AskJR's

advice column

about

I'm psychic and a sociologist, and combined with the many different professions I've had, husbands, friends and family, and my share of bad neighbors too, gives me the knowledge and experience to cast new light on many old problems that we all face. Ask questions about anything you want and need answers to: Boyfriend or husband, school, sex, decorating, careers and career changes, family and friends, pets, diets and health and illnesses, finances, moving and relocating, divorce or marriage, and the nosey problem neighbor. -- Ask JR

advice

ok. i really need to lose 20 pounds. i gained them way to quickly and i jsut need to lose them. i dont really have the time to excercise alot and im just going to try eating alot of fruits and stuff. but what are some things that are fun and challenging and dont require leaving your room? (it will be at night when i cna do this and when i have to sleep) i know to do crunches and sit ups and all that boring stuff. i mostly want to get my thighs and stomach toned up. and maybe my butt. does the bicycle movement really help? orr? also if you give me some can you please tell me how to do them a little bit? thank yooh =] and please dont say you dont need to diet. because i do. its to the point where its not healthy. and i need to. im 20 pounds over the average weight for my height and age. i jsut want to tbe able to wear a bikini without a cover up and not being so self consious. i want to be comfortable with my body. so please help.

There's no easy answer. It takes work and effort to loose what you've put on by eating and not being active.

No fast foods, no fried foods, no pasta, no potatoes, no breads, no sodas, no butter, no salad dressings, no junk.

Eat healthy: fruits, vegetables, fish, skinned chicken broiled or baked, milk, drinks with no calories, lots water, salads with calorie-free, low-fat dressing, etc.

Do your sit-up crunches, and bends, and as for the butt, stand with hands braced on back of chair or hold something, then kick leg back, bend knee back in, kick leg sideways, bend knee back in, and kick back behind up again. You can feel the gluts (butt cheeks) stress and strain.

Google butt exercises. Bicycle movement is good for lower and butt and back.

You want that bikini? You gotta work for it. There's no easy or lazy way around it.

Hang that bikini on your bedroom wall to remind you of what your goal is--and look in magazines and find the perfect girl you'd like to look like, (body) and cut it out and hang it on your refrigerator to remind yourself.

Motivate yourself to get there and do it!

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i liked this guy for a long time and now i kinda over him. my friend likes him now and im all defensive. i cant talk to her cause i have a boyfriend. but idk if i like my boyfriend, but i just started going out w/ him today so i cant break up with him yet.. i went out with him cause we're friends and hes nice and hes like in love with me. i just dont feel the chemistry. this is my first boyfriend. im a wreck. i cant eat, think straight, etc.



xclueless

Your question description is confusing.

You liked this guy for a long time but "kinda over him" and your girlfriend is going out with him so you are "defensive" meaning "jealous?"

But you starting dating another guy today, that really likes you but you don't feel any chemistry with him.

So WHO is your first boyfriend? The one you used to really like that your friend is seeing or this new one that you don't have any chemistry for?

So WHAT exactly is your question?

What to do about her dating your ex-boyfriend that you really like?

If so, you have no claim to him, he is an ex-boyfriend. But-- talk to your friend and tell her how you're feeling about it-- that you still like him and are jealous but don't want to be.

Maybe, if she's a really good friend, she'll stop seeing him to spare your feelings. But she'll never know to make that choice if you don't tell her.

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ok sorry this is gonna be somewhat long ok this year im going on a vaction with my family like one of the all inclusive resorts in tthe caribbean and the drinking age down there is 18 ok im 15/f and i could probley easily pass as 18 bc im really tall for my age and i have the body of an 18 year old if you catch my drift. what would happen if they didddd serve me alchol and thenn like i got caught or something , could i get in like in trouble like not by my parents bc i dont think they'd care that muchh

You would not get into trouble if caught, but the bar that served you as a minor would. Unless the Carribean has law that hold a minor accountable for passing themselves off as 18.

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okso this girl just told me that she likes me, even though i had known this for a while, and i like her back. and we are both getting to highschool early today so i can help her with some homework, but i was hinking sometime during it i will ask her if she wants to go outside and at one point i will take her hnds and ask her out, and if she says yes, then i will kiss her, any tips or help of how to do this?

