I am a father of three, girl, boy, girl, all are now over 18. I have been married for 29 years as of 6-30-07, so yes, if you do the math I was married at 18, just after graduating high school. I am very aware of the pit falls of doing so, but we made it through the really tough times. I came to this site, because of my daughter, she also uses the site.
I am an author and have written three books, only one under this name, but it is not how I make my living. I am in business, working full time and I have a seasonal business in ponds, selling Koi, goldfish, water plants and supplies. I help people to plan and build ponds, as well as, maintenance if they need it.
I am not here for the ratings and could careless what you rate me. I will tell you things I know, I will tell you what you don't want to hear, but most of all, I will tell you things from my perspective. I have experienced a lot in my life, I have not lived with my head in the sand and I'm a realist, you want someone to blow smoke up your as*, don't read my writings, (I don't do fairy tales).
I am not so foolish as to think I am always right, I can only tell you what I know and give you something to think about. It is up to you to find out if I'm right or not.
Life is complicated, because people are complicated and one answer does not necessarily fit all, but that doesn't mean you should not consider what I say as a possibility.
Feel free to write me personally if you wish, there is only so much you can say in such a restrictive environment as this site is, it doesn't allow for proper conversation.
Thank you for coming to my column and giving me the chance to help.
E-mail: gibber@cableone.net
Gender: Male
Location: Minnesota
Age: 53
Member Since: May 14, 2008
Answers: 285
Last Update: March 27, 2013
Visitors: 26932
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Hi, i hav been going out with my GF for nearly a year (we're both 18) and I am the most loving BF she could ask for. Its been good mostly until i discovered her cheating on me one day with a complete stranger... I found out afterwards she had also deffinitely done it before with one off her freinds whos freind told me himself and he apolofized. and she has told me she loves me and it would never hapen again.
Now i just cant bring myself to trust her at all, if she is out somwhere then i get so worrid and cant fucntion properly, i deffinitely dont trust her around other guys and she acts so friggin stupid when people try to make a move on her, acts as if she dont realize and i swear she doe it to hurt me. its gotten so bad i cry myself to sleep at nite cuz i love her so much and she just seems to nt care thou she says she does. i jst dnt kno what to do anymore, should i end it or do i jst shut up and try to forget aboutit. Im not been in many relationships and i dont kno what the protocal is for this... i just want to enjoy the summer formal without havin to dwell on this
please help
p.s. sorry for the bad typing, cryking so much as i write this, i stil feel lik im stabbin her in the back or somthing :(. (link)
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If you want a swinging life style, this maybe the girl for you, but then, she's doing all the swinging isn't she?
My son has gone through the same thing and trust me, she won't change. The fact that it seems as if she is flaunting it should tell you that.
I will tell you the same thing I told my son. If you don't want this kind of life style, find another girl. If you do, then keep seeing her. Since your still young, you could party with her and give her to all your friends. Have some fun and hope you don't get any STD's.
Yeah, it's rough, but look at it this way, better you found out what kind of person she is before you got married, some guys find out after. Move on son, dating is about finding the one that is meant for you, you won't find her attached to someone who is not.
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So on our anniversary, my boyfriend suggested we go a little bit further and get like naked and stuff. Not have sex though. I'm fine with that but I am really self conscious of my...downstairs. The...thing in the middle is larger than average. There's kind of an innie and an outtie for a vagina, not just for a belly button. I'm definatly an outtie. But anyway, do guys really find that attractive no matter what? I'm so scared of how awkward it will be ( I think )
And my butt has these red bumps on them. It's a skin condition I have on my arms too. And it's gross, I don't want him to see it. He says nothing could be gross about me. He loves the smell of my vagina and everything. But ahh I'm just nervous.
Can some boys give me their opinion of what grosses them out?
Or someone please tell me it isn't awkward with someone you love. It's our one year anniversary by the way. And tips? ANYTHING?
And besides sexual presents, i'm getting a book made of us that I wrote. But that isn't enough because he's doing a ton for me. I want to do something for him. Not like cooking for him so don't say that. Any ideas?? I was thinking promise rings, scavenger hunt to a picnic? Hmm... (link)
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Hmm, getting naked because he's giving you so much and you think your not giving him enough. So, he's buying a look at your body, would 200 dollars get you to go all the way with him? This is not a reason to get naked with a boy. The reason to get naked with a boy is a prelude to sex, other wise why get naked?
You have been together for a year, for some that would be enough time to take a step like this, but I'm not sure it has been enough time for you. There is doubt all over your letter and you are unsure of his reaction. It seems to me, you don't know enough about your own body to be taking this step. Terminology aside, the things you don't know could put you in a heap of trouble.
