I'm here for you. If you ever need to contact me, my email and Tumblr are there. ocalaphernelle.tumblr.com/
E-mail: Gbox360@me.com
Gender: Female
Location: Virginia
Member Since: January 8, 2015
Answers: 214
Last Update: October 27, 2016
Visitors: 9436
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I am an 18-year-old female. I've been in a relationship for 6 months. earlier in the relationship my boyfriend was a big flirt with a lot of girls (I later found out about that). he ended up cheating on me and I found out about it. I decided to stay with him but I can't seem to move fully past it. I'm not sure what to do or think through all of this. what should I do? (link)
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I personally think it is just too hard to stay with someone after something like that. They don't deserve you if you can't be enough for them, and you're always going to think about how they did that to you. It is your choice, but I don't think it is wise for anyone. There is no real way to move on from something like that. If they did it once, then they can do it again, is how I see it. You could try thinking about all the good things about him instead or something? Like if the good out weighs the bad, in a way. And if he treats you well and such, even though cheating on someone is treating them very poorly.
Hope this helps~
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For As Long As I Can Remember, I've Always Had Bangs. They Go Straight Down My Forehead (Above My Eyes). When I Was Younger, I Would Just Grow Out My Hair And Cut It Every Now And Then. Now, I Cut It Quite Short (Or Medium Length?) To Probably 2 or 3 Inches Above Where My Elbows Are. And I Added Short Layers. I Personally Think It's Cute And Casual, And I Get Compliments On It Too. But I'm A Freshman In High School Now. Is It Weird To Have Bangs For That Long? (link)
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Something that you like is never weird. If you want bangs, wear bangs. If you want to try something new, go for it! It is your hair and whatever you want, goes. Totally up to you!
Hope this helps~
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24/F
Sometimes I feel like I am turning out like my mother, which terrifies me.
She’s a compulsive liar and most recently told me horrible lies about her own mother, after I tried telling her that she needs to learn to cherish her while she still has a chance. Since, she will regret not doing so.
My boyfriend’s mother grew up knowing something painful and it followed into her adult years. Her mother was married to her father, who my boyfriend's mom was close to, but from the time that she was eight years old, her mother was seeing another man and dated him for 46 years while still married to her father. Yet, her mother recently passed away, and she managed to have a close relationship with her. When she finally died, my boyfriend’s mother broke out in tears.
My mother concocted something even worse, villainizing her mother.
She said that when she was 17, she was almost raped and when she tried telling her parents, they made no big commotion about it. It was as though, it actually happened, she could tell me so many little things. The name of the guy, the outfit she was wearing, etcetera.
She then told me that my grandmother insisted things like this don’t happen in our family. Then, she, also, said that my grandmother (who I know had her own share of affairs) attempted to set her up with her boyfriend, so that she would have a date for her senior prom.
Apparently none of this stuff happened. My grandmother was so upset that my mother had dreamt up such a lie. When I first told her that my mother had nearly been sexually assaulted, she was very shocked, and said that my mother had never informed her. She (my grandmother) is a very hard woman and doesn’t cry much, so she reacted by yelling and telling my mother that she was a liar. Yet, you could tell that she was hurt and upset that her only child was making up something so painful, and making her look like such a shitty person.
It’s a wonderful way for my mother to bite the hand who feeds her. My grandmother has taken care of her for nearly 58 years. Her entirely life, mostly. She, also, watched her kids when both of my parents had to go to work. Now that my mom is sick and unable to work, my grandmother who has COPD, does things such as taking care of her when she is a diabetic coma, and making sure that she eats before dialysis.
Additionally, whenever my mother is in the hospital, she calls her every day to find out how she is. It's very difficult for my grandmother to go anywhere, which I'm sure is that only reasons why she doesn't visit her when she's in the hospital.
I’m pretty sure that my grandmother is telling me the truth and not covering for herself, because my father who has been married to her for 33 years has NEVER heard about this. I think that somehow, especially since she claimed that my father was the first and only man she slept with, that it would have come up at one point.
