I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 172844
Main Categories:
General Sex Questions
Random Weirdos
Mental health
View All
|
| |
When I get period on my underwear, I try to rinse it out in the sink as soon as possible. My question is this-- should I use hot water to rinse it or cold? I've heard both opinios for the following reasons:
*You should use hot water because it will rinse it out better.
*You should use cold water because hot water will cause it to set and then it will be stained. So I guess my question is, is this true? (link)
|
If the blood is still wet and you get it under cold water, you'll be able to see with your own eyes that cold water is magical. Even when the blood has dried, just leave it to soak in cold water.
I learned this trick from my aunt when I was in 8th grade, and it's never failed. You don't need soap, hydrogen peroxicide, or anything else. Just plain, old fashioned cold tap water.
Try it and you'll see.
|
|
my friend who i was REALLY close to now has a bf so obviously they do "things" together and stuff and i know she's been drunk b4 and stuff like that and i haven't and it just feels to me that we aren't as close because it's not as fun for her to tell me things anymore since i can't relate and i don't kno how to make things the way they used to be (link)
|
This might not be what you want to hear, but your best friend has every right to keep her experiences with her boyfriend private.
As for the other things - her drinking, you not feeling as close - the best thing to do is sit down with her and tell her how you feel. Let her know how much you care about her, that you are worried you are drifting apart, and that you don't want to lose her.
Find some stuff you have in common and do those things together; you'll want to have best friend 'dates' to keep in touch. Talking about these feelings are the best thing to do - chances are when she hears how you feel, she'll go out of her way to help strengthen your friendship.
|
|
Hi. I Want To Get My Tounge Pierced And I Was Wondering If It Hurts And Just Some Details About It. Like Should I Close My Eyes If I Get It Done. And Is It Worth It? Will I Got Into Shock? ( If you have never had it done dont answer because i dont want wrong advice ) Thanks. (link)
|
Alright.
I got my tongue pierced, as should you, at a clean, professional studio. The person wore latex gloves at all times, and I saw all the equipment come out of a sterilizer or sterile wrappings. That is always the most important thing. The piercer should also look at the bottom of your tongue - there is a large vein there which can get infected (and lead to death) if punctured. It's important they know not to hit yours.
Next, it hurts like a bitch. It was the most piercing pain I've felt, but then everyone has different pain tolerances. If you are someone who doesn't flinch when their ear gets ripped off, you'll probably be fine. Your tongue will also swell for a week or so.
After the swelling goes down, you have to buy a second piercing. They'll pierce you with a longer bar to accomodate the swelling, but you shouldn't keep this in as it can help damage your teeth.
I am someone who loved her tongue piercing, but it did some bad damage to my teeth. I didn't even notice that it was chipping away at my lower teeth until I started having constant aches, and the tooth eventually started wiggling.
I'd warn you to be careful - your teeth are more important to you in the long run, not your fashion accesories. Hope I helped ..if you have more questions, let me know.
|
|
ok here it goes: ok..i LOVE to write stories, poems, and song lyrics..like it's fun (the idea of doing it). I try but i just dont get anything good. Any tips?? thAnKs (link)
|
Writing, like anything, gets better the more you do it. Real authors would tell you that what comes out of their pen (or computer!) the first time round is not the same as the book you hold in your hands.
Be prepared to just write when you feel like it - you might only get one good sentence out of an entire page, but that's one incredible sentence you didn't have before. Concentrate on getting your emotions/words out the first time, and then you can worry about making it look pretty.
|
|
I chose the IUD for birth control. I haven't had sexual intercorse for more than 4 months, but I feel irretation and burning inside of my vagina like I'm always hot below. There's no discharge or odor. My pap came back normal in July 04 and my IUD is in the correct place. I thought it could have been a yeast infection so I used 3 day monostat cream. I was fine for a few days, then it was back. Can you help me find a answer to this question? (link)
|
I can help you find a person who can actually answer your question - your doctor. S/he will be able to examine you, listen to your symptoms, and be able to offer the best advice.
Don't treat yourself as if you have a yeast infection anymore - if this WAS a yeast infection there would have been discharge and odor, and the Monostat would have gotten rid of it.
