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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

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Hello, my Boyfriend keeps addressing me by, ‘my lovely’ and adds my name, for example ‘my lovely Ann’ and he also writes, ‘from Your boyfriend’ these are especially on the occasion cards and text messages. He just uses ‘your’ boyfriend on the cards at the end and you are ‘my’ Ann on the messages and cards. Why is it? Is he just being possessive in a good way? Now, we’ve been together for only few months but known for a year and before we started to go out he said he liked me from a day one and as the day went by he thought to himself I will make this girl mine, she will be mine one day. What’s he saying? Why did he think that? Was he falling for me already?? We do love each other so much and I’m madly in love with him and so is he. He’s 25 and I’m 21. Thank you all!!

I just shared this list with another girl. You need to know for sure whether he loves you or not and sometimes thats hard to figure out if females don't understand males very well. How he signs a card may be what he is used to such as if growing up his birthday cards were signed, from your sister, from your Mother or Father instead of the less formal Mom or Dad. THat's not what I would focus on. There are other signs to look for to know if he really loves you or not. So here it that list with a simple short test at the end for you to answer to give you a clue as to where you stand with him.

DOES HE LOVE ME?

Either he's doing a bad job of showing it to you or you are doing a bad job of picking up on the signals.
Why some relationships aren't working in a nut shell:
Some women give their love and devotion to a guy who doesn't deserve it, who is wrong for her
while others no matter how plain and simple the signs are of his love and devotion, they don't see it or trust it because of lack of self confidence.

1 A woman's insecurity and neediness will kill a man's love
Do you love me, do you love me? No matter what he says or does, she never believes him, even if he's never done anything to earn her distrust.
2 It's impossible to love others and be loved by others unless you love yourself first.
Don't look to a man for all your self esteem and self worth. Have it already before relationship..
3. Men do not show love the same way women do. For them it's how they feel when she is around and how she fulfills the dreams of the woman he's wanted and how possessive he feels if another man was paying too much attention to her. Some women translate love into his obsession for her and devotion while men translate her love for him as being appreciated and respected.

7 Questions to know if he really loves you


1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says I love you, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or a long phone chat. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.

How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag, a user or controller. Leave immediately.

Half of this is stuff a male presented on line as clues for women to understand men and the rest I added to it as I felt it just as important. Hope this helped you.

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Hello. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years now. I am 23 and he is 24. I've been wanting him to propose for a good while now but lately I've been having doubts about even wanting to take that step with him anymore. The reason? His mother.

I love that he is close to his mom, I love that he respects his mom, that is not why I'm here to say that he should respect me and love me more but I think his love and respect for her exceeds what he holds for me, a great amount. My dad said he was close to his mom but when he married my mom, she became the priority to him. I know that it could be different for every man but I always feel like I'm in dead last place to him.

First example, his mom worked at this same company for ten years. Randomly one day, I was out of work for a workers comp accident and he only works two days a week while he's testing to get a job in IT. Anyway, I was staying over at his house, he got a call and it was an IT job offer. After he got off, I congratulated him. We went downstairs so we could go to his favorite restaurant to celebrate and his mom was home. So I asked him once we left why she was home during the day. He said "she doesn't work at ___ anymore." When I asked why, he gave me examples like her boss was mean and she wasn't enjoying it anymore. Leading me to believe, she had quit. The next day, I saw she had put a Facebook status up that she made a big mistake and her boss did not give her a chance to redeem herself so she was fired. So naturally, I got upset that he didn't tell me the truth. He didn't fully lie to me but he didn't tell me the truth. I know it isn't his story to tell but he could have just said she lost her job and I would have left it at that. I still don't know what happened and knowing isn't really the point, it's the principal of the matter, he is keeping something from me, he isn't telling me the whole truth - what else is he going to hide from me later down the road?

Next example: it has been snowing very heavily all day today. It's 2:45 now, it started snowing around 7 this morning and is still expected until at least 9 tonight. Tomorrow is his mom's birthday so he has been talking about taking her to a place for dinner where she would get in for free but they are closed on her birthday so they would accept her to get in for free the day before her birthday or the day after. So when we saw how much and how hard it was snowing, he said we'll definitely go monday, he doesnt want to drive in the snow. I was totally fine with that because I get anxious driving in the snow and even the rain sometimes because I had crashed my car before in the rain. I told him it would be fun if we take my dog for a walk to the park in the snow and he said he would like to so he quick ran to his house to get better shoes to do so. When he came back to my house, he said that his mom still wants to go to the restaurant today, the snow isn't laying on the roads. So I mapped out the weather of the restuarant that is 1 hour from our house and it said they are in a winter weather advisory until 8 tonight and that it is already more ice than snow there so I told him I don't want him to go. He said his mom wants to go and he can't help that. I don't know if I should be angry that he is so willing to appease her so quickly or if I should be mad at his mom because she has such bad driving anxiety in normal, sunny, 80 degree weather, that she cannot drive herself on highways, her previous work was five minutes away and she said her next job has to be just as close so I think it is so completely rude and disgusting of her to not be able to drive in weather much better than snow and she wants her son to risk doing so just because it's for her birthday.

I guess I just want to know at what point should I just accept this situation? Am I allowed to be angry or do I just let it happen that his mom will always be more important? Am I wrong for thinking that I should be priority to him?

Thanks.

