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I hope that if you come to this site, you feel at least some reassurance. Life is messy, life isn't perfect, and I love that there is a place, virtual as it is that can acknowledge this. I don't pretend to be perfect or know everything, but I promise that if you ask me a question, or if I see one and take an interest, I will answer it as best I can.Check out my forum here:
http://www.advicenators.com/talkaboutme.php?userboard_id=41589
to post/comment on a topic =]
advice
Sorry a little long . please read though
Ok , well me and my boyfriend have been dateing for 11 months . And i cant stand that woman , seriously im not over reacting by no means . She is only nice when its convenint to her and when she feels like it. She pushes her husband around and her kids . My boyfriend got one bad grade on his report card and he's been grounded for 5 weeks now , & today is our 11 month anniversary and she wont even let us see each other at all today , not even for a damn little bit , she is the most horrible person i have ever met , even my whole family doesnt like her . I cant take her bullshit anymore . She doesnt like me and i just know all she wants is for me and him to break up . Iv cryed so much because i couldnt see him today . what do i do ?
When your boyfriend's mom is stressing him out, be there for him in a patient, loving way. Let him rant, comfort him when he needs comforting.
Otherwise there's not much you can do. No matter how much you or your family might hate this woman, she's still his mother. Whatever goes on between your boyfriend and his mom is between them, and ultimately his problem to solve.
Her behavior does suck, but nothing like yelling at her will get you anywhere. Try to stay calm, and see if there's any way you can celebrate your anniversary another time this week.
i am 14. my boyfriend (also 14) has felt me up. we've made out. and i've given him a handjob.
a) opinion: am i too young for this?
b) opinion: should i slow things down?
we aren't going to have sex or anything.. i just don't know if we're already moving too fast compared to other kids my age. i can't very well ask other kids my age. it would just sound so odd: "hey, have YOU given your boyfriend a handjob!?"
i don't know.
amateur experts: help me out!
thanks a zillion [:
It really depends on opinion. I know lots of people that would say you're too young, but I know as well that there are a fair amount of people your age doing this.
Just in general, though, if you are having doubts that tell you you're too young, that you should slow things down, you should probably listen to them.
If it's any interest to you, a study online I found showed that 16% of adults reported first having sex before they were 15 years old... my source is http://sexuality.about.com/od/sexinformation/a/teen_sex_stats.htm
I'm not sure how accurate it is, but it should give you some idea of sexuality at your age (without having to ask everyone you know) =]
what does "hold you down" mean?
In the context "don't let them hold you down", the "them" is referring to anything that makes you think less of yourself, that stops you from being the best you can be and living to your fullest potential.
so my friend bobby and i began getting really close this year after him and his ex girlfriend brianna broke up for good. ive known him since i was in 5th grade(hes a year older). so bobby and i became basicially best friends but i began to fall for him..hard. and now i like him alot. all my friends ask me if we're dating yet because we flirt all the time. when i had volleyball season, he always asked me when games were and if he said he'd be there, he was. now im in basketball season and he comes to some of my games, but the flirting has increased. a few days ago i asked him if he liked me or not. and he said " in a going out way, no not really but i cant say that about anyone because i like being single."
however yesterday before my game i was in the athletic trainers office by myself and he walked in when he finished weight training. since i was sitting on the file cabinet and he pushed me back and sat infront of me. he has just cut his hair from being shoulder length to about an inch long so i enjoy playing with it and he lets me. while i was doing such, he took my uggs off my feet and put them on his. i told him i had to get up and leave for the game and he asked me if he could borrow five dollars to get something to eat so i went in my bag and handed him five dollars. when i gave it to him he looked me in the eyes and said " lizzy, i love you. your the best..i really do love you" now still remembering(and being hurt by) what he said when i asked him if he liked me, i said "yeah im sure you mean that one." and he just looked at me like i smacked him in the face.
and sure enough he came to the game. when i finally got in, he started yelling " lets go lizzy!" really loud. i fouled a girl and he yelled " YEAH LIZZY WAY TO BEAST A GIRL! WOOH!"
its not even just once and a while that we flirt, its all the time. when i was on crutches from a sports injury, he kept telling me i had to get better. i just dont know what to do or say anymore.
everyone thinks were dating and they even say infront of me, " thats bobby's girl".
i dont know what to do anymore=/.
what do you think? he likes me and doesnt want to admit it, or he just doesnt like me?
He likes you, alright.
The thing is, though, he doesn't know how he feels about dating. He's confused.
