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Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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I broke up with my crazy boyfriend for a really nice guy. I'm 17, about to be 18. I do school online and got laid off from my job and it seems like i'm never happy. My boyfriend is soo great but he dated my good friend so now her and her best friend hate me and i was good friends with them both so that makes me really upset.
Usually we just hang out in my room and i yell at him about EVERY little thing he does and i can't even help it. IDK what to do! i'm ALWAYS bored even if he's here and i won't even go to his house anymore because i get too bored. I feel so bad because he treats me soooo good and im mean to him a lot and yell at him for everything.
What can i do to be happy? How can i stop being mean to him? (link)
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You need a hobby.
My girl and I do this occasionally. One of us has a really shitty day/week/whatever and we are sharper with the other one.
The trick is stress management and self awareness. You're bored. Why? Find something to do, get out of the house, do something that interests both of you. My girl and I are both homebodies, we watch movies and have friends over and are perfectly happy with only getting out a few times a month.
You probably aren't like that. You need to find ways to entertain yourself, find a hobby, or pick up one of his. Bring some enjoyment into your life and find a way to relax.
Lastly, change what you yell about. My girl and I yell at each other all the time about things not related to each other. I'm a server (fits with school) and I have to deal with some of the true bottom feeders of society who feel that their 20 or 30 bucks for food entitles them to treat me like their own personal boot licker and then leave a five buck tip on a hundred like they're doing me a favor (sorry, had a really crappy shift today)
I came home and unloaded, spent about 20 minutes yelling about every shitty asshole at every shitty table I had while she listened and chimed in a "yeah, I hate that" every few minutes to show she was paying attention.
She did the same, didn't have any better a night than I had. Then we put on a movie and tried to pretend that we don't work shit jobs to barely make ends meet. Stress relief is important.
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Hi :) 16/F
So I'm in my first relationship ever, and it's going great.
There's just one problem, and it's becoming more and more of an issue.
Before I go on, my boyfriend loves me, and I know he does. He doesn't mean to offend me and I'm sure he doesn't realise what he's doing, and that's part of the problem.
He seems to talk about other girls, a lot. Now, I really don't care if he talks to other girls, or befriends them. It's his life, he can do whatever he likes. HOWEVER, he talks about them in a very...explicit manner.
He will constantly tell me about girls he wants to have sex with, girls he wanted to have sex with in the past, and girls he regretted he didn't have sex with.
It makes me feel pretty insecure, am I not good enough? Firstly, I know guys have these sorts of thoughts naturally, and I have no problem with that. Really, I don't. Just because he's going out with me, doesn't mean they will go away. I just find it disrespectful he will tell this to ME out of all people. I don't care if he says this stuff to his friends, I just don't want to hear it.
He also rang me up today to complain about his porn collection being lost. It wasn't even a "Hahaha my porn collection got lost :P" it was a full on bitch session.
I know, I know, why am I telling you guys how much this bothers me instead of him.
Well, I have 2 questions.
1. am I just being jealous, or is he doing something wrong? As I said, he can talk to girls for all I care. I just find it disrespectful he tells me how much he wants to do stuff with certain girls to me. How would you feel if you're cuddling with your boyfriend and then he suddenly goes on about how much he wish he had sex with his ex's sister? :S I'm pretty sure I'm not being ridiculous, I just want an opinion before I do anything else
2. It's being going on for too long, and I'm stupid for not saying anything sooner. I know. But because it's bothered me for so long, it's embarrassing to say anything now. At first I thought he was joking, and it wasn't very often. But as our relationship went on and we saw each other more often, it happened more often...anyway, I'm just letting it slide because
a) I don't want to sound jealous and insecure to him. I'm not jealous, it just makes me feel...weird.
b) Because it's been going on for so long he'll make a big deal out of it and ask why I didn't tell him sooner. I don't want it to be a big deal, all I want from him is to stop
c) I've been thinking about dumping him over it, that's how much it upsets me. But I can't dump him before I tell him the reason, and give him a chance to fix it.
So in short? How can I let my boyfriend know how much this bothers me without sounding jealous, and not sounding ridiculous I've let him do it for so long even though it really upsets me?
