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27 & 14
well so im 14, turning 15 really soon. i do not look my age at all. i look atleast 17. anyways theres this guy. i met him and he said he was 19, and i really started liking him and stuff, but later on i did find out that he really is 27, he has his reasons to lie about his age but i dont want to get into it. and i just found out his real age the other day, it shocked me to death the first day, second day pretty weird, but today im totally over it and still really like him. and we had a talk last night about us being together and me soon moving in with him when im able to move out. he still doesnt know that i know hes 27, he cant know i know, long story. but is it wrong to be in love with a 27 year old when your only 14 years old? =/
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Ok i just had to call my niece to see if it was her because it sounds freakishly the same as her situation. Get away from him as fast as you can!
He is a liar and a manipulator!
I wouldnt say its wrong to love him, because love doesnt know age or race or sex. But you need to stay away.
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Listen honey, I am not trying to be rude or anything but a grown man knows what he is doing messing with you.. You may believe you are a big girl now but there is a long way to go. He has lived his life already and knows he can have control over a young girl like you. What you doing is wrong honey seriously I am not tryig to be your mother or anything but seriously he is on a whole different level then you, whether you may think so or not, I know you may not like what I am saying but its the truth when you get older you will understand... Dont rush to grow up enjoy being a teenager while you can.. You will never get these times back. Do you wanna have to look back when you are older and see that you wasted your time with a man whos already lived his life?
Its not fair for you!!
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Yeah, its wrong.
Why is it wrong? Because it will not work, and you'd fuck your life up over a guy you won't end up with (unless you're an idiot)
A 27 year old SHOULD NOT be able to date a 14 year old. At 27 he's been working for years, might have gone through college, etc. He should vastly outstrip you in both maturity and experience.
If he doesn't then something is wrong. People generally mature to certain points by certain ages, and when a guy his age is genuinely interested in dating a girl your age, theres a problem there.
Possible problems?
- He is turned on by your age. ALWAYS a bad sign, because it means he likes your age and innocence, not you. It means he'll move on as you grow up and he loses interest, and it means you will get hurt when you fall for him and he isn't in love with you.
- He is incredibly (truly incredibly) immature. If he is the right maturity level for you then he is nowhere near where he SHOULD be for 27. No matter how mature you are at 14 there is no possible way to make up that age gap with a normal guy. This will also lead to a breakup, because if he's this immature you will grow up and he will not. Thus when you're living together and you are maturing and changing, he will still be the same guy, and you'll get sick of it.
Either of these is bad, and I can promise you that one of these two (if not both) are 100% accurate.
Its hard at 14. Guys and girls mature in different ways at different ages, and unfortunately for women you all mature emotionally faster than guys in the teen years. This means that you are more prepared for the emotions involved in a serious relationship than guys your age, sometimes even guys a year or two older than you are.
This is why girls liking older guys is so common. Its not until the early or mid 20s that guys actually start catching up.
Be prepared, this will not work out, and if it does you're doing yourself a disservice. 13 years is alot of difference, even as adults. A normal guy his age would be trying to date girls in their early to mid 20s or older, not beginning high school.
Honestly, its a bad sign that he's even talking to you. How did you meet this guy anyway, usually a guy at 27 doesn't get much opportunity to connect one on one with a girl your age unless he seeks that opportunity himself. I'm younger than him, and I have absolutely zero contact with kids your age that would allow me to start a romantic relationship.
Hes lying about his age and putting himself in a situation where he can connect with girls your age. It sounds like he's seeking a 14 year old to do something with.
No offense, but you know how theres all this craziness about online predators? I think this guy is one.
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Honey, when it comes to men, live by these 3 rules, if any. NEVER date a liar, cheater, or a thief.
He falls into one of those categories. The liar one. And that's the worse one because he would very well fall under all three!
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It's not wrong. Granted, it IS illegal, and he could get into serious trouble. Love comes in many shapes and sizes...and ages.
But if you really cared about him, you'd explain to him the situation, make him understand, and cut it off.
I'm not telling you what to do. That's all up to you. I'm just telling you MY opinion. (My OTHER opinion is to take my first into careful consideration.)
Good luck. I hope you find your way.
Julie P.
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At one time no it was normal. Nowadays it's illegal. You could get him into huge trouble, so I would avoid him at all costs. I know you probably feel like you like him a lot but you'll get over it. In less then four years you'll be able to date whoever you want anyway so just stick with people close to your age for now. It seems like a long time but it's really not. You'll be 18 before you know it. Plus if you really cared about him you wouldn't want to risk him getting into trouble. He'll be listed as a sex offender and never have a normal life again. Seriously reconsider this whole situation.
