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masturbation over sex with me?
Okay, I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years, he's great. He supports me and my 2 children from my marriage. I'm 25 & he's 4 yrs older then me. He's had over double the sexual partners ice had, which in my opinion he's pretty experienced and I'm not so much. I have always been pretty adventurous sexually. We have a great sex life. He's only enjoyed oral from 1 other girlfriend and I've only enjoyed anal with him,as examples. Also we both watch porn from time to time when the other is at work or out... well I just found out its actually very common for him. Habitual even, which I don't mind, he watches safe and age appropriate porn., but I discovered he does it when I'm home and go to sleep before him. The problem is I've told him I want to have sex with him pretty much always. Tired, mad, annoyed , sick , whatever. So why pleasure yourself to porn when he has me? I mean, I do just as dirty nasty things as those girls do. Im also in shape and curvy in tge hips which he loces, i mean, im hot. So,I can't make sense of it and he says its a problem he's had since 2 years before we met.
Is it possible to overcome this? I don't want him yo stop completely ( unless he has to) but I'm do in love with him and I prefer sex than masturbation. If I'm here he shouldn't need to do that. Am I right to feel this way? Insecure? Please help. - Kelsey Jaye
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Yes, he does have you, but sometimes when guys get hooked it's hard to get off of. Very very addictive. Who knows? Maybe he thought you were asleep when you headed to bed. If you want him to go for you, just ask if he wants to join you. Like I said, I don't think he means any harm by it. It is something very addictive. Before you go to bed, put something on that will grab his attention. Maybe some lingerie.
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Hi Kelsey,
He may have just developed a bad habit and retrained his body to respond with orgasms only when masturbating. So he wants his orgasms and goes for it by watching porn first, masturbating and then coming to bed to pleasure you.
You'll just have to talk more in depth. If he's got his body trained to only respond one way, it can be undone but he has to make sure to go 2 weeks I believe it is, without masturbating and then go just to you and he'll be so ready, he should be able to orgasm with you. Its a matter of retraining the subconscious mind to realize this is okay. If the next day or two, he reverts back to having a problem, he should wait a long time again, not masturbate and then it should work and slowly he'll retrain himself.
Or perhaps one of you has a different libido from the other? If he is meeting all your sexual needs and then needing more besides, that is normal, it just means his libido is higher than yours, no matter how willing and wild you can be.
If he is watching porn and masturbating, or having sex with partners to the point it interferes with his life in being able to have time and quality work in job or at school and to keep tabs with friends and family, then it is possibly a sexual addiction as alluded to and there are treatment centers specifically for that just like other addictions. Let him know it means a lot to you, that you feel left out and want him to come to you when he needs you that way. SO don't feel that something is wrong with you. the issues lie either with him or just that the two of you are a sexual mismatch. If both are willing, perhaps there can be some compromises agreed upon that actually satisfy both. Should you be worried if he liked to watch porn but also has sex with you? No. If he's doing masturbating instead of having sex with you, or doing so grudgingly just to get you to be quiet and leave him alone, then its a big problem. You're mismatched, he's more into taking care of himself and you don't come to mind for him. then its time to leave. I wasn't sure exactly what all is going on so have tried to cover all i can imagine. If i've misunderstood, just clarify with a few more details and I will be glad to adivise again. But htis time, you'd need to go to my column to write me from there, can't answer where you write comments with ratings.
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You are normal to feel that way. It sounds like he has a sex addiction, which can be overcome. There are groups for that kind of thing, just like alcohol addiction, and many other addictions. There may even be treatments like natural herbs or medication to help, but that might not be the best way. It isn't normal for one or both of you to be watching porn all the time, and masterbating, when you're in a relationship. So I think you should look into different things to help with that kind of thing, and talk to him about it, and how you feel on the situation.
Hope this helps~
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