All my friends want me to dump him because he does it and doesn't even realise, but I have to let him know so he has the chance to fix it. (link)
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Ask him why. Don't be accusing, just curious. Let him know that it does bother you, but you also want to know why. Don't accept bullshit like "thats just the way I am" or anything like that. HE probably hasn't thought about it that much.
Offhand, I'd say he's sexually insecure and inexperienced. He's trying to play himself off as something he isn't because he thinks its cool to be a sexual badass.
You aren't being ridiculous, you're reacting to an extreme case of immaturity.
Sit him down, and be completely honest. Tell him it bothers you and tell him how long. Tell him you want to know why he does it, and if he doesn't really know you want him to think about it and talk to you about it later.
He's not beyond hope, but it needs to stop, and if it doesn't you DO need to break up with him over it. It sounds like you like him enough that its worth it to try to save things first though, so talk to him and try to figure things out.
If he gets defensive and angry or hurt, let him vent and calm down. He probably lies to himself alot about how much of a badass he is, and when you let him know you are far from impressed he's probably not going to react very well. Expect that, if you have to walk away and let him cool off, then come back and talk to him.
Its not unusual to talk about sexual pasts. My girl and I talk about stuff like that alot. But its always in a mutual conversation context, always something we are both taking part in and isn't a form of bragging, its simply swapping stories about fun and funny things that have happened to us.
Your boy isn't doing that, he's just trying to make himself into a badass. Tell him he needs to stop.
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well so im 14, turning 15 really soon. i do not look my age at all. i look atleast 17. anyways theres this guy. i met him and he said he was 19, and i really started liking him and stuff, but later on i did find out that he really is 27, he has his reasons to lie about his age but i dont want to get into it. and i just found out his real age the other day, it shocked me to death the first day, second day pretty weird, but today im totally over it and still really like him. and we had a talk last night about us being together and me soon moving in with him when im able to move out. he still doesnt know that i know hes 27, he cant know i know, long story. but is it wrong to be in love with a 27 year old when your only 14 years old? =/ (link)
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Yeah, its wrong.
Why is it wrong? Because it will not work, and you'd fuck your life up over a guy you won't end up with (unless you're an idiot)
A 27 year old SHOULD NOT be able to date a 14 year old. At 27 he's been working for years, might have gone through college, etc. He should vastly outstrip you in both maturity and experience.
If he doesn't then something is wrong. People generally mature to certain points by certain ages, and when a guy his age is genuinely interested in dating a girl your age, theres a problem there.
Possible problems?
- He is turned on by your age. ALWAYS a bad sign, because it means he likes your age and innocence, not you. It means he'll move on as you grow up and he loses interest, and it means you will get hurt when you fall for him and he isn't in love with you.
- He is incredibly (truly incredibly) immature. If he is the right maturity level for you then he is nowhere near where he SHOULD be for 27. No matter how mature you are at 14 there is no possible way to make up that age gap with a normal guy. This will also lead to a breakup, because if he's this immature you will grow up and he will not. Thus when you're living together and you are maturing and changing, he will still be the same guy, and you'll get sick of it.
Either of these is bad, and I can promise you that one of these two (if not both) are 100% accurate.
Its hard at 14. Guys and girls mature in different ways at different ages, and unfortunately for women you all mature emotionally faster than guys in the teen years. This means that you are more prepared for the emotions involved in a serious relationship than guys your age, sometimes even guys a year or two older than you are.
This is why girls liking older guys is so common. Its not until the early or mid 20s that guys actually start catching up.
Be prepared, this will not work out, and if it does you're doing yourself a disservice. 13 years is alot of difference, even as adults. A normal guy his age would be trying to date girls in their early to mid 20s or older, not beginning high school.
Honestly, its a bad sign that he's even talking to you. How did you meet this guy anyway, usually a guy at 27 doesn't get much opportunity to connect one on one with a girl your age unless he seeks that opportunity himself. I'm younger than him, and I have absolutely zero contact with kids your age that would allow me to start a romantic relationship.
Hes lying about his age and putting himself in a situation where he can connect with girls your age. It sounds like he's seeking a 14 year old to do something with.
No offense, but you know how theres all this craziness about online predators? I think this guy is one.
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17/f
Is it possible to build a worthwhile relationship with a "ladies' man?" What typically goes wrong with this type of guy? He seems to know all of the right things to say and do but sometimes doesn't seem genuine. Thanks! (link)
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Now this is a fun question.