The red bumps sound like an allergy to something you are eating, check with a doctor. If you are determined to do this, learn everything you can about the female body and sex. If the bumps are treatable, wouldn't it be nicer to show your boyfriend the female body at it's best?
Reply:
The doubt was already there dear one, I just put things in a different light. There is nothing bad about the female body, it is quite exquisite and perfect in my mind, no matter how un-perfect the girl herself sees it. I only wish you to consider your reason for getting naked.
And please, don't give me a rating you don't think I deserve. If you don't want to give me a bad mark, just don't give me one at all.
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I broke up with my boyfriend a couple of months ago and now hes with somebody else and they are really in love and kissing each other and cuddling each other all the tim and when i see them i remeber that it used to be me that he did that to.
He was the only boyfriend that i ever really loved
i just want him back.
what should i do?
Thanks x (link)
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I don't get from your writing that you want him back, seems to me you want the kissing and cuddling back. I would not suggest that you try to get him back for one main reason, it has been a couple months and he already on to someone else. This does not say to me that he thought the same way of you. If it was love to him, he would not jump so easily to another girl.
Look at what you're feeling, I'd say it's more jealousy driven with a large portion of mourning over the loss thrown in. Step back and look at what you're really feeling sweetheart.
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Okay. first off I'll give you the basic details of our relationship.
Levi and I have been together for 2 years.
He's 18 and I'll be 18 in 2 weeks. We've had a bit of a rocky relationship but we love eachother. He's an Aquarius: extremely independent and seems to have no emotions sometimes. I'm a Cancer: extremely caring and loving, but can be needy.
I dropped out of highschool so his Mom doesn't like me. His cousin Blake doesn't like me because it's always a fight between us to get Levi's attention.
Okay. So here's my problem. I've been really down lately. I'm stressed out with my family because it seems like we're always fighting. I'm stressed out because of relationship problems. I just need a hug and Levi's not there for me at all....
A couple of days ago was our 2 year anniversary of the night we met. He was a friend of a friend and they came over to my house and we all went down the road to the cemetery. So for our anniversary I had planned that we go to the cemetery. We haven't been there since that night and I thought it would be special. So that night he didn't have a ride down here. He told me it didn't mean that much to him to ask his Dad to drive him all the way to my house after his Dad got off work.
We didn't hang out that night. But later, his cousin Blake showed up at his house and asked him to go with him to a party and Levi said no because it was our anniversary [Levi wouldn't have seen anything wrong with it but he knew I would be upset if he didn't at least talk to me on the phone that night] So Blake and Levi got into a fight about it. Levi blames me.
The next day I asked Levi if we could spend tonight [the 4th of July] together. We would go up to my secret place [it's really high] and watch the fireworks that are downtown. He told me that he and Blake were going to go out of town Thursday and would be back Sunday. They were going to a lake. So thursday night Levi was online and he told me one of the guys there was leaving Friday morning to come back into town. I asked him if he would take that ride back so that he and I could spend the 4th together. He said no. He wanted to spend the weekend there too... Not only did he say this, he freaked out on me. I only wanted to spend the day with him and he says I'm going to ruin his "REAL fun." He's calling me selfish. I don't understand this. He posted this... "apparently I can't spend the 4th of July weekend with my friends without being made to feel like shit as usual for trying to have some REAL fun on my own."
I really don't understand.
I was really sad and depressed for a couple of days before he left and he was never there for me. At least, not when his cousin is around. I mean, about a week ago I called Levi because I was fighting with my Mom and Brother and I needed someone to talk to. He was about to leave with his cousin to go on a walk and get some food. He tells me to suck it up and he'd call me when Blake and him were done hanging out. That night he calls me and immediately starts raising his voice saying that it's always a fight between Blake and I.
I'm like "I didn't start anything with Blake. I'm always very polite to him and he's just rude to me.. it's not my fault." that's the honest-to-god truth.
But Levi's so.. "blood is thicker than water" that he goes to such extremes as to give me all the blame for a fight that his mom or his cousin started and were completely out of line.
He's leaving for college in a couple of months and we're all fighting for his attention. But his family means so much more to him that they're getting a really unfair amount of his attention.
So... I don't really have a direct question... I just want to know... What should I say to him tonight when I talk to him? Or... should I just not talk to him at all?
Sorry it was so long. Thank you so much for your advice.
And if you would, please send your advice to my email? That way I'll get it soon, when I need it.
DivinelyBroken17@aol.com
thank you so much!
~Jessica (link)
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This is actually quite simple so I'm not going to get deep on you here. This BOY is not ready for the relationship you want. Give him about seven years and he may still not be ready. Save the anguish and get out of his way of having fun, say good bye nicely.
Be well precious one.
