AskJR's

advice column

about

I'm psychic and a sociologist, and combined with the many different professions I've had, husbands, friends and family, and my share of bad neighbors too, gives me the knowledge and experience to cast new light on many old problems that we all face. Ask questions about anything you want and need answers to: Boyfriend or husband, school, sex, decorating, careers and career changes, family and friends, pets, diets and health and illnesses, finances, moving and relocating, divorce or marriage, and the nosey problem neighbor. -- Ask JR

advice

my friend knows i like this guy but she keeps talking to him. she even told me many times that he's all mine. how should i approach her and let her know that i really like him and that i want to her stop sort of like leading him on to her. please help because this has been bothering me for a really long time and i cant get it off of back. thanks!

Do you know first hand that she is leading him on by witnessing their conversations, or are you imagining it because she's a flirt?

Hey, trust in your friend, if she really is yours friend, and don't worry over it.

She said he was all yours and that means she doesn't like him (unless she's a backstabber)....

You can not control her or anyone else and it is very unreasonable to expect her not to talk to him, or anyone else to talk to him just because you like him.

You can not put him in a bubble.

Chill.

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I'm almost 20, I'm living on my own and I don't have health insurance. I have many reasons to believe I could have melanoma (skin cancer.) For the past several months I have been stressing and worrying about it. And the only way to calm my nerves is to go to the doctor to get checked out. Unfortunately, I don't have the money to get health insurance or to pay out of pocket (for the visits and tests they may need me to take). I have a good job, except that it doesn't offer medical insurance. And switching jobs is out of the question (I am in a position and time where I really can't.) Is there anything I can do to see a doctor without paying so much?

Every city and county has medical clinics that are either free/no charge for under privledged people or charge on a sliding scale based on your income.

Call 211 for information, look in the yellow pages under your county offices, call dermatologist and ask if they will accept the office visit fee up front but allow you to be billed for the tests.

Inquire, and you will narrow the doctor and medical help down sooner than not inquiring at all.

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Ok i like eric and we are going out but he might like this other girl so im discusted to be around him and i dont kno why he didnt even tell me i hurd it from a friend.. so i dont kno whether to tell him i know or just go out with him still i dont wanna say anythign because what if its true?? I love him and i dont want this one girl who doesnt like him AT ALL to interfere shes already gooing out with someone so what do i do

Ask him. Tell him you heard he liked her, but want his answer to the rumor. And tell him that you know she doesn't like him and has a boyfriend already...at least he'll know that you know the details ...

Of course, he'll lie, but he'll know that you know, so he'll straighten up and fly right and not talk to anyone about it again (thus, no more rumors and embarassment for you)....

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does anyone know anything good i could say in an essay about Old Testament Theology? It is 4 pages long, so feel free to ramble.

An essay consists of two basic views of the same subject. (if not more) It also requires you to present information, present a question, then the opinionated (in theology it is opinionated) conclusion.

Pick anything out of the Old Testament or generalize the basic concept of the entire Testament...

Which is an eye for an eye type-minded law(s) which is the one thing possibly or that God spoke directly to people then, and has not and not done so since (New Testament after Christ)...

The basics of the Old is that God talked to people and gave orders and tested his believers' faith, thus a dilemma for the people and their laws and lives.

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ohkay well im donig a project on elements, and im doing helium. i need to have a slogan for it. somting funny and rhymes..i cant think of anything, or find anything on the internet.
thanks a whole bunch.

Since helium is used for balloons, most people think of that only and don't realize it's purposes and orgin.

Now it's used for pressuring liquid fuel rockets, (Apollo lunar mission) and medical MRI machines, blimps (Goodyear blimp, catching drug smugglers, and more. Read below.

You should be able to come up with something interesting for a slogan like helium is used for fun to catching drug smugglers...etc. Fun to serious...


go to: http://periodic.lanl.gov/elements/2.html


Quote:

Helium is extensively used for filling balloons as it is a much safer gas than hydrogen. One of the recent largest uses for helium has been for pressuring liquid fuel rockets. A Saturn booster, like the type used on the Apollo lunar missions, required about 13 million ft3 of helium for a firing, plus more for checkouts.

