I hope that if you come to this site, you feel at least some reassurance. Life is messy, life isn't perfect, and I love that there is a place, virtual as it is that can acknowledge this. I don't pretend to be perfect or know everything, but I promise that if you ask me a question, or if I see one and take an interest, I will answer it as best I can.

Check out my forum here:


to post/comment on a topic =]


im not a punk or emo or anything like that but my friends call me im a skater/punk/emo since i skate (still learning dont know the tricks yet)but im seriously willing to learn the tricks if i have time and they call me emo/punk because of my hair. When my friends call me that i just say "nah" and talk about something else i wear skinny jeans shirt/tank top and stuff and
im just wondering that does that make me a poser if i make my hairstyle like this picture even though im not emo/punk? right now i have a side bangs and long choppy hair. pls tell me what you think! thanky you =)


You could only be a poser if you were trying to look skater/punk/emo. Don't worry about it! There are tons of people that go for looks similar to the emo/punk look without actually identifying themselves as such, and vice versa.


well ok im 16 and i dont know how to ask this question without sounding absurd. i hope it doesnt sound stupid but...like most teens i go to bed late. cant rly help it and i cant change (trust me ive tried). because i get up early i am always tired. so my question is if anyone knows of someway to have more energy during the day besides of course going to beed early or consuming coffe, sugar, or energy drinks. hope this isnt a stupid question... =]

Exercise, eat healthily, and nap when you come home from school.

Exercising 3 times a week for 15-30 minutes ins't a lot, but it really helps wakes your body up anbd gets it to work in a way that can handle things like more exercise, and, of course, staying awake during the day.

Eating different things actually helps a lot, which makes sense because food is ultimately where you get your energy. If you eat lots of food like candy, chocolate, white bread, or other things that have lots of simple carbs, you will have a lot of energy for a little bit and then crash. Contrary to what you would think, things like energy drinks and coffee can actually make you more tired because they make it more difficult to sleep at night. For food, try to eat things that will stay in your system longer like whole wheat bread and lots of leafy greens.

Napping - well, this makes sense. If you are going to bed late anyway, a half hour nap will help you recharge after school so you can focus on doing your work, sending emails, and doing whatever you do during spare time. Watch out, though, because sleeping for longer during a nap might keep you up at night.


im 13;
and am like a type A in my size bras ...
almost all my friends have bigger boobs then me
its kind of embrassing.
i was wondering if theres any type of foods
to increase your breast size?

You can't use food to increase your breast size without increasing the size of the rest of your body. You could, however, try experimenting with different kinds of bras - padded ones are pretty good for this.

Mainly, though, I'd say that you are definitely not the only one in this situation. There are tons of A-cupped girls out there, as well as girls with ginormous boobs who wish that they could make them smaller.

Think about it. If you're an a-cup, you can wear halter ops without a bra, have less trouble buying bras in general, will have less guys staring at your chest, and can run without anything bouncing around.

Beauty really is what you make of it. There were plenty of periods in history where A-cupped girls were considered more attractive and everyone else was putting restraining clothing over there chests.

Don't sweat it. And remember as well that you are 13, so just because you are an A-cup now does not mean that you will be forever.


Ok so I really like this guy and he sits behind me in one of my classes and today something special happened. well for me it was special because i'm not experienced with guys. we had to do this activity where one person in a group of like 6 had to be the boss and had to write the answer of a question down on a piece of paper. Most of my group chose the guy that I liked (he's in my group fyi) and he didn't want to do it so then he gave the paper to me. I took my pencil and started writing our group names and just then he put his hand on my shoulder and said "good luck" I looked at him and we both smiled.

Then we won that round so we earned candy. My teacher gave me a candy that i hated so i said "anyone want mine" and a few people said "oh i do!" including the guy i liked, so i gave it him and smiled.

then we played another round of that game and this time he was the boss. he wrote down an answer and then looked at me (an I'm-not-so-sure, is-this-right? sort of way) and I looked at him and we sorta had a moment where we just looked into our eyes for like 5 seconds. Then i said "yeah thats right" and smiled and then we won that round too but no candy.