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I have been with my boyfriend a little over three years. We love each other more than anything, and I know this. But since it's been so long, the "infatuation phase" (c/o of John Legend [; ) has sort of passed. Of course we're still affeectionate and cute sometimes, but sometimes I feel like I try much harder than him to keep that little spark alive- and by spark, I mean the cutesy stuff, like silly mushy messages now and then, sending songs that remind us of the other, etc. I do all these things and he normally does not, whereas in the beginning of our relationship he did.
Basically, is it okay that the small, silly things we used to do so often have become uncommon and we've gone into more of a comfort phase? We still do cute things occasionally, but now it's more of a "spending-time-with-each-other-is-enough". I just sometimes wonder if it will be enough to make us last as long as I'd like (forever). I mean, it's obvious married couples aren't always super lovey-dovey. So this is normal, right? I'd simply appreciate some advice/opinions (: (link)
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Just what I like to see, someone who has taken their time getting to know each other, how sweet. But tell me, why is he a "boyfriend?" You are not sure enough by now to be engaged? The wedding doesn't have to be tomorrow, but really, why the lack of commitment to each other?
Commitment is important, it takes things to that next level and reveals things about one and other. The cute stuff is all well and good, but growth comes from advancing, not from maintaining the status quo.
You know he's capable of being cutesy, but do you know he's capable of committing his life to you? Are you capable of committing your life to him? Are you two secure enough that the cutesy things don't matter?
There is nothing I would rather do then spend time with my wife of 30 years and I still do the cutesy things now and then, but the best thing she does for me is, everything. Everything she does is for me and everything I do is for her. We have devoted our lives to one and other and we are best friends. We do something special for one and other on occasion, but it always comes from the heart, that's what makes it special.
Your relationship is growing despite you, why don't you two get back into the game and actually play it.
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Has anybody ever been dropped by your friends? Like, they just completely ignore you or stop contacting you, etc? Because my friends did that to me several months ago. And when I say several, I mean several. I've gone now a very very long time without the support of my friends. I was just wondering if a similar situation has happened to any of you, and if it has...what did you do? How did you cope? And anybody who really has been through this knows that it's not as simple as just finding new friends. It just really really isn't. Because there are a few people within this group that I'm still a little close to, but there are others which just hate me completely for some reason that I don't understand. And I still want to have some friends, so I can't just drop my few friends I have just so because they're associated with the friends that ditched me. That doesn't work I'm sorry. I'm having a hard time dealing with this...and I just wanted to know if I'm alone in having this situation happen. (link)
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We all learn and grow and change. It would be my bet that you have either grown out of this circle, or they perceive you as changing, it is most often the cause of such behavior.
Most people, especially young people, have a problem with change, they want everything to remain the same, (it is what the story of Peter Pan is about). Now, the big question is, (if it is you that is changing and not them), are you going to be a good puppy and follow them, or are you going to grow and learn and become who you were meant to become?
You act as if your friends define you, so if you have no friends, you are nothing? Perhaps there is a need for you to be friendless here, so you can learn to be self reliant. Your letter wreaks of weakness, where is your center, with in you, or with in your friends? Not a position of strength dear one.
Life throws nothing at you that you can't handle, learn what you are suppose to learn and stop being a victim of your own life.
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what do you do when you're with a guy you love & who it would hurt to lose, but see yourself with the one you're IN love with, forever. the one you're in love with is in love with you too and wants to be with you again, but is also in a pickle because he LIKES someone else. when do you know what's right?
the one im with? he's great, and i do love him alot, and want to be with him.
the other one? i honestly think we're made to be together, i can honestly see myself with him my whole life, and i dont want to lose him. however, he has stuck around for almost 8 months after the breakup because of his feelings for me.
i dont even know where to start. (link)
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I find it interesting how many people out there think they should limit their love. In limiting love, you limit the spirit and the spirit has no limits. If you're lucky, you will find many people to love in your life time, but you will only find one that you can like intensely.
You love equally, it has only one degree and never stops once given. Like, however, has many degrees and can go away completely. Love is not what a person should act upon when deciding who to spend their life with, because it is often given too easily. Like takes time and is the true foundation that a life long relationship is built on.
You like this young man more then the other, it should be the main consideration here, not the love you feel for them. I think you all need to understand this and figure out just where it is your like for each other is leading you.
You don't say one way or the other, but I would just like to add; this is why you should not bring sex into a relationship until you're sure. It adds a level of emotional complication you should not be having to deal with.
Be well, choose wisely,
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16/female.
last summer i had this i guess you can say "fling" with this guy who WAS my best friend.. then well we started to like eachother..
well apperently the fling thing didnt work out and he ended it. So ive been tring to heal and move on. Its been super hard and ever guy i start to like doesnt even compare to him.