Do exactly as you plan, but the kiss should be executed slowly, (advance to her slowly and gently) then softly and briefly kiss her unless she responds with a more passionate fashion-- then go with the flow.

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if it is possible for a woman to still see her menses during pregnancy, does it follow that she will ovulate too.

You will NEVER ovulate when pregnant-- ever, ever, ever.

As far as menses during pregancy: It is not uncommon to spot during early pregnancy. However, there is a rare occasion that a woman will continue with her monthly cycle during a full-term pregancy, but extremely rare. Extremely.

Menses are washing the unfertilized egg and hormones that built up on the uterus (that allows a fertilized egg to attach) every month that a woman did not get pregnant.

Therefore, the majority of women, will never have a monthly cycle when pregnant. No need to, and the body is designed that way.

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(I’m a Female)

I told Sandra how I have feelings for her for 6 years, we been friends for 8 years. I wanted to let her know about my true self and what was bothering me. (But I wasn’t asking her out.) And I thought it’ll be a good idea to tell her in a chat room because I was nervous talking to her face to face.

I can’t find out who I am yet. I don’t know if I like women because she is the first women crush I ever had. And I only went out with two guys and I never went too far with men and I get curious how it’ll be like.

Sandra answered me in the chat room:
“I’m fine with it, not saying I feel the same way because I really don’t know what gender I like yet, I’m not looking for a relationship at the moment so I not looking a them like that. But I’m fine with it.”

I’m glad that she said that. Right after our chat online she asks if she can come by, so she did.

So the next day she was online and we chat about work and school. I wanted to talk to her about what she meant of her not knowing what gender she likes. We are on the same page trying to see if we both like the same sex or might be bi-curious. I ask her and she responded: “Don’t know. I just never felt a pull towards any direction, to guys but like I said I ‘m not looking for a relationship right now”
She had to get off line (she told me that before I ask the question) because her mother needed the computer. I ask if I can call her and she called me.

I told her “I was just curious of what your reason is,” she said “oh” but I had the feeling she didn’t want to talk about because it got all silent on the phone. So I changed the subject. Why is that? I just want a friend to friend conversation like I do with my friend Eddie who is bisexual. We always talk about same sex relationship and his relationship about his boyfriend. What is the deal?

She obviously does not want to get involved with you (her long time friend) by proclaiming the not wanting a relationship and cutting conversation short once.

She might be in the same boat as you as far as bi-curious and all, but doesn't want the involvement with you-- probably because she is happy with your friendship.

Sex always changes a relationship, especially a long term friendship.

It can end it entirely, very fast.

What would happen if you both persued this sexual relationship and it interferred with the friendship you have now, and she or you, meets someone else, boy or girl?

It's called a "break up" and then, the friendship ends.

Your call.

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im 16/f and i really wanna get my lip pierced but my mum thinks it looks awful. What can i do to convince her??

and i havent told her whether i want the bottom or top done yet coz i cant decide!

plz help!

Is it legal where you live to get piercings at age 16? Do you need your mom's permission to get a piercing?

There are temporary piercing rings, (no bar-bells) the clip-on ring type for lips and nose that you could try out and see if your mom can and will get used to it, if not accept it and okay the real piercing.

Google body piercing jewelry and you'll come up with sites to look and search for the temp rings.

But, if you really want your lip pierced, bar-bell style, permanently, and you can without your mom's permission, then do what makes YOU happy.

As far as making up your mind on which side: most right-handed people are comfortable with left piercings. Left-handed people are more comfortable with right piercings. Bottom is more comfortable in kissing situations, BTW.

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i went out with my ex-bf of 2 weeks for a month. today i went back to his place after school and we ended up having sex. but we both knew what we were there for. we both needed it. i dont know what to think now. he says he only dumped me coz he has trouble staying with one person if you know what i mean, but there has been no one since me. so what should i be thinking right now? he wants to go out again. and i want to really badly too. but my bestie says its up to me but she doesnt wanna see me get hurt.

now dont get me wrong - i wanted the sex today, i needed it so dont think anything like he raped me or anything, ok?

thanks a ton

x

That's basically a "bootie call" and called a "XXX buddy" relationship.

Lots of people only see each other under the circumstance for "sex." No committment required.