Thats the only good thing that happened but what bad happened was that before all of this happened we had to get in our groups and write an essay from our homework assignments. usually our group is goofing off except him and I so we normally do it ourselves. but this time all of our group was participating so he never talked to me during that and never looked at me.

does any of this mean anything? How can I talk to him about stuff other than school? I want to make sure it doesn't sound stupid because i don't want to just all of a sudden bring up stuff about non-school. make sure it transitions smoothly. help?

oh and if it helps, my best friend lives by him...

thanks so much and sorry its so long. I REALLY like him! he is so perfect for me.


Exchanging secretive smiles can be a pretty good indicator of two people liking each other. Not enough for you to know for sure for sure he likes you, but I'd say you have a pretty good chance with this guy =].

Try seeing if you can spend some time interacting with him outside of school, if you don't already. This can be something little like messaging him a "hi" on facebook/myspace and talking to him on msn, or as much as a bigger step of asking him to hang out with you sometime in the afternoon. Take it slow and casual and see what happens as you are hanging out with him more. If the whole "I like you" vibe keeps coming from him, you can think about making anything between you guys more official.

TO talk about non-school stuff, communicating outside of school would definitely help. The topics you introduce don't necessarily need to be huge or deep or personal. Start out with questions like "how was your weekend/march break?" and take it from there. Non school conversations generally happen naturally after you interact with someone for long enough.

Good luck =]


hello there again. i guess by now most of you know that i want to confirm if my girlfrien is virgin or not.
all i want to ask is how exactly can i recognise the hymen layer to make sure of her virgnity. please tell me how exactly it looks like for virgins and for non virgin girls. please tell me about the main identification features.

The hymen is the oval shaped skin colouring in the middle of the two lips of the inner labia (flaps of skin). It may be wrinkly, or smooth, and it will have one or more holes in it, with the size varying with the person. Over time, this flap of skin starts to tear or wear away, not necessarily because of having sex.

There is no sure way to tell a girls virginity by looking at her hymen. A better way would probably be to see how experienced she appears, or, by you know, asking her.



ok so i have a relatively thin build, I really don't have much fat at all execpt for my stomach. And I'm not like one of those skinny girls that complain that their fat. My stomach is really gross, I always have fat hanging over my pants, I also have alot of fat in my oblique area which is kinda gross too. The worse part is that because of my petit build, my fat stomach is even more obvious and unporportional.

If anyone as any ideas of how I can get abs quickly, or any good websites I would really appreciate it

What kind of food should eat?
Or what kind of diet should I be on?

ALSO: alot of times when I do cruches and stuff, my back hurts me too much and I have to stop before I can really work my ab muscles.

I am relatively active I play 2 sports and exercise daily.

Sorry it was long, Thanks in advance!!!!

As for food - you shouldn't go on a "diet", but eating healthier is definitely a good thing in general. You don't have to change everything you eat completely, but you do have to make subtle changes that you can live with for pretty much forever.

It's not really hard. You already know which things you eat are generally bad for you - cookies, cakes, non-diet soda. You don't have to give them up altogether, but cutting down on the amount you eat definitely helps.

As well, you could naturally substitute healthier foods for things you normally eat. For example, whole wheat or pumpernickel bagels don't taste too different than the white bread version, but they are a lot better for you. You can also substitute regular white rice for brown rice, wild rice, ect. You should also cut down the amount of deep fried/fast foods you eat. Make sure, of course, to get lots of different veggies in your diet. If you don't like them normally, you can experiment with different types of dips/salad dressings that taste good on pretty much anything.

Crunches are very useful for abs, but not always the most useful. The best way to do a crunch is on an exercise ball, or on some sort of incline (eg hanging off the edge of your bed) to make it harder for your abs. If your back is hurting from these crunches I recommend you don't go up all of the way when you do a sit-up. Often you can get nearly the same workout without doing so and it's a lot better on your back.

Other ways to work out your abs are burpees, the plank, and supermans.

Burpee: jump up, touch your toes, bend at the knees/waist so you look like an animal on all fours, extend your knees, then do the whole thing backwards. Then repeat for as many cycles as you wish.

The plank: keeping your back straight, hold up all of your weight on your forearms and toes (stomach facing the ground). Hold for 30 seconds or longer as you get better.