Well this summer i started to actually be friends with him again and well i still like him and he still likes me so i guess we started to "talk" again and we even talked about what happen last time and said this time we didnt wanna fling and both want to start at the beginning to get to no each other over again and well it seems pretty okay but im not sure i can open up and let him in again cuz i havent let anyone in after the first time.
everyone ive gotten close to for the past 3 years has left...
any advise on if i should try and trust him again??? (link)
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I don't see where this is a trust issue, I see this as two people who were not ready to take a relationship to the level of having sex and still are not.
Why is that so hard to understand? Why is there always such a rush to sex? That is suppose to be the final goal in a relationship, not just something we do for fun. You want a pass time, try golf, or play cards. You skipped so many steps it doomed your relationship, learn from that and do it right this time. Go Sloooooow.
Follow up,
You should be a little more careful of your choice of words then and explain yourself better. I don't know of many people that would not associate the word "Fling" in quotes as meaning a sexual fling. Don't blame me for thinking you are too young, or shy to use the proper words.
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I will be a senior at a private 4-yr school and will graduate with a BA in astronomy-physics and possibly a math minor. My problem is that I feel burned out and don't like academics anymore. I was going to go to Grad. school but now I don't know if it would be best for me. I'm a mediocre student (B's, C's, sometimes A's) which is due partly to me being unable to handle all the math and partly due to personal problems. I had 4 major knee surgeries my first two years of college, which didn't affect me academically, because my first three semester classes weren't hard for me, and plus being on crutches really cuts down on social time, so I did homework a lot but still had plenty of time to relax. I got most of my A's during this period. My mom also has Bipolar disorder which is stressful for me and causes my family financial difficulties. My fourth semester, my mom sliced her stomach open with a razor while I was eating breakfast. She cuts herself when ever she has an episode, and this was the first time she did anything since she had a psychotic episode my Junior year in high school and tried to kill her self twice. My parents also told me they were afraid of bankruptcy (though this never happened). As a result, I failed the mid-term I took after coming back to school and got my first C in physics. I had major panic attacks afterward and nightmares about my mom killing herself. I also had somatic symptoms like not feeling my arms and legs are part of my body. I made it through by talking to a school therapist. My mom hasn't hurt herself since then due to a medication change. Unfortunately, I had more problems. My Junior year, I decided to live of campus which was a disaster. The house I lived in had mold in the basement, a leaking foundation (we had 55 gal of water) and electrical problems as well as several other problems that are too long to go into. After that was handled, I thought I could finally concentrate on school, but then all my housemates got into huge arguments and I ended up losing a large number of friends over the ordeal. The main cause of this was one girl who got off anti-depressant mediation, but still..I also overloaded on credits that semester and struggled with academics as well as having my panic attacks return after not having them over the summer due to all the stress. Then, this spring one of my friends committed suicide. I again had nightmares and panic attacks and went through a very intense grieving period. I went to college expecting to make a better life for myself and have only become very unhappy. In high school, I told myself if I work hard now, I can relax later, but later never comes. I also feel like a screw up because now I probably can't get into grad school even if I wanted to, because I have too many B's and C's in upper level classes. I'm constantly stressed during the school year because I rarely have free time any more, and while I still have some friends, I did lose many last year and my current friendships are shaky. And when I do try and relax, I feel guilty that I'm not doing something productive. I also feel very unmotivated and don't feel satisfaction and fulfilled from academics any more. It's had to feel satisfaction when I can only do mediocre. I can spend hours working on a problem, only to be told how to do it better, then I do it better, and am told how to do it even better than that. The problem is never done. It feels futile. My friend killed himself because of the stress from college and not getting into Columbia and I have two friends who took semesters off due to stress. The stress just doesn't seem worth it to me anymore. I can't help but think Grad. school would be worse than this. I got a job working as a hostess/buser at a restaurant and I feel much happier than I have in years working at this job than I have doing anything else. It's because I get many things out of this job that I don't get in the rest of my life. I get to serve people at the restaurant and please others and possibly make someone's day better, which never happens in school. I also get praise for doing well and instant criticism when I do something wrong which is better than the stress of waiting a week or more for a grade. I get paid instead of struggling to pay for school through financial aid, scholarships, and working. I feel much more productive and like I'm doing some good at my restaurant job. School currently just feels futile. There's no satisfaction, and I don't think changing majors would help. Although being a hostess/buser makes me happy, I can't do that with my life because of my knee problems. I can do it now, but I already have arthritis, so it's unlikely I can continue to do it for the long term. I've thought about being a writer instead, but it has no financial security. What should I do to be happy? I don't want to take pills because they screwed my mom up pretty bad and they make it so she can't concentrate or focus on anything. It just keeps her alive. I don't want to end up like my mom. What should I do? I think I just need a change in direction in my life, but what would be a good change in direction? (link)
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Welcome to real life young one! There is one word that comes to my mind when I read your words and that is passion. I read that loud and clear in your words, but, I will come back to that.