When I asked my sister if my mother had ever told her about being nearly raped, which I had asked my mother, she said no. My sister was nearly raped, so it kind of confuses me that she wouldn't encourage her daughter to call the cops and press charges, that way he couldn't do it to another woman.
Instead, she informed me that it is bad news to bring a rapist to trial because the defense will make you look like a slut. Okay, that just pisses me off that my mother would tell me that. I have never been raped, but if it was, it's nice to know that I would be encouraged not to press charges.
This is not the only cruel lie that she has told. She said that my other grandmother (whose now dead) sold her food stamps to earn money for alcohol, which is a lie… I think that knowing that made my dad cry if I remember right, and it’s one of the reasons why my aunts and uncles (her children) hate my mom now.
It turns out that this story was probably actually discussed on Dr. Phil, which is where my mother came up with her story.
Growing up with a mother like mine, I try really hard not to lie, but it seems like I never get my information correctly. So, doesn’t that mean that I’m technically lying to people?
I’ve been telling people that my boyfriend is going to graduate that semester for nearly two years now. He’s finally graduating in Fall 2015. Then I also said that my cousin, who is pregnant, is leaving her job to raise her baby, which I strongly disagree with. My grandmother then told me that’s not true. My cousin is not leaving her job, but she is taking time off of work to go on maternity leave. I, also, told people that my cousin was not really in love with her then fiancé, now husband, which is something that I reciprocated from my mother but that’s beside the point. Yet, I also feel like people are telling me these things, which is why I’m telling these stories.
Whenever I find out that something that I told someone is untrue, I always tell them that… but it’s still lying, isn’t it?
Is it normal for other people to do things like this, like the game of telephone that most of us played in grade school?
When does lying get really bad? Am I doomed to become like my mother?
(link)
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No one is ever doomed to become like their parents. You can always differ and change as you please. I wouldn't say that is Really lying considering that you thought it was true. However, you shouldn't believe everything you hear, and probably shouldn't start telling it around until it is definite and confirmed. That way, you can avoid looking like a liar. (Even if you aren't one) it would seem that your mother could either have schizophrenia, or is some severe kind of liar, which could be compulsive, pathological, etc. and there are many reasons why one could be that way, or do those things.
Hope this helps~
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how to hide i m not vergin (link)
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Well.. It is pretty hard to hide that, considering when you have sex for the first time (usually) the circle of skin outside your vagina breaks/rips and you end up bleeding, typically. I suggest you don't hide it, and tell the truth, because that is very important in a relationship, Especially a marriage. And it may end up coming sometime in the future, and that could end very badly. So you should be honest with him and talk to him about it.
Hope this helps~
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I am seeking suggestions for activities I can do around the house to keep myself entertained and stimulated. I am 23 years young. I will be 24 in May. Please and thank you :) (link)
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Cleaning. Clean corners, closets, high places, places you've never cleaned before. You could even have a day dedicated to it and clean every single spot in the entire house, even dusting and dishes. Or get involved in a tv show to pass your time, I know some addictive ones. What do you enjoy? Drawing? Playing an instrument? Painting? Do those things! Find gifts that you have that you never thought you had. Throw some kind of party for close friends to just chill. Get into a good book, I also know good ones for that. Work on things you have been meaning to get to, or redecorate your house and get new things to put on your walls or something. There are so many things to do!
Hope this helps~
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Personally, I have been very miserable all of my life. I have suffered from OCD as long as I can remember. I moved from New York to Florida when I was five years old. It was very traumatic for me. I have tried to commit suicide, but I just ended up in a mental institution. I do see a psychiatrist, but she does not help me. In fact, I only see her for the medication. I am absolutely miserable right now, especially with my job. I decided that I will no longer give any types of hints about suicide because I don't want to end up in a mental institution again. That did nothing to help me. I am going through preparations (getting my house ready, cleaning, trying to pay off bills). (link)
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Hey, listen, ending your life is never the answer. I know things can look so miserable and unhappy, but it gets better. Please believe me. There are beautiful things in this corrupt world that are worth seeing. Like going to Europe, and falling in love, and screaming on pyramids. Don't do something that you will regret. Please just talk to someone like me about what's going on instead. You have a purpose on this earth, and you are so valuable in your own way. Please don't commit suicide. I will be there for you.