Supermans: lie on your stomach with your arms outstretched. Raise both legs, chest, and arms at once, then hold for a count of three. Drop arms and repeat. To increase difficulty, do the same thing with arms at your sides.

While I am fairly confident in my ab-gaining advice, I would also advise you to gain some confidence in the way you already look. Some people do naturally have a bit of a stomach. Perhaps you are built this way. If you are already healthy and active, try the supermans and the plank, but also try to give yourself some love as there are too too many image conscious girls in this universe =]


ok so my boyfriend wants me to give him a bj but i dont want to, and he thinks its because i just never done one b4 but its just because i dont want to and i tihnk a relationship isnt just about sexuality, but he says its part of it, and i dont know what to do. he says he sitll loves me and what not, but its anoying and i dont know what to dooo helppp

Your boyfriend is not being very considerate if he is making excuses for having oral sex. Telling you that there has to be some sex in it for him for it to be a good relationship is demeaning, misguided, and just plain disrespectful.

Relationships can have a sexual part, but they can also function just find without one (and keep in mind, things like kissing and touching, those are also somewhat sexual).

If he gets whiny, just tell him no, flat out. You shouldn't have to defend yourself for holding back blow jobs, sex, whatever. Being uncomfortable, for whatever reason, is an okay excuse. He needs to realize this.

Be as firm as you can with him, and don't question your own opinions on this subject - if you don't want to give him a bj, that's fine! Really!

If he's going to continue being annoying about it, you should probably rethink who you are dating.


Well this sunday me and my boyfriedn will be going out for a year . But last night we broke up with me , He said i was to jelous and he couldnt take it anymore . And he told me he wanted to break up and it broke my heart , really did . Then this morning he called and ask if i was going to school and i asked him why he broke up with me and he said he doesnt know what he wants right now . At schoolwe still walked together and then 2nd period he put his arm around me and kiss my head and said we'll talk about this later. Then going to 4th he pulled me to the side and grabbed my hand and said baby i dont want to break up i just didnt like the way things were going and i want to change things. So he said were still together kissed me and walked off , but we still needed to talk and stuuff because between classes wasnt long. So at lunch we talked and he said he felt bad breaking up but being without me made it worst . i said i was sorry for being overly jelous & he apologized about breaking up . Im just scared its going to happen again . It broke my heart so bad i couldnt and still cant eat. ShouLd i give it another go or am i just getting played ? i really love him i want it to work but im keeping my gaurd up . thanks .

Sounds like mostly some kindof error in judgment, considering he changed his mind a day later. He may have some kind of unresolved problem with you that you should bring up, or it may have been he was just in a really bad mood that night. Either way, you need to somehow get him aside to talk about why he said he wanted to break up with you.

If it really was because he was tired and stressed out at someone else, it will make you feel a heck of a lot better.

If not, having a conversation about it is even more important. You'd have to figure out honestly where his comment is coming from. If the main reason is your jealousy, you could try saying solutions, ie what you will do to be less jealous, and what he can do to make you feel more secure. Come to some kind of compromise where you both understand where the other is coming from. This way you can understand why he does things to make you jealous, and he can understand what he does that sets you off in the first place.

It may feel a bit like you're accusing him when you start this conversation, so make sure you say statements like "I feel - " eg. " I feel like we should talk about why you wanted to break up so I can trust you again".

You shouldn't have to keep your guard up in a relationship. If you feel like this, you really need to talk to him until you feel like you can let him in again.


Ok, I don't know what's going on. I really don't know how to deal with disappointment. I don't feel like explaining the whole thing but I'm disappointed about this thing I was going to go to but it didn't work out. It shouldn't even be that big of a deal but starting tonight, I'm REALLY preoccupied about it. I'm not even nervous about anything just really disappointed. I was like pacing the floors, my heart was sort of beating, I couldn't think straight, I didn't know what to think, I couldn't relax. Now I probably wasn't having an actual "panic" attack but I was like in a panicky mood...over being disappointed about something?! This has happened once before. What's wrong with me? Is this normal? If so, what should I do and what should I do for now on when I have to deal with stuff like this?

You are right that it wasn't a panic attack, but if you are reacting like this on a very constant basis, you should get it checked out anyway.

Remember that this isn't something incredibly serious or unusual, but in any case it feels crummy, doesn't it? Tell your mom some of your anxiety concerns, and see if you can perhaps build something into your lifestyle to destress.