Liquid helium's use in magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) continues to increase as the medical profession accepts and develops new uses for the equipment. This equipment has eliminated some need for exploratory surgery by accurately diagnosing patients. Another medical application uses MRE to determine (by blood analysis) whether a patient has any form of cancer.

Helium is also being used to advertise on blimps for various companies, including Goodyear. Other lifting gas applications are being developed by the Navy and Air Force to detect low-flying cruise missiles. Additionally, the Drug Enforcement Agency is using radar-equipped blimps to detect drug smugglers along the United States boarders. In addition, NASA is currently using helium-filled balloons to sample the atmosphere in Antarctica to determine what is depleting the ozone layer.

unquote

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15/F. Okay, so I like JUST started guitar. [accoustic] I know most of the basic chords. I'm trying to learn the BEGINNING part of Canon D. I know that it's "in the key of D" and the notes are D, A, Bm, F#m, G, D, G, A. I'm playing them... but it doesn't sound right? How many times do you strum each note? How many strings do you strum? How do you play Bm? How do you play.. AHHHHHH!

You can get guitar music sheets online to read.

Do you know how to read music?

It's a must in order to learn guitar.

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PLEASE REAL ANSWERS: Tonight I was having dinner with my mom, and my younger nephew. My mom made baked salmon. She gave me a small piece and the side dishes were broccoli, corn and carrots. I ate most of it but left over six bites. As she was standing up she said to me; eat the salmon; I said; I did, but you have to stop this; Then she and I had a little tiff. Then about 15 minutes later I asked her; do you care how much and what eat; she said; no, but I said eat the salmon because it is healthy, skip the corn and eat the salmon; MY QUESTION: DID I OVERREACT? And the reason I got angry at her is the following: You see what goes through my mind, even though I am thin and I have a fast metabolism and I was always thin I keep thinking doesnt she know that eating when not hungry isnt good. KEEP IN MIND IT IS ONLY ONCE-IN-AWHILE SHE PESTERS ME TO EAT."

If she's only pestering you once in awhile to eat, and after all, it was a very healthy meal, she sounds concerned you get the best of meals for your weight and health.. you did say you have a high metabolism and thin...

She probably worries about you being thin.

After all, mom's want their kids to be "healthy" and their idea of healthy is "meat on your bones" from a different generation.

Now, ask yourself if eating the salmon is worth not fighting or arguing with your mom (to make her happy and keep the peace) or if NOT eating it, is worth the grief of arguing.

Love is all it's about-- she loves you and wants you to eat what she perceives as healthy (which it is) nd worries about your high metabolism and weight!

Be sure to eat all your veggies ;)

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So i'm a teenage girl, my "best friend" told me about someone who she said she knew through a friend (she hasn't met him in person, but a friend of hers was talking to him on myspace but she didn't know that the other girl hadn't met him either, and then she added him) and well, he gave her his cell phone number, then we called him while 3-waying, but she did *67 her number...

he's seen my myspace with all of my pictures, and all of hers too. He knows my city and state. He lives about 6 hours away from me, and i'm scared to death that he'll come to where i live and rape me and kill me like most online predators. Because he IS an online predator- his myspace profile SCREAMS it.

SO WHAT SHOULD I DO? Call the police and give them the link to his profile? I'm very scared. I don't want to end up like every other teenage girl who's been found by an online predator.

PLEASE do not say "tell your parents" or anything- they wouldn't help- all they would do is block myspace and hover over me whenever I was online and a lot of stuff like that. And I don't need that because i DO NOT TALK TO PEOPLE I DON'T KNOW ONLINE! MY FRIEND WAS THE ONE WHO DID THIS BUT I WAS ON THE LINE AND TALKING TO HIM AT THE TIME!

so help please i'm afraid for my life.