The only person who can help is someone who can look inside your vagina, offer actual medical advice, and help you find a comfortable solution.
|
I have a problem with opening up to my friends. I've been a big flirt for like my whole life! I even won biggest flirt at my middle school. But I havent really DONE anything if you know what I mean. Like I kissed but didnt make out. ANYWAYS i have two best friends and they havent done that either! But I have a secret. I actually have gone farther than that a couple times... I'm not comfortable telling them about it because they asked me what happened when "john" came over to my house and I told them NOTHING! so then they would know I lied to them. I dont want any answers saying something like "be honest cuz thats the best" blah blah blah!
I just dont know what to do.... (link)
|
You answered your own question - you're not comfortable telling your friends about you kissing people, so why tell them?
As you get older and closer with people you date, you'll soon realize that some things are not for sharing with friends. It's perfectly normal, and HEALTHY, to keep experiences to yourself if you don't feel like sharing them.
You don't need to feel any guilt about wanting to keep things private. If you feel bad about lying, the next time they ask just say that you don't really want to talk about it & explain why.
|
|
ok im im a guy and im 14 and im close 2 my first kiss. i wanna do it but ifi do it it will b at amovie and i on want people 2 c me weni kiss cuz i ge real shy and then i get nervous and then i start 2 stutter:( wat can i do 2 make myself more comfortable? (link)
|
First, don't worry about your stuttering. You're going to be in a movie theatre, and people will just tell you to be quiet if you open your mouth, anyway.
Next, why does your kiss have to be in a movie theatre? Why not after the movie is over?
If the movie theatre is definitely the place for you, then I'd suggest the following. Don't go on the opening night of a big movie - more people will be there. Go to an earlier showing if possible, as more people will be at later movies. Also, choose where you sit carefully - somewhere near the back, away from groups of people. If you have to sit by anyone, sit a few rows BEHIND people who look like they really want to see the movie...they won't be looking around to see what else is going on.
Good luck.
|
how do you fingure someone?
(link)
|
Just like kissing, there is no one 'right' way to touch a girl. Some things you'll want to make sure of are that you spend plenty of time just kissing her before you try anything else. She'll need time to emotionally and physically warm up.
Most females will enjoy any sort of stimulation on their clitoris - most people consider fingering only as penetration, but that's just half the story. You'll have to take your time and explore what she likes.
Listen to how she is breathing, feel how she moves, ask her what feels best. Like any part of a relationship, touching another person is best if you two are openly communicating about how far you want to go, and how you want to get there.
|
whats a good way to get over someone? (ex boyfriend)
please help me! thanks!
(link)
|
If a relationship ends, it's usually because it had some problems. Take some time to sit alone and think about what those problems were - it could help you realize that the relationship was not right for you.
I'd also let your close friends know how you were feeling; they can probably relate, and at the very least cheer you up. Your friends obviously like and respect you, otherwise they wouldn't be your friends...and who better to boost your self-esteem than people who care about you?
I also find it personally helpful to write; poetry, freewrites, and journaling can help you sort out your emotions and move on. Good luck.
|
ok my friend resently made out for the first time and like told meh the things i needed to do it and made me really confident to make out for the first time and now my best friend (hes a guy and im a gurl) mite come ova and hes the type who would make out wit me if i wanted to. Im going into the 8th grade and i really wanna go in being able to say i finally did it. I know thats no reason but thats y im asking u wat i sould do. I mean i had a crush on him for ova a year until now im not sure if i like him like that. So what should i do. I really wanna just get it ova with cuz so many people make a big deal about whether you have or not
(link)
|
You need to be honest with yourself about why you want to do this - so you can impress other people, or because you genuinely want to?
I can guarantee that it won't be as special or exciting as it would be if you waited until you KNEW you were ready. That means being with someone you care about and respect, and who returns those feelings as well.
If you are open with your friend and explain that you want to wait for a memorable moment, without dissing her choice to already have made out with someone, then I'm sure she'll understand.