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so i got a detention for mucking around in the kitchen at school and I dont know how to tell my parents. i was given a detention slip and one of them has to sign it but i don't know how to give it to them without them getting really mad or shouting at me, because i've been really good all year. PLZ HELP ;-;-;-; (link)
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Explain the situation to them before handing it to them so that they listen before just going off on their own thing. Tell them how stupid it was, and that you Really are sorry, and it won't happen again and all that, and be genuine. It is best to just get it over with and be honest rather then cheat your way out or lie or something, because it probably will catch up to you, and either make you feel really bad and guilty, or someone will find out eventually, and then it will just be worse than getting it over with, with the truth. If you have been really good all year, then they would be pretty ridiculous to really flip out on you for one small thing. So if they do, (which they may not) try not to take it too hard.
Hope this helps~
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I'm a 27 year old gay male. He's 34, also gay male. We live apart in the same city. We mostly see one another on weekends, even though he works just two blocks from my apartment. Truly, I love him and don't want to hurt him. I know this is bad for me, and for him, even if he never finds out. I don't want to continue these patterns of behavior, but can't manage quitting them, and don't have people in my life I trust to confide in. I have been trying to stop cheating for over a year now, but I end up giving in about every 2-3 months by having a one night stand on a gay dating app or website. I feel awful afterward, delete any profile or email or pictures I used, and vow that this time was the last time and that I won't ever do it again. But eventually I do, and the cycle repeats. I don't trust myself anymore after seeing failure after failure. This is so unfair to him and so wrong. I fear if I told him the truth that I would lose him, and that's the last thing I want, but it's not right to keep on like this, even though I really do want to stop. If I break up with him (for his own sake), I would still have that problem with someone else down the road, so breaking up won't really fix anything in me, and I would lose him.
I've questioned myself a lot about why I cheat. Here are a few factors that I feel contribute to my tendency toward infidelity. I have a higher sex drive in general, than he does, and feel bad initiating sex when he isn't interested. His lower drive is at least partly due to his psych medications, so there is little we can do to fix that. We have limited time together, so it makes it that much more frustrating when sex doesn't happen during our weekends at his place. Sex is great when we have it, and I like being intimate with him as a person, not just the physical pleasure aspect, but certainly that too. He also does not "bottom" for me, mostly for health reasons complicated by his medications. I like both sexual roles equally, so it can be frustrating not being able to fully express myself in those ways in the bedroom. I accepted this after a lot of talking with him about it and trying things to help him feel more comfortable, but then gave up many months later and tried to move on and be happy as exclusively the "bottom" in bed. Don't get me wrong, I like that, but I like to "top" just as much, and it feels like something is missing never getting to have sex that way. We have a good relationship outside of the bedroom and love each other very much, but my sexual interests and urges keep drawing me away to other outlets to satisfy them. I feel like I should be able to control myself, but I apparently I can't because I've been trying for so long to stay away from casual sex outside the relationship, but keep failing. Not being together all the time also makes it hard to be as spontaneous or frequent about sex. I hesitate about moving in with him because I fear my infidelity could continue - despite my best best intentions - but living with him would give me much less opportunity to seek out sex outside the relationship, and more opportunity to enjoy sex inside the relationship. What should I do? (link)
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I get that you love him, but if you do, then do the right thing. I think you should either break it off, or tell him the truth, and see if there is a small possibility he will stay with you. Either way, I think that you can't work on cheating problems, In a relationship, because you are hurting the other person while trying to work out your own issues. If you're going to work on your cheating problem, you should do it single, so that you're not effecting anyone else in the process, and that way you won't even be cheating. Once you can get yourself to stop having these one night stands for a long period of time, then you can start thinking about a relationship, and who knows, maybe your boyfriend will take you back then or something. You said that you can't imagine not doing it, and that is not a good sign. Put your boyfriend first and do him the decency of at least breaking up, or telling him the truth, for his sake. There are also sex addiction classes if you need it.