First of all-- why give real info online to be tracked and traced?

Anonymosity is best practice...screen names, etc.

IF you feel he's a preditor, then call the hotline, notify MySpace of this too, and call the police to tell them your concerns, but they call the FBI anyway.

No matter what you do, you are a minor and your parents will find out.

You can block him by deleting him as a friend and notify MySpace.

Then your profile reverts to private and make sure it's settings are private to everyone where ONLY YOUR FRIENDS can view it!

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im gothic i love photography and traveling and drawing and music. im 13/f im looking for a job to start trying or practicing whatever you call it. i need to over the summer its already summer. im not really sure what to do and where to go to find out about it and whats the skills needed and not even what its called. i know im young to start looking for a job like this but i can and will travel anywhere. i have the cameras and all needed. but i wana do something that has to do with both. my dad says to travel and take pictures of places or things in different countries for travel magazines or something but i really want to do it and i can. my dad will go with me to all different places because he travels for his work. whats it called and where do you go to start or get info on it.

It's called either freelance photography which means you're available for hire on a piece by piece basis, or a journalist/news photographer.

Travel magazine photography is still usually freelanced.

And you're too young to be legally HIRED for any job.

All you can do is go with your dad traveling and shoot, shoot, shoot, and build a portfolio.

Continue the porfolio to show future prospective employers that you aim to work for and freelance for later.

Freelance photographers can sell photos of anything that any mag is interested in.

Take all the photography classes you can, and study it, check out books at the library, study famous photographers you admire, and research it all online. Learn all you can if you are serious.

Absorb all you can at age 13 and by high school take classes, work for the high school newspaper and yearbook as the photographer, and continue from there.

Good luck!

P.S. ANSWER TO YOUR PRIVATE QUESTION: Check with your state for legal working age. Usually it's 16.

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I'm 13yrs old and I'm a female.Me and my boyfriend have been going out for almost 5 months and he calls usally everyday and do when he calls one day we have nothing to talk about the next so the phone conversations are silent......!We've already talked about the basics like our likes and dislikes,and the future,even random things like CHEESE!So if you have any advice than please help me!

Don't talk on the phone everyday. Problem solved.

It's like being married for a long time, sooner or later you know everything about each other and there's nothing left to talk about except memories.

Only at 13, there's no memories.

You both need space apart for at least 24 hours. Don't you see each other everyday at school?

Take a break- don't answer the phone, make an excuse you were doing something when he called, or get a family member to say you're in the shower. Something believable.

Unless you want to tell him you need space and enough is enough- like every night is toooo much!

You aren't old enough to have that much to talk about except school, friends, gossiping, music, movies and the like.

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I need your help deciding what the ideal menu for a public dinner would be.

Not knowing what would be the best dishes to serve is making this an impossible task.

If you will tell me your favorite foods, or point me to your favorite recipes, it would really help a lot.

You can list as many things as you like. They don't have to be fancy things at all. I am all about the comfort food baby! :)

This will be a mixed group of people so I would like to have something for everyone.

Cooking for a banquet is not as hard as trying to figure out WHAT to cook!

Everyone will receive feedback.

Thank you!

P.S. If all that was a lot to digest, pun intended, here is a summary: Please list all your favorite foods.

I think it depends on the part of US you live in for a "menu" of dishes ;)