I am sure he felt it wasn't his story to tell as you put it so when you asked a direct question to him instead of her, that already was not the best move. He said some things off the top of his head to get you off the track of asking more. You put him on the spot so I wouldn't think that is something to be upset about.

However your second story of the icy roads and weather advisory for the area of the restaurant an hour away puts up all sorts of red flags for me, that means I become very suspicious of the whole situation. I think you do have a right to be concerned here. Telling him simply you don't want him to go isn't helpful. It puts him in a place of having to choose between pleasing Mom or you. And in this situation, the concern shouldn't be whom he chooses but as a young adult, he needs to be making wise decisions and whether he was changing his mind on you or not isn't the greater issue here. He was choosing to drive on icy roads. As a man, it would have been best for him to let mom know he understands how much she'd like to celebrate her birthday but unfortunately with the roads the way they are, he is not going to drive them because thats just asking for getting into an accident. He could then say, you may not get your free dinner but I promise to make it up to you when the roads are clear again and I will treat you to dinner. Or he could have volunteered to cook her a meal at home for now and later when safe to drive, take her out. If she throws a fit and pleads and begs, then he has to be the better adult and still say no.
By this one story, I can't say he is like this in every situation but just this one shows he doesn't have a good head on his shoulders as far as making good decisions. The fact he was more willing to please Mom than do what was safer may hint at him being a Mama's boy. And that his priorities at least at this stage in life are out of order if he is truly in love with you. If he tends to jump to please Mom no matter what, then in a way, he is married to Mom. I assume Mom is widowed or divorced and alone so she may also be lonely. You may want to wait and rethink about what you are looking for in a guy. I understand we get comfortable with whom we are with and emotions get involved but those feelings of love will not carry the relationship far when you are married and he is making one bad decision after another and causing more financial stress for both of you than need be. Also, he may still be off running Mom around instead of putting time into you. Men so tied to Mom, find no need to marry as long as Mom is around. But if Mom is gone or lives too far away, a guy like that may not be looking for a wife but a replacement for Mom with sex benefits on the side. You'll be the one to do everything for a guy like that and will feel as if you are a replacement for his mother, that is if he's really that bad off. I will post something here I saved about how to know if a guy really loves you, a simple test at the end to discover where you stand. The one thing I really like is the mention of how his gf or wife should be one of top 3 priorities in his life. It could be Mom you and job. But its up to you to decide if you want to share his attention or if its' not enough for you.
Here it is:

7 Questions to know if he really loves you


1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says I love you, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or a long phone chat. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.

How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag, a user or controller. Leave immediately.

So hon, if you decide that a relationship with him is going nowhere or that he is not the one for you to spend the rest of your life with, then write me again and ask for a document on how to find Mr. Right. It is something I followed to find my second husband and it worked extremely well. Wishing you the best.

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I am a 72 year old Canadian heterosexual woman divorced for over 40 years, mother of one daughter, grandmother of 2, living on my own for about 20 years. I have a woman friend with whom I was very close for several years. The closeness began to deteriorate d/t various moves and changes in life journeys over the years and my own tendency to be reclusive. She and her sister moved about 300 km away about 8 years ago. We rarely see each other anymore, no longer are daily witnesses to each other's lives, meeting on a once a year weekend visit which includes her sister and other new friends and once a year pre-Christmas visit with a group of other old friends of hers, acquaintances of mine. I have not had more than 2 hours alone with her in all that time. I can't help still considering her my best friend but there seems to be a vast emptiness that I can't overcome. On our recent Christmas visit, I took something she said to me as a very personal affront and reacted with a very hurtful comment of my own, in the presence of some of her other friends. This occurred just before we were all setting out to return to our various homes, and she avoided all of us until we had said our goodbyes in the parking lot and I left in my car. I have emailed everyone to apologize for my behaviour and received many comforting words of the "this always happens with family" and "this too shall pass" variety, but I don't think any of them really understand how much I have hurt my dear, precious friend and how difficult it is for me to know what to do now. I told her in an email I would send her a more meaningful handwritten letter and have begun to compose many in my head. I want desperately to save this relationship but don’t know where to start. Words of wisdom needed.

If I am reading this correctly, you emailed and plan to mail a letter. Have you actually called and talked to her? There are some things that are better said vocally,spoken, not written. I tell those wanting to dump a gf or bf that it is better to do so in person than an email. With that situation, it looks like the chicken way out. I can't say that is the same for you or if she sees it that way.
If she is somewhere in the same age range, I am surprised that she is still holding a grudge and not responding. After all, when we all get older, we really have no guarantee how long we will still be around to tell a loved one or friend how much we love them. When you say recent visit, I am assuming you mean this year 2017 and its not 2016 pre Christmas gathering. If it's just happened, then perhaps she needs more time to get over her hurt.
I am a bit younger than you but I have had times when every member of my family except my brother got offended at something I said or did that was twisted around to be a story of stuff I never did. I should have had plenty of reason to be angry with them but I chose to stay in my peace maker mode. Imagine your own mother stopping talking to you, ignoring you for a year 1/2 and we worked in the same building, not same department. Everyone noticed how my mom avoided me. I will the details to show you how silly the reasons are sometimes and how I could do nothing to change it. Mom was already divorced and dating and one day told me she was marrying the guy. If he made her happy, I was happy for her and told her so. I was about 21, 22 and married. So all my siblings were younger. My sisters reacted like the teens they were and jumped up and down for joy, both of them and shrieked and clapped for joy. Just because I did not react exactly the same way, Mom felt I was not genuine. I was puzzled that a person old enough to know better would assume such a thing and take personal affront with me. A woman at work who was a friend began to give me extra attention so I would have some woman older than myself to still talk to but it wasn't Mom. I honored her wishes and did not speak to her. Eventually, she came around after a long time, getting over her hurt and just calling me to talk normally as if we spoke just earlier in the week with no apology.

