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jelousy
okay well im not exactly the best person i know that however i need to learn to deal with my jelousy. My girlfriend and i had a mutual friend named steve and for a while he was a really good friend but in the last few weeks hes been trying to break me and her up. she doesnt want to admit it and shes spending all her time with him and im really jelous how can i fix this. I have told her how i feel about it but that starts fight after fight after fight i hate fighting with her i love her too much. please help
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
First off, sorry I took so long in answering, I've been a little busy.
Now, your question. Jealousy is one of the hardest emotions to control, but trust me, you really need to learn to conquer it. See, any emotion that the spirit is tasked to learn to over come will repeat over and over until you do, so if you don't want to see the same thing happen over and over the rest of your life, face it head on.
Second, no one is the best person, we all have to work on being a good human being, it is against our human animal nature to be a "good person". Jealousy comes from love as does most complex emotion, either self love, or loving another. What makes it stronger in some is how insecure you are. If you are jealous of a person that does something better then you, it is compounded by your insecurity in your ability to improve yourself.
Now, jealousy of an intended mate is another thing, driven heavily by the animal and the desire for sex and procreation, (the most important thing in the life of any animal). It is common in nature for the males to fight for the right to breed with the females, so it is instinctual for you to feel this way, but we are not just animals, we are also the Spiritual Beings. It separates us from animals and is meant to make us strive to be better.
Now that that is said, I must add further, (for the sake of your lady), she needs to understand that guys can only be friends with a girl they have a sexual interest in, so your concern is valid. Women do not like to think this is true, they are wired differently from guys and do not choose friends by who turns them on.
Having spent over 30 years trying to make the woman I love understand this, I will tell you the only way you can handle this. Put jealousy away, it will do you no good, in fact it can work against you should this be the reaction she is looking for. Jealousy will cloud your mind, keeping you from seeing the truth. Tell her "guys" don't have friends who are girls, his interest is in getting into her pants whether she likes it or not. But, you want to trust her, because that is the most important thing in a relationship. You, however, know guy's and know what he is after. If it is her choice to find this out for herself, you will not stand in the way, but she should understand the situation she is putting herself and you in. After all, it is in your nature to want to protect her from harm, but you need to understand that you can not keep others from learning their lessons.
On a final note, I should define further the fact that you will notice I used the term "Guys" in reference to males. Guys are not the same as men, Men and Women can be friends, just not guys and girls. But, the standard still applies, men normally will not become friends with a women unless there is something about them that turns them on.
I hope this has helped you and I would ask you to look a little closer at those you call friends. I would suggest that your idea of what a friend is, may be a little too loose. A "friend" would not be putting you in the position you are in. Also, in my experience and from what I have read, (I don't want to say this), your relationship with both these people may be coming to an end soon, I hope I'm wrong!
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