Fried chicken
BBQ - anything
BBQ Ribs
Potato Salad

Green Salad

Corn on the cob

Lemon/Garlic chicken

Cold pea salad

Finger foods of all kinds

Fried potato wedges (skin and all)
Baked beans

Baked acorn squash stuffed with meat & cheese

Cold cuts and cheeses
with crackers

Cold shrimps
Grilled shrimps

Grilled fish of your choice
Rice pilaf garnished

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hi im a 16 year old soph guy and i like this freshman girl,...shes been on my bus all year but i never really talked to her..i somehow got her screen name on aim the other week and started iming her she seems pretty cool..i dont know her that well but im starting to...i want to hang out with her sometime so i got her cell number and gave her mine...but now i want to go say hey on the bus but for some reason i cant pull myself to.. if i knew where her locker is i would go talk to her at her locker but i dont and none of my friends kno where it is...ive been imin her everyday but i dont want to seem annoying her and i dont wanna text her or call her and do both so i dont know i imed her today after school and she never answered me then went away and i dont know its weird im starting to have feelings for her even though we just met...so i dont know if i should hang out with her just me and her or me her and 1 of my friends and 1 of her friends...so should i hang out just us or 4 of us and should i try to get to know her better then try and ask her out? please help thanks in advance..

First of all, after im'ing her and talking, you should sit by her now on the bus or talk to her and acknowledge you know each other...

Not to acknowledge her and not talk to her is sending a message that you don't want to be "seen" with her or "let anyone know you know her" now...

Get to know her better and hang out with friends and then sooner or later, ask her out.

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I dyed my hair about a week ago with semi-permenant hair dye. It's a deep burgandy color. And my natural hair is jet black. Well, this weekend, or sometime next week, I'm going to dye my hair blue and pink, and I need to get this burgandy out. Some of my friends said to put ?tooth paste? in my hair..and then wash it...to get the color out. and someone else said to use dawn in it. can i use those without it doing anything to my hair? and is there anything else i can do to get the color out? oh, and i can't bleach it.

Nope. Nothing.

You'd have to go to a salon and let a stylist (expert) to use a stripper to get it out. Expensive and damaging too.

Wait it out. You made your bed, now lay in it. Nothing will get the color out any sooner than time.

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14/f
well my bf "antwan" and i have been dating for almost a month.well im leaving for bootcamp in the next 6 days. we want to be together and i trust him. BUT it will be about 6 weeks before i EVEN talk to him again, and maybe about 10 MONTHS before i SEE him. he wants to stay together and so do i BUT i dont want to hold him back from other things. what should i do???

Tell him exactly that before you go.

Whether you both promise it or not-- natural events and courses of nature will occur... he could meet someone else and instinctively break his promise to wait for you, or, he could wait.

But at 14-- expect it to be over sweetie.

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14 f
ok so my body is maturing and i hate it! like having puberty hair and getting big boobs. i hate it. sometimes i never want to take a shower becase i hate seeing myself naked. i am such a momys girl and i know my mom hates it that i am growing up! i dont want tog row up! i hate having a mature body1 i dont feel ready or mature what should i do?

You can not stop growing up. It's inevitable.

Hair and boobs is the natural beauty of a woman.

You need to talk to a counselor at school or a trusting female relative or older, mature friend. Not wanting to grow up and hating the process is a bad sign of emotional issues.

Mommy's girl or not, no one can stop the process and if your mom is hating you grow up LITERALLY, then that is abnormal and on the edge of emotional abuse.

I think you are over exaggeratering your mom's reaction to you growing up--- all parents "hate" to see their babies grow up to some extent... but not literally,

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what are good exercises other than push-ups to build your arm muscles? (15/f)

Weights.

Use small weights which are made for arms, and do curls as often as possible, when home.

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This isn't for me, but someone I'm kinda sorta concerned of.

She weighs about 180lbs, and wants to lose 20 lbs by the end of June (so she can look prettier). IMO, I think it's pretty unhealthy because a lot of people say that it's unhealthy to lose more than 2-3 lbs per week.

And how does she go about losing that weight, by working off 1000 calories on a good day, and 400 each day... atleast 3 times a week. The 400 cals isn't the problem, but the 1000 calories is quite a lot because that's like... half the amount of the calories that someone should intake.

In addition, she checks up on her weight obsessively. Are any of those things unhealthy :|?

And what is a healthy weight to lose by the end of june

First you have to find out the average, healthy weight she should be at according to her age, height and bone structure.

Then shoot for that within a pound or two give or take.