I had little kids and a fireplace. Dad brought us wood for our fireplace, someone was getting rid of their chopped logs. I appreciated it so much but he never came across another deal like that and one day saw a pile of construction wood, with old paint and lots of nails sticking out and dumped it in my yard. I had already had a chimney fire for burning construction wood in a pinch and I knew it wasn't good cus our chimney cleaner told us so. So I had asked Dad to no longer bring us any construction wood he found. Then when I came home one day to find a 3 ft high pile spread out over about 3 ft by 6 ft with odd boards laying in the long spring grass, I couldn't let the kids out to play because they could get hurt. Dad wouldn't take it back. I had to clear it away myself and in doing so, I even stepped on a hidden board and the nail went into my boot but never made it inside to pierce my foot. So it was truly dangerous. He was upset that I 'rejected' his help, put a different spin on the story. I never yelled or said anything mean but that is what he shared with my siblings and his church friends, some who knew me. He stopped talking to me for months and my youngest sister who was the only local sibling, took up his cause and stopped talking to me as well, hanging up on me. I remained calm and just waited for a long time to let them get over their hurt. One day, I didn't plan it but one child did something so cute and funny I knew she would laugh too and without a thought, I called and told her the story and she didn't hang up this time and laughed. She never apologized and I never brought up the fact that she had snubbed me for so long. Once she was talking with me again, Dad came around too.

Now mine were family, not friends but friends can be close as family sometimes, so you can see that people are not perfect. Sometimes, even a God fearing Christian type can lose hold of reality and what is really important and treat you different or hold a grudge. No, it's not God like behavior but none of us are anywhere that close to being like God. I believe you simply need to give her more time to get over it. I hope hearing my story with happy endings can give you hope with your friend. If I were the offending party and stopped talking to family or friend and let too much time go by, I know that the more time I let go by without making contact, I would feel more embarrassed and awkward to even make the first move and reconnect. I don't know your friend, but it seems to be human nature for many that the one holding a grudge, once they get over it, still may not make the first move to pick up the relationship where it was left off, for the very reason that they feel awkward and the more time passed, the harder it gets for them to make the first move. So periodically, contact her and see if she responds. If not, she's still brooding. Do not expect once she's over it to want to make the first move. You will have to. Once you've connected back with her and she seems to be her happy self, but she doesn't refer to what brought on the separation, don't bring it up either and do not expect an apology or explanation. What is more important, your ego being stroked by hearing explanations or apologies for ignoring your attempts to make things right, or simply having your friend back on friendly terms with you? I know how important learning to forgive others is, but it is a process we all need to go through and learn among other things and not all of us learn at the same rate and some very nice people never learn some things like that in an entire lifetime. LIfe is too short to take offense, or carry guilt for a long time or a life time. This is the best thing I can share from my own life experience. I know it will take patience, and lots of waiting on your part, but think positive that the friendship will be one day back to the way it was, expect it and most likely in time, you'll find she responds back in friendly terms. If she does bring it up, tell her you don't want to dwell on the past and want to let bygones remain bygones, that you are sorry you lost it but life is short and what matters more to you is having her back in your life. I am sure she would agree and be glad to drop that subject.

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I was just notified that im getting sued by a company that holds my car title. i have the car in possession -it doesn't run anymore. i bought it from a company that sold the title & i began paying this new company over the years. my contract says if i dont pay, they come get the car. when my car broke down i told them i wasnt paying anymore & for them to come pick up the car. they wouldnt. all i owed was 1,000. they said at least twice over the phone over a span of months that they refused to pick up the car. then without my knowledge sold the title to another company. i tried calling this next new company & they would never answer the phone nor respond to a voicemail. once months later i get ahold of them but hung up when they started asking for more information because the company before that one wrote my debt as a delinquency on my credit so i was afraid that might undo or make me again accountable credit-wise. i find out they are now in local capital(must be another new company holding title) & they are suing me for the car of which i owe 1,000. -are they in the right? could they settle for just getting the car towed as fair share? this doesnt seem right to me but i have little legal knowledge.

Its true that you promised to make monthly payments and theres probably no clause that says you don't have to pay if it stops working.
If you have a contract that says they pick up the car if you don't pay, which has happened, then all you can pursue with a lawyer is finding out if you can use that contract which you need to show a lawyer to see if they will come pick up the car. The contract will not say they come pick up the car if it stops working, only if you stop paying. Yes, they can change title holders but with that, the new holder of your contract doesnt have the full back story and probably don't need to honor the contract you signed with the orginal company.

