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I think I might be racist
I think I might be racist =(
I don't like Hispanic men. HOWEVER, my best friend is Hispanic (she's a girl), and I have no problem whatsoever with Hispanic females at all, its just the males.
I have had three relationships with Hispanic guys, all of which were miserable (not abusive or anything like that, I was just extremely unhappy). My last boyfriend was Hispanic, and I've decided I'm not dating another Hispanic guy again, because at first I might like him, but then the more time we spend together, the more I notice the accent, the more it irritates me, and I've noticed that they are all very touchy-feely, they always want to be holding hands or kissing.
So now at this point I just don't talk to any Latino men unless I have to. I just avoid them, but of course I'm not rude to them or anything like that, I treat them the way I would like to be treated, the way I treat anyone else. For example I sit next to a Mexican man in one of my classes, and he was having trouble with his computer so I volunteered my help. But otherwise I avoid making any conversation.
I hate this, I don't like having this problem. How do I make my racial issues go away?
18/F
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Theres a difference between race and culture.
I've had issues with dating people who weren't raised the way I was. Different upbringings mean different standards for behavior, different values and priorities, etc.
Culture can determine alot of this, and alot of culture has sprung up around specific races.
It gives rise to interesting and strange issues.
For instance, I honestly have difficulty dating anyone who is American who isn't white. I grew up in upper middle class suburbia, and I find similarities and the ability to relate much more easily.
But I can date, say, British women of any race without a problem. And have, successfully. As ridiculous as it is, I've dated a black british girl, and it was great while it lasted (she was an exchange student) but every time I've tried to date a black girl born and raised here, it hasn't worked.
I don't have a problem with black people, but black culture in America... its not something I can relate to.
People are more easily made uncomfortable by those they don't understand, and by those who are not like them in noticable ways. While it can be frustrating, sometimes these differences are differences of culture, things don't work out as well, and theres just not enough in common with an entire demographic of people to manage.
Its not really something you can do much about, just be aware of it, and make sure that your preconceptions don't change your behavior towards others for the worse.
Racists aren't people who have views, racists are people who act on those views to make the world worse for those they prejudge.
I don't date outside my race unless they're from another country generally. This is because I have certain standards and priorities, and if those are not in common I simply won't get along. And for the record, I don't avoid girls of other races. There has just never been a single instance where there was mutual interest past the second date.
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I don't think you're racist at all. You are simply making observations about a race from your personal experiences and applying them to your lifestyle. If the characteristics don't fit with you then it's perfectly acceptable to steer away from the sort of people who may contain these sorts of things.
I think a lot of stereotypes are actually quite right. There have been multiple studies done that show that a person tends to believe his/her own racial stereotypes. I feel this proves most of the stereotypes to be true--especially when the race itself believes them to be.
It is also a fact that people tend to be attracted to one specific race more than others. This usually is from the person's upbringing--who they have been around and what they have gathered from interacting with various types of people. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this.
It's a fact that black communities have a notably higher crime rate than that of other communities. This being said, a person living in such communities may observe blacks being aggressive, cruel, and hate-filled toward others. The person may then apply this to other situations because the majority of blacks they have encountered have had these negative aspects. This may enforce a physical attraction to another race and may make them feel less attracted to the African-descendant race. This does not make the person racist, as it is completely natural. It simply shows that the person is trying to seek out the best mate possible for their personality and such.
Take something else into consideration other than race for a moment. Say you have met and interacted with fifteen convicts. You notice that they are all not very truthful, less-hygienic than average, and physically aggressive towards others. This may make you feel less attracted to people you find that have spent time in jail. You may also apply this to dating situations and inquire if a person has been imprisoned in the past so that you feel you can get an idea of what sort of personality they have. It doesn't mean that you hate these sorts of people, it simply means that you are looking out for the well-being of yourself and possible future children.
People gather information all of the time about others. It is natural to gather information based on physical aspects. It is natural for all humans to make theses sorts of observations to find what sort of mate will make the best offspring. This is really true for lots of things like race, weight, height, body-build, etc. It is completely natural to seek out a mate without negative aspects.
I hope I've helped you clear things up in your own head and can understand why it is okay to feel the way you do.
If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me! :)
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The sad truth is, racism might be morally wrong, but it's the way our brains are programmed to function.
We make generalizations. We can't treat everyone as individuals all the time, there are just too many people out there for our brains to manage that! We HAVE TO stick them into groups. What's important is to be respectful to all people, to TRY to treat everyone as an individual and, this is my real advice to you, to recognize that ‘race’ isn’t the problem. It isn’t, or at least it shouldn’t be and doesn’t need to be, a racial group that you have a problem with.
The things you are claiming you dislike about your past boyfriends are cultural and personal characteristics. Their values and the way they view relationships aren't 'racial', they are cultural. They are personal preferences and generalizations they have made on how they think they should behave in relationships based on their past experiences, NOT based solely on their race.
It’s the age-old nature versus nurture at play here, but a very good way to put your prejudices in their proper place is to realize that what you dislike are nurtured behaviors: i.e. learned behaviors. And that isn’t racial. The mistake you are making is that you are thinking about it in racial terms.
Change the way you are thinking about this:
You don’t dislike Hispanic males, or at least, you shouldn’t, because that is a racial prejudice.
You do dislike clingy, overly-touchy-feely guys. It just HAPPENS that many of the Hispanic males you’ve met fall into that category.
It might seem like a tiny difference, but it’s actually a very large one.
Disliking all clingy men, some of whom happen to be Hispanic, is fine.
Disliking all Hispanic men, some of whom happen to be clingy, is not.
Picking characteristics you don’t like is fine. Pretending that all people of a single race are going to have those characteristics is not okay.
You can control the way you think about this. Stop telling yourself you don’t like Hispanics. Start thinking about the kind of characteristics and behaviors that you wouldn’t like in ANYONE, and do your best to judge each person you met based on those.
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I wouldn't say you are racist, I think you've just had a few bad exsperiences and you have convinced yourself that you are. You simply just might perfer your own kind and that is okay. There are people out there who just want to be with there own kind, That doesn't mean that you are racist. Not all Mexicans and Hispanic folks have a bad attitude. However, If you perfer maybe you should just be friends or stay with your own kind if that is what makes you comfortable.
BahaiMa22
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You are not racist! Everyone is like that one way or another. It's not really a big deal (to me anyway) if a certain race doesn't appeal to you or annoys you. Like I would never date a hispanic or a chinese/vietnamese/etc. man. The fact that the whole race along bugs you is probably because you have had bad experiences with that certain race and will vanish in time. If you don't want to be racist then your not! I'm sure your issue with them will vanish...just give it some time...
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