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Beating myself up
Hi!
So, I can't stop beating myself up. I'm funny, which only gives me more power to make cracks about myself. Other people think they're funny which is what I sort of want, but making people laugh isn't really worth hurting yourself over. Yesterday I had a depressive episode where I felt like everyone was against me because at chorus, I have to sing the tenor part and the bass people are behind me and the teacher was like,"It's not that hard." Like sorry, but I can't read music and it's not easy to sing a high part when the bass people are behind you. I don't want to, but I have to stick with chorus because that's really the only thing I do besides theater. Theater is another thing I beat myself up about. My man crush (yes, my man crush) got a rather large role in the musical but I only got ensemble and one other small role (one line. maybe.) How do I be happy with myself? I really just want to be happy but I always compare myself to others. Also God says to compare ourselves to him rather than others, but how is that supposed to make me feel better? That makes me feel worse because he's God and I'm a human.
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I think God saying for us to compare ourselves to him is his way do saying that he is almighty, and we need him in our lives and to live. God can do anything, and everything, and we humans can only do some things. I think you beating yourself up all the time is making people think they can do the same, Becuse it may seem like nothing will hurt you. I love singing and theater too, so I know how hard it can be. For me, theater isn't quite so hard, but there is much to know about singing ans it isn't always easy. The teacher shouldn't have been putting you on the spot especially with you not knowing how to read music. If you need to, you can ask someone who does know that part of the chorus and see about helping each other out. You may be able to help someone, and that someone could help you.
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I think you should start by finding some things positive about yourself, and that you like, and wrote those down or something, and when you're feeling bad about yourself, just look at them. Or write down genuine compliments you've gotten, so that it is someone else saying it, too. Just because someone gets a higher role, doesn't mean they're better than you. Even if singing or acting isn't your best quality, (which I'm not saying it's not) I'm sure there are certain qualities you have, that you're better at than that guy, or other people. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and no one is perfect, as much as they may seem. You need to appreciate the little things in life, like the fact that you even got a role, and try to lower your expectations, because then you won't get as disappointed. I could be wrong, but I think God was more saying that we should try to be more like him, considering he Is perfect, and not like a flawed human, or anything else. Which means to do more good, things that he would do, or how he might react. Not necessarily be perfect like him, and compare your flawed humanly self to him, (everyone has flaws) but be a better person, and be the best you that you could be.
Hope this helps~
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