Hope this helps~
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I want to know how to tell my parents that i am bi. All my Friends know But no one in my family does so how do i break the news to them? (link)
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Bake some kind of cookie, put the word "bi-sexual" iced on the cookie, go up to or gather your family around, make sure they read the cookie, and say, "you are what you eat," and then eat the cookie. If you don't like cookies, do some other dessert.
That's just one option, but there are others out there.
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Hi!
So, I can't stop beating myself up. I'm funny, which only gives me more power to make cracks about myself. Other people think they're funny which is what I sort of want, but making people laugh isn't really worth hurting yourself over. Yesterday I had a depressive episode where I felt like everyone was against me because at chorus, I have to sing the tenor part and the bass people are behind me and the teacher was like,"It's not that hard." Like sorry, but I can't read music and it's not easy to sing a high part when the bass people are behind you. I don't want to, but I have to stick with chorus because that's really the only thing I do besides theater. Theater is another thing I beat myself up about. My man crush (yes, my man crush) got a rather large role in the musical but I only got ensemble and one other small role (one line. maybe.) How do I be happy with myself? I really just want to be happy but I always compare myself to others. Also God says to compare ourselves to him rather than others, but how is that supposed to make me feel better? That makes me feel worse because he's God and I'm a human. (link)
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I think you should start by finding some things positive about yourself, and that you like, and wrote those down or something, and when you're feeling bad about yourself, just look at them. Or write down genuine compliments you've gotten, so that it is someone else saying it, too. Just because someone gets a higher role, doesn't mean they're better than you. Even if singing or acting isn't your best quality, (which I'm not saying it's not) I'm sure there are certain qualities you have, that you're better at than that guy, or other people. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and no one is perfect, as much as they may seem. You need to appreciate the little things in life, like the fact that you even got a role, and try to lower your expectations, because then you won't get as disappointed. I could be wrong, but I think God was more saying that we should try to be more like him, considering he Is perfect, and not like a flawed human, or anything else. Which means to do more good, things that he would do, or how he might react. Not necessarily be perfect like him, and compare your flawed humanly self to him, (everyone has flaws) but be a better person, and be the best you that you could be.
Hope this helps~
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My dad died last week and I do not get along with my family, and this is something I've accepted for years now. From the outside, we looked like the perfect family, and everyone thinks I'm the sweetest, nicest, most perfect daughter. But in reality, I am the emotionally out of control black sheep in my family. I've never felt truly understood by them. At times in which I've felt suicidal throughout my life, they weren't there for me emotionally.Everyone keeps telling me how highly my dad spoke of me and how much he loved me, but all I can remember are our fights and horrible, hateful words toward each other, that most people who "know us so well" could never imagine. The two of us have had a very distant relationship since I'm 11 or 12. Now I'm 22. I have wonderful friends, thank god, who make me feel amazing but they live very far away. I feel totally and completely alone right now. Anyone who says things like, "blood is thicker than water.." and "family is everything" clearly can't know where I'm coming from, because honestly the most loving supportive people in my life are friends and teachers. Thankfully, I will be away from home next year. What can I do cope with this until then? (link)
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I see where you're coming from, and you're right. Sometimes the best relationships we have in are lives are not blood related. You have to keep your chin up and don't give up until you can get out of your house, and then you don't have to see those people as much, or anymore if you like. You could always just try avoiding them and not be around them as much as possible, and just detach yourself and ignore the irrelevant things they say to you. I know you can feel alone sometimes, but you never are. You have your friends, and I am always here for you, if you need it. Try to stay positive and focus on taking care of yourself, and focus on the little simple, but nice things in life, like things that make you happy and such. You are your most important priority, and your family don't deserve the time of day if they can't treat you accordingly.
