definitely is not old enough even if your state allows it at 16. If your state doesn't allow until 18, then you as well are not old enough. The solution is to wait until you are both of age and do only the kissing and hand holding if as more than friends. Now I will add a couple things I have learned as it may be helpful. Yes, having the chemistry sexually is important but so is being each others best friend. Most people end up marrying only a best friend but neither feels sexual chemistry, though they hoped it would develop. Thing is, its either there or its not. The other half of people found a perfect sex partner but they are not friends and fight with each other alot. The other half, since not having much sex if any with each other, are prone to finding sex with someone they do have sexual chemistry with. And hardly any one is strong enough to end that bad relationship and search for the right one. I just have to say I sensed more than you saying how much you may want to have sex. This is when I recommend masturbation, no matter what anyone else says, its a private thing, you do just for you. As for toys, too young for a sex shop so the solution, not for a dildo but for arousing the clit, is to use a battery powered toothbrush, just not the bristle side, on the clit and you will have orgasms. I have tried many toys in my life and I still prefer the toothbrush, we keep one bedside.
If this is just innocent wanting to have a boyfriend and not rushing into sex, as you grow older and more experienced, you will know what I mean by 'some times 2 people who are friends will hide real feelings or develop them along the way. But not all will have those crucial feelings mutually, for each other.' Why? I don't know for sure but there are arguments for pheromones having something to do with it. And I feel pretty sure from my observations that it is pheromones. Our noses have an organ that picks up on scents that your conscious self usually is incapable of smelling. It is like what happens in the animal kingdom, finding each other by scent. I have found that if the pheromones are not a total match, maybe half way or less, the excitement of the new relationship falls away quickly and you're left with nothing. That happened in my first marriage. Now I am happily remarried to a wonderful man. No he doesn't have abs or a hot body, and we have aged so theres sagging skin and wrinkles but despite those changes we are still handsome and beautiful to each other, probably because of our unconditional love for each other. So the bad news in all of this is that you can not do anything to change your pheremones to match that of some one you are into. The best thing you can do is be a great friend, ask your question and then proceed from there.

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This is embarrassing thing to talk about but it is all anonymus so I guess that makes it ok. I am sorry if I say anything not okay but seems like people talk a lot on this site about a lot of things and it is very open and they talk about very personal stuff and about sex also. I have questions about masturbation. I am a guy and I am now a teenager and I have puberty and all that.

1. A girl I know was texting me and wanting to know personal stuff like what do I do and touch myself and how often and it was exciting to be asked but weird and I do not know her well enough to know if she would share what I say and plus I don’t want to be a freakzoid so I told her I don’t think I should talk about that with girls and she said something rude so I am happy I did not share my information no matter how fun it was she was talking about sex stuff. What do y ou think on that one? I am pretty sure that was smart play.

2. Is there like too much like too many times in a row or too many times over total to ejaculate. I can wait sometimes for days if I keep busy with other stuff and like try to do normal things not about sex but when I do start it is like one time is never enough and I like it so much I just want to make it happen again and fun to see how many times I can do it without breaks but I think I am like addicted to fun it feels and like go for hours instead of falling asleep and just make myself hard over and over and like imagine I have to do it to prove myself I can keep going.

3. I made a thing with bubble wrap like for packing stuff and tape that fits like perfect over my erection and I use baby oil and it is better than anything and I just never want to stop it sometimes. But I ran out of the baby oil and used tanning oil. Is using that stuff ok? I don’t want to do something stupid. I mean both are for the skin right?

4. Will doing this a lot help me be better at real sex or will it mess me up because I am doing it too much? Should I take breaks like a week off or does that even matter? If I time myself and to not lose control longer and longer would that be good for having sex wit a girl someday? Like training for sports? Or is that just dumb.

5. I don’t need to know details but do girls do stuff to themselves a lot or just sometimes or is this mainly a guy thing?

6. I know it is like a sin but also normal and there is like probably some balance but I think I am a little obsessed and it is worse on days when a girl talks to me or flirts and I sort of go overboard thinking about it. Will I probably calm down if I get a girlfriend or will it just get worse?

Those are all my questions. If this not posted I will know I asked too much or said things too detailed or sexual. I apologize for doing that if I did and will not be mad about it.

Signed, TANNER
as a joke cause of the sun tan oil :-)

I am female but have a husband to ask on some of these. The first one, if a girl or a guy or anyone wants to know answers to sexual questions about yourself, they are in the wrong. It is not polite to ask. Heck, I even never asked when older and dating after a divorce. I am remarried and it never occurred to me to ask. I do of course discuss lots of things very candidly and let guys know what my boundaries are. I feel dating is for after you have met someone and you both seem to like each other and want more time with the other, so you date to learn more in depth about the person. Once you are close to someone, and if old enough in your state to consent to sex, then talking to that partner about what you like and don't like is normal, in fact, a crucial part ford any couple who are sexual together. I am with 2nd husband almost 13 years and we always find something to say.The mood of ones body may change and all of a sudden, what was feeling good before can feel like the skin is rubbed raw or i have felt some pinching feelings and I explain that it felt good at first but changed. This helps encourage ones partner that you enjoy what they do but when either says stop or uses a safe word between you, something may have changed, just for the moment, not for ever. But this gal is doing what many teens are doing: Having an LDR and trying to masturbate on line together, or send nude pics by phone, or just getting their own kicks by hearing what other people do for sex. Do we ask people what their showering habits are, how they drive, to give details on what they earn or what their budget is like? No. These would all be personal questions that only should be known by you and the one special person in your life.