Any sort of sexual activity needs to be based on an individual's knowledge, experiences, and emotions. If you are jumping into things for other people, and not yourself, then you might find yourself making bad decisions you'll regret later.
|
|
Hey, I feel really stupid asking this question..But I have been having a hard time trying not to cut myself. I've been trying to find other ways to cop with it and I picked a bad way to to it by taking pills. Does anyone out there know any ways to deal with it? Is there somthing I can do to take it off my mind?? I'm already seeing a theripst and it doesnt help it all. If there is any advice u can give me I would really appreicate it! -Jenny (link)
|
Why isn't the therapist helping? Are you not opening up to her/him, and if not, are they not the right therapist for you?
It's important to find a professional you can trust; it often takes time to build a relationship with that person, but if they are wrong - ie making sarcastic comments or even just not giving you the support you need - it is totally appropriate to talk to your parents about getting a different therapist.
Other possiblities are joining a group of teenagers with similar problems; the main thing is realizing you are not alone. Other people face this issue, and everyone handles it differently.
|
|
I think I might be bipolar. How can I tell? And can I get tested w/o my parents knowing bout it? (link)
|
There are a variety of excellent medical websites which can describe the symtpoms of bipolar disorder; if you suffer from many of them (or still feel you are bipolar), then it's important to see a doctor in person.
You'll need to tell your parents for a variety of reasons. First, there's no handy ten question checklist which you can 'take' to diagnose yourself. A doctor will need to meet with you, probably a few times, to evaluate your symptoms. There are many disorders which are similar to bipolar disorder, and it's important to make sure s/he makes an accurate diagnosis.
Your parents will probably have to take you back and forth from the doctors. They'll also be responsible for paying for any medication - if your parents have insurance, chances are they'll still have to make a co-pay. This means paying for whatever the insurance company does not cover.
If you are concerned about your mental health, I would hope your parents would be people you could talk about. They love you and want the best for you; mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of. You need to talk to a professional and work with them to figure out the best way of treating you, and that plan will probably include your parents.
It can be tough to sit down and talk about these sort of things with them (maybe try writing a letter?), but you'll need their support to deal with any problems you might have.
|
|
Why is it that when you eat anything it has a tendency to bloat you and make you look bigger than you are. Is there a way to prevent this? I usually just end up not eating. Help! Thanks! I rate good. (link)
|
If you aren't eating as much as you should, then you could be waiting until you are extremely hungry and then binging. A healthier way to manage your eating is to eat smaller meals throughout the day - you won't feel as bloated or heavy, and your body will have an easier time digesting smaller amounts of food.
Another thing to consider is that when you aren't consuming enough calories, your body can go into 'starvation' mode. This means that anything you eat will immediately be turned into reserves of energy for your body - fat. If you are eating regularly, your body will know that it has a next meal coming and won't have to hoard the food.
|
okay i knoe alot of ppl are havin sex and all and i used to want ta have sex really bad but i was talkin to my friend and she really explained to me that its a really good idea to wait for mariage. so thats me new plan. but c i talked to alot of guys about having sex... and now i dont knoe how to turn them down..?? i mean will they think im dumb if i say i wanna wait till marriage??
(link)
|
You need to really think about how important waiting to marriage is - what are the reasons you've chosen this? If you can clearly explain to yourself why you want to wait, it'll be easier to explain to your future partners why you want to wait.
An understanding person who really loves you will not think you are dumb - if you fall in love with someone, anyway, chances are they'll share your ideals and goals. The best matches are with people who share your basic beliefs.
Just trust that you've made a smart choice, and stick with it.
|
|
What's with divorce these days? No-one stays together anymore at all! My parents are divorced and it just gets to me how no-one stays together. Come on people, ya'll know what i'm talking about! (link)
|
Older people, like your parents, grew up in a slightly different era. People got married much younger - before they had a chance to really know themselves, explore life, or start a career.
There's nothing any of us can do about it (my parents are divorced, too), except learn from their mistakes.
|
|
What the youngest baby do you think that you would put a 14 year old in charge of? And do you really think that at 14 they are responsible? (link)
|
It would depend on the 14 year old. I'd want to hire a babysitter who had experience - maybe looking after little brothers or sisters. I'd also want someone who had taken a babysitting course from the Red Cross - this includes first aid and CPR.