Is it possible? Yes, it is.
You could call me a ladies man. I know how to talk with and interact with women, and have somehow always been absent that self consciousness that so many people suffer from around the opposite sex.
I know what to say, how to say it, and how to act to get what I want. The worst part about it is that I'm incredibly good at it, to the point that I never seem fake because I can deliver the entire presentation unflinchingly and without a single hole or slip.
It took a girl intelligent enough to see through the bullshit and force me to drop it for something to work. I've had alot of girls come and go before this one because... well honestly because it was too easy. I had complete and utter control over the relationship without even trying, because I knew how to act to get whatever I wanted. I'm not a cheater, more a serial monogamist. I'd lose interest and move on pretty quickly.
My current girl though, is a match for me. Been together 4 years, and she knows me inside and out to the point that she sometimes reacts unconsciously to things she knows I'm going to do.
The trick to it, is showing him that you can see through his bullshit while not making him think you think less of him for it. In truth, all of this is a defensive mechanism. I have an intense fear of failure and rejection, so I spent years refining myself, my knowledge, and techniques so that I'd not have to fail in this area ever again.
I built a wall around myself because I was afraid that who I actually was wasn't good enough. I didn't want to fail, so I did what worked, even if it didn't lead me into a single relationship that was actually worthwhile. Its funny, all my best experiences with girls fell into my lap, while every relationship I've purposefully pursued has fallen apart.
Pay attention to him. Find out where he's bullshitting, blow his act wide open, and let him know that you like him anyway. Getting a guy like this to open up is a LONG process, but hopefully underneath theres a decent guy you can drag back out into the sunlight.
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I just want your opinions on this. How big could the age difference be in teen years. Say like a 14 year old girl how much older would your opinion for her to date? I just want to see what your opinions are. Thanks! (link)
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No one over 16.
Maturity is an issue. People change, grow, and mature very rapidly from 13 to early 20s, so an age gap there is exaggerated in ways it wouldn't be with people older. A 7 year gap when its 35 and 28 is nothing like the gap between a 21 and a 14 year old.
Keep something in mind. A girl your age is easy to manipulate and control. Thats not a strike against you, theres just alot of adult experience you don't have yet, and dating a guy who was 18 or 19 is not a great idea because he knows from experience what he can get away with, what to say, what to do, etc.
Let me give you something of a random example to put things in perspective.
Lets say you've got a girl your age and a 19 year old guy.
A 19 year old guy has been old enough to be paying attention to girls for 5-7 years. He's had that long to learn by experience, by watching others, by absorbing information from many and varied sources.
The girl, on the other hand, has at most 2 years of similar experience. She is going into dates without many expectations, just hoping to have fun.
In a situation like this, the guy is in a position to manipulate the hell out of this girl if he wants to. He knows from experience what girls want to see, he knows how to show it to a girl your age so that its convincing. Things that a girl his age wouldn't buy into, she would, because she doesn't have the experience to separate the bullshit from the real.
A younger guy wouldn't act interested if he wasn't, wouldn't be nice if he wasn't, would say sweetly intelligent things to make you swoon. An older guy is likely to know how to act to make it seem like he is someone he isn't. He might well like you, but that doesn't change the fact that he has the upper hand and can use that leverage to get what he wants on his schedule.
I could list off hundreds of things I know now that I didn't when I was your age about dating. Things to pay attention to, ways to act, ways to present things.
A practical example. A while back I dated a girl who was two years my junior. We were both in our 20s, but I was alot more experienced than she was. I started dating seriously around 14 and was sexually active shortly thereafter. She lost her virginity at 18. Thus, I had close to a decade of experience while she had a little over three years.
Our first date she stayed at my place. Slept in the same bed, but no sex. She would have had I seduced her, she made it abundantly clear that she was willing, while saying that she was never this impetuous. Along the lines of "We shouldn't but I want to" from her side.
At 14, I would have slept with her. She would have been upset by it, and we either would have not continued dating because of it, or we would have not slept together for a long, long time afterwards.
Instead, I told her before we went to bed that sex would not be happening under any circumstances. I kept to that because I knew that doing things this way would cement her comfort with me. She knew she could trust me implicitly to do what I said I would. She had no reservations on the second date, and things continued from there.
