ask GilbertMar

I am a father of three, girl, boy, girl, all are now over 18. I have been married for 29 years as of 6-30-07, so yes, if you do the math I was married at 18, just after graduating high school. I am very aware of the pit falls of doing so, but we made it through the really tough times. I came to this site, because of my daughter, she also uses the site.

I am an author and have written three books, only one under this name, but it is not how I make my living. I am in business, working full time and I have a seasonal business in ponds, selling Koi, goldfish, water plants and supplies. I help people to plan and build ponds, as well as, maintenance if they need it.

I am not here for the ratings and could careless what you rate me. I will tell you things I know, I will tell you what you don't want to hear, but most of all, I will tell you things from my perspective. I have experienced a lot in my life, I have not lived with my head in the sand and I'm a realist, you want someone to blow smoke up your as*, don't read my writings, (I don't do fairy tales).

I am not so foolish as to think I am always right, I can only tell you what I know and give you something to think about. It is up to you to find out if I'm right or not.

Life is complicated, because people are complicated and one answer does not necessarily fit all, but that doesn't mean you should not consider what I say as a possibility.

Feel free to write me personally if you wish, there is only so much you can say in such a restrictive environment as this site is, it doesn't allow for proper conversation.

Thank you for coming to my column and giving me the chance to help.
E-mail: gibber@cableone.net
Gender: Male
Location: Minnesota
Age: 53
Member Since: May 14, 2008
Answers: 285
Last Update: March 27, 2013
Visitors: 26917

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What you're saying is true, but that's not my situation. My situation is everything you just described that is important, and we have all that. Thank for your wise words they are true and make me realize what we have is indeed true love :)

Thank you very much. I very much know the path I want to take in life but the problem is finding that person who wants that same life with me. I just don't want to waste years of my life trying to find that person.

umm,its not hormones 0_0

thank u

Thank you!! percentage is indeed better and puts things in perspective! Ill try!

Well that was a little...rough but still thanks. But how do I leave one of my best friends alone? How do I go from texting everyday and talking in every class to not speaking at all? What do I do??

thank you very much. i am also happy that you guys are on advicenators as a family.

Rating changed by L2 mod

wonderful, wonderful (A trillion wonderfuls) advice. You rally helped thanks. I am going to copy and past and print out this answer and carry it with me wherever I go thanks again

thank you. it was absolutly perfect. he had dinner with his family. i with mine. i saw him late at night at his sisters. i gave him tickets to a basketball game and two other little gifts and dressed up. he appreciated it so much! :) thank you for all the help offered!!!

Hello GilbertMar, Thank you for your advice. You brought up the issue of god, and though I wish the case was as clear as that, it isn't. I am quite religious compared to most 23 year olds, i pray sometimes, and never feel empty in terms of faith... I'm not sure what that leaves in life but for the most part I am still feeling funny. Today I even cried over a Christmas commercial! it's getting worse by the moment! and I can't stand tv!

what i meant by two partners was that i had the guy who look my virginity who was an ex bf. now i am with my recent bf, he is my second partner. i just wanted to knw what they would be doing while testing me.

that was pretty harsh, you don't know anything about me i come from a good family and i could and am going to take responsibility for this child and give it all the love it could ever need, with that said, screw you.

yea, i think i learned that the hard way.. thanks!

ok yea i understand what you're saying. i guess my question wasn't worded with the response i was expecting. thanks for you response :)

too bad becoming a whore is deff not my intentions... wanting him could be any thing to wanting him to kiss me. Maybe i chose my words wrongly. Either way your advice sucks.

this really dosen't halp my situation at all.

I can't help but think you didn't answer my primary question at all, and presumed that I am very young because my boyfriend is my 'first'. I do tell my partner what feels good and we are very comfortable with eachother. I do not masturbate because I do not feel comfortable with it - its a personal choice. If I have to learn about the low downs of orgasms, I feel perfectly fine asking. This is how I am learning about sex. I don't really mind how you best learn. I'd rather know what to expect so I don't get worried about whether its his or mine - which I am, hence why I asked. Please be a little less patronizing and answer my question next time? At the same time thanks for taking so long to write your answer. If you could answer the rest of it I'd find it helpful :-) Fanks.

Your kinda rude.

thank you. i love your advice!!! everytime i ask you a question you give great advice!

wow! thanks! ya thats all true!