So you will have to talk to a lawyer, a preliminary meet to see if there are any loop holes only a lawyer would know of. At this point, it seems you don't want to pay to have it towed to the current contract holder and they also don't want to come and repo the car. It's likely a move companys are doing in recent times to lower their costs of hiring a repo company or doing it themselves if they have such a department.
If getting a lawyer will cost you more than paying for it to be towed, you might want to pay up to have it towed before a court date. I wouldn't wait to see how a judge rules if no lawyer is involved as you likely would lose. But a lawyer will know if a new company has to honor the promises on the original contract they purchased. If its there in print, you just might have a case to not owe everything, only the payments before you informed them you were giving up the car, not making any more payments and telling them to come get it as stated in the contract.
I am not a lawyer but common sense says it is best to have an initial meet with a lawyer which you still have to pay for but at least you find out if there is a case here or not. I know my husband and I would contact a lawyer if this happened to us.

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Hello,

I am about a month shy of 24 years old, and i'm going to be really honest, I haven't been so kind to my skin through the years. I have a combination skin type so the cheeks are usually dry while my forehead, nose, and chin are oily. I do not wear much makeup but tend to try to purchase higher quality products for when I do. Basically I just try to avoid the bottom shelf foundation cause I know it has tons of gunk and nasty pore clogging stuff.

I never had acne as a teen until I started birth control at 16. Then at 18 I developed a subcutaneous cyst the size of a quarter which had to be cut and removed. Now I have this massive scar from that is almost where my natural smile line i,s but now my face looks funny on one side and even pulls my lip slightly upward from where it was sewn so tightly. On top of this, at the highest point of the scar has a bulge, from again, being sewn shut too tightly. The tissue underneath is literally like jello, or even softer like pudding. It's just a soft mess on my cheek. So my cheek to the medial part of my face is looking like it is beginning to sag around the line.

So in sum, I have acne, acne scars, a surgical scar next to my smile line, and a 'furrowed brow' wrinkle that is just as deep as the surgical scar. Plus a few under eye wrinkles coming in.

I have NEVER had a consistent skin care routine in my life. Sure I followed my own random procedures but honestly have never felt like I've known how to *actually* take care of my skin...plus I am shitty at routines on top of this.

So, advicenators, I am asking for product advice to treat my scars, and probably more importantly, how to develop a good skin care routine. Right now I've been using Simple foaming cleanser, and I have a good moisturizer, Aveeno Apricot scrub, and a pack of collagen masks that I've bought to help my wrinkles. I have no idea what 'toner' is, and why so many products are necessary, although I am ready to try them all if they fix my skin. I need help finding out what order to use each product in. I really want something to work for my skin and make me at least feel decent about my appearance.

Thanks in advance, and phew, who knew this would turn into such a rant.

I do not believe that applying something to your skin will help with whats going on with the scar issue. Facial exercises are great to help with certain things like taking out fine wrinkles and strengthening the underlying muscles to eliminate sagging. There is much to find on the net. Just do searches for face exercise, how to treat facial scars. or best scar treatment after surgery (otherwise you'll only get ones on acne scar only so use the word surgery in a search too)

Here's one:
http://www.marieclaire.co.uk/beauty/how-to/5-anti-ageing-facial-exercises-you-can-try-at-home-94678

Never used this next product by heres an article on it
http://www.scarfade.com/blog/heal-scars-face/

in the next, the author gets answers from a couple doctors on post-op facial scars:

https://www.charlottesbook.com/best-post-surgery-scar-treatment-according-to-doctors/

Since massage was mentioned often and bringing blood circulation to the affected area, you may want to look up articles or videos on each of those specific things, whether they list it as treatment for scars. Any proper way to massage without causing more skin stretching in the wrong direction is important. So I suggest you try to see what you can do to make it appear better. Drs say a scar isn't mature until often 2 years after it was caused. If nothing helps and your skin was pulled too tight, you might need to check with a plastic surgeon what they can do if anything to help and the cost and start saving up for that as a last resort.

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Am I a shitty friend for having feelings for one of my best friends childhood friends? I am a 17yr old female and most of my friends are guys (I just dont get along with girls). One of my best friends is a 17yr boy named alex. Alex used to have a big big crush on me for almost an entire year. He grew up being family friends and playing baseball with this beautiful boy named Grant. Grant is 17, blonde hair, blue eyes, 6'3, has a 4.0 GPA, swims, plays baseball, and plays soccer. He's literally perfect in my eyes. Grant and I have tried to plan things together, like getting sushi or chick-fil-a but never go through with it. Grant is beyond kind to me, he'll have swim practice at 4 in the morning or have just come back from a meet and will still stay up with me until 1 or 3 in the morning playing truth or dare or just talking. He's genuinely a good guy. We started chatting in June of 2017 and both wanted each other so bad. Idk how he feels now but i still want him. Should I feel bad? Should I try to distance myself from Grant?

I rhink you hav in the back of your mind the unspoken rule females have to not date your girl friends ex, which I find to be a bunch of crap.

I understand being a female who makes friends easier with males than females. In fact such a casual male friend is seated across from me right now at Starbucks, on his pc too after we chatted a bit.
I can relate to a few females but its mostly males and my husband also makes friends or prefers chatting with females than guys.
So nothing wrong with it.