I genuinely liked her, but things didn't work out. I don't regret what happened and neither did she, but the fact is that I knew exactly how to behave to create trust, I knew what to show her, and she responded by being willing to sleep with me long before she probably would have slept with a guy who wasn't as experienced as I was.
Thats the difference experience makes. The difference between knowing how to act to get what you want, and just being who you are because you don't know any better.
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okay i have a bestfriend who is 5 about to be 16 in march and she took 2 store bought pregnancy test and the results are positive and he babies father has been in her life since october 3 and she doesnt know if she wants to keep the baby or not and he said the decision is hers wat to you think she should do (link)
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My personal recommendation is abortion or adoption.
Abortion is whatever. If thats her choice, thats her right. Adoption would be preferred in my opinion, because there are couples everywhere who cannot have children and newborn babies are in extremely high demand. 9 months of pregnancy is plenty of time to go through local adoption agencies to find a family suitable to raise the kid.
Makes the best out of a bad situation. She doesn't have to ruin her and a kids life by becoming a mother at 16, some random couple gets some joy and a newborn, etc etc.
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i'm 16. my ex and i went out for 10 month. separated for four and then got back together for two weeks. I foudn out that he had turned into someone totally different/player. So anyway, he texts me again now two weeks after we break up. He was an ass to me. He was being so rude, i don't get it, it gets on my nerves. He said the most hurtful things, for example: I don't care that we aren't together anymore. He was my first real love, so ofcourse its gonna take a while for me to get over him. But wat the hel is his problem. Why does he have to be so freakin rude? what do you guys think? (link)
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Men are logical beings.
Thus, when faced with emotion, we pretend it isn't there. Thats the most basic gut level reaction we have.
He's being an ass because he does feel something and he doesn't want to. He's faking who he is because he thinks thats the best way to be. Many immature teenaged guys do this, because they don't like who they are.
So they try to be someone else. Usually very, very badly. Thats what he's doing. He's trying to be untouchable, to prove both to the world and to himself that he's fine when he isnt.
Cut off contact. He's an immature little brat, he needs to be shown that behavior like this won't win him any friends. Its time to move on.
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I have a best friend. We've been friends for about three years, and she used to be a really cool person. She's still a nice person, but she's changed. She smokes and drinks occasionally, sends naked pictures of herself to guys, does so while she has a boyfriend, and hangs out with a...well, slutty girl who is a horrible influence on her. She won't tell me about this stuff, but I hear it from other people. I confronted her about it, and she said she was scared to tell me about it because she thought I'd freak out and throw her out of my life. She only partially admitted to doing these things, and I keep hearing more about her everyday. I have a lot of good people in my life, and a lot of friends. It's sad to me that she's turning into such an insecure moron lately. How should I handle this? It's getting exhausting to be her friend, not to mention it's not a great feeling to see someone you care about be so stupid and lie about it. (link)
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Alright.
Your friend is an idiot. She knows shes doing stupid shit (else she wouldn't have been afraid to tell you) and personally I wouldn't stand for it.
You don't have a right to threaten her, or tell her to change. You do have a right to express your opinion and walk away, and thats exactly what I'd do.
My speech went something like this
"I've known and trusted you for years, and I'd always been happy to be your friend. Until recently. You are making decisions I don't agree with, decisions that make me scared for you, worried for your present and your future. I can't keep being around someone who makes the choices you do, it fucks with me constantly to know that my friend has so little judgement and no desire to change. If you find yourself realizing that you are fucking up your life, want to change, and start working towards being the person you are capable of, I would love to have you in my life. But as long as you are settling your standards with the shitty people you hang with, as long as you refuse to hold yourself to what we both know you're capable of and what you know is right, I can't be around you anymore."
He never spoke to me again. He also knocked up his trashy girlfriend a year later, last I heard he was thinking of marrying her (she went off birth control to prevent a breakup, and got herself pregnant) and is selling drugs while working as a bottom level manager at a Grocery store.
Though that was 3 years ago, and he's never lasted more than a year at a job before, so God knows where he is or what his life is like now.
Ive hung around all kinds of people, and in the end I decided that I wanted friends who were better than I. Most of my friends are more successful in life than I am, are better adjusted, and have a bit more common sense. It gives me an example to rise to, and people I can ask for advice whos judgment I respect. I miss my old friend, he was my best friend for a long while. But I'm better off without him, and without the burden of trying to help him fix a life that he has no desire to fix himself.
