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Silent conversation
(I’m a Female)
I told Sandra how I have feelings for her for 6 years, we been friends for 8 years. I wanted to let her know about my true self and what was bothering me. (But I wasn’t asking her out.) And I thought it’ll be a good idea to tell her in a chat room because I was nervous talking to her face to face.
I can’t find out who I am yet. I don’t know if I like women because she is the first women crush I ever had. And I only went out with two guys and I never went too far with men and I get curious how it’ll be like.
Sandra answered me in the chat room:
“I’m fine with it, not saying I feel the same way because I really don’t know what gender I like yet, I’m not looking for a relationship at the moment so I not looking a them like that. But I’m fine with it.”
I’m glad that she said that. Right after our chat online she asks if she can come by, so she did.
So the next day she was online and we chat about work and school. I wanted to talk to her about what she meant of her not knowing what gender she likes. We are on the same page trying to see if we both like the same sex or might be bi-curious. I ask her and she responded: “Don’t know. I just never felt a pull towards any direction, to guys but like I said I ‘m not looking for a relationship right now”
She had to get off line (she told me that before I ask the question) because her mother needed the computer. I ask if I can call her and she called me.
I told her “I was just curious of what your reason is,” she said “oh” but I had the feeling she didn’t want to talk about because it got all silent on the phone. So I changed the subject. Why is that? I just want a friend to friend conversation like I do with my friend Eddie who is bisexual. We always talk about same sex relationship and his relationship about his boyfriend. What is the deal?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
The deal is that she is not as comfortable with her sexuality as you are. She also may be worried that anything she says on the subject might seem like an invitation for you to "make a move" and she's obviously not ready for that. She's probably scared to death that in the midst of a conversation about being bi-curious or what have you, you might suggest kissing each other to see how it feels.
If this is important to you, you do need to talk about it face-to-face, but not under circumstances that will make her more nervous than she obviously already is. I suggest you try to talk about it in a public/private setting, like a park with few people around or a coffee shop corner where you won't be overheard. That way, she knows you won't "try anything".
I'm just guessing that this is what she's nervous about. It could be any number of things, but it seems most logical that she is in some way uncertain about her own sexuality and not quite ready to come to terms with it or even define it. When she says "I'm not ready for a relationship", it means exactly what it says, but it also means that she's not ready to even talk about one with you - and she thinks that's the way a conversation with you will go. And I can't help but think she's probably right; I imagine you would try to initiate a relationship with her if you could.
Be patient, and be her friend before trying to be her girlfriend. You may find in the end that this is all you can ever be, but if you push too much for what you may not be able to have, you run the risk of losing it all.
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She obviously does not want to get involved with you (her long time friend) by proclaiming the not wanting a relationship and cutting conversation short once.
She might be in the same boat as you as far as bi-curious and all, but doesn't want the involvement with you-- probably because she is happy with your friendship.
Sex always changes a relationship, especially a long term friendship.
It can end it entirely, very fast.
What would happen if you both persued this sexual relationship and it interferred with the friendship you have now, and she or you, meets someone else, boy or girl?
It's called a "break up" and then, the friendship ends.
Your call.
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