Website:
Dreaming Kat's KaveGender:
FemaleLocation:
I'm originally from Southern California, currently in TexasOccupation:
home maker and web designerAge:
27Member Since:
February 26, 2004Answers:
284Last Update:
June 6, 2009Visitors:
28654Favorite Columnists
DangerNerd
spacefem
chaos
MFS
Draak
about
Hi! At this point, I'm just checking back when asked a question. When my life gets less hectic, I'll start browsing to find questions to answer. But please ask; I will answer within 24 hours.advice
I have this friend and she seems kinda perverted, she's never had a boyfriend or anything. When i go to her house and change into my p.js or swimsuit or something it seems she is always watching. and she ALWAYS talks about how big or small someone's boobs are! I told her to stop talking about stuff like that and that i think she is a pervert, but she thinks i was joking. I just wish she would shut up!
I'm seeing a few issues in this "question".
1. Your uncomfortable with discussing other girls breasts.
2. Your uncomfortable being unclothed around her.
3. Your uncomfortable with the idea of girls/women being sexually attracted to other girls/women.
Suggestions:
1. The next time she starts talking about breasts, tell her you don't want to talk about it, and ignore any continuing comments. Fill in the space with other comments to try to "turn the conversation". This works when it's just the two of you, it might be harder if there is a group and your the only one who really doesn't want to talk about breasts.
2. Change in the bathroom, or wait till she goes out of the room to change. If she asks, tell her straight up that your uncomfortable with being watched while changing.
3. Get over it. It's a normal, natural part of some women's lives. Sorry, there really isn't a nice way to say that one. :)
It's important to note that even though I don't think you should be uncomfortable with the idea of lesbians, you shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable regularly by your friends. That's goes especially for changing clothes and other actions that leave one feeling more "vulnerable" than normal.
This kid in my school asked me to this party and I turned him down because i knew no one would dance. I want to know if he still likes me but i'm scared to ask. What do i do??
I assume your interested in knowing if he still likes you because you like him and are interested in getting to know him better.
You could also ask him how the party went, and then, since your talking about it anyway ;) mention that you really don't like parties that don't have dancing. If it turned out there was dancing, you can express regret at not going. Just to make things crystal clear to him, you can follow things up by inviting him to do something. If he says no, part with something like "well, if you ever want to go dancing [or whatever - something different than what you asked him to do with you], I'm interested in going with you." That lets him know a few things that you like doing, and that your still interested in him.
Alternatively, if approaching him is too hard, you could write him a note to say that you rejected the event, not him, and how he can contact you to get together sometime. Make sure you mention a few things you like doing so he can invite you to something you'll say yes to.
My best friend in 5th-8th grade, Charles promised me that he would go to our Freshmen dance no matter what! And now that it's ninth grade, it's in like 2 months. My friend Amanda asked me this morning on the bus who I was going to the dance with and I said Charles and then she goes and asks him 1st period if he'll go with her!! HE said he'll dance with her! That makes me so mad. Me & Charles haave talked about it, and he said if it gets that big of a deal he's not going to go anyways. Should I take him? even though he might dance with Amanda? - thanks alot
I'm a little confused here. Did he promise he would go with you to the dance as a date? Or just that the two of you would go as friends and hang out there?
Even if he's going with you as a date, I don't see why it's a big deal if he dances with someone else too. If he dances with you most of the time, and dances with her once or twice, and a few other people once or twice, it frees up time for you to talk with your friends and dance with other people too.
Personally, I'd be mad at Amanda, not at Charles. Although if you told her he promised he'd go, and didn't say he was going with you, she may have misunderstood and thought he was in need of a date.
i love seeing my room clean i truely do but i hate cleanin it when its messie and i know put it away after you take something out but sometimes i forget and it can be super hard and tips on how i can keep in check on how to keep my room somewhat clean....keep in mind at the age of 13 it can be hard.
Keeping your room clean is hard at every age. Trust me. But developing some good habits and strategies now will make it easier when your older.
Some ideas:
1. Set aside 5 or 10 min to pick things up every day at the same time each day. When you wake up, before you go to sleep, as a break when your 1/2 way through your homework, or whatever.