The only issue might be if a guy pretending to be just a friend actually has the kind of feelings for you that are 'more than a friend'. IF Alex still has feelings for you but is keeping it quiet, he may feel disturbed to see you have chosen to hang out with one of the other guys since he knows Grant at least. Matching up with others isn't always what we'd think of as fair but there is a scientific reason we end up being attracted to certain people and not others, even if all are handsome cute, smart and treat you right. It's called chemistry and I relate that to having pheromones that are closer to the same or totally different in which case, the couple is not a good match and will lose interest in each other. Since this is something not taught and teens don't really know or understand this, they can go through several dating partners before they get it right and that may not happen until later in ones 20's.
In older couples with very happy long lasting relationships, you'll often see they are not just best of friends but best romantic and sexual matches as well. Its important to start as best of friends and when the feelings grow to something more, then the only way to know is to become romantically involved to see if it works for you. If a guy wants to spend time with you and still is doing the same, then he is still interested. If you are saying Grant showed interest in June but more recently, he is not a part of your life as far as hanging out together, then its very possible he's already lost interest, and that might be due to not having a strong enough chemistry with you.
The only way you are going to learn what you really like and don't like in a guys personality, behavior and how he treats you is to hang out and also to date. If one or both of you lose interest or one dumps the other, then look for the good points he had in the next guy and always go for someone a step better rather than settling for the same or for less. SO it doesn't really matter how long you date, just that you learn things from each guy you date. I understand you can't think of anyone beyond Grant right now but distancing yourself would not be a very forward moving experience. You need to start having bf's to learn so why not ask him if he's a really good friend. The way to do so is to do it without pressure and giving the guy a natural out if he doesnt feel the same as you do. So you ask: Hey Grant, we've been doing really well as friends, and it makes me wonder if we'd do well as more than friends. What do you think?"

This way you haven't declared having feelings for him or being in love, just wanting to try for more and see how it goes (more along the lines of a science experiment) in how its presented. This way, if he wants to be a bf he'll say it sounds like a good idea. And if he doesn't feel the same way, he'll say he doesn't think it would work or you should just stay friends.
That way you can still be friends if a guy doesn't feel the same way about you without him feeling so awkward now around you that he stops being your friend.
t

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So me and my boyfriend was thinking about doing something in the talent show together.We don't really know what do and i suck at singing.I don't want people to laugh at us unless it's something funny.We need help on ideas before Tuesday please and thank you.If you are wondering before you answer we are both 14 and you probably guessed I'm a girl.

Don't know how long you have to practice so you may want to make it easy and funny. You can always lip sinc to a song where the words are being sung by the singer. I have seen skits at church that were unique and funny. No singing involved and a group of 4 gals dressed to represent the California raisens from the commercial to the song 'heard it on the Grapevine'. They just strutted around and it was funny.

Heres a more Christmasy version using the poem, Twas the night before Christmas. One reads the poem very slowly, giving their partner a chance to act out the parts.

I'll give you an idea how it goes:
Twas the night before Christmas (speaker pauses while you hold up a large calendar and point enthusiastically to the 24th)
When all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse (that narrative was long enough to grab mouse ears and put them on. ITs even funnier if you grab a bowl and wooden spoon and pretend to be stirring something at which point your partner clears their throat and repeats "Not a creature was STIRRING, and that includes you mouse, at which you look startled and put the bowl back down. You have to move fast even if he reads slow. Mouse ears off and now have 3 or 4 stockings, use your familys ones for props or buy some at dollar store.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, (instead, you emphasize no care, slapping one on top your head to lay, drape another over an arm before gripping others in each hand.

You get the idea. And when it comes to describing Santa, you switch with the girl reading and him acting it out. If he wears a red dress shirt and black pants and dons a Santa hat, that will work great enough for the skit. The shirt has to be loose enough and worn hanging out so he can grab a pillow off a table of props and stuff it under his shirt, after you read the part of 'he had a broad face and a little round belly that shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly. He can try laughing maniacally for fun without the pillow at which point you shake your head no a couple of times, pantomine shaking your belly with your hands and then hand him the pillow at which point you pick up the poem and re-read that part. Theres so much you can do with this. I have heard of several versions.

Another fun one to pantomine to is the 12 days of christmas but there will always be just one not 3 5 or 9 of whatever and you can read it as a poem instead of singing. partridge in a pear tree could be as easy as using a short fake tree, a stepping stool behind it and putting on a beak and climbing the stool to look like you're in the tree and flapping arms to represent the bird. Five golden rings can be yellow construction paper made into paper rings, maybe even with gold glitter on them and attached to a string and held up at that part. For the maids a milking, have a sturdy rubber glove blown up and a pail. The reader holds the rubber glove while the other pretends to milk the fingers like cow teats. Of course there is no milk so the milker can also add in "Darn, the cow has gone dry" if you like these ideas and want to use and get stuck on any part you can't think of a action to go along with, just give me a holler and I will try to help. I have seen many such skits performed and also have a creative imagination when it comes to comedy skits. You may not think such talent acts to stand out compared to those where one sings a carol beautifully or even does a little ballet piece, serious stuff. But as pretty and outstanding as they are, the only things I remember long after are the funny things that made me laugh and so something comedic will definitely make a great impression. I hope to convince one of my daughters to do this with me for the entire family to watch on Christmas. good luck with that.

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Thank you so much for your answer.

Their coldness is mainly not showing any acceptance towards me, making up excuses and not showing up to our “planned meet ups”. Stuff like that.

My fiancé is really pissed about it. His dad’s not as bad as his mom. My fiancé says his dad is fond about me, he’s just super busy with his job where he doesn’t have his phone around. So I understand that.

My fiancé has been standing up for me the whole time and always reminds me he’s forever on my side and how pissed at his mom and sisters he is because of how they are.

By the way, we’re not having kids, so that’s not even an issue, but thank you for explaining anyway.