I am not going to tell you to put yourself and your future into the hands of a deity and blame him when your life gets screwed up. I'm also not going to tell you that you can do anything you want, because I would be lying to you. Life isn't about faith, or doing what you want, neither one puts food on the table and a roof over your head. Life is about finding your passion.
For some that may be religion, for some it could be family and children, yet for others it could be knowledge. There are so many things it could be, but if it is success you seek, you must confine yourself to one. I have always said, "Had I focused on one of the many things I can do and am passionate about, I would be a millionaire by now." But alas, I am a jack of all trades, doomed to jump from one passion to another, till the day I die.
But, you know what, I'm happy. I make money. I have a great wife and tolerable kids, lol. And, I really enjoy living. It was hard getting here, I have lived pay check to pay check, gone hungry, lived on candy bars and chips and the good grace of others and I enjoy my life. If this is what you want, work at jobs that make you happy, don't bother trying to build a life that makes you happy.
School is not about what you are being taught, it is about proving that you can learn. It is about finding what you like and what you excel in. It's about finding your strengths and weaknesses, then working on your weakness while using your strengths.
Life is all about focus and attitude and yours sucks right now. Regain that and you'll realize how much you whine about so little. There are many people out there facing so much more then you do and they shine like diamonds among coal. You you are a piece of coal among diamonds. You stick out just as good, but coal doesn't shine.
You are a great writer, anyone can see that, but I will tell you that you are right about the struggle it is to make money at, (I speak from experience), but two of my books were an act of passion. Passion you must yield to, don't look back and say, "I should have done that".
If I may leave you with this thought, if you're still even with me. When I was young, this would be about 1980, I was going to school for computer programming. I hadn't been going long when I came down with something that kept me out of school for about two weeks. I like to think that it was actually an illness, but I'll confide in you that it was not. I was sick of school, as far as I know, it is not a real illness, yet. Anyway, I went back, none of my teachers had a problem with this, except one, my Accounting teacher. He took me to his office and told me that I might as well drop out, because I would never be able to catch up to the class. Here was a man who didn't know me from Adam, but he somehow knew I wasn't smart enough to catch up.
After arguing with him for a good 10 minutes I realized that no mater what, this man was not going to let me catch up, so I dropped out and didn't go back. I returned to college about 15 years later, achieved a 3.81 gpa, including 4.0's in all my accounting classes. I did this while raising three kids, working a full time job, buying our first home, etc...etc... Yet I still consider this a failure, because I allowed one man to tell me what I was, or was not capable of. I let him take my focus from me and I did not maintain my attitude. I could have been a part of the rise of the computer, instead of watching it from the side line.
Don't let anyone take your power from you, not even yourself. Make Grad school take you, don't take no for an answer. Your future is not their's, it's your's, don't take no for an answer, make your future, find your passion no matter what it is.
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hi me and my boyfriend have been dating for 6 and a half months im 19 and so is he when we first starting dating it was great he called me every night he texted me all the time and we always had fun together now he rarely calls or texts if he does call its around midnight and if i call him he is always with his friends and either says i cant talk right now or he talks to them the whole time while i am on the phone listeneing and sometimes he calls me when he is with the friends and i just have to listen to him talk to them and now we are always fighting he never invites me to do anything with him and his friends anymore either he awways teels me wat hes doing as hes doing it doesnt even invite me and his friends are over every night and he says he didnt invite them that they have a key and he doesnt even wanna b there with them we never really go out anymore we just sit at home and watch tv he says he is always romantic but i cant even remember the last time he was, we only see each other like 1 a week, we both really love each other wat should i do to save our relationship (link)
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You seem so sure in your statement, yet I can not see how you can be. Tell me, are you going to speak for him the rest of his life? His actions do not speak to me as being "really" in love, his actions say, I'm bored with this relationship and I'm doing everything I can think of to get you to dump me, because I don't have the balls to dump you.
Do I need to say more? I'm not sure I do. People are not what others say they are, they are not what they say they are, they are what their actions reveal them to be.
Talking is over rated, stop seeing him, see what his actions reveal to you.
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okay well im not exactly the best person i know that however i need to learn to deal with my jelousy. My girlfriend and i had a mutual friend named steve and for a while he was a really good friend but in the last few weeks hes been trying to break me and her up. she doesnt want to admit it and shes spending all her time with him and im really jelous how can i fix this. I have told her how i feel about it but that starts fight after fight after fight i hate fighting with her i love her too much. please help (link)
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First off, sorry I took so long in answering, I've been a little busy.