Sometimes guys just don't get it, so you have to take matters into your own hands. Ask him out, to dinner and a movie, or even to just hang out casually. Whatever you do, make it clear that you're asking him out.
If he turns you down like: "I don't feel like dating anyone right now." You may want to consider finding someone who is ready.
Likely, though, he'll be extremely happy to start dating you. It's not as though [most] guys go around saying "I really love you" to just anyone.
Good luck =]
15/f
I recently started taking 5 mg of Abilify (mood stablizer), but i stopped it 2 days ago because I started to feel really anxious and antsy and jittery and restless all the time. I haven't had it since then, but the restless feelings haven't gone away.
nothing else has changed about my diet, etc.
what can I do to stop this? It's like i want to get up and run around in circles but I'm too tired/can't.
Talk to whoever prescribed the mood stabilizer to you. Call them now.
Stopping prescription medicine without a medical professional generally is not a good idea, even if you're not liking the side effects.
Depending on how long you had been taking this medication, you're body will be going through a withdrawal period of some sort. Talk to your doctor about quitting the medication if you wish to do this, so you can do it in a safe way. Keep in mind, though, that a lot of the time with mood disorders, you'll have to try a bunch of different meds before finding one that works.
Hang in there!
16/f ..first boyfriend. 15/m.
i'm not very experienced with relationships.
we've been going out for a month, and this guy has already started touching me. and telling me that he loves me. and discussing future plans to have sex. and all that.
i'm a good student. well, i used to be 2 months ago. my grades have dropped. i've stopped caring about certain subjects. i can keep a steady, mediocre gpa..but...its just NOT enough for me, you know? i just turned 16. i want to know what to do with my life. all this new overwhelming attention from a boyfriend...is..well...overwhelming...
and im not in love with him. i dont even "love" him. i think i just like his attention. i'm very attracted to him. i know this is very bad. but maybe not as bad..since i get this feeling..that he's using me just to let go of some of him horniness [according to half of my friends...] i even catch myself flirting with other guys.
i dont want to do something foolish with a guy...and give myself away to a guy that doesn't even like me for me. that i dont even "love". even though...it's probably not "love". there is no love at this age, i guess...
and, even for this ONE month...SO much has changed. i've gone from socially-challenged quiet/shy girl...to this social butterfly...a newborn.
but i dont care for these social gatherings of friends and my boyfriend anymore. they make me sick now. i want my shy and quiet life back. i don't know what to do.
if i break up with him, i know i'll be really heartbroken. he probably wont care though [maybe he will]. but im just really clingy like that, ive noticed...towards anything.
so. i don't know..
thank you so much in advance.
Well I wouldn't go as far as to say that your grades are because of your relationship =] Relax a bit. A lot of the stuff you're describing is pretty normal for example:
Using me for horniness - on a large scale, yes, it's a problem. But everyone does this to some extent in relationships.
Not being "in love" just yet - a lot of people take months to really "fall in love" in a relationship. It's pretty normal to be just attracted to the person at the beginning.
Flirting with other guys - once again, if you're all over everyone but your boyfriend, it's probably not a good thing, but some flirting with other guys when you're in a relationship is pretty normal and not a big deal.
If you genuinely feel uncomfortable being in this relationship, I'd say by all means break up with him. It's no good to either of you if you feel that way.
However, if you still like this guy and want to make it work, talk to him. Tell him that you'd like to be less social, because your social life has changed completely and you're a little uncomfortable with that.
Don't give up completely on teenaged love. It can exist, but nothing's perfect, and, of course, it takes time.
ok my boyfriend has A BBUNCH of stuff on valentines day weekend for me and him to do that he's keeping a surprise but idk what i could do because i have no money and i cant drive or take him anywhere what can i do?? please help!! :(
Make him a cute card that brings up inside jokes, anecdotes of the two of you, and how much you like/love him. If you want, you could also bake him something yummy, or get him chocolates. Then, you sit back and let him treat you. Ain't it a wonderful holiday? =]
okay so i get my legs waxed (full leg) and under my arms, but i shave my area.
i was just wondering how much it hurts to get a bikini wax ?
i know you cant really do it at home, but i highly doubt theyre going to let me do it concidering im 16 in august.
thanks :)
It'll probably hurt, but like any waxing pain, it goes away quickly.