Hope this helps~
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Okay, I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years, he's great. He supports me and my 2 children from my marriage. I'm 25 & he's 4 yrs older then me. He's had over double the sexual partners ice had, which in my opinion he's pretty experienced and I'm not so much. I have always been pretty adventurous sexually. We have a great sex life. He's only enjoyed oral from 1 other girlfriend and I've only enjoyed anal with him,as examples. Also we both watch porn from time to time when the other is at work or out... well I just found out its actually very common for him. Habitual even, which I don't mind, he watches safe and age appropriate porn., but I discovered he does it when I'm home and go to sleep before him. The problem is I've told him I want to have sex with him pretty much always. Tired, mad, annoyed , sick , whatever. So why pleasure yourself to porn when he has me? I mean, I do just as dirty nasty things as those girls do. Im also in shape and curvy in tge hips which he loces, i mean, im hot. So,I can't make sense of it and he says its a problem he's had since 2 years before we met.
Is it possible to overcome this? I don't want him yo stop completely ( unless he has to) but I'm do in love with him and I prefer sex than masturbation. If I'm here he shouldn't need to do that. Am I right to feel this way? Insecure? Please help. - Kelsey Jaye (link)
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You are normal to feel that way. It sounds like he has a sex addiction, which can be overcome. There are groups for that kind of thing, just like alcohol addiction, and many other addictions. There may even be treatments like natural herbs or medication to help, but that might not be the best way. It isn't normal for one or both of you to be watching porn all the time, and masterbating, when you're in a relationship. So I think you should look into different things to help with that kind of thing, and talk to him about it, and how you feel on the situation.
Hope this helps~
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Me and my cousin used to be friends. Real close. That all changed when my family became homeless and I had to spend time with her more often. I felt very uncomfortable around her. The reason is because she has a hoarding problem just like her mom. She also has an issue with personal hygiene. She doesn't shower or cleans her clothes properly. Her mom is a pet and toy hoarder that lives in the basement of my grandma's house. I can't even enter the basement because it's so full of toys, clothes, cages, and pets (dead and alive). I couldn't stand being in that house because I felt so filthy just standing there by the front door. My cousin has not only no sense of personal hygiene, but no acknowledgment of personal space or boundaries. She has attempted to grope me multiple times during my homeless days and tried kissing me just to make me feel uncomfortable. I've told her that I don't want her doing that to me but she ignores it. It has driven me away from our friendship and now I can't stand her anymore.
Her mom died recently and now she has to stay with my family over the weekend and it's caused me to be beyond stressed. She's behaved inappropriately in my home and has been given a free pass to do so. Normally my mom would tell everyone to keep quiet, but now she's been telling only me to be quiet. She's even told me that she wants to replace me with my cousin and now I feel that everyone in my family really does hate me. My dad tells me that he strongly dislikes my cousin for the same reasons I do (loud, inappropriate, sexual, ect.) but still makes me feel like I'm the one with the problem. Just today I asked my cousin if she could keep it down because I'm sick and my head has been hurting and she tells me no because "you're loud all the time anyway, so don't tell me to be quiet." She then called me a jerk for this. I'm sick of this "free pass" to behave this way and I'm sick of being made the main suspect with this problem. What exactly have I done wrong? Get sick with a pounding headache? I can't even discuss this with my family because they'll say "you should've been nicer to her." She doesn't deserve my kindness any longer. She doesn't even deserve to be treated like an innocent baby. I honestly don't care if her mom is dead or not, she needs to stop acting this way. (link)
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You didn't do anything wrong. Your family is just being stupid, and your cousin is doing the stuff wrong. I think you shouldn't give her any special treatment, and avoid her as much as possible. If you're close to getting out of the house, then there's always hope for that, and you can get out ASAP. If it gets worse, then confront your family all out. Don't take their crap, especially your cousin.