2. Keep a trash can in your room with an open top. Try to make baskets with your trash.
3. I love star charts. If your room is clean when you go to bed, give yourself a star. Set a goal - clean 3 times a week, all but 3 days in a month - something that you'll have to work a little bit to get, but that's not that hard. When your reaching your goal consistently, make it harder. :)
4. If it's mostly one thing - papers from school, laundry, art supplies, etc - get a box or a basket to toss it all into during the week, and then set aside an hour on the weekend every week to put them all away. In the meantime, your room will be mostly clean.
Good Luck!
what is the "Kegal Excercize???" Im confused..I hear people talking about it but I never know what it is specifically...please help!
Basically, Kegals are the most common way to work a set of muscles in a woman's pelvic area. Most of the time people discuss doing it in order to tone the muscles of and around the vagina (to "tighten" the vagina for increased stimulation during intercourse or for specific sexual methods like those taught in the Kama Sutra). Older women may also do Kegals because their muscles have gotten so weak they can no longer hold in their urine.
because the previous poster was incorrect when explaining how they are done, and I'm not sure I can do a good job explaining it, this site has information on how to do them (and pictures of the muscles involved): http://www.universityobgyn.com/kegal.htm
In case you want to try them, I've been told that the third method of "finding the right muscles" is the easiest, and that the "stopping the flow of urine" method doesn't always find the right ones.
I want to know different people opinions on christian people. Please share your opinion and express how you feel about christians today. Personal stories are welcome, and any experiences you had with christians/christianity. In general, I just want to get an idea of how most people view christians today. Thank you and I'll rate
This is more of a survey than a request for advice, but I'll bite.
I generally divide christians into three groups: annoying, lip-service, and "weirdoes" (several of my friends and I joke that it's highly insulting to call someone "normal"). :)
Annoying Christians are those who approach me on the street, knock on my door, or otherwise initiate contact with me for the sole purpose of converting me. If I want to know more about your church, I'll go to you babe. It's not like your a secret society or otherwise hard to find.
Lip-service christians are ones who parrot back what they've been told without thinking about it. They frequently contradict themselves because they've never actually thought about it. The ones who use these lines as explanations/justifications in discussions (especially political ones) tend to get a very harsh response from me. I don't view them any more fondly than I view the annoying ones.
"Weirdoes" are the good ones. I do know and respect several christians - my mother for instance is quite catholic. They have chosen a christian denomination (or sometimes a limited subset of the denominations beliefs) and have thought about it. They can defend their faith reasonably well, and will listen to me talk about my beliefs with the same respect I've given them. Sometimes that's not much, but when all's done, we agree to disagree and go on with whatever else brought us together.
r u bi or gay
I probably should reject this for stupidity, but since I'm quite open about my sexuality, I am pansexual. I have been attracted to males, females, and persons of changed, intermediate, and indeterminate gender.
No, I am not named jennifer, nor do I use it as a pseudonym.
i've kind of been seeing this guy and hes 3 years older then me but we havent really been seeing each other because he has other girls in his profile saying he can't live without them and so on.. and that he loves them and we arent going out.we just kind of hook up a lot. but i really like him and he says he has feelings for me too. and im a virgin and he says he is too. and he doesnt want to be. im 13 and hes 16. i really dont want to lose mine but i sort of do when im with him. but he wants to be my "first" and i dont know if im too young but i feel like im ready. if you do it once do you get addicted like drugs and end up doing it a lot? or can you just do it once and wait a while to do it again? i'm really nervous because hes serious. because i really care about him and i know he cares about me too. should i? plz answer i rate!
A few things you should think about:
* What do you want your relationship with him to be like? Are you willing to share him with the other girls? Having sex with him is quite unlikely to make him chase them off.
* Being a girls "first" is considered by many "players" to be bonus.
If he really cares about you, he'll wait. And he won't pester you about it.