I know a girl your age that's got some of the most conservative parents I know who gets hers done. Try bringing it up with your mom in a more mature way, and mention that you'd like to feel cleaner around that area. If that doesn't work, you could reason that you'd like to be able to wear a bathing suit/ change in the girls' changeroom without awkward pubic hairs sticking out everywhere.
I think I'm depressed. I get offended so easily, cry everyday without a reason, don't have as much energy as I used to, and I want to avoidpeople as much as possible. I'm scaring my parents, relatives, and some friends. I cut my wrists and don't want to see any freakn guidance counclers. Any advise to cue depression?
You do sound as though you have depression. It's actually more normal than you may think, and it's often called the "common cold" of psychology.
It pretty much sucks, I'm not going to lie, and there are a lot of different opinions on it.
My main advice would be for you to try to open up to friends and family more, no matter how weird you may feel about doing this. Really, it helps so much to be able to be with people that can make you laugh and forget about the crap going through your head, even if for a couple of minutes.
Try as well, no matter how sad you feel, to keep up the things you normally do. Depression's a cruel disease because it makes you feel too crappy to get out and do anything, when this is often the only thing that will truly help, and ironically a huge part of it's cure.
Another thing that helps a lot is finding some sort of outlet (other than cutting) that can help you vent your emotions. This can be anything that makes you feel satisfied. I can't say what will or will not work for you, but personally, what helps me get through this is reading, answering these questions, listening to insanely loud music and drawing. Keeping a journal can be a great outlet as well. It doesn't matter if you can or cannot write, but the act of getting everything you feel out of your body, where it's all bottled up, and onto a sheet of paper helps a lot. Exercise has also been shown to help "cure" depression, that and getting enough sleep at night. Once again, though, this is hard to do because depression will make you want to lie down and do nothing.
I'm telling you now that this isn't going to be easy. A lot of the time you'll feel like giving up, like running away from everything. It's gonna take a lot of will to fight that, and you'll have to fight that if you really, truly want a cure.
A lot of the solution to this is little steps everyday, a lot of the time just focusing on everything moment by moment to make it through.
I know you don't want to see a guidance councilor, and I sympathize completely. The ones at my school, at least, are pretty remote when it comes to students. However, this really isn't an excuse for you not to get some kind of help. It's not perfect, and it can take a lot of time to get some kind of solution, but I find that it does work in the end of all this.
Don't be afraid to try a lot of different therapists/psychiatrists to find one you feel comfortable with. You may feel uncomfortable with one "freakn guidance counselor" but this doesn't mean that they are useless, or even that they are all remotely similar. Like I said, there are many different approaches to curing depression, but getting some kind of help is key. Living with it and not asking for any help ever isn't a sign of strength, and, as you probably already know, it kindof sucks.
Please resist the urge to run away from everyone right now. It's not easy or quick, but depression can be cured in baby steps with help and a lot of hard work. Hang in there. In time, this whole thing will help you become a wiser, more compassionate person, though it doesn't feel too great right now.
okay so the guy i was dating, we had gone out three times.and in my last questions they are all almost about him but i am seriously hooked on him and i am not one of those girls who try to hurt themselves or suicide over it but sorry if that offended anyone i didnt mean it in a bad way. but ya well he dumbed me for my friend and her and i arent that close but still. and well apparently his brother told him when my ex boyfriend asked him if he should still date me or go out with my friend. and i know he sounds like a no good low life but he really isnt. i swore i wouldnt date him again after this.. but i am still confused and i know to stay away from him for a while. i was thinking that wel if he and my friend broke up and he asked me out again that i would say no and see how long he will wait for me. does that sound like a good plan or any other suggestions?? i love him to much. please help.
Waiting for him to get over your friend and then dating him would technically work. The one problem, though, with this is that you don't know if he'll dump your friend, how long you'll have to wait, or even if he'll be worth dating at the end of this.
After you've waited to make sure you're not just his rebound girl, there is still no way to guarantee he'll truly like you and respect you. Yes, you'll have the guarantee that he's willing to wait for you, in some senses, but as well you'll also have the guarantee that he's this guy who'd run out of a relationship with you for someone else.
Waiting should be your last resort. If you can, try to get over him. Get yourself occupied with lots of things much more fun that pining over him, you know, like having a huge slumber party with pizza and ice cream without him =]
female
ok, this is kinda weird,
but down there, like where my vagina opens up,
like i have a longer flap of skin on one side than the other. does anyone els know what im talking about?
like also if a guy were to be eating me out would that bother him?
thanks
These flaps of skin are called the labia minora or the labia minor. Here's a wikipedia link:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Labia_minora
It's normal for it to have two sides that are different lengths. A guy wouldn't be bugged by this unless he knew nothing about the female anatomy, was really dumb, and was a jerk all at once.