Hope this helps~
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I want sex with my boyfriend but I'm lucky if I get a kiss of him. Im a girl and I only got my first bra today and I'm not finished with puberty I've snogged and my ex showed me how to have sex but he left my school my other ex dumped me for two girls in my class. My boyfriend isn't that serious and I want more but the ex that is still in school won't go back out with me. (link)
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Wait. You haven't even finished puberty yet. It is too early for you to be having sex, and guys your age are only going to use you for it, whether they don't seem like it or not. This is more than just some act, trust me, and you are going to resent whoever you do it with right now. Just wait, or you'll probably regret it in the future.
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Hi, I'm 19. Currently enrolled in a biology lab class. Anyways there's this guy in my class who is in my lab group and also lives in the same dorm hall as me. I decided to build up enough courage to ask him for his number today. I went up to him and asked him if he wanted to trade numbers for lab class. Should I text him and ask a question about the lab, or just start a normal conversation? I'm afraid if I text him too soon he will think I'm creepy. I should have just asked him for his
number, not added the lab part in there. We talk casually during our lab and I think I might have a chance. (link)
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I think you should start out talking about lab like a question or something, but once that is done, have a normal conversation. You go girl!
Hope this helps~
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Hi,our 16 year old friend,lets say her name is Ana,so she act's like a child and annoys many of us by putting on children songs on (Barney,Disney etc.) And sings along with them its all she really listes too, but if we were to play a song (Jeremiah birthday sex etc.) She would get defensive and start yelling at us on how immature we are and that all we're doing is sin by listening to songs like that. She tends to jump,hit,poke,and hug us whenever she likes. Her mother even adds to it by spoiling her and giving into her tantrums
Please if you have any ideas of what we can do we will appreciate it so much. Thank you. (link)
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Honestly there isn't much you can do. You can't change a person, especially all of them, which that's clearly just her personality. If you don't like it, then you shouldn't be her friend anymore. That's just how it is. Some people want friends like that, not everyone does, and if you don't, then don't have her as a friend.
Hope this helps~
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how to get girlfriend to blow your friends? (link)
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You don't. You don't ask your girlfriend to do that, that's how. I suggest you go somewhere and revaluate your life and priorities.
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I am a girl and 21, I love him but the love I have for him now is way different then we first met, but he makes me happy, but the bad out weighs the good. I want to start a future with him but it's hard when it's fading away. I don't know what to do. I desperately need help. (link)
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It's very important to be happy with someone, but it is also very important to love them. You need both factors for a good relationship. I think you should talk to him about it, and see how he feels in the relationship. There's nothing you can do if you fall out of love with someone, it may just not be the right thing. But maybe you'll need to just take a break and figure things out like if you love him or not. If the bad out weighs the good, then it's never the right thing. It sounds like you feel like you want that life style with him, but your heart says differently, and you should always follow your heart.
Hope this helps~
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is that weird? is there etiquette for that? he didn't do it back to me, did i mess things up?!? or does it mean he's just shy? it was my gut reaction, but i'll stop doing it with guys if i have the etiquette all wrong. (link)
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I think as long as it's not too touchy feely or anything, like putting your arm in the wrong place or something. But some people do that for pictures sometimes, it's just all about the way you handle it. It may not be best to do it to guys who are in relationships, but yet some girls don't mind. So it really depends, but I don't think it's that bad.
Hope this helps~
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I am a 21 yr old girl, Me and my boyfriend been together for a year and 4months, but he doesn't have job or even have a education, he wants me to drop everything and move there but I just started my two jobs, I don't know what to do! Should I? Or am I giving to much? Help me what should I do? (link)
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Well it depends on whether you think he's the one or not. I think you should always follow your heart, and put love first. But what is most important is what makes you happy. Do you see a future with him and does he make you truly happy? Then I say go for it! But tell him he needs to get a job or something to keep his life going and help support you guys and stuff. Definitely do what makes you happy.
Hope this helps~
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