xoxo,
dottie4
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look at this way:you have your WHOLE life ahead of you to find a guy you really like. I know you like him,but the fact a 27 year old can't stay in his own age range might say something about it. Don't get me wrong,he might be a reallllly nice guy,i don't deny that. But you have so many other options! I don't know why he lied, but age is a vital thing to lie about. If he lies to you about this, how do you know he doesn't also have kids and a wife? even if thats not the case, your almost HALF his age. Maybe, you could tell him you know how old he really is. See what he says? Remember, EVERY guy always puts on his best mask at first. Please,please,PLEASE don't consider moving in with him. You need to enjoy the life and be young! Don't rush things, and you shouldn't have to be tied down to someone trying to get you to move in with him-which he probably wants you to do to keep you to himself. I know,he could be a nice guy. I know it might be a good reason for him to lie for his age...for some unknown reason..but honestly, if he is that serious with you-if he was in LOVE with you-he wouldn't LIE to you. He's just spinning the web.Sorry that i'm like attacking you-but you can do so much better, good luck!
xkisakissx
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There is no good reason for a 27 year old to even be friends with a 14 year old. It doesn't matter if you look or act older than 14. There is something wrong with him... pedophile maybe?!
And the fact that he lied, to say he had his reason, no there is no reason to tell a 14 year old that you are 19. People say that age doesn't matter but it does matter when you are only 14.
I know you think that you really like him but he is telling you what you want to hear, they know what to say to you to get you. I promis you that this guy is not into you he is into young girls. If you continue to talk to him or have a relationship with him you will regret it. And if it ever turns sexual who cares if he could get in trouble the real concern is that it wont be him showing his love it will be molesting you and is rape no matter how you look at it. You need to stop talking to him and see that he is a pedophile. And I know you are going to think oh she doesn't know him that I don't know your situation but I really really hope you see him for what he is. Try asking your parents what they would think about you dating a 27. You are not as smart or mature as you think you are, I was 14 once and thought I knew it all but now looking back only 6 years later I realized that I didn't know it all and should have listened to other people.
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I say, it's not wrong to love anyone.. It's better to have loved than to not love at all... that type of stuff... BUT.. I don't recommend continuing or starting a relationship with this guy.. Believe me, right now, you may think he's awesome.. So sweet, so kind, everything.. But you gotta understand he's experienced many things in life, after all, he's much older than you.. Be careful with this =/ I really wouldn't encourage a relationship though... Also, he may have his reasons, but don't you think it's wrong to have lied to someone about their age? I don't think it's fair for him to lure you into thinking he's around your age range... seems a little fishy.. Especially if he tells you he wants to keep this on the down low, etc etc. Try not to do anything drastic... like run away with him, or let him convince you to do anything. Even if he says something like Oh i'm gonna go visit you or something... Noo... Good luck hun, we all mean the best for you.
Flirty
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Yes, It is very wrong. Infact it is concidered illegal.
If you two ever began to have a relationship and it turned sexual he can very well get arrested. You are a minor and he is twice your age. It'd be classified child rape if you two were ever to become sexual. You do not just have to have a sexual relationship if anyone saw you two together and reported it...you are looking at a big mess.
Don't play with fire
-BahaiMa22
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Your messing with fire!! There are a ton of other men out there and to be 14 wiht a 27yr old is well wasting your life. You are starting something on lies and it will never work. Not to be mean or anything but it is the truth. Tell him you know and be honest about it. Please don't mess with him it can be dangerous!!!!!!!!!! Good Luck and please make the right desicion.
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It's always wrong to lie and mislead someone at the same time as talking about a serious relationship and possibly moving in together, and that is what this guy is doing if he hasn't come clean about his age and situation. The foundation you are both setting up for this ‘relationship’ is disastrous and dishonest. That is never good a start.
When I hear a young teen falling for a twenty-something, it's NEVER the teenager’s maturity I question, it's the adult's. I am twenty-four, and if any of my male friends told me he was talking about moving in with a 14 year-old as soon as she was allowed to move out of her parent’s home, I would DRIVE HIM TO A MENTAL HEALTH FACILITY that instance. Because no sane, well-adjusted adult male would seek out a romantic partnership with a teenager.
That has nothing to do with YOU. You could be the most mature, brilliant, beautiful creature in the world, and I would still call a twenty-seven year old who wanted you to move in with him mentally unhinged.
You can’t be an equal partner to a 27 year old anymore then you can be a penguin. Age is not just a number: It's a solid gauge for life experience and a loose one for maturity and self-awareness.
Even if he does care for you, and even if you truly love each other, if he tries to have a relationship with you he isn't a very good person and he has very poor judgment.
A good person would know that a crush is fine, but that a twenty-seven year old could cause a lot of damage to you and would inevitably be taking advantage of you. That is why it's illegal, in most states, for sexual contact between a 14 year old and a 27 year old.
Your feelings are never ‘wrong’ but your actions certainly can be, and acting on your feelings with this guy is a bad decision and one that frightens me for you. I sincerely hope you are not keeping this relationship a secret from the adults in your life! Please, find an older female friend, somebody 21 or older who you respect and trust to talk to about this. At that age, a woman will probably have the sense and strength to see through this guy’s sweetness to his creepy core, and I promise you, based on what you’ve told us here, he DOES have a creepy core.
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