Not only would that make sure my baby was with a safe person, but taking those courses could help a 14 year old feel more confident with his/her abilities. If she/he knows what they'd do if an emergency came up, then they don't have to worry about it all the time.
Other things come with practice - the more you are changing diapers, feeding babies, and helping put them to sleep the easier it'll be.
|
|
hi im 14 yeears old and i hasve had my period for quite awhwile, when i was 13, i have been using tapons for almost the hole time when i was taking it out it hurt and i couldn't get it out i looked and theres like a piece of skin not liek a piece but its suppose to be there, the string got hooked around it and i had to untangle it to get it out, is that normal?? (link)
|
Make sure you are using the right absorbency tampon for you - if you try to pull out a tampon when it's not soaked up enough blood, it can be much harder to get out.
Every time you go to the bathroom, take the time to make sure the tampon string is not bunching up in the entrance to your vagina - straighten it out without pulling the tampon out.
Also, make sure you aren't changing tampons too frequently. You'll probably want to change it every four hours.
|
|
i was in the bookshop with my gang the other day, we were standing in the teen reading aisle (we're 13/14) and this guy was standing there by us. he was like 50, really racy looking, and he was just picking up books pretending to read them. and then sumthin really wierd happened. he started rubbing his dick really hard really close behind my back like he was sum horny pedafile or sumthin...i was SOOOOO scared, so i had him kicked out of the store. my question is, HOW DO I AVOID WIERDOS? am i a perv magnet? help meh! (link)
|
You already know how to keep yourself safe - you went and told someone in a position to help what that guy was doing.
Other things to remember are staying with a group of friends, carrying a cell phone, knowing who to go to for help if you need it, etc.
The biggest thing is to just be aware of your surroundings - both the physical environment and the people around you.
|
|
im starting 8th grade soon and im sooo stressed. i have to get all a's as always...i have to get into this privite school next year which means i have to apply and do well this year. i also have to do ballet..pointe..guitar..the play..and more..how do i take the stress off? (link)
|
Why are you doing all these activities - are they things you really care about, or things your parents think you should be doing?
If your parents are pushing you to do too much, you should sit down and let them know how you're feeling.
If you are the one who wants to do all these things, you're going to have to see how the year goes. It sounds like you are already pretty stressed, and the answer for you will probably be to focus on only half of those things. Pick what you like best and stick with it - you'll have to prioritize.
You can't be perfect at 30 different things; the more your attention is spread out, the less proficient you'll be in each area. Figure out what's most important to you, what you really LOVE, and then spend your time on it. It won't be stressful because you won't have to be thinking about a zillion other things at the same time.
|
|
This started a few years ago. When im in a public bathroom with people I don't know, I have problems urinating. Like my whole body tenses up and I just can't. If it's with my buds or something I don't have a problem, but rest areas and fast food bathrooms are horrible, but lately it's gotten worse, like if theres some kind of weird music, or if the bathrooms really dirty, I don't know, I just know that at school I usually slip into the faculty bathroom or use one on the other side of the school that no one really ever uses. Also I had to start doing things like dehydrating myself before long car trips so that i would only have to go like once or never the whole trip. Is there anything I can do without seeing a doctor, and is this some kind of infection, or do I just get nervous sometimes? (link)
|
It sounds like you are already doing things you know will help you - going into quieter bathrooms, etc. The one thing you're doing that isn't helping is by drinking less fluids. Not only is this dangerous for your overall health, but it's not going to help you pee.
Having problems peeing in public is a pretty common thing. If you're drinking normal levels of fluid - or maybe even more - you'll need to use the bathroom more when you go. Right now your body is trying to hold onto any water you're giving it.
You're normal. You'll probably end up growing out of this, and if you don't, there are some things that could help. The main thing is remembering that no one in a public bathroom knows you. They don't care how long you pee, how big your penis is, or how long it takes you to get started. You'll never see them again.
The more you worry about peeing, the worse this problem will get. Just keep picking quieter bathrooms, use the stalls instead of the urinals, and if you walk into a busy bathroom give it 5 minutes and go back.
Good luck.
|
|