It doesn't have to be huge, but little things, like spending a half hour letting yourself do nothing, exercising, and getting enough sleep help a lot in controlling anxiety.

When you get panicky, try doing something that either lets you let out the nervous feelings, or let go of them. This can really be anything. For example, you could try punching a pillow, running, screaming, drawing, talking to a friend on the phone or writing down all of your thoughts in a journal to let out the panic. Or you could get yourself to listen to some calm music and think about happy things (ie, times when you weren't disappointed in yourself)until you feel better.

If you want more tips, you could see some kind of therapist/ guidance person for more advice. Not in an "OMIGOD I'm mentally ill!" way, because you're not, but in a "do you have any tips for getting me to not panic so much?" way.

Remember also to put things in perspective. Disappointment sucks ass, but there are other good things out there for you, I promise =]

I hope you feel better soon.


i have a really bad cold and have been blowing my nose constantly. now my nose is really red. i was wondering what to put on it to make it go back to normal color

Whenever you can, slather your nose with Penaton creme, Nivea creme, or some sort of vitamin E creme. Other types would probably work, too, provided they are really thick and can coat your nose.

As well, you may want to try tissues that are 2-ply or 3-ply, so they are softer. You may also try the ones that come with lotion - a little more expensive, but amazing on the nose.

Hope you feel better soon =]


My sister is currently in grade 8 in a public school. but shes going to a catholic high school in grade 9.
she has a 79.0% average and took all of her courses in academic. So the question is: Do/Did if any of you thought/think it was hard? if you did take/took it.
And is it true that academic is all text book work? And that you dont get help from the teacher?

thanks in advance.

How hard the school is would really depend on the school. Some Catholic schools are harder than others.

Academic is seen as more the "textbook work" style of learning, though how helpful the teacher is really depends on the teacher, not the curriculum.

Generally the difference between academic and enriched courses is not really the amount of work, but the type of work. Academic courses generally deal with basic concepts, and there are a lot of little easy questions to answer. Enriched assumes you know the basics, and you have a few large projects where you have to do a lot of work and go really deeply into the material of the subject.

A way you can think of it is academic English teaches you grammar and sentence structure and the plot of the story, whereas enriched English teaches how to write an essay and the meaning behind the plot.


do you lose more ipod battery power if you turn the volume up higher?

Yup. Same goes for leaving the screen light on.


Ohkay, so my problem is really wierd..
so whenever i like a guy and he likes me. i dont wanna like him anymore. it may sound confusing but i really need advice.
please help . :S
thanks in advance :)

You're probably scared of the commitment that comes with having the guy you like actually like you back.

My advice is - in that situation, remember that you can go slow, that you can wait and flirt for a while before actually being "in a relationship".

Don't sweat it too much, though. Maybe you're not ready to be in a relationship, which is perfectly okay.


What are some good like rock/punk/pop/alternative/screamo songs that kinda say like ha in your face! or you lose, that sucks for you, but not for me. You know?
kinda like the song misery business by paramore.

Christina Aguilera - Thanks For Making me a Fighter
Gloria Gaynor - I Will Survive


two books of the same genre? any ideas. only novels. no musicals or plays. thanks so much. i want to compare them.

Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse vs. Moon Called, Blood Bound, and Iron Kissed

Psion vs. Diamond Age

The Georgia Nicholson series vs. The Princess Diaries Series

Dracula vs. Frankenstein



Ive had depression for about a year and i have reached my breaking point. I constantly feel that my place in this world should be filled by a more worthy individual. I'm always paranoid and stressed even over the most insignificant things. I take medication but it isn't working that well. Mt school situation isn't much better. I'm constantly hassled for my appearance and the lack of male friends i have. I have trust issues as well which would fall with paranoid. Any advice helps on the subject..... thank you.


Don't beat yourself up too much about reaching this breaking point. It happens to everyone at some point, everyone has their bumps and bruises - you can get through whatever it is that needs getting through, but remember it will take time.