It's true you can't ever get your first time back, and you will remember for the rest of your life. It should be special. However, just because you've had sex once doesn't mean you have to keep doing it. I lost my virginity and had sex one other time in my early teens, and then didn't have sex again until after I had graduated high school.
ok i know this was stupid of me but i told my boyfriend that i have had sex with 3 guys but ive really only had sex with 1 and it was a long time ago and he was really small so im still really tight down there. im afraid hes going to be disappointed because im really tight and hes gonna have to go slow at first. what should i do? or will he care that im tight? please help
I agree that if you can't tell him the truth, you shouldn't be having sex with him.
However, for future reference, different guys like different things. I don't happen to have a penis, but I've discussed such things with people who quite a bit. Most of them agree that the extra time it takes to get a tight chick warmed up and stretched out is more than worth it in the extra sensation. I know that many women (myself included) will do Kegel exercises to keep ourselves tight (and to perform interesting tricks, but that's probably more than you want to know right now).
For your own pleasure, don't let him rush things. You should be dripping - literally - before he tries to enter you with his penis. Have him use his fingers to stretch you out a bit. The more turned on you are, the easier it will be for him to get inside.
Foreplay is both fun and useful. Use it to everyone's advantage. :)
im 18 years old and my boyfriend and i have been together for almost a year and were thinking about having sex.. if we do, do i need to see a gynocologist (sp?). thats what ive heard but i need to know if its really necessary and how i would set it up. and what would happen there if i went?
Since there are many more horrid answers than good answers to this one, I'm going to add another (hopefully good) one.
When you are 18, you should probably start seeing a gynecologist weather you are having sex or not. They used to tell women they could wait until they were having sex, but lately I've been hearing that having pap smear and breast exam results on file from beforehand to use as a reference can be helpful.
How you go about setting it up depends on what type of health coverage you have. If you have insurance through your parents, I do believe that if your parents ask, the doctors are required to tell them in most states. Although personally, my mom came with me to my first appointment. We went to her gynecologist, who she found by asking one of our neighbors who had the same health plan who she liked best. I've almost always seen female gynecologists, so I refer to the doctor as "she" throughout. I do believe there are more male gynecologists than female ones, however.
If you don't have any health coverage at all, call Planned Parenthood. They might be a bit annoying about birth control, but you can select "condoms" as your preferred method. It's easier than explaining that your not having sex. :)
Every gynecologist always gives a urine test for pregnancy. Don't take it personally, it's just part of standard procedure and the nurse will get in trouble if she doesn't check.
You'll undress and put on a hospital gown, and the doctor or nurse practitioner will give you a breast exam. You will lie on your back and the doctor will use her fingertips to examen your breasts. It doesn't hurt, but if your very ticklish it might tickle a little. If you don't know how to do a breast self exam, ask and they will teach you how. The breast exam looks for lumps or other irregularities in the breast that could be a sign of breast cancer.
Next, you'll get a internal exam. Your feet will go up in the "stirrups" that come out of the end of the table, and they'll tell you to scoot down until the end of your butt is just hanging off the end of the table. It's really hard the first time, but try to relax. When your getting into position, remind them your a virgin. To help you relax, the doctor should talk to you and tell you what she's doing. If your nervous or jumpy, she'll probably touch your leg, then the outside of your vulva, and then insert a finger coated with KY. She move her finger around inside you while pushing on your stomach to examen your uterus. Then she'll insert a speculum. A speculum is a tool that holds your vagina open so the doctor can look inside and take the "pap smear". To do that, she will take a big Q-tip and rub your cervix to get a cell sample. It feels really odd, but it's very rarely painful.
If you were going to have any STD tests, they would be done now, with additional Q-tips. Since your not sexually active, she probably won't bother.
When she's done, she'll tell you it's ok to get dressed now. I use the gown to wipe off the KY that always ends up on my thigh. You get dressed and your done for a year. :)
If you have any questions about birth control, STDs, your period, or anything remotely related, go ahead and ask the nurse on your way in. Or the doctor when you see her, or the nurse on your way out.
I understand it's rather nerve-wracking to go the first time. You can take your mother, or a friend with you. I don't recommend taking your boyfriend, but they won't stop you.