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i don't get out much, and i'm pretty anti social..
for some reason i have sexual thoughts about kids, i won't do anything about it and i hate myself 4 it...
i'm so confused cause i don't consider myself a petifile..but it can't be normal
it dosen't happen all the time, just occassionly
like i havn't thought about it 4 a while..what is wrong with me? (link)
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The no balls answer is there is some kind of chemical imbalance in your brain.
You know, we live in a world where everyone wants to pretend that theres nothing wrong with them. We hide and repress and medicate so that we can all pretend we're the epitomy of perfect and normal.
Truth is, I've only ever met a few people who weren't fucked up in the head about something, and those people were pretty shallow and stupid, the kind who don't notice the world around them.
Theres something wrong. But instead of succumbing to it, you fight it. That makes you a decent human being. The next step is counseling. This is psychiatrist territory. You sound young, and I know this is hard to talk about. I recommend a school counselor, preferably a guy. A male counselor is going to be able to approach this from a more logical perspective.
How about a ridiculous personal story?
I have a compulsion towards fun. Video games, friends, sports, tubing, lasertag, anything that gives me a nice serotonin rush. I crave these things, pursue them, and do not get bored with them the way normal people do.
Two days ago I read a forum post on a website about Final Fantasy 12 that made me nostalgic. The game is currently paused on the TV next to me, I went and bought it last night. Randomly triggered compulsion (But GOD do I love this game...)
Conversely, anything that actually bores me, or is the dictionary opposite of fun drives me insane. I experience time dialation because I become so focused on how much I hate every aspect of what I'm doing. I've participated in psychiatric studies that have told me that if I am in a situation that I dislike, I will experience stress levels equivalent to a panic attack in those subject to them, except instead of panic it comes in the form of resentment, unhappiness, depression, and anger.
Yeah. Resentment attacks. Sounds ridiculous, right?
It kinda is. But medically speaking things that cause others mild annoyance piss me off. And it lasts, that feeling comes to the forefront of whatever activity it is. So, if my job sucks, I wake up feeling like shit because I know I have to go. I drag, I'm tired, as soon as I get off work I have enough energy to stay up till 3 am when I had to wake up at 7:30 the previous morning.
Its ridiculous, but even more its frustrating. I didn't figure this out about myself until a couple of years ago, and without knowing it was there I never fought it.
So I just constantly felt like shit while doing things that weren't fun, and never knew enough about what was going on to make it any better.
Get help. At first it seems like you're weak. Its frustrating to not be able to solve all your own problems. But you know what? No one can solve all their own problems. Its why we have parents, its why we have friends, its why we teach our children to be better people than we were (hopefully)
And you'll feel alot better if you tackle this problem, learn where it comes from and how to deal with it. Armor yourself so that you know that this isn't something that has power over you.
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15f Me and this guy like each other. Were not going out yet but i know we will soon. Im a pretty open person like when it comes to talking about sexual things. if that has anything to do with it. Lately, i have been thinking about having sex with this guy. We haven't even kissed yet and Im a virgin, so im thinking its just horniess? (link)
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You need to find other ways to manage lusty feelings. Thats what this is. I won't say sex drive is bigger when you're a teen, but it IS a new thing to deal with, and you need to learn self control.
So, what are you going to do.
First, ask yourself an honest question, if you tell him you want him but want to wait, is he going to spend all his time focusing on seducing you, or is he going to pay attention to you and let you come at your own pace?
Heres the thing. Guys can be somewhat immature about sex, and moreover guys don't usually think along long term lines when sex is on the table.
Every date becomes "what can I do to best facilitate sex?" and every date you don't get laid is a failure.
The earlier you introduce sex into a relationship, the less you're going to get to know each other. Instead of focusing on learning about a person and enjoying yourself around them, you're constantly focused on sex. Before he meets up with you he isn't thinking about the fun you're going to have, hes going over plans in his head on how to best do whatever must be done for sex to happen.
Its not a concious "trying to be an asshole and only get laid" thing, its simply that men are logic and goal oriented. If sex is the eventual goal of the date, everything is focused on that. If sex isn't on the table because you haven't slept with each other yet, his goal is going to be to make you like him enough to have sex with him, and thus he focuses on being a more decent guy.