Now, your question. Jealousy is one of the hardest emotions to control, but trust me, you really need to learn to conquer it. See, any emotion that the spirit is tasked to learn to over come will repeat over and over until you do, so if you don't want to see the same thing happen over and over the rest of your life, face it head on.
Second, no one is the best person, we all have to work on being a good human being, it is against our human animal nature to be a "good person". Jealousy comes from love as does most complex emotion, either self love, or loving another. What makes it stronger in some is how insecure you are. If you are jealous of a person that does something better then you, it is compounded by your insecurity in your ability to improve yourself.
Now, jealousy of an intended mate is another thing, driven heavily by the animal and the desire for sex and procreation, (the most important thing in the life of any animal). It is common in nature for the males to fight for the right to breed with the females, so it is instinctual for you to feel this way, but we are not just animals, we are also the Spiritual Beings. It separates us from animals and is meant to make us strive to be better.
Now that that is said, I must add further, (for the sake of your lady), she needs to understand that guys can only be friends with a girl they have a sexual interest in, so your concern is valid. Women do not like to think this is true, they are wired differently from guys and do not choose friends by who turns them on.
Having spent over 30 years trying to make the woman I love understand this, I will tell you the only way you can handle this. Put jealousy away, it will do you no good, in fact it can work against you should this be the reaction she is looking for. Jealousy will cloud your mind, keeping you from seeing the truth. Tell her "guys" don't have friends who are girls, his interest is in getting into her pants whether she likes it or not. But, you want to trust her, because that is the most important thing in a relationship. You, however, know guy's and know what he is after. If it is her choice to find this out for herself, you will not stand in the way, but she should understand the situation she is putting herself and you in. After all, it is in your nature to want to protect her from harm, but you need to understand that you can not keep others from learning their lessons.
On a final note, I should define further the fact that you will notice I used the term "Guys" in reference to males. Guys are not the same as men, Men and Women can be friends, just not guys and girls. But, the standard still applies, men normally will not become friends with a women unless there is something about them that turns them on.
I hope this has helped you and I would ask you to look a little closer at those you call friends. I would suggest that your idea of what a friend is, may be a little too loose. A "friend" would not be putting you in the position you are in. Also, in my experience and from what I have read, (I don't want to say this), your relationship with both these people may be coming to an end soon, I hope I'm wrong!
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I wear glasses...i have for like 5 years...i have gotten really used to it as you could of guessed...well my friend and her mom told me i have really pretty eyes and need to not hide them behind glasses...so i should get contacts...but the thing is im scared i will look like an idiot...they say im just used to them and i would look fine...but what do you think i should do?? i did my make up a different way today and it looks good without my glasses and with them on...what should i do?? (link)
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If you feel you look good either way, what really is the question? Is it should I conform and do what other people want in order to please them, or is it truly about wearing glasses. If you have pretty eyes, do the glasses really hide them? If you have a cute butt, do pants really hide that?
Do what you are comfortable with and let those who you want to, discover just how cute your eyes are, (or your butt is), in time. People just don't know the value of mystery any more, keep some things hidden for the one you love to discover, that's the fun in life.
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okay so im 15....
and
pregnant! i just found out...
yes i know i am very young to be pregnant.
i will be 16 in 2 months.
so please dont write about how im too young and blah blah blah...i already know....dont need to hear it more. thank you.
anyways....today i was on the laptop and my dad was next to me and i was looking at abortion pictures and saying how horrible it was. and my dad was like so if you got pregnant you would keep it? and i said YES I COULD NEVER KILL A BABY! and then we had this whole argument on how its not a baby at a certain amount of weeks and whatever...so i showed him an article on how they get nerves at 4 weeks so they do feel it and he was like I DONT CARE ID DRAG YOU DOWN TO THE CLINC AND MAKE YOU GET ONE! i just kept saying you cant make me..
REMEMBER....HE DOES NOT KNOW IM PREGNANT!
also when he found out my mom was pregnant with my little brother he yelled and screamed at her and dropped her off at the clinc..she sat there for HOURS crying...finally went in but they said she was too far along to get one...thank god.
so my dad is capable of having the heart to leave me at a clinc.
how do i tell him im pregnant without going through that? im keeping the baby, im still with the father and he is staying with me so i have help.
when i tell my dad should i immediately tell him abortion is out of the question?
can he really force me into an abortion? thats my right though isnt it? its not like since im under 18 he could make it get it by law right?
either way i need to tell him soon because i want this baby to be healthy so regular checkups to the OBGYN and getting put on healthy stuff is needed asap.
i live in florida if that helps?
thank you. (link)
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I'm sorry, but I can't help but step in on this one. First, I want to say something personal. I haven't been here long, (this web site), but for reasons of my own, I'm stopping answering general questions. I will still stop in here once a day and answer personal questions.
I tried to post this to the general questions forum, but obviously they are not going to post it, it has been almost 12 hours since I wrote the post.