2, Masturbation is fun and enjoyable.As with anything in life, too much of something is not healthy or not good for a person. Example: Taking only small risks with your hard earned saving. Too much would be taking ALL of your savings and investing in something new and unproven. Vices like drinking, gambling can be too much. You may not hear it on sex. But at the point that the amount of sex you have, and that can be with multiple women or just yourself can become out of control too. At the point that sex interferes with your daily life, then it is a problem. Masturbation instead of sleeping when you should, y the definition would be sex in excess, not allowing for enough hours of sleep. There are groups and therapy for a person who has too much sex. I don't know what they would be called. You could ask your Dad to help, perhaps set you up with a counselor who works with people who have an amount of sex that affects their life, like some people not shopping for more food, having sex instead until there is no food in the house, having sex instead of studying. My husband agreed that there is such a thing as too much sex and he is still a very sexual man, happy to have sex every night unless one of us is sick or too sleepy, fighting off a bug. The difference is, he can have sex when he doesn't have any other commitments he needs to be present for such as our volunteering at church kitchen for community dinners. If someone is missing, it makes the dinner all the harder on the other volunteers. So having sex instead of going to wherever you have a commitment to be, would be bad because it affects your life and by your being taken up in this habit you are not available to people you interact with daily and that may hurt them. I vote for seeing a counselor.
Number 3. Use of tanning oil. I read a couple articles about applying sunscreen or tanning oil for those who tan nude or for nudists. It sounds like the oil won't hurt the penis. However, if you are sensitive to perfumes in soaps or lotions, there is always a slight chance you could get skin irritation from the fragrance or something else. However, that is a very slight chance.

Number 4. Having more sex does not make you any better at having sex with a partner. In fact, you will find that what worked with a first female you were sexual with, may not work with the next one. Each woman is different so she needs to give her partner feedback even during sex, asking for something instead of what is currently not doing it for her. The same goes for the guy being verbal and forthcoming about his needs.So basically, you have to learn what each new partner wants. You can't go by what the last lover wanted.

Number 5. I can't speak for all females. It also depends on how her hormones are affecting her. But for the most part, the majority of females do not give themselves pleasure on a regular basis. Almost every female has at least once given herself an orgasm. However I have heard of females who are so sexually charged, they want sex all the time. This group is the exception but not the norm.

Number 6. It is a known fact that most young teen males are all crazy about the topic of sex, hearing of others experiences with sex, wanting to have sex with whichever sex they are attracted to, and having sex on a regular basis. So if hearing a girl, or just seeing her, causes you to have an erection, then it sounds like you are a normal male. Males will get hard just talking to a woman they like, even when older. However, the body changes as it gets older. Yet even so, even if not fully hard, a man can hold the erection and enjoy an orgasm. But men do not ever have their penis reacting in some way to a woman, whether getting totally hard, semi hard, flaccid but a tingling sensation is felt, feels good. So it never stops,, it just isn't as frequent when one gets older. Getting a girlfriend doesn't help, cus if it did, someone would have made millions charging for this advice to men. Seriously, teen boys think about girls and sex most of the day, like probably 90%.
If you ask any men to answer how often they think about sex or a special female, he will say 'All the time' or 'couple of times during the day. Of course it is more frequent with young males due to their youth, but even really ancient looking guys never lose the interest, they just lose the ability to do something about it. My husband told me how his mentor once told him something of a sexual nature. He told my husband who was a teen at the time to never stop masturbating ever, even if you don't have a girlfriend, masturbation is vital. It is vital because those who stop even masturbating when a relationship breaks up, will find their body slowly adapts to shut off any sexual feeling and reactions from his penis. So to keep ones ability to enjoy a sex life real, basically 'keep up the masturbation' just don't let it rule your life. If you can't say no to not touching yourself there or masturbation for 3 days, then you might have a problem says my hubby. If there is anything I can help answer, let me know by going to list of advicegivers, finding me at dragonflymagic and from my column is the button to write again anonymous again also, but it goes just to me instead of being posted for any general advice giver to answer if they wish.

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I am 33 I just didn't know if a teacher could go out with a student.

When it comes to dating, some companies have strict rules to no dating in the workplace. Since he is working for a school, he would know if he can or not. Generally though, there's no reason why a student and teacher can not date or just go out unless one or both of you are 18 or younger.

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