I hate to compare us to it, but men are kind of like puppies or very small children. We are very perceptive on picking up with exactly how much we can get away with, and if you set a precedent early in the relationship for giving him what he wants with little regard for your own needs, even a decent guy is going to unconsciously respond to that.
So you really don't want to be sleeping with anyone anytime soon. Why? Because the relationship will be more about sex than anything else.
In that vein, don't tell the guy you want to or are going to until such time as you actually want to have sex. Lay down your limits clearly for him. If you don't want his hands in your pants, tell him so. If you don't want him trying to strip you, tell him so.
The most effective thing I've seen a girl do to her boyfriend is whenever the subject came up, she'd say "I believe in not waiting until marriage" and nothing else.
She told him "I'm perfectly willing to have sex" without telling him "I want to have sex with you"
That put all the power in her hands, because he knew if he played his cards right he'd get laid, and she knew he'd stick around until she thought the time was right for them.
They're married, btw. Two years this summer, been together for 7 total.
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hi.
i realllyy like this guy and were both 17. we hangout alot but i think he just wants to hook up. we hooked up twice but we didnt have sex. im still a virgin. we madeout and he felt me up and fingered me. but now when we hangout he will comeover but we wont hook up or anything we just hangout and talk and have fun. i really like this guy and i want him to like me. he told me he liked me but then about a week later he told me he didnt and that he didnt want a girlfriend becuae he got out of a bad year and a half relationship with my bestfriend (at the time, i hate her now) but that was about six months ago. so i think he would be moving on now but anyway, i told him like a week and a half ago i was done and he could come find me when he accually wanted to be wth me cause i couldnt have him keep playing with my feelings, anyway last night he IMed me and asked if i wanted to hangout, i said idk then he said sorry for the way he acted and of course i hungout with him and we had soo much fun. i really like him, should i just continue to hangotu with him like i am and do you think he will like me if i do?? oh yeah about a month ago he said he didnt wanna go out with me becuawse he might miss out on something (so he bassicly told me i wasnt good enough) but i really like him HELP PLEASEEEEEE !!!!
Thank you and im sorrryyy its loong (link)
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I wouldn't. Its just going to hurt, because it sounds like you're looking for exactly what he is avoiding.
Tell him you like him, tell him that if he's interested to give you a call in 6 months when he's got his head sorted out, and say goodbye in a friendly way.
If you continue to hang out with him, do not under any circumstances sleep with him. You will really screw yourself up in the head if you sleep with a guy casually who you like.
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Me and my girlfriend have been going out for about three years and she is the one who first brought up the idea of a three some so how do i get her to follow through (link)
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If you have to get her to "follow through" its not a good idea, and probably won't happen.
I don't think anyone here is going to give you the advice you want. My advice is forget about it.
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i smoked weed for the second time last night, and at first it kind of scared me and then i finally calmed down. it was apparently really really strong, and i took at least 5 big hits.
i kept me all weirded out for a while, but then i got sick and threw up all over the place.
could someone tell me what might have been wrong? i doubt im supposed to throw up on weed. -.-''
thanks. (link)
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BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
"You could even die"
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Sorry, had to get that out of my system. The levels of misinformation in existence these days is ridiculous. You'd think people would be more educated these days instead of less.
Possibilities. Weed makes you in some cases more sensitive to physical sensation. Feeling full is definitely a sensation, and feeling too full can be a bit more intense than you can handle.
Other ideas... I've known people to experience motion sickness or vertigo when you're too stoned. Usually what happens when you smoke too much too quickly, and the change in sensation is unsettling.
If you were smoking some decent kind bud, that adds to the above. Smoking a bit more slowly will probably help, and not eating a few hours before likewise.
::Edit::
In retrospect, I think the "Your body was throwing up because that was the only way to get rid of it" line was funnier, and a touch sad. Yes sweetheart, you inhale pot smoke into your stomach.
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Are you happy? (link)
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How about the philosophical response. That should be fun.
What is happy? How do you define "happy"?
Is happy just a current good feeling as some have stated? Is happy waking up with enough sleep, having a decently enjoyable day, and a nice night by whatever standards you have for having a nice night?
Is it accomplishment? Is it material? Is it reaching your goals, or is it just the assurance that you have goals and know they are what you want?