I'm 10lbs underweight, I need to gain weight. Now that I identified the problem I want to fix it, but I think I have an eating disorder. I hate to eat around other people and some days I don't eat at all. How can I gain weight? I look anorexic.
I agree that you need to speak with a doctor about your aversion to eating around other people.
In the meantime, to keep yourself somewhat healthy, take vitamins and set aside time where you can eat alone - maybe when you first wake up or right before you go to bed. If you don't have a problem drinking around people, join them for lunch and get a milkshake. Drink "meal in a can" type things, like slimfast or boost. (Slimfast is aimed for people who are trying to loose weight, but a low calorie meal is better than no meal at all.) For quick snacks you can eat just about anywhere, try energy bars. They only take a few min to eat, and tend to have quite a few nutrients in them. You can also carry a sandwich bag with goldfish, graham sticks, trail mix, dry cereal, or anything else that you can grab a handful of and toss in your mouth when you've only got a few min alone.
I am having trouble, I'm babysitting for my neighbor. This one baby is very weird! She like poops every 5 mins. I do not want to change her diaper(that white thing that goes on her butt so she doesnt poop or pee in her pants). I am in the middle of watching a movie and she keeps crying. She has a brother too and he does the same thing(they are twins). It is crazy madness I tell you! So please help me and answer me ASAP! Tell me what I should do !!!! thank you!
You do have to change the babies diaper soon after the "poop". You only have to change a wet diaper when it gets full, or about every 3 hours for disposable ones. Cloth ones should be changed pretty much right after they go. If the kids have diarrhea, yes, it means you spend the whole night changing diapers.
When the babies cry, you need to pay attention to them. They might be hungry, thirsty, or if you haven't changed the diaper they may be getting diaper rash that hurts. They might also just be bored. It's your job as their babysitter to entertain them. Your neighbors not paying you to watch a movie, they're paying you to take care of their children.
First, let me preface this by saying that this is going to a bit long and that I'm not highly religious. I always believed that if you lived your life morally and right, God or the cosmos or what have you, would reward you in a way. You would be able to affect people's lives by the way that you live.
So I've lived my life well- I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, engage in pre-marital sex, am always kind, and work hard helping others, however, I'm losing my faith that its all meaningful. It seems to me that people in general are becoming too superficial. There is no more great search for knowledge and truth and TRUE beuty. People don't trust people anymore- always thinking the worst ulterior motive, even when there is none. I feel like I'm fighting a dying battle to keep a little bit of innocence and purity. Am I just being naive thinking that if I keep living my life the way I am, will "reward" me in the end? Am I the only one who feels like this? Am I the only one who thinks that we're not progressing but rather giving in to our most carnal urges? I'm losing faith and I know eventually all the people I help will feel it by the way I treat them. Your input would be appreciated.
In my brutal opinion, if your just being nice because you think that somehow you'll get something good out of it later, it's not really being nice; it's making a cold, calculated choice to act in your own best interest.
However, I really don't think your only being nice because you want to get a reward when you die.
Perhaps it will help to think of it more like this: I do good things because I want to be a good person. Search for knowledge and truth and beauty because these things are important to you. Find joy both in the search and when you experience them.
There are plenty of other valid ways to look at the situation, some of which are presented by the other columnists, but this is the one I use. I see-saw on wether humanity as a whole is worth it, but either way, I have a personal goal of being a good person, so even if they're not worth it, I should be good.
I hope that makes sense. :)
ok there is this guy he is my friend and he won't stop touching me or saying all this sexual stuff. He's really making me mad i don't know how to tell him because he's my friend, plz help.
Most of these pieces of advice are sound, but should be used in a certain order.
First, try talking to him. Don't do it in front of friends, but don't go off somewhere all alone either. Somewhere were people can see you, but not hear you if you keep your voice down is best. A public place, like a restaurant or school is good. Don't depend on him for a ride home from where ever it is either. Let him know that your uncomfortable with his inappropriate touching and sexual comments. Get him to agree to stop. If he doesn't agree, he's not your friend, and you should avoid spending time around him.