Glad to hear you have his support. Thats important in a mate. Just pray for the Mom and perhaps eventually she'll get used to the idea that you are part of the family now. Best wishes and good luck dear.

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Does wearing all black make me gothic if i wear it all the time? i like to wear black jeans with black dress shoes and black turtle neck with a black suit jacket People say i look like im going to a funeral when im not Im just embracing my darker side

You can see my answer under your question "Dressing all black every day".

I can't say I understand how the tradition of wearing black to funerals started but I know not everyone does. I recently went to a wedding where half the people seemed to being wearing black or dark colors. It shouldn't matter. If you are being teased and want to know how to deal with that, then ask that question on here dear.

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They've been together for 3 years and have a little boy together but he's not happy as she's being selfish and hypocrite lately. they live together but he's thinking of breaking up and I think he's falling out of love with her. he's my very best friend and he talks to me. now, I've asked him do you love her, do you STILL LOVE her and he says he DON'T KNOW, which I don't understand, I mean if he still loves her he should easily say YES but not I don't know, I'm trying to help him but when he says he don't know if he still loves her or not, that will be hard. guys, what do you reckon? he don't know means he still loves her or is he just hanging on to her?

He is choosing to not answer yes or no and likely that is because the answer is no.
At the end of my marriage, an ex counselor friend saw what we were going through and he asked my husband if he was in love with me. Instead of answering yes or no, and mind you, I was right there, he said "oh but you don't know what she is like to live with . . ." and he went on to list my imaginary faults. So the guy ignored all that and kept asking him until he finally answered
'I love her for being the mother of my children.' The guy wouldn't accept that. Thats like loving a certain flavor of icecream, loving a certain sport, etc. and those are things you can live without but miss. However being in love with someone is not something you fall out of so easily unless it was never a state of 'being in love with' to begin with.
He might have loved some things about her personality or the sex and felt that was enough. Sounds like a marriage without a license but I will treat this as a marriage. If he is confused and needs help deciding, it might help if the two of them go to couple counseling and in voicing their concerns in a proper way, perhaps a counselor can help them through to decide if there is anything worth saving or not.

Some couples get together when they feel new relationship energy, nre, that super excited head in the clouds feeling you get when you find someone new. However this is the same condition as being over excited at Christmas when you get the gift you begged for and wanted so much. Then after a couple days or weeks or a month, you are already bored with it. It doesn't hold the appeal it once used to. I will use myself as an example. When I was 5, I saw a doll that was life size, as tall as me. I was goggled eyed over it and couldn't stop looking at it. So the parents got it for me. I was excited at first until I realized it wasn't as fun as I thought, I had to carry this big cumbersome doll around with me and there really wasn't anything I could do with it. The reason I got bored with it was because I needed something more interactive, things that were creative like the Etch a scetch, paint by numbers, spirograph, weaving loom kits, anything artsy craftsy. Those things i never tired of and played with throughout the year.
Yes a relationship is more complicated but basically its the same thing. If the person is truly right for you and the two have a very close match in chemistry, then the two or one of the two will never fall out of love.

There is something else I can tell you that has to do with mistreatment of a partner. In my first marriage I was verbally abused. You only mentioned the gal being selfish and hypocritical lately. A recent occurence isn't enough to kill his love. It would have to have been occurring over a longer period of time, try two or 3 years or more. Being that they are together 3 years, if would more likely have to be bad treatment from the start. Heres my story to explain that. Love is like a bank account. Every time you say something kind, supportive, compliment or do special things for the one you love, that is like making deposits in their 'love' bank account, in their heart. When you want to draw on that account, there is always love in that person for you because you've invested your time, your life, your love into that individual. You can not draw on an empty account.
When I first married, I really loved my husband, we were maybe not the best match in chemistry but enough to make it work. However he was verbally abusive, critical and putting me down in public, in front of friends and family, humiliating me and so on. It was the typical abuse cycle. Mistreat, apologize, make up time and a very short period of fun times followed again by the mistreatment. Then he expected me to feel loving towards him , this would qualify as attempting to draw out love from my heart when he had done nothing to put deposits of love in there. The good times got shorter and shorter until eventually they did not exist anymore. I cared what happened to him but I no longer loved him because I had not been loved back unconditionally and love deposits were not made every day as should be. I do not know if this is the beginning of that for him. But this is the best I can explain to you what Might be happening.

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Hello, thaks for your help. Ive made pros and cons lists for years about which program in college to stick with and when to have a baby. Ive always wanted to do the masters of Occupational therapy but got denied twice at a top school nearby. I have a good chance of getting accepted to a college thats 1 hour and 20 minutes away but it is monday through thursday 8 to 530. I want to have a baby asap because I am 27 and have lived together with my boyfriend for 6 years. Ive been putting off children for school because I have bipolar disoprder that spirals into mania if i dont take my medication and get too stressed and i cant handle a program with those hours and a child. Thats the masters of OT ill, be done in 2 years because i already have my bachelors and ill be done with school forever after that. On the other hand I can do the assistant program of occupational therapy its more flexible and I can have a baby its only 2 classes a week for 2 years but then i definitely want to get my masters in OT and have to work for a year first if i do the assistant program then 2 years of online work for the masters. I dont know if i should do the assistant program now and have a baby then do the Masters later or wait another 3 years to have a baby but ill have my masters and ill be finished in school. aI say 3 years because both programs start in september 2018. To throw a curve ball i like nursing but hate the hours they make more money i would be able to support myself and a child on my own with the assistant in occupational therapy degree ill make 40,000 to 58,000 with a masters ill make 80,000 and with nursing ill make 60,000 to 67,000. If i do the nursing program that also starts next year and would be able to have a ch8ild because i took all the classes except 8 nursing classes as well as for the assistant in ocupational therapy program i would have only 8 classes left but they would both still take 2 years

You mentioned bi polar and not taking meds consistantly. I have a sister just diagnosed with bi polar. She know what it was like to live without medication. Now that she is getting it, she feels like a new person and can handle things that used to stress her out too easy.