On the depression - hang in there. Medication has a 60% success rate, and they all take four to six weeks to start to work. If this much time has passed, talk to whoever prescribed the meds to you about switching. Most people go through two meds or so before finding the right one, some may go through eight, or possibly more. Don't sweat it. The cure for depression isn't so much a cure as a process. Often a big way to cure it as well is listening to yourself a lot, and not being afraid of taking some time to relax.

On being hassled - the best response to hassling is to act bored. No one cares if, in anger, you make a good point of defense. But if you are bored, and people aren't having fun making fun of you, they will back off. If the teasing is really getting to you, or if it's getting extreme, you could always talk to some sort of school guidance person.

On trust issues - you don't have to reveal everything about yourself to socialize. Practice starting small, casual, funny conversations in the locker room, or before and after classes. Get into the habit of not judging so much you say, if this often stops you from talking.

Hang in there =]


where can i get a cool diary [that preferbly has an easy to use lock]. im a teenager, and i dont want some diary thats all ugly andd old and boring. i write in my diary a lot. im almost done with it so im preparing for a new one that will last. medium sized lines.

if you have advice youve gotta be an extra nice person since im obviously really picky =D

Chapters has a lot of awesome notebooks/diaries, though they may be a bit expensive. Otherwise, Staples has a lot of cheap notebooks that you could decorate yourself. Otherwise, anywhere that sells lots of books would probably be good for this.


i downloaded itunes onto my new computer. and i had the plan that on my old computer, i would just burn a disc of all my other songs, and just import all of those songs onto there, because everyone says that when i plug it into a new computer, it will get rid of all my songs on my ipod. so, even if it dosent, i dont want all my songs on their twice. so if i delte them, will it take them off?

If you sync your ipod with itunes on the new computer, you will lose your songs. However, if you you just click and drag the songs from your new computer's itunes to the ipod, you can add songs without having anything deleted, or without having to burn a billion CDs.


I have feelings for this senior, at one time I thought he might like me too. (ie..We never talked and he threw a paperball at me..then he picked me for his group and sat right next to me, he had his arm touching me the whole time and everytime he said something to me he looked me in the eyes. And he would nudge me with his shoulder or his leg. And he was teasing me and laughing with me. Note there were two other girls in the group. One sitting on the other side of him and the other in front of him.) But anyways i thought he might have had feelings for me too and you can see why. But then he started to kinda drift off and he wasnt talking to me as much. (He had a girlfriend the whole time, but when this "drifting" began to happen i heard they had broke up) And he would occasionally talk to me. One day he was sitting in the corner alone staring at the floor and i said "what is wrong with you cj?" and he started to mumble under his breath, and i said "yeah i heard nothing you said" and he began to smile and said good you werent supposed to. And i said ok then and began to smile and laugh back. But then i heard that they never did break up. And everyone is telling me i should go for it and ignore the fact that he has a girlfriend. But I couldnt do that. I would hate to think how i would feel if that happened to me. I am not the kind to steal a guy from another girl, whether i like her or not, i just dont feel its right. But i really would like to get to know cj if you know what i mean. But he has college and basketball, and the girlfriend. My friend said that we should write a note between each other talking about how i feel about him and his girlfriend and what she thinks as well (my friend) then stick it in my binder and when he checks it for our class then he will see it and read it (because everyone loves to read notes). (mind you this note would be between me and my friend talking about me and how i have a thing for him). What should I do?? I know he is a senior and everyone says seniors want freshman for their body. But we grew up in a small community and it just isnt like that with most of us. If that is true it is the senior girls and freshman boys.

What should I do about all of this

PS his girlfriend is a cheerleader and im not, i know that most jocks like cheerleaders, but i have this feeling that there is something there between us...And the other day we was sitting at the computer at school and he was looking up car parts and he seemed really concentrated and i was bored and all i could think to say was "whatcha doing?" (he would reply something) and "im sorry but im really bored" (and he replyed its ok)

i think he might be confused but it seems like sometimes he shuts me out...its driving me nuts

Hard as it may be, you probably should not listen to your friend.

Not that he wouldn't like you for being a freshman, or a non-cheerleader. That stuff doesn't matter, really, so don't tell yourself that it does. The main issue is that this guy is taken. You already know this.