As to you my young spirit, how can I possibly express how I feel for you? I have no poem, nor words that could possibly fit this situation. I want to say it's sorrow, but I know that to be wrong. I want to say that my heart goes out to you, but it too can not explain what my spirit feels for you. I want to embrace you, not just hug you, I want to tell you that everything will be okay, but I know it won't. I want to care for you, but I know I can't. If I could but shelter you and take this pain away from you. If I could make your father see what is right.
But in truth, I fear for you. I fear that this will crush your spirit. That something so wonderful will tear your world apart, instead of be one of the brightest spots in your life. I fear that you will be hurt from this and by a spirit who pretends to be your father.
He can NOT make you abort this child, he has no legal right to, trust me on this and put your mind at ease on the subject. There are many things that can make you spontaneously abort however, stress, physical abuse and if your father knows this, which I would bet he does, I am unsure he wouldn't use this knowedge.
I know these kind of people, those who feel they own others and in particular, their children. This makes it hard for me to advise you on this. If I tell you to tell him and he beats you to the point you lose this baby, I am responsible for you losing your child, the same goes to telling your mother. If you leave, you are a run away, and that does neither your child or you any good.
The only thing I can tell you is seek help from someone that can protect you, not people from miles away from you. There must be a hot line or something you can call and find help. Protect yourself and your child at all costs.
I send my love to you and my best thoughts follow with it dear one,
Rick Gilbertson, AKA Gilbert Mar
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To start from the begining. The day after my son was born is father yelled at me, because i didnt put his name on the birth certificate because he keep telling me i wana a DNA test. So i signed it and turned it in. My son also has my last name.( to be on my medical insurance) His father hasnt even supported him he lived with me after the baby was born and wouldnt wake up in the middle night he slept and laid around all day so i kicked him out. he cant keep a job and he dropped out of the 9th grade. hes alway is getting kicked out of his house every other day, some drug dealers are after him they said they were going to kill him when he turns 18.. when i did let him see his son for a weekend when he brought the baby home he was dirty, sticky, BLACK feet. his excuse was he was playing on the wood floor. ( hello mop??) i asked him for diapers one time he bought a box gave me half (threw the other half away).. am i doing the wrong thing telling him he cant see his son? i told him until he can start helping to support him which that will be never. (link)
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If you consider him a threat to your child, he should not see him. That is your job, to protect your child from harm as long as he needs your protection. If he takes no parental responsibility, he does not deserve parental rights. If everything you say is true, you are both at risk around him and you should never put your child and yourself at risk.
When you become a parent, your life becomes inconsequential, those children come before you and your life, he doesn't have that devotion. I can't believe you had a child with this boy, but I'll save you that sermon.
You do what you have to do to keep him away, even if that means moving. He didn't want to except responsibility from the start, leave him out of your lives, like you left him off of the birth certificate. Smart move by the way, it means he has to go to court to get parental rights and it sounds to me like he'll never have the money to do it.
Good luck, but next time pick a MAN to father your children.
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16/f I'm obsessed with sweets and crave them like 24/7. I've been losing weight and looking how I want to lately..and its all fine. But when I see sweets, I can't control myself and I feel as if all that hard work losing weight is going down the toilet. I eat right and I exercise...but its the sweets that drive me insane. I know a certain point when to stop.....like i'll tell myself NO dont eat that! And I'll stop. But sometimes I can't help it and I go easy on myself and allow myself to eat and eat and eat. How can I stop this? :| (link)
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Mmmm, sweets, few among us don't like them. They are an addiction, your body gets used to them to a point of with drawl if you don't have them. Sugar is the main culprit here.
Like any addiction, you will never escape it until that little voice, (well in my case it's a big booming voice), in the back of your head stops telling you how badly you want it.
But, I'll give you a tip, always eat 80% of your calories before 2:00 in the afternoon. If you are going to eat sweets, eat then before that so your body has time to burn the calories and stop thinking of sweets as food. They are not, they are empty calories, near straight sugar that burns up and eventually brings you down.
Do yourself a favor, don't drink soft drinks, (full of sugar), save it for your sweets. Water, or juices, but even juices have sugar, (sometimes a lot), and they can fill that need for sugar. (Something interesting for you to know, I worked at a place very shortly that claimed "The best buns in town", do you know what their secret is, a lot of sugar, so beware.) Try eating more fruit when you feel like a treat, seems like a treat and is much better for you.
Another side note, I heard said recently that thirst can cause feelings just like hunger pangs and you should always try drinking a glass of water first, after 20 minutes or so, if the feeling hasn't gone away, then it's hunger.
Hope I helped,
An addict from way back and still struggling.