Then, the next time he does something inappropriate, make eye contact and shake your head, or quietly and quickly remind him. The word "no", even when spoken quietly, is a powerful word. You don't want to embarrass him yet. If it seems like he's really trying, keep it at this level for a while, and see if he does get better.
If he doesn't respond properly to a quiet reminder, go ahead and just say it out loud for everyone in the conversation to hear: "don't touch me", "you agreed that you wouldn't make comments like that", "that was rude". If this doesn't work, try to avoid hanging out around him, because he's showing you a marked lack of respect and is not your friend.
If he follows your around, or if your in situations where you can't avoid him and he doesn't improve enough, you need to bring an authority figure into it.
Okay! Im a Catholic. And I have no problem with it. Well, I know that you arnt supposed to cuss and say mean things, exs- raciest things and gossip ect. Well I have an African American Boyfriend- Im White. Anyways these kids on the bus are so mean to me. Like they know that my boyfriend is Black. And like the other day this one kid says "My brother had this dream and he was telling it to my mom. and his mom was like ' well Martin Luther King had a dream and he got shot' " and i was like you guys know that I dont like racist jokes. And like they cuss all the time, and i told them that i dont like it, and then most of the time when i say that i dont like it, theyre like "F*^ F*^ F*^ F*^ F*^ F*^ F*^ F*^ F*^ F*^ F*^ F*^ F*^ F*^ F*^ F*^ F*^ F*^ F*^ F*^ F*^ F*^ F*^ F*^ F*^ " and Its so mean! and like My boyfriend got me all into the Bible and like so now i know how bad lying really is and same with cussing, and like one time i told them a bunch of stuff, about my boyfriend, and then i regreted telling them because they always made fun of me for it. so i told them that i was lying and then i said that i was lying like right after i told them not to lie,so they made fun of me for that too. and and i was like well that was beofre i learned all of this stuff about the Bible. and then they would make fun of me like "IM SAVED" like and say totally sarcastically. Yah- so I know that you're supposed to ignor people like that, but not doing anything about it is just as bad as you doing it yourself. and i dont want voilence.
So any advice? I always rate a 4 or a 5 or nothing!!!
Thanks so Much!!!
*~!KeLs!~*
Since you can't avoid the kids on the bus, and you can't change or control what they choose to do and say, your stuck with figuring out how to deal with them. It sucks, I know. Kids can be quite cruel to each other.
As far as the cursing goes, since they're not your friends, just ignore it. You've told them several times, and they don't care. If there is ever an authority figure looking into it, mention it, but don't make a big deal out of it. There are a lot bigger problems here.
Since your already a target, I wouldn't aggravate it by commenting on conversations that your not a part of. If you are a part of the conversation and you find a joke offensive, go ahead and say "dude, that wasn't funny, it was stupid and racist." Don't tell them "I don't like it" - that just brings the focus back to you and you want to keep the focus on the "joke".
It's quite likely that they are saying and doing things just because they want to see you get upset about it. Staying calm is your best bet. Once you get out of school, things get better. :)
This may sound dumb but I really need help.
I was browsing the internet and remembered a site I had visited earlier called TeenOrg or something like that- it had like chat rooms and articles and stuff. I was pretty sure I remembered it, so I typed in teenorg.com. And viola, a teen porn page appears. Of course I closed it out, but I'm freaked now- my uncle fixes my computer quite often and I'm scared he'll see it.
My internet browser is Mozilla Firefox and my computer is Windows XP. How do I get rid of it?
It appears that everyone is giving you answers for internet explorer. Incomplete answers even.
Here is a condensed version of the thread at http://www.webuser.co.uk/cgi-bin/forums/showflat.pl?Cat=&Board=browser&Number=152273&page=0&view=collapsed&sb=5&o=93&part=
Go to: Edit -> Preferences. On the left-hand side of the window that comes up, there are all sorts of options. Each step will remove some of the "evidence". These instructions remove information on *all* sites, but it's also possible to remove information on just one site. If you need explicit instructions on how to do that, let me know.