Don't worry. You're fine =].
my bf and i have had 'dry sex' but only for a short amount of time and not even rubbing all that much like i rubbed up on him but his penis wasnt like on my or pushing up against me and only for like a min or two or w/e so is it bad? cause its kinda the movements of sex and we havent been dating long and im really catious but when we did it i didnt even know it was dry sex and i liked it but it totally didnt seem that bad to me or that sexual. thanx for the help :)
Only your own comfort level can judge whether it was good, bad, right, or wrong. The rest is just everyone else's opinion.
If it was an accident, know that it's very normal. If your making out on top/underneath someone, it's quite likely that someone will shift or move, causing that lovely friction that you have described. In your case, calling it dry humping or dry sex would probably be a stretch, considering that people who do dry hump usually have the objective of grinding their pelvises together in some way.
Making out on top of each other, and having people move around in that position isn't really considered to be that "extreme" or "sexual". I mean, sure, there is something of that quality about it, but if you were to put it on the whole base system (one =kissing, home plate=sex), it's still first base stuff.
No worries. =]
13/f
Okay, well... I'm friends with several bi's, several lesbians and several gay people. I met a few of them on the internet and yes, I know they are not just perverts because I have their phone numbers! *waves paper in the air* Now, the problem is... My other friends hate gays, bis, and lesbians. It's stupid! They're mean to them anyway... And, this makes me uncomfortable because I think... I may be bi. Yes, I said I THINK. I don't know... Cuz, sometimes I feel attracted to the same sex, but at the same time don't. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. Like... At a slumber party, I accidently put my leg over this girl... And started playing with her hair... And... I accidently murmure she was cute... *twitches* Um... But, I have a boyfriend and... I dunno. Can somebody help me here? Am I bisexual? If I am, I need to know so I can hide it from people because my mom is racist against gays, lesbains and bisexuals... T_T pelase help ASAP!!!
If you're attracted to girls and guys I'd call you bisexual, but if you're not entirely sure yet that's fine too, and I'd call you "bicurious".
Relax. You don't need to make any judgments on your sexuality right this second. Just see who you end up liking, and then take it from there.
If everyone you know is extremely homophobic, telling them you're bi may not be the best thing. How and when you "come out of the closet" is entirely up to you.
About "hiding" it - not flirting with girls would probably do the trick. As far as I know there's nothing about the way a person dresses/acts that would make someone consider he or she to be bisexual as opposed to straight.
*answer to feedback*
If you're turned on equally by both sexes you're probably bisexual =]
It's unfortunate the people you are close to are morons. You might be able to still confide in some of them, though. Try to bring up the subject of different people's sexuality with different people in a generally way, and try to weed out the non-homophobic people. You don't have to tell your mom anything - I don't know her - but likely she'd have a slightly different opinion on the subject if her own daughter was involved.
Just a thought though, about all this - you're not attracted to the same sex all of the time. Are you always turned on by guys? Just a thought.
Hang in there!
i like this guy thats in 10th grade and im in 8th, i like him alot and i recently told him i feel and all he said was you like me? and ever since that he flirts with me constantly, does he like me or is he just trying to lead me on? im kidna confused. and since were in diffrent schools it would be pretty hard to go out with him, so, is it worth a try? how do i know if he really likes me? and also
does anyone have any quotes for a situation like this?
thanks.
For the love quotes: http://www.romantic-lyrics.com/lovequotes.shtml
That was from a simple google search. I typed in "love quotes" and got gazillions of sites just like that one =]
Now for the rest of your question. He could like you, be leading you on, or it could be a bit of both. Remember that guys of this age, and of any age really, aren't ever too black and white about how they feel about things. I doubt that he's thinking in his head "alright! She likes me so I'm going to lead her on for as long as possible for no reason!". Likely, you liking him makes him feel curious and flattered, so he's flirting with you to try it out.
It probably is worth a try if he flirts back with you. Just IM him a few times to get a conversation going, and ask if he'd be interested in going out to the mall/ coffee shop/ park with you. If you're worried about awkwardness, you can organize a group event and invite him along.
