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"baby daddy drama"
To start from the begining. The day after my son was born is father yelled at me, because i didnt put his name on the birth certificate because he keep telling me i wana a DNA test. So i signed it and turned it in. My son also has my last name.( to be on my medical insurance) His father hasnt even supported him he lived with me after the baby was born and wouldnt wake up in the middle night he slept and laid around all day so i kicked him out. he cant keep a job and he dropped out of the 9th grade. hes alway is getting kicked out of his house every other day, some drug dealers are after him they said they were going to kill him when he turns 18.. when i did let him see his son for a weekend when he brought the baby home he was dirty, sticky, BLACK feet. his excuse was he was playing on the wood floor. ( hello mop??) i asked him for diapers one time he bought a box gave me half (threw the other half away).. am i doing the wrong thing telling him he cant see his son? i told him until he can start helping to support him which that will be never.
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It's called responsibility. The father should see his son but in supervised visits due to his irresponsibilty and threats upon his life. I am a single mother. I have 3 children and it's hard. It caused me to have to grow up real fast because the father wasn't there. It took me a long time to realize the fact that I was going to be on my own. I should've seen it when I had the first child but I didn't. I loved him and had been with him for over 17 years. I am telling you this to say this - a baby doesn't make a boy a man. Experience, maturity and responsibility makes a boy a man.
Being that he isn't a good father, according to your question: I am willing to guess that his father wasn't a good father either or wasn't involved in his life. It's a generational curse.
If he can't keep a job, how do you expect him to support himself? if he can't support himself, he can't support his child either. It's a sad thing but it happens everyday. Sounds like you are seeing things now that you didn't see in the beginning of your relationship or when your son was conceived. With that being said, take it and learn from it. Don't allow him to move in with you to use you, and cause you to support 2 children - (your son and him).
Now, is your time to be more mature, support your child alone, set an example for your son. Go to school to enhance your education, work to support yourself and your son in order to become more self reliant and then you won't have to ask him for pampers or anything else. As your son grows older, the father will have to answer to his son as to why he wasn't there or why he was the way he was... Do allow him to see his son with you there. I wouldn't allow him to take my son anywhere. I don't believe in the child support system. if you want to know why, you may email me at sophia_pettus@yahoo.com. and we discuss that too. good luck and take care of that baby girl!
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Yes, you are doing the wrong thing.
Both in the legal sense and for the sake of your child. You still need to let him see the child, regardless of the fact he is not paying child support or carrying his weight financially.
The father has a right to see the child, and the child has a right to see the father regardless of the money.
BY ALL MEANS, do not let him be alone with your baby and force him to have his visits on a schedule that works well for you. However, unless he is beating you and your baby up, he has a right to see his child. The family court will not look kindly on you for denying him that no matter how little money he has given you. There has to be a better reason.
If you have your babes safety in mind in denying him visitation, be prepared to go to court and prove that he is a danger to the child. Nothing less will get them to deny visitation. If he is a drop out and has a record with the police, perhaps that is the best thing for you to do.
Although denying visitation seems like an effective way to go about dealing with this, it's not fair or legal to do it that way. In the family courts money is NOT a justified reason to deny visitation. Find another way to put pressure on him. Go to the court to have his wages garnished OR prove he is a danger to you and your child so you will be justified and allowed to deny him access.
If things are serious enough that you need him to stay away from you and the child, then do so, but get the courts involved so that it is legal and you have their support in that. If you just deny him because you feel like it, you'll be the one who could get in trouble.
NOTE: Just to clarify from what was said below: Just because you did not put his name on the birth certificate does not mean he doesn't have parental rights. Almost all states grant a degree of rights to the 'presumed father', so just because he isn't named on the birth certificate doesn't automatically extinguish his rights. If things are so bad that you need them taken away completely, you need to get the courts involved.
Besides that, it isn’t the father’s rights that come into play first when you are taking about visitation.
It is your CHILD’S right, not the father, that insists on visitation rights unless the father would put the child in danger. The courts have said, time and time again, that the child has a right to know their biological father. It is widely accepted to be in the child’s best interest, and if you feel it isn’t, it’s your job to prove that it isn’t.
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If you consider him a threat to your child, he should not see him. That is your job, to protect your child from harm as long as he needs your protection. If he takes no parental responsibility, he does not deserve parental rights. If everything you say is true, you are both at risk around him and you should never put your child and yourself at risk.
When you become a parent, your life becomes inconsequential, those children come before you and your life, he doesn't have that devotion. I can't believe you had a child with this boy, but I'll save you that sermon.
You do what you have to do to keep him away, even if that means moving. He didn't want to except responsibility from the start, leave him out of your lives, like you left him off of the birth certificate. Smart move by the way, it means he has to go to court to get parental rights and it sounds to me like he'll never have the money to do it.
Good luck, but next time pick a MAN to father your children.
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