It sounds like he does not want a committed relationship, freeing himself to see and date whomever, but: wants a sexual relationship with you, too.

It's up to you to accept those terms or not.

Are you willing to have just a bootie-call relationship? Do you have feelings for him? If so, kick the relationship to the curb or your heart will get broken as the bootie-calls continue to suck you in.

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Me (age 25) and my girlfriend (age 23), 3 days a go were having a brush, we were both wearing our under wears(both boxer type) and after we were both aroused she realised that there was a small stain on her under wear, we dont know if it was mine or hers... but we are both freaking out. So, please tell me... could the stain have caused pregnancy? what is the probability?

What kind of stain? A climatic stain?

If so, was it hers or yours?

You'll never know.

The truth is, sperm can't go through material, but in direct genial contact can make its way threw to the egg for fertilization.

If no genial contact was made (naked) then it is highly, highly, extremely highly: not possible!

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I'm 16 years old, so i know i still have some time, but i have absoulutly NO idea what i want to be when i grow up. I'm not really "good" at anything.
I'm good with detail though, and things like when i have a school project, i am pretty creative (like with the design of it). I can be very committed, and organ ized.

Does anyone have any ideas for me? OR do you know an ACCURATE carrreer aptitude test that is online?

ANYY advice you can give me would be GREATLY appreciated!!!!

Thanks so much!!

Make a list of all your interests and what you can do, i.e. creative, organized, etc.

Maybe this will help guide you.

If attention to detail and able to create and design, consider graphic art (computerized), interior design, office management, crafting businesses, etc.

Anthing to do with design as you have to be organized and detail oriented.

Research (Google) different ideas and see what "appeals" to you.

16 is NOT too early and time is wasting!

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Hi im 14/f and i want a bigger butt! My old boyfriend had said i didn't have a butt and boys at my school be joking saying i don't have a butt. So what are some things i could do to get a bigger butt or even just to lift it, Any advice is useful. Thanks!

Research on the internet butt building exercises (there are bunches) and do them religiously.

Also, in the meantime, you can buy a padded butt thing to wear in your panties and no one will know.

Plastic surgery is an option but not as a minor unless your state allows parental consent. The butt operation is implants and very risky.

Do the butt exercises!

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I have a distinct picture of what i want my future to look like (i want to be married to the great guy, with great kids, and live in a beautful house, and be the ultimate soccer mom (president of the PTA...on several charity boards etc.)

I'm really worried that i wont get this life, i dont want to sound like a snob...but if i end up living ni a asmall shack, with no husband and no kids, i'll be reallly sad.)

Does anyone ever really get the exact life they want?

We all have visions of our future (adult) lives.

If this is what you want then get your education and college if possible. This will increase your chances of meeting and connecting with the status of people (men to marry) in your future.

Work toward your dreams and goals. And never settle for less.

We all begin in a lower bracket of apartments and jobs unless born rich or educated, but build and work our way up from that.

Plan your goal and work your plan.

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i know this is random but...is there a actual disease were a guy can have both girl and guy traits

No disease, but we all have male and female hormones.

Some people have hormonal imbalances. A girl can have too much testostrone and a guy can have too much estrogen.

If someone has a perceived problem-- see a doctor for hormonal tests. Simple blood testing will reveal it.

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ok i have to wash my hair every day in the mornings when i get up to get ready because its oily and stinks. what can i do to keep my hair cleaner longer and not stink? i condition it and every thing and use a shampoo that doesnt make it oily. help! what can i do because i know its not good to wash your hair every day.

The products you use make all the differnce.

Use only shampoo for oily hair (find one that you like that works- trial and error method) and also a conditioner made especially for oily hair.

Do not use any product not specifically for "oily hair."

Also, a trick: After your hair is dry, shake alittle talc powder onto your palms and fluff in your hair and style. This helps absorb the oils.