Is it not having regret?
A question this simple has far too complex an answer. Happy is different things to everyone. Whatever your definition of "happy" is I doubt you're going to find an answer for whatever it is you're really looking for in someone else's happiness, or lack thereof.
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Ok, so, I know that someone over 18 can't date a minor, but, is there a certain age that you can't date [younger] if you are 16?
I found out that my ex [who is 16] dated a 6th grader [they just broke up this year] and they had sex. Is that legal?
I'm just really curious, because I heard it was, but I'm not quite sure. I've looked on google. but I couldn't find anything on it.
-I'm not looking to get her, or her ex gf in trouble, I'm just really curious.
Thanks! (link)
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Thats pretty fucked up.
As far as illegal, its entirely possible.
13 can have sex with anyone else who is a minor their age or older, but if you're over 13 and the other person is under 13 that falls into most states definition of child abuse.
Charges would include... contributing to the delinquency of a minor, a charge of sexual indecency with a child or rape for every time he had sex with her, child molestation, child enticement, and probably a couple more. There are alot of different laws to outlaw every specific thing, so touching her, the actual act of sex, oral sex, convincing her to have sex (especially by phone, e-mail, or text), all have different charges associated so that you can bust someone who does just one of these things. Whats more, they can choose to charge multiple times for multiple things. Every time he had sex with her he could be hit with an instance of these charges, so if he say slept with her 10 times he could get a separate charge for each individual action, times 10 times. They don't usually throw the book at someone his age, but at the very least he could be facing upwards of 10-20 years in prison if tried as an adult.
Depends on your state, and possibly your county within the state. There are tons of laws he could be charged for violating.
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can you get pregnant if you have unprotected sex while you're on your period? (link)
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Myrrha, have you ever heard of anecdotal evidence?
Its a term that implies something like "Your personal stories and experiences are statistically insignificant"
Yes, it is physically possible to get pregnant during your period. Different women have different cycles, and its possible for the egg to get flushed anywhere from day 1 to day 4-5. This depends entirely on the woman and her physiology.
Is it less likely? Yes, it generally is. Have people gotten pregnant on the last day of their period? Yes, people most certainly have.
Peeps was right. You'd think a 27 year old woman would know better.
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Anyone willing to send some adderall to me by snail mail? I will give you my address and pay you in return.
And please-no comments about how it is illegal and bad for me. I know all of that, but the fact is that I need them to concentrate in school and my parents don't have the money to send me to a doctor to prescribe them. (link)
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You can't ask someone to send you controlled substances via mail.
The person sending it is committing several different kinds of felonies that could land you in jail for 20+ years. And this question would be admissible as evidence.
Speak to your parents, don't start searching the internet for drugs. You're just as likely to get advil in the mail as you are to get yourself busted for narcotics trafficking.
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I am 16 and my best friend is 15, we have been friends for a long time and she stayed ths night at my house.We both have had sex with our boyfriends before. Well she asked to "eat me out" and i said yes. i liked it,but i like guys and i am not bisexual. so why i did like it?. should i talk to her about it? what should i do? (link)
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Its generally easier for women to be attracted to the same sex than guys. It doesn't mean you are truely bisexual, or that you want to date women.
So why did you enjoy it?
Well, to start with, you're comfy with your friend. Obviously, you're comfy and trusting enough with her that you don't sound like you were overly hesitant about letting her eat you out. I'd almost wonder if you two had done anything else (kissing, touching) before. If so, then you probably DO have some sexual interest in girls. If not, you might still have that interest, but it goes to show you exactly how comfortable you are if the first time you did anything remotely sexual you agreed to let her perform oral on you.
Comfort is required to enjoy sex, be it with the same or the opposite sex. And while lust and love often provide motivators that drive people to sex, and that form the basis for genuine relationships, they are not required to simply be able to enjoy sexual contact. What do you think a fuck buddy is? Its not someone you love, and sometimes its not even someone you lust for, its simply someone that you're comfy enough with to sleep with on a regular basis.
End that with the fact that what she did IS something generally enjoyed by women, and its easy. You were enough at ease that discomfort didn't kill your ability to be aroused, and what was done was arousing. Basic biological reaction.
It seems like you're capable of enjoying sexual activity with women. That doesn't mean you have to relabel yourself, it just means you know a bit more about yourself than you did before.