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13/f
***soon to be freshman***
so there is this guy i like. his name is tyler. he flirts a lot. we dont realyl hang out much. but he flirts a lot and i think i do to. we have like 2 weeks of school and i dont know if he likes me or not. and i am really old fashioned and i dont think that girls should ask out guys... what should i do? (link)
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You don't have to ask him out, just talk with him more and let what ever happens happen. You hang around him more and he'll think of asking you out sooder or later.
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okay...soo there is this boy that i have never met but might be interested in dating, or just hanging out. But there are some problems...
-he has a girlfriend
-my lil brothers 16 year old friend
-my brother thinks i can do better
i know that if he still has a girlfriend then i wont go anywhere near him. But i just dont know..i have feelings sometimes like i like him, but then other times im just like you cant like him you dont know him...so what do you think is going on....
16/f (link)
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I think you like him and would like to get to know him better, it's pretty much that simple. The question is not about that though, it's about HER, isn't it? Well, fact is, it comes down to the old saying, all is fair in love and war. I'm not sure about war any more, but for love it is. Thing is, you didn't necessarily say you wanted him for a boy friend, in fact you say your unsure. That is actually a good place to be, you should always start off that way.
Sometimes it doesn't take a lot of contact to realize you like someone, it can be the way they hold themselves, the way they act with others, or just their smile. Start talking with him when you get the chance, expect nothing, just get to know him casually and let him get to know you too.
Male female contact does not always have to be about, "I like you and I want you to be my boy friend." That actually puts a lot of unneeded pressure on a person, the nature of relationships is to start at the bottom and work up, not at the middle and try to work up. To often they end up going down and you've already made a commitment.
Commitments are a harder thing to break then friendships, if you find out the person is wrong for you. Don't be afraid to go a little slower, always start at the bottom and work up, don't skip steps.
Tell your brother you just want to get to know him and you said you liked him, not that you wanted to marry him and have his children. Tell him if he starts anything, he better check between his bed sheets every night for nasty crawly things.
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okaay so i want to talk to a guy on my way home on the bus. the thing is that i dont know what to saay.
we've never talked before.
i was thinking about asking him for a quarter or something :P
any ideas?
and how should i keep the convo going, be sympathic and make him like me?
(link)
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You don't have to research him, that is what you do once the relationship starts up. You have the perfect opening coming up, Summer break. sit down next to him on the bus and ask him what he's going to do this summer, if he tells you somethings he's planning on and it is something you could do too, say, "that sounds fun, could I join you some time?" If he gives you nothing to work with, tell him something you want to do and ask if he's ever done it. If he has, say, "do you think we could go out sometime so you could show me how it's done?" If not, ask him if he'd like to go out and try it with you. Doesn't matter if you have done it or not, guys have always reacted to this kind of thing, appeals to the man in them. No offense but it's the helpless female thing, hey if it works, right?
Don't lead off with your name, that's for business, leave some mystery there at first, tell him inside the conversation, or as it is ending. Make sure you have pen and paper on you, so you can give him your phone number, but make it look like you didn't plan it say, "I think I have a pen and paper here", shuffle for it a little and say, "ya, here it is", when you find it.
He doesn't have to know how planned the whole thing is, if it goes far enough, you can both laugh about it when your older.
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15F
I have had a crush on one of my best friends for like 5 months now. He always flirts with me and his friends think he likes me. Everytime we go place in groups he always asks me to be his partner and whatnot. Anyways we went on a fieldtrip about 3 weeks ago and he followed me
the whole time. We went on rides together and everything.We even held hands a couple of times. The next day we had a dance.During the dance he asked my friends where i was but i didnt go. Monday when i was going to tell him i liked him
i had found out that he had asked a girl out at the dance.She said Yes.
Even though hes going out with
her do you think theres anychance for us?
Plus i found out that she
doesnt like him. She only
wants a BF. Oh and should i tell
him?
(link)
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Is this guy stupid? If not he already knows you like him and he obviously likes you, don't be stupid and tell him something he already knows. If you want to do something with him, do something with him. It doesn't matter one bit who else he is doing something with.
Life is about choices, but you have to know what you have to choose from. At your age you should not be looking to limit your choices, or the choices of others. Don't try to out guess other peoples motives, just get out there and play the game.
Be a part of his life, let him be apart of yours. Get to know each other, that's what it's about. The others he gets to know are of no consequence to you, this is about your relationship and what it is going to be. Are you afraid of a little competition?
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Oh my goodness...i accidentally poored rubbing alcohol on my cell phone and the left hand of the screen started darkening and im scared...i took out the battery and the sim card but i dont know what else to do!!! help me!!! (link)
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Leave it alone for a while, let it dry, do not try to use it. You can't see if the insides are dry, so give it most of the day before you try it. If your lucky, you have not done permanent damage.
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