I know this isn't what you wanted to hear. But all your decisions and difficulty in deciding what to do and getting stressed about it all comes down to one root problem from which all the others have sprung up. So it would seem that to take care of the root problem would solve your other dilemnas.

Since you are not taking your medication regularly, all you need to do is set your cell phone with a reminder that rings at the time of day you need to take it As long as you have your medication on a reminder ring each day and your phone close enough to remember, you should be able to take it regularly. That will help calm you and you should be able to have a more relaxed clear mind and attitude about what you want to do.
If you had mentioned the bi polar first, you would not have had to write in several times.

Don't think this is not important. As adviceman said, if you do have a child and fail to take your meds regularly, CPS can and will take your child away. I can say that all literature on what their protocol is points to the fact that even if a parent has mental illness, they believe a child should be with a parent as long as the parent is taking their medication regularly. I discovered this very recently through extended family that hade that issue. The kids were taken away until the parents took parenting classes, saw a psychologist for a series of meetings and could prove when checked up on that they were taking their medications regularly. Both have mental illness.

So it is important for you to do things in the right order. Take care of your self first and then you will be able to take care of a child and have an easier time deciding what to do.

This is the last time I will answer you because if you can't follow through on the advice you are getting here, it is just a waste of our time to keep telling you the same when you won't heed advice. If you are so mentalled wigged out that you can not even comprehend what I and adviceman are telling you, then it may be better to show our answers to a family member and ask them to help you get your life back on the path.

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how do I support and help my boyfriend who is sad and depressed. he says he's very depressed because little things is not going right in his life. we've been together for few months but known for a year. he's a good boyfriend plus we normally talk everyday but in a few days certain things has failed so he says he don't feel like texting or talking and he hardly communicates with me and I'm his girlfriend instead I'd have to initiate the conversation but he barely talks considering he's chatty boy. how do I support him? should I stop texting him more often? we love each other very much. I just want him back like he used to. we're both in our early 30's. please could I have short and simple answers? thank you all

Ask yourself this question, in the year you've known him and the few months you've been dating, he has been sad and depressed to some degree, just not as bad? Or has he been happy go lucky as a person until the recent string of events?

I am glad you gave the age because if in teen age years, if it was clinical depression which means his body is unable to create the 'feel good hormones' his brain needs, then he will need to be put on medication which is a synthetic version of the hormones our bodies create. Clinical depression can show up in childhood but more often happens during teens and takes a person a while some times to realize there is something wrong and see a Dr. to discover what.

The way you wrote makes it sound as if he only became depressed due to a string of events. This would be situational depression, caused by situations in ones life that are so big they are overwhelming. The feel good hormones his body is able to make are used up much faster than he can produce them. When the levels of these hormones are too low or another way of saying too low is to say the levels are depressed, he will not feel good and feel as bad as a person with clinical depression.
When one daughter of mine got dumped by a boyfriend when she was in her early 20s, she became depressed and couldn't snap out of it. She of course was focusing her thoughts on him on her loss and since that was all that took up her daily thoughts, there was no way to get better.
I already knew what would help with situational depression and told her. But hey, I'm just Mom, so what do I know, right? She did not take my advice but through work had one covered visit with a psychologist. So she went to see him and since he recognized it as situational depression, and since further visits were not covered, he gave her a list of things to do that will help to raise the levels of these hormones again in her body so she'd feel good again. She was shocked to discover his list was the same as the one I gave her.
So I know this is psychologist approved and it won't hurt to try this first, if you can convince him to do it. Tell him you did some research on the internet. Write down this list on a sheet of paper and give it to him. He really needs to apply himself to it, even when he initially doesnt feel like it. It won't cure his problems that caused the depression in the first place but will bring him back to a point where he can find ways to deal with the problems.

This is the best support you can give him, telling him and participating in some of this stuff.

1. Hugs. Look up hugging for feel good therapy on the net. We're talking the real bear hugs, not the quick, non body contact hover close and pat the back once, nor are we talking of the sideways arm across the should type of hug. I know from experience, those won't start the feel good hormones being released in your body. It takes a full frontal hug that lasts more than the usual 2 seconds. People tend to squirm and fidgit trying to stop a hug that gets to 7, 8 seconds because they begin to feel something they don't understand and think its because they just feel uncomfortable. What is happening is that the body is releasing a flood of feel good hormones, and it has nothing to do with liking or loving someone. You can get hugs from strangers and get the same effect. Experts recommend receiving 8 hugs per day to stay stress free or free of depression.

2. Laughter. Of course we don't feel like laughing when depressed. Neither do I, but I also don't like the feeling of being depressed and have naturally gravitated to things that make me feel better and a good comedy movie or comedian act will do it. However it works best if it is my style of humor so keep that in mind, what is his style of humor and keep going through the choices of comedies available to watch with him so he can truly do the belly ache laugh.