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my mom and i hate eachother we can never even talk with out flipping out. she says im gothic and she says im suicideal and she says i wear all black every single day. I DO NOT I AM NOT. i never even wore ALL black before! IM NOT SUICIDEAL. maybe if she keeps yelling at me everyday for absolutly nothing. yea i might wear a black shirt and BLUE jeans. i dont even wear black eveyday. i tell her i dont and i dont. I DONT TRY TO KILL MY SELF. i know what i wear NOT ALL BLACK EVERY SINGLE DAY NOT EVEN BLACK EVERY DAY! she yells at me every single day for nothing. it makes no sense at all WTF! i dont get her how do i get it through her head. IM NOT SHE DOESNT GET IT. she sees me everyday. i know what i wear and im not suicidael!!!

Hey-- the solution is simple.

Research Goth sites on the internet. Save the ones you want to your Favorites...

...then sit down with your mom and show her all the Goth sites so you will educate her on what Goth really is and she will discover you are not one.

Talk to her and tell her you are not suicidal and not into all that crap.

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Can anyone tell me what Shapely Secrets really is? and what kind of exercises/activites it consists of?

It is a marketing make money sell.

http://www.shapelysecrets.com/

Does it work? Who knows? Do you want to spend the money to find out? That's up to you.

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weve been bestfriends 7 years but now i think were growing apart. im 14 shes 13. im very perky and peppy. she is very dark hearted. i wear pinks and brights she wears the blacks and darks. we have always been real different like this but now i gues its going to extremes. prep and goth totally different music she listens to screaming and rock stuff i listen to pop. even when we go to the mall i want hollistar she wants hottopic. when we go to dances its just creepy the people she can meet and how she dances. i dont wana lose her shes all i really got. i make it seem like i have alot of friends but its really only her. she has alot of gothic friends that were there for her when she was suicideal. she just scared me so i was kinda away i regret it now. now i realize that i left her when she was dieing literally how meaner can i get to her. leaveing your bestfriend to die. we talk over aim and very little at school but thats pretty much all. i dont like her friends i hate them so much their freaks and just try to kill theirselvs for fun? i told her that it made her scream and go to them. she doesnt cry not even through all the deaths shes been through. i can tell in her eyes shes dieing inside. shes always in trouble always pissed at something. shes very mad im scared of her she talks about death and killing and she can kill someone instantly shes just scarey. shes always with her other friends she said there the only ones in my life to understand me truely. they have kept her alive this hole year. she will not let anyone help her not even her parents but how do i. there is alot of questions about friends on here so i was hopeing anything will help me. anything please shes all i need

Your friend needs help. She has manic depression issues or bi-polar.

Do you know her parents well enough to talk to them?

A school counselor?

Or, voice your concerns to your friend and adapt to your differences and embrace them.

Opposites attract. Apparently you both share qualities that each admire and lack themselves.

The years of friendship speaks louder that anything.

Apologize to her if you feel you bailed on her and promise you will be there for her. She needs someone she can feel COMFORTABLE really sharing her deepest feelings with, without feeling she's being judged. That's why she hangs with Goths.

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i drink about 2 or 3 bottles of water a day, and i was wondering ...what does water do to your body? like, how does it affect a person's weight, health, etc. is there any bad side-effects or something?

Actually, we all should drink more than that per day.

Water flushes the body. It flushes the bladder and kidneys and hydrates the body-- replenishes what bad junk food and toxins build in our systems.

Water and vitamins are recommended daily regardless of age and diet.

Drinking water does not cause you to gain weight unless you have a retention problem and need diretic medication (older adults) nor does it cause or have any side-effects.

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how can you get over some one? i need help he got over me and everything he is doing is really hurting me. How do i fOrget about him>

You don't for sometime if you vested alot into the ex relationship and depending on your age-- it varies.

Some divorced people take years to even date again because of the mourning stage we go through...

...but the best way to get over anyone is to fall in love again...

Date and get involved with different people and spread your wings...

Time heals all wounds and new love replaces the old and "bad".......

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I got a stomach virus on Friday. I already had to miss practice, a car wash, and religon. I really don't want to miss school. Pepdo isn't doing such a great job. Any way to feel better?

As long as you are sure it's a stomach virus and nothing more serious (like everyone has it and it was likely you caught it)...

...then drink 7-Up, (not Sprite or Mountain Dew)...eat saltine crackers to settle any upset (recommended by doctors for pregnant women in first trimester with morning sickness) and eat light soups (no junk in it) and eat Jello.

This all eases the stomach, hydrates you, gives nutrients and settles the upset and discomfort.

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