I have a quetion though ,when i see the western movie or watch the TV series .It's normal to see a man wrap his arm around a lady's waist in a banquet or something ,even though they r not relationship related?

Thankyou. I cried because my mom didn't listen to me that time in the nurses room, it wasnt all about the shot. I understand she did it to protect me, she talked to me about it and i forgave her. :)

You don't know me. you may have gone through a lot, but you will never know, exactly, how it is. what kind of mother favors a kid over the others? I understand that i will never be ablt to pay her back for what she's given me. She gave me life and more. i also understand that if my mom and/or dad was gone, i'd be a lost little girl. i know she is my mother and i do love her. i look at her sometimes and hope i get her strength but nothing else. i respect my parents, i do what they tell me and i don't talk back. i will be different. in the future i'll make sure my kids KNOW that i love them. Despite how harsh your answer was, thank you.

Wow, you could have just said don't do it because....I'm not going to have sex with random guys, I'm not a complete idiot! And I'm not a follower. I would have sex because I want to not because I want to be like everybody else. And I know about pregnancy dumb ass! I'm not going to have sex, get pregnant and give it away. I was just asking for advice. I know what happens when people have sex and what can happen. I know more about this stuff than almost everybody my age thank you very much. And if I were to ever get pregnant I would take care of it. I am against abortions and putting up for adoption. I am the only one responsible for my actions and I know that. So instead of saying "F*ck me" I'm saying Fuck you!!

Thanks a lot for your help, and really it's no problem it took a little while. You give fantastic advice, and I'll be sure to continue writing if anything gets in my way. (:

Thank you!! Haha you sound like a juicy sirloin steak!!

Thanks for the advice! It really helps!

thank you.

Thanks thats great advice! I guess hes not gna be my prad pitt aw but im not looking for anything serous so its okay! I just want a small summer fling =) so if you want to answer considering you have this newfound information thatd be fabulous & if not thats great too..

Thank you once again. I think I agree that I should hold off dating for at least another year because I do feel like I need to be completely sure of who I really am. Hopefully I can really develop myself into a powerful adult so that someday I can help other young people like myself.And you are right. People do change, and I remember a time when I was afraid of change. But with each new day I continue to see how wonderful change can be. And by the way, I don't think your "use is coming fast to an end" because your words are encouraging to others, and I am sure that you are raising great kids too. You've even made a difference in me. Thank you.

be a good and lay down by my dish? the answer was great right up untill that part, im gonna stand up to the dicks and i Will kick thier arses wether i get fired or not

Rating changed from a 1 by L2 mod

Thanks. It's hard to wait, especially when my friends are in relationships, and two of them got married recently, and I'm still in the look for someone I like enough to date stage. My mom gave me similar advice. I will tell him not to visit me.

I DO have a problem with being competitive. My problem is that she acts like me and she acts like shes better than me. I dont want to be around her. Follow the leader is boring. I dont like that game ;]. And Im already aware that Ive got no backbone but I have a perrty darn good reason for it! And you feel sorry for me? Why should you?!

thanks! :)

bleh, you made me doubt everything and feel bad about my body. some of it was good advice. but the bumps aren't an allergy :P it's a skin condition. but i give everyone 5's for attempting at their best :)

i said nothing about having sex in that whole thing. NOTHING in my issues is about sex. and trust me no ones rushing.

You are so right. Thank you.

Thanks. Getting engaged and things like that aren't really a priority, because we're about to start college in the fall.

Thanks. You seem like a very objective and honest responder. Motivation is definitely my biggest problem. I used to be very passionate and motivated about astronomy and school and certain that I would work in astronomy and be a writer on the side. I know people with harder lives than me but who are more successful with higher grades because of passion and motivation. If I got it back, I think I would be fine. I just let it get lost among everything else that was going on. I just don't know how to get motivation and passion back. At the moment, I am doing as well as I am in school due to sheer force of will...but no enjoyment. I have considered going to grad. school for creative writing instead of astronomy, and paying for it by waitressing since I enjoy it so much, but the idea of a financially insecure future scares me...