If you feel the need, talk to her about it. I mean, I'm sure she'd be happy to know you enjoyed it. Beyond that, don't worry too much about what you are. You like guys, so date guys. Beyond that, figure it out as you go along and don't tie yourself to a label.
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I think I might be racist =(
I don't like Hispanic men. HOWEVER, my best friend is Hispanic (she's a girl), and I have no problem whatsoever with Hispanic females at all, its just the males.
I have had three relationships with Hispanic guys, all of which were miserable (not abusive or anything like that, I was just extremely unhappy). My last boyfriend was Hispanic, and I've decided I'm not dating another Hispanic guy again, because at first I might like him, but then the more time we spend together, the more I notice the accent, the more it irritates me, and I've noticed that they are all very touchy-feely, they always want to be holding hands or kissing.
So now at this point I just don't talk to any Latino men unless I have to. I just avoid them, but of course I'm not rude to them or anything like that, I treat them the way I would like to be treated, the way I treat anyone else. For example I sit next to a Mexican man in one of my classes, and he was having trouble with his computer so I volunteered my help. But otherwise I avoid making any conversation.
I hate this, I don't like having this problem. How do I make my racial issues go away?
18/F (link)
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Theres a difference between race and culture.
I've had issues with dating people who weren't raised the way I was. Different upbringings mean different standards for behavior, different values and priorities, etc.
Culture can determine alot of this, and alot of culture has sprung up around specific races.
It gives rise to interesting and strange issues.
For instance, I honestly have difficulty dating anyone who is American who isn't white. I grew up in upper middle class suburbia, and I find similarities and the ability to relate much more easily.
But I can date, say, British women of any race without a problem. And have, successfully. As ridiculous as it is, I've dated a black british girl, and it was great while it lasted (she was an exchange student) but every time I've tried to date a black girl born and raised here, it hasn't worked.
I don't have a problem with black people, but black culture in America... its not something I can relate to.
People are more easily made uncomfortable by those they don't understand, and by those who are not like them in noticable ways. While it can be frustrating, sometimes these differences are differences of culture, things don't work out as well, and theres just not enough in common with an entire demographic of people to manage.
Its not really something you can do much about, just be aware of it, and make sure that your preconceptions don't change your behavior towards others for the worse.
Racists aren't people who have views, racists are people who act on those views to make the world worse for those they prejudge.
I don't date outside my race unless they're from another country generally. This is because I have certain standards and priorities, and if those are not in common I simply won't get along. And for the record, I don't avoid girls of other races. There has just never been a single instance where there was mutual interest past the second date.
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This might sound pathetic. About a week ago my boyfriend of one year and I had an argument. Some hurtful things were said and i packed my stuff and moved back in with my parents. We both apologized and are trying to work things out. I stilllove him and we are about ready to bring a little girl into the world.The problem is I haven't told my parents that we are still technically together and i want to move back in with him asap. They dont like him but i dont want to upset them either.any advice?19/f (link)
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Contrary to the person below, I'm going to say that parents are usually predisposed to dislike guys that date their "little girl".
I know that I'm going to be hard on any guys dated by girls I might have. I'm not going to choose her guys for her, but I'm definitely going to make joining our family an intimidating prospect, if only to make sure that a guy is really willing to go through some shit to be with her.
I can't say your parents share my specific perspective, but my desire to be hard on and tendency towards immediate dislike that I already know I'll have is rooted in the same feelings your parents have.
First off, you've got to be more mature about your relationships. Your parents aren't going to greet this news with happiness. But theres a point here, you lived with a guy, and you can't move out based on a fight and anger. People lose their shit. It happens, and everyone has the capacity to be an asshole.
Thats something you're going to have to accept with almost anyone you date who has a backbone.
Whats not acceptable is lack of control over those negative qualities, you both have a right to be angry with each other for being hurtful, but you also have a responsibility to realize you can get pissed off like this and stop yourself from making rash decisions. You two need to have a long talk on this subject if you move back in. If you're going to move out, it should be thought out, and there should be enough reasons that there is no way in hell you'll be rethinking the decision within the next 6 months or more.
Next time, go sit down alone and calm yourself down, take some space and give him some, and when you're both ready to talk calmly, reopen the discussion.
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