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Hello... i have some updates on my story, if you can advice please ((..
Female 33 years old, partner same..
We've been together for 2 years.. with ups and downs like every relationship, but somehow we manage to overcome it was a strong bond that we had, or at least i believed so...
Lately the relationship started to take a different form, from his side indifference, distance, not paying attention , no communication and not involving me in his everyday life).
From my side as a result.. over extreme Jealousy, desperate for love and attention, accusing him for things like cheating flirting..
In the end we both reached to a place where he had enough and i was lonely, but we never confront each other.. and it ended so badly that whenever i remember it, it's only pain.
now 1 month later it was really hard for me in every way possible, i had my ups and downs, crying , the anger, the disappointment all at once.
Now ... he wants me back, he tried to talk to me, we saw each other after long time, he said we needed this, needed this shake to come back to our senses, we were both doing mistakes and we forgot how we use to be, he told me he has more mistakes that he feels more responsible, and ready to make this work if only i leave everything behind and start new chapter without over thinking or doing more damage.
There's another thing,, he told me he was seeing someone during this time, and now all i'm thinking is "her", questions arising by itself..
Any suggestion that might help..??
And later he told me she’s pregnant, and he wants to stay with me, he will do his part as a father, taking care of the baby and everything, but he wants me on his side…
I can’t do it, it’s too much… I will be in the middle of everything, specially when we live in Dubai and 3 of works in the same company..
He regrets everything that he done to me to her.. she wants to stay with him and have a family but he doesn’t want that.. things getting out of hand.. she’s started to text me because he told her everything, that he made a mistake and wants a life with me ..
Now there’s a chance that she might abort the baby .. i feel blamed and guilty for what I don’t know.. my heart aches for him i still want him, but this is all too much..
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When you say, this is all too much, it sounds like you have made your decision. But I figure there must be a sliver of doubt in there as to ending it with him. When I faced making a decision to leave my ex of almost 30 years marriage, I had a sliver of doubt until I thought the following.
Can I handle life with him as it stands now for another 6 months? Yes, of course but I would be stressed. Can I handle a year more of the same drama? 'Very hard but I can do it, but won't be happy ' I thought. Can I handle the same for another five years, no changes for the better and probably fighting due to the drama and the kids being affected. This thought scared me as I really thought hard and imagined my life being like it was for five more years. Then I asked myself if I could handle the same for another 10 or rest of my life and I instantly burst into tears. I knew I couldn't handle it. I was lying to myself that I could really stick with it all. We tend to play tricks on our own mind when we look at just the short term. Yes, we all can handle some tough stuff for a short while, but it becomes stressful, 24/7 stress. And what stress does is it needs to travel somewhere, either your mental/emotional health or your bodys physical health. On one hand, it can get as bad as depression, or start as a cancer or heart trouble all due to the stress. It isn't worth choosing a path that will do this to you. If he truly is not interested in the other woman carrying his child but she wants him, it doesn't matter if she's pregnant or not, she will forever be in your lives, interfering and trying to get him back. Now imagine having a father of your own kids, kids who mimic everything they see and hear their parents do. If he could so easily have a relationship outside of yours, do you believe it will never happen again? Wrong. Most often men who do this sort of thing are either with a woman they really don't click with but they love right now. The love will wear away someday and if it started with two mismatched people, he will at some point go looking for sex outside of relationship or marriage again. The other scenerio is the man who is a bad bf or husband material because he tires of women quickly, always looking for the next excitement and high, the high of the feeling one gets when in a new relationship. NRE or new relationship energy gets some people off track thinking they are perfect for each other when in truth, it was only the drug-like effect of a high, the newness and excitement of a relationship instead. Too many end up with just a best friend but lacking the lover part. So yes, you can feel love for the best friend you have but if he isn't solely into you for a woman and romance, love, sex, then unless there is a very grand life altering experience he goes through which changes him immensely, he will continue down the same road, and possibly get better at hiding it too, especially because he is now embarrassed and afraid of your response. Instead of stopping, guys will become secretive. Now think how this will impact your children, boys especially, who may grow up to marry and consider the wife the baby maker and other women to fulfill only his sexual desires. First husband never looked at me with desire in his eyes. My husband now, my second choice, is a man whom I can see the desire in his eyes and he mentions how much he wants me and ogles me when I don't know he's looking. Also, his calling this a mistake is the wrong word. A mistake is when a person not good at math is measuring and cutting boards to build something and finding they don't measure up right, cus the person made a 'mistake' in measuring. The key here, is that they first thought they were doing the right thing.
Deciding to give in to lust and sleep with another woman is not something that he thought was the right way to do things when he started that affair. It was ignoring of his own knowing that it was wrong and going ahead with it, going for the short term pleasure he would get, totally wrapped up in thinking about what it was doing for him, not how it might affect you or even the other woman. So look at this as it not being a mistake, but a calculated choice in his favor, not yours. If he cares so little of how this will affect you, he doesn't love you enough to make this work for you long term. Or perhaps he only says it but doesn't love you. Some people are afraid to be alone so you may simply be his security blanket, I have seen that situation before. As long as there is a warm body to come home to instead of an empty apartment, the guy is content to roam like a male cat that has not yet been fixed. It may be the only time he failed and yes, its possible he may never do it again but force himself to stay with you when his heart is not always in it and he doesn't love you enough to make you happy. He had already shown he doesn't care for your feelings, and that he thinks selfishly of his needs and wants only, thinks only in the moment, not able to look ahead to possible consequences of his actions, and so forth.... I can say, its enough for me personally to avoid dating a guy like that, too much like my ex.
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