UPDATED RATING Your teacher comment was directed towards the wrong person. I'm a senior who is soon to be graduating. My college major is education - at the high school level, too. What you said about teachers came across as very insulting - although I know it is not intended. I asked her again the other day and she told me. She was just mad at me because I asked her what it meant directly after she lectured our class on how we never pay attention when she says stuff. -------------- I appreciate you saying all of this, but it isn't really doing me much good. Besides, she's actually an awesome teacher - I like her... anyway.

my dad would never hit me just to make sure i dont mess up my life. i think your advice was great by the way! i wouldnt run away because that would just be stupid. i know once my dad calms down he will except it but i just dont want to go through all the yelling and arguing. but thank you.!

thank you

Actually it's not - it's called Melatonin, Seratonin does something completely different. Thanks for trying though.

That was brilliant...darkside89

Being upset doesn't mean treating others poorly. Otherwise, good advice.

Thanks! I'll try the water thing and I'll try not to eat before 2 :)

I absolutely LOVE your advice. It helps me so much with everything i am going through...thank you so much! i am mostly friends with boys because i get along with them better...and i love the nasty crawly things too haha

true, i already have problems with my current boyfriend, but thank you for the advice!

hahah thank you

thank you!

thank you soo much (: that helped :P

thank you!!

Thanks so much for your advice! I really appreciate that you took your time, and you really helped a ton. Funny thing is, I was just speaking to someone yesterday about god complexes and how senseless they are, hah. Really, thanks, I love the compassion you put into your answers! (: Kat.

great advice.. thank you thank you thank you!

please read the whole thinggg

aww thanks i had to read it a few times till i totally got it but thanksss so much it helped i keep reading it i like it lol

thx =]

Thank you so much. I've read your column and you give great advice. Haha i won't hint anything to him in that case. And thank you for calling me a diamond, it really means a lot to me =].

Thank you so much! You really set things into perspective for me :) You are Truely one of a Kind!!!

Thank you so much! I really appreciate you for answering this. The main thing is that with him, I can tell him anything, I can be relaxed, be completely myself and I'm always happy. He is the person that will make me laugh even when I'm in a really bad mood. He's always there for me. And we would defenetly not consider a sexual relationship yet :) So once again, thank you so much. You have defenetly put the situation out there for me from a different point of view.

wow dr. phil here.. your right i let him go and im moving far from where he wants to go and im starting new it hurts when i see a pic of him n my room so i packed everything for college already so the past is away till i can face it cuz i know wat i want in the future.. does that make sense. lol well point is thanks a lot

its just a scrape definitly not deep enough for stitches

No I do you like your answer - your totally right i just needed my head cleared because ive known for a while but your totally right, i'll leave quietly and see what happens. I dont need them

thanks

i admit i am shocked... and i can't help but feel disgusted by him right now but i don't know why he's doing it.... i never wear shorts if i am wearing such a tshirt and vice versa... i don't know what to do! how do i get out?

thanks. well my friend was the one who told me that if you cant imagine that then it means you don't really like the person. but i kind of disagree with her. i think you are right, its just hard for me because i think that i have been emotionally scarred from having had hookups with guys that i didn't really know and it all went wrong. i honestly don't want any guy in my life unless its someone i will love as a friend first and then grow from that. but sometimes its hard for me to open myself up like that. i guess i really didn't care about my self respect before and thats why i let myself be drawn into situations that i didnt really want to be in. but thank you. i mean ive thought about life and these recurring theme in my own life a lot. but now i guess i have to actually do something about it =]

thanks

Hey, thanks for the advice. It was a little confusing though, but it made me think. Think as in contemplate so thank you very much for sharing you wisdom.

Thank you!! that is such a beautiful story about you and your wife...i would give it the pulitzer prize if i could!!

Thanks, I never though of it this way.

Thanks! I think I will go with changing my phone number ;)

Thanks!

Thank you for being so considerate and answering so quickly!

I've gone through all the requirements, and my computer can handle it :\

I agree, I was going to say something like " you were both wrong, neither of you should be hitting eachother " but I'm not so sure they're the seeking help type .. maybe I'll add that if it happens again they should definately take time apart to reevaluate everything

thank you

Then why do other people don't experience this then? =|

I thank you for your heartfelt words, and will consider them wisely. Although like I said, I already know she's not interested in me like that. Still, I refuse to not have her in my life in some way.

Thank you so much :)

Thank you so much. I'd never considered their point of view. It just bothers me that I've been eating healthily for the past year (not snacking when I'm hungry) but I just can't get rid of the weight I gained from a couple of years ago from constantly pigging out. But still, thank you so much, I never actually knew that things like this would happen. I honestly hope that your daughter will be ok.

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