As for the flirting - if it was really serious and constant, then mentioning it to him or the girlfriend would be an option. How he was acting towards you, however, was most probably harmless. Yes, it did give off some "I like you vibes". Most probably, though, since he is taken and since he hasn't been constantly pursuing you, it's because he's one of those annoying species of males that just acts like that with all girls, whether he has a real thing for them or not.

Since he is taken, you giving him a note of a conversation between you and your friend about him would likely make everything more complicated; if anything he may be a bit creeped out that you too are discussing him behind his back. Don't do it.

If you must continue to pursue this guy, do it by becoming his friend and waiting until he and his girlfriend break up. That is the only (decent) way to get with him. Honestly, though, do you want to get a guy to like you by going behind a girlfriend's back or by spend all your time waiting like that?

My very best advice in this situation would be to forget about this guy, and do something fun and useful, like you know, baking a yummy cake, going out with friends, painting a picture, anything to distract you from pining after a taken guy.


I like this guy in my school, and we've been flirting and talking on and off since September. When I first met him, I was single, and he had a girlfriend. But then when we started becoming friends and stuff he was single and I had a boyfriend.

Well Me and him would talk and stuff and he'd call me and in class we'd flirt. But we'd keep it on the downlow sort of cause I had a boyfriend and we were just friends. Well me and my ex broke up around November. And I hung out with the guy on my bestfriends birthdayy, and we kissed that night. But we still kept it as friend, but still now flirting more, meeting up between classes and we'd kiss. But we've never taken it further than kisses. And on Christmas eve he came and he hung out with me and my bestfriend and he met my mom. And on CHRISTMAS he met my dad, and he hung out with me.

Then after christmas break I started night school and he would take me. He didn't like that I smoked, but I haven't smoked since he told me he didn't like it. Well but lately it's been so weird like he hasn't really tried talking to me. We don't really talk on the phone as much. He never calls me anymore, only when I'm not in class. In school if I don't say Hi he doesn't either. But then yesterday He went to my class JUST to say hi, and whatever we were playing around and he play hit me, and i went to walk away & he grabbed me and hugged me and kissed my cheek and then when he said bye he winked. And I'm just terrible confused cause I know he's playing games and I realllllllllly don't know what to doooo!?!? HELLP PLEASE? Does he like me? Am I too on it? Should I inform him one last time? Tell me please.

He likes you. In fact, before you go on about what to do and being confused, I'm going to tell you what you probably already (subconsciously perhaps?) know. There is no real "what should I do now" because, to be honest, there is no "how do I get into a relationship with this guy" because you are already in a relationship. The trick is now to open up your eyes and realize it.

He already is acting like your boyfriend with the kissing and the calling and the walking you places. That's really all boyfriends are, anyway, friends with the kissing, the flirting and - well now all you really need is the commitment.

As for the calling, I wouldn't worry so much. Likely there's no real serious reason why he hasn't called you. It may be along the lines of realizing you're not technically together, or maybe you've never called him back so he's getting lazy. Whatever. Not all boyfriends call everyday, either.

Regardless, it's pretty obvious of what you should do. If you haven't already, you've got to ask him in some way or other if he'd like to start dating you. It doesn't even have to be smooth. The typical "Do you want to go out friday night" works too, just as long as there's something about it. Once on said date, you could say something like you've liked him for a while, and you want to know how he feels. Likely, the whole thing, after the flirting and kissing and whatnot, would be something overdue and second nature.

If it's true that he's playing games, you being really upfront about how you feel would at least clear it up on his end. You tell him how you feel, watch his reaction, and take it from there.


Based on your feedback, I'd say that he seems like a very confused member of the male species. He likes you but then decides you aren't good enough/acts immature.

You have a few options in this case.

1. You could continue on your current course, hoping he would be less confusing in the long run and in general being slightly miserable with the whole thing.

2. Be up front. Be pushy. Tell him, "look, I don't want you to kiss me or lead me on if you don't want to date me. You know I like you. This hasn't changed. But I'm not going to kiss you or hang out with you if you aren't happy being with me as I am." Or say it in your own words. Or simply ask him out, very clearly on a date, and if he says no, just stop kissing with him/ flirting with him/ hanging out with him.

I would advise the second option. Yes, you may "lose" him, but really, if he's going to be that immature about everything, he deserves to be ditched. "You're too ghetto" is a really REALLY dumb reason not to date someone.


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