Do not eat fast foods, fried foods, starchy foods which are breads, potatoes and it's products, pastas, sodas, ice creams or anything "fattening."

Eat chicken (skinned) and fish boiled or baked, vegetable with no butter, foods that are low in calories and no transfats and no sugars, raw veggies can be dipped in low cal Ranch, fruits, heart healthy cerals, 2 % milk, calorie free drinks like Cystal Lite, etc. AND drink plenty of water... she should drop pounds natuarally and paced normally.

Exercise while dieting.

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my fiance just got us a new puppy she's almost 8 weeks old and I need to get her updated on her shots and deworming the problem is I don't have much money to go to the vet. Does anyone know where I can go to get everything done for a cheaper price?

Call your local Humane Society-- the dogpound.

They know every available vet, and resource there is.

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Hey I'm a sixteen year old girl. Okay.. This guy and I have been talking, you know, that whole deal. I really like him a lot but I go through these "phases", I suppose you could call them, where I'm just very disinterested. The thought of someone being crazy about me and being committed to them just makes me sick to my stomach. At other times, though, I realize it's kinda nice to have someone who cares about me.

I'm not exactly the popular type in school and I haven't had a boyfriend in pretty much a year and a half. Am I just not used to this feeling or am I completely out of my mind? Advice of any kind would be greatly appreciated.

Sounds like a case of hormones and combination of emotional issues.

What in your life has happened to cause you to be skeptical and non-committal? Examine that issue,
then think of what you truly want.

Do you want a committed relationship or a casual non-committal relationship?

It's always nice to have a boyfriend that cares about you if he's nice and not a jerk, of course, but are you forcing the issue to like a guy, or don't really like him 100% and want to?

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This is probably in the wrong category, but I don't care.

Anyways:
I've had my period for 3 years. I hate having it. My cramps suck & they make me vomit sometimes. They hurt so much I don't even like going to school, let alone getting out of bed.

I took Midol 3 hours of ago & my cramps still hurt. They haven't gone away like they're supposed to. I'd ask my mom for more but the box is almost gone & I need it to last me the next 5 days. =( There's only 6 pills left! My mom won't buy any more because she's only got 20 dollars & it needs to last her until next week?

Anything else I can do to make these cramps go away? I'm really sick of them & being a girl & I just wanna kill my period. It's seriously starting to piss me off! =(

You sound financially strapped, but actually you need to see a gynocologist. Also, before ovulation, the body releases hormones and lines the uterus for the egg to attach to when fertilized (periods are to "wash" the unfertilized egg and hormones out when not pregnated) and this can build up and cause "endimetriosis" which causes cramps to get more severe.

You could have a cyst or tumor on an ovary causing the severe cramps, or other gyno problems.

In the meantime, use a heating pad across your stomach (over your ovary that is hurting) or or your back if it is the cramping area, as that heat relieves the cramps and pain with using Midol. IF you need the Midol to last, take aspirin or subsistute every other dosage.

Also, beware: the heating pad will cause heavier bleeding. Although bleeding is NOT 24/7, and some girls bleed at night only, it puddles inside the vaginal canal and exits later, so heat will aide in the exit.

Remain in bed or lying down off your feet as much as you can if seriously painful, with heating pad and Midol or aspirins, and see a gynocologist ASAP.


P.S. NO THAT DOES NOT MEAN YOU CAN NOT HAVE KIDS. IF IT IS A CYST OR TUMOR THEY PERFORM A LASER SURGERY (EVEN CALLED A BANDAID SURGERY) TO ZAP IT OFF....A PROCEEDURE WHERE A LENS IS INSERTED THROUGH THE BELLY BUTTON AND A SMALL INCENSION IS MADE ON THE STOMACH NEAR THE OVARY (THUS BANDAID SURGERY CAUSE IT'S SO SMALL A BANDAID IS USED AFTERWARD) AND THE LASER IS INSERTED TO ZAP THE CYST.) I've had it done, and I know friends that have. I have three kids, six grandkids and one great grandkid.

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