1. Clear the Cache (files stored on your computer)
Advanced -> Cache -> Clear Cache
2. Remove Cookies (little bits of data sites store to remember you)
Privacy & Security -> Cookies -> Cookie Manager -> Remove All Cookies
3. Clear History and Location Bar History
Navigator -> History -> Clear History
Navigator -> History -> Clear Location Bar
I left out the information on removing saved information for passwords and form fields, because I'm pretty sure you don't need to do that.
If you need better instructions, let me know. :)
I make graphics and such but I was wondering if anyone knew a free, reliable, good, and useful graphics program which has no spyware, virus and such. Please help.
The GIMP! It's as good, if not better, than photoshop, it's free (by all definitions), and it's now (supposedly) easy to install on windows too! I've used it under Mac OS X and Linux, and I love it. :)
You will have to install 2 things, but both are downloadable from: http://gimp-win.sourceforge.net/
how can i give up the foods i love like ice cream, dots, and soda. i've tried so hard but i cant, whats an easy way?
I'm guessing your trying to give them up to lose weight, and not for a religious purpose (like, say, Lent). Which means that drastically cutting down is probably better than giving them up completely.
If your in charge of the shopping and kitchen arrangement, you can only buy so much, and put it out of sight, so you really have to want it bad to get to it. And you know that your only getting so much of it till next time.
True cravings can be satisfied by very small amounts, and sometimes by very similar foods. Instead of having a giant ice cream sunday, get a smaller bowl, slice up a banana into the bottom, and put a small amount of low fat frozen yogurt on top. And maybe a little syrup. just maybe, if it's been a really hard day or you need a treat. :)
Soda substitutions are a little harder. If you like the taste, try diet soda's - you can cover the "diet" taste a little by adding a few teaspoons of syrup, or a few tablespoons of the liquid that comes with the maraschino cherries. It adds calories, but not as many as a whole can of soda will. If you drink soda for the "rush", try juice, green tea, or coffee. If it's the cold and bubbly that's got you, try those flavored no-calorie waters.
Dots are little gummy candies, right? Try chewing gum. They have some interesting flavors that really don't last more than about 15 min now anyway. Or reward yourself with half a dozen of them after you have had something healthy to fill you up.
Good luck!
ok well im a little overweight and when i wear tight shirts you can see my stomach ... so my question is, is there ANYTHING i can do to temporaraly make your stomach flatter. i thought of duck tape but that would hurt like a mother but i want to wear a cute outfit tomorrow but it is pretty tight on me. but i am going to work out every day after school and tonight so PLEASEEE answer ASAP!!!! thank you in advance and i will rate 5s to almost anyone :) but i need your help cause even my mom calls me fat
:(
chubby lil me
pS i asked this before and you deleted it but please dont this time i really need some answers and this is not a joke question
There are types of clothing specifically designed to force a body into certain shapes. Corsets and girdles are types of "underwear" that do this. They're usually not cheap, and I don't think they're a good idea to wear unless it's part of a costume, especially if your growing. Corsets require that you avoid anything that will make your breath hard and are the reason that those "southern belles" and the like were always fainting (not enough oxygen to the brain).
Your best bet is to find clothing that makes you look good as you are. Everyone has body parts that they love, and those that they wish they could trade in. Find a feature or three to show off. Do you have a great butt or winning smile? Awesome hair or nice legs? Do you get complements on your beautiful eyes, pianists fingers, or strong hands? Find outfits and accessories that draw people's eyes to the parts of your body you want to show off.
One of the great strengths of humanity is our variety and diversity. Maybe this years styles don't fit you all that well. No one looks good in the hottest styles every year. There are styles that look better on rounder people than on stick figures, and some of them do qualify as "cute".
okay there are two girls who are really pretty who are in my grad(7th). but heres the problem, o dont know who to choose! both think im really funny but one has a popular bf but hes not that handsomeand i can tell shes losing interested in him. the other girl is free but has a crush on every "cute" boy in the class. there also both really popular. so my question is which one? p.s. i rate high for an answer that deosnt piss me off.
Which one do you think would be more fun to hang out with? Do you have any interests in common with either of them? (Do you both like the same types of books or movies, do you share a love or a hate of roller coasters, or maybe your both really into soccer?
I'd go for the girl who can be your friend, too.