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Oh god..
I have a best friend. We've been friends for about three years, and she used to be a really cool person. She's still a nice person, but she's changed. She smokes and drinks occasionally, sends naked pictures of herself to guys, does so while she has a boyfriend, and hangs out with a...well, slutty girl who is a horrible influence on her. She won't tell me about this stuff, but I hear it from other people. I confronted her about it, and she said she was scared to tell me about it because she thought I'd freak out and throw her out of my life. She only partially admitted to doing these things, and I keep hearing more about her everyday. I have a lot of good people in my life, and a lot of friends. It's sad to me that she's turning into such an insecure moron lately. How should I handle this? It's getting exhausting to be her friend, not to mention it's not a great feeling to see someone you care about be so stupid and lie about it.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
i'll take it that she is a great person, sit down and talk to her, make her reflect on her past self and she may stap out of it, be concerned and tell her something like "Iam doing this beacuse i care about you and i dont want you to get hurt"
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Sit and have a talk with her and tell her staright up thats you dont like how she has been acting and tell her what your hearing from other people. Tell her you love her alot but cannot continue to be friends with soemone who isnt doing sny good for themselves. I mean you could remain froends with her and try to overlook it but hangong with someone like that is only going to label you honey seriously you dont want people to think your doing the same. Its not even like shes single she has a man at home. Maybe she stressed out try to see ahy shes been acting like that maybe shes not happy with her life or something is going on that you dont know about. Try to see if maybe you can help.
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Alright.
Your friend is an idiot. She knows shes doing stupid shit (else she wouldn't have been afraid to tell you) and personally I wouldn't stand for it.
You don't have a right to threaten her, or tell her to change. You do have a right to express your opinion and walk away, and thats exactly what I'd do.
My speech went something like this
"I've known and trusted you for years, and I'd always been happy to be your friend. Until recently. You are making decisions I don't agree with, decisions that make me scared for you, worried for your present and your future. I can't keep being around someone who makes the choices you do, it fucks with me constantly to know that my friend has so little judgement and no desire to change. If you find yourself realizing that you are fucking up your life, want to change, and start working towards being the person you are capable of, I would love to have you in my life. But as long as you are settling your standards with the shitty people you hang with, as long as you refuse to hold yourself to what we both know you're capable of and what you know is right, I can't be around you anymore."
He never spoke to me again. He also knocked up his trashy girlfriend a year later, last I heard he was thinking of marrying her (she went off birth control to prevent a breakup, and got herself pregnant) and is selling drugs while working as a bottom level manager at a Grocery store.
Though that was 3 years ago, and he's never lasted more than a year at a job before, so God knows where he is or what his life is like now.
Ive hung around all kinds of people, and in the end I decided that I wanted friends who were better than I. Most of my friends are more successful in life than I am, are better adjusted, and have a bit more common sense. It gives me an example to rise to, and people I can ask for advice whos judgment I respect. I miss my old friend, he was my best friend for a long while. But I'm better off without him, and without the burden of trying to help him fix a life that he has no desire to fix himself.
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Sadly enough, I had the same thing happen to me with a "best friend". Sweetheart, unfortunately there's nothing you can do. You can't not hold yourself accountable for her actions and if you keep telling her over and over again that this is nothing healthy for her then there's nothing you can do. Honestly, you have to sit bit and let nature take it's course and in time, she'll realize the advice you gave her when something goes wrong in her life. I don't wish her bad, but I can almost guarantee that something is gonna happen and that's when she'll open her eyes. Sometimes you have to let people fall on their faces and let them learn on their own... I hope this helps.
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