You probably won't be able to tell if he "really likes" you unless you lead him on yourself a bit, so to speak. Hang out with him, get to know him, flirt back, and see how things go. Take it slow and don't make dating him a huge deal, but make it clear that you like him and wouldn't mind seeing more of him, or dating him to see how it goes.
what makes you taller
im 15/f i i wanna get taller
does vitamins help
does zinc or iron make me get taller
just tell me what helps make me taller
There are no vitamins or magical solutions that will help you here, dear. The main thing to do is to stay healthy, eat right and get the right amount of sleep so that your growth will not be stunted.
Your height depends mostly on your genes, things you can't control. So, if it's really bugging you, invest on a good pair of pumps/ platforms.
what are those things called that you put in your shoes and it makes you look taller
Insoles.
Honestly, though, things like high heels and platforms work much better.
would you go out with someone who is going to graduate at the end of may. he's a year ahead of me and im scared that i'll get too attached. would you forget the risk and take the fall?
The thing that sometimes messes people up with relationships is they're scared to get in there, scared of this thing or that thing. It could be anything: grades, social class, race, whatever. Sometimes the "reason" is valid, sometimes not, a lot of the time you'll have to decide.
Generally I've found that limiting yourself, telling yourself you can only like certain guys rarely works. If the only thing "wrong" with a future relationship with this guy is that he's graduating in several months, I'd say go for it. Liking someone and denying those feelings rarely works well (though I don't want to completely generalize here: if he's going to harm you're safety that is an exception). Live for today and worry about the graduation when it comes.
my boyfriend and i make out and sumtimes when we do this on a couch or w/e i move my hips on him and he like moves on me too and we are really close and like on each other and he says its like having sex with your clothes on. is that what it is and any other info about it. im just wondering about it so anything is helpful even things to do that will turn him on more please! :)
It's called dry humping or dry sex. So yes, a little like sex with clothes on. The plus side is you can't get pregnant from it (as shown in this link http://www.coolnurse.com/sex_faqs8.htm)
Helpful things to do would be to experiment with different positions (ie, sideways, different people on top/ on the bottom, ect.). Generally with this one, the closer together you are, the better it feels.
I'm sure more people would be glad to post info on this one, but for more graphic advice, go to google and type in something like "dry humping tips" and see what you find on the subject.
OK, i got a new account on advicentaros & im back. I got a small love problem.
There is this guy who i used to go to elemantry school with and we had one class together for 3 years, he went to high school and iswitched elemantry school and we did not talk for awhole year. Now, im in high school and hes in grade 10, we both go to different schools. But me and him and my friend and his friend chill a lot. So, my friend and his friend are going out. But me and him(the guy iwent to school with) had macde out, chilled every week, but than after we made out we chiled couple times and never flirted or kissed. He told my frined how he thinks it akward to go outwith me because he had known me for so long. But now i feel sad and i dont know what to do because ireally like him & i want to go out wiht him, we have many things in common and it would just be right. But, i dotn know what to do because he feels it akward..what should i ido if i still really want him :( ??
Thank you so much
Well he told his friend that, but it doesn't guarantee anything about if he'll date you or not. People say a lot of things to their friends. A lot of times I say things about my boyfriend to my best friend that she should probably never ever tell him. He may or may not want to date you, but seriously, everyone gets insecure, everyone tells their friends things that may or may not have to do with what they'll do in the future.
My advice: talk to the guy you like. It's a hell of a lot more reliable to trust what then comes out of his mouth than what his friend said he said once God knows when. If he sounds awkward talking about it, then you can worry about the "oh no he won't want to date me!" aspect.
How to bring it up? Mention the making out that happened a while ago. eg. "We used to know each other so well, remember when ___________?" Or "haha you liked me at one point didn't you?" Bring up the subject. Then you can progress with things like "what happened?" "Would you ever still date me?" Other ways to get this message across could also be ways such as inviting him somewhere, just you and him casually, and see how he responds.
As well, as the previous advicer before me mentioned, if you aren't currently flirting with each other, bringing that part of your relationship back would help you get the mood you need to get him dating you again.
I've been going out with my boyfriend for only about a week and a half but valentines day is coming up and i know that he really likes me and supposedly he's going all out for me [so my friends tell me] so i want to do something for him too. I've never had a boyfriend for valentines day so i have no idea what to do for him...help please! any suggestions will be greatly appreciated! thanks in advance
Since your relationship is still new-ish, a safe bet would be something small and sweet: ie, cookies, chocolates, brownies, you get the idea. If you have time on your hands you can make them yourself from simple recipe books/mixes. That with a cute valentine's card should do fine =].