3. Movement: This one covers a big area. It can be simply running or jogging, dancing, any kind of movement. Some feel good after hard work same as after a work out at the gym. The feel good hormones are released in movement. It wasn't enough for me, it had to make me feel free like a kid again. So I tried skipping like I used to do as a kid. I chose a quiet street without much traffic so I didn't have to worry about an audience. When i started skipping, I began to laugh because at first I felt silly and then thought how odd it must look for someone my age, but I stubbornly kept doing it and I kept laughing as I skipped. I only went the length of a block but I already felt fantastic, it worked that quick on me.

4. Music: A doctor would simply say to listen to uplifting music or your favorite songs but that doesn't explain it well enough. there is a feeling you want to go for and it has nothing to do with the lyrics but with the melody, the tune only. I would like you to try it to so you can explain it to him from experience. What to do is go through all of your favorite songs and find the melody that makes your heart feel as light as a balloon as if it is floating high and will float right out of your chest. This means the melody is one that makes your body release the feel good hormones. You don't have to be depressed to feel this. All it does is add to the level of feel good hormones already there. If I feel weighed down by too many disappointments, not even depressed yet, I will put my favorite song on repeat and listen to around 5 times in a row. There are a few that effect me this way but my favorite is Clocks by Coldplay. The melody that works for one person may not produce same results in the next, so look for that light floaty feeling in your heart.

This short list will jump start the production of feel good hormones again. It is a good practice to keep up with this kind of thing regularly because stress in life doesn't stop, it bombards us every day even in something like having to suffer being in bad traffic. So if not daily, at least weekly to do some of these things.

Some lists are longer and include meditation or reviewing what you are thankful for. While these are also important, in reality they did not jump start the levels of hormones but only helped in maintaining levels that were already up.
This is how you can support him, sharing these ideas with him and volunteering to go through experiencing them with him.

It after a week or two of really applying himself to these things daily, he is not better, then he may want to go see a professional and be checked for clinical depression. Good luck hon.

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So this guy & I dated for a month, and somewhere along the line, my best friend texts him to break it off with me because she doesn't think he is deserving enough & that we will not make each other happy in the long run. He listens to her. After the break up, I ignore him for a week due to all the advice online about getting an ex back by no contact, talk/hang with his friends, & find him posting things about getting back together on sc. The guilt catches up to me, & I decide to meet up. We talk & conclude with 1. we're going to keep up communication & friendship 2. he is not sure if things are completely over, but wants time to be single to figure it out, & 3. he wants me to be happy. Where do i go from here if i still love him & what do I do about my best friend over crossing her boundaries?

Short answer is yes. But it is rare. Want to hear more, read on.


I have an ex husband. There are a lot of years in that past relationship. I was abused by him and raised 3 kids with him. Eventually I left when I was in my forties and all but one of kids out of the home. He was angry and had been fighting the idea of a divorce so I simply left and didn't tell him where i went. It took a year for him to get over it all to be civil in my presence. I had to learn to forgive what he'd done to me in the past. When you have truly forgiven, you will still remember details clearly but the bad feelings or hurt won't be attached to the remembrances. That is where I am at and remarried too now.
The hurt is what I want to get across to you, if you still hold hurt or anger with the memories of what happened in the past with him, then trying to be friends with him may not work well at all. Theres always a slight chance it might but knowing human nature, probably not if the negative emotions are still within you.
I don't know you ages, but if in the teens, I can understand a guy doubting himself and listening to others. However if he is an adult and somewhere in his 20s or older, then he should have matured by this point to make decisions on his own and not be swayed by 'opinions' of others. Usually when one is given advice from a friends group, they mean well but have no clue how to make the same decisions for themselves, so instead of focusing on and improving their own life, they focus their attention on others and try to 'fix' others lives by 'meddling' in it. This would be advice that is not asked for. Now if he had said he had reservation about his relationship with you and asked his friends what do you think? thats another story cus he asked. Or if they asked if they could give him their two cents worth on what they think they see in his relationship, he could then say sure or No.
Since it came from your best friend whom I am guessing is a female...this is toooo classic an issue. Happens all the time. A best friend sees their friend happily dating while they have no one and they are jealous. Sometimes they want that same guy, sometimes they don't. The real issue is not wanting to see you happy because it makes them feel left out. You'll know its an issue if she does it again no matter who you date. She may not even be aware of what she's really doing as it comes from deep in her subconscious to take such actions. So that is a thing you need to look out for whether you hang with him again or not or another guy. If she is a psychologist or counselor whom you asked for opinion or he asked, then it was all very out of line. If we are talking people older than high school, then there may also be a concern that he has a low self confidence, especially if at his age, he could be so easily swayed by someone elses opinion. Even as adults, you will see it in the looks of even strangers who give you a strange look for how you dress, how you act, even down to your laughter. I get that all the time still and I am grandma age. Instead of choosing to wonder if they think I look like a loser or out dated, or have no fashion sense, or i am too loud and boisterous when I laugh, or too friendly or whatever, I choose to ignore those negative thoughts and enjoy being me. Oh I've had the face to face negative comments and got that more during my church days from other parishioners than anyone else in my life. Again, I chose to look beyond what they said at what was going on or not going on in their life. In one case, the one woman was bitter because her husband had left her and she had 3 kids like me. I think she was jealous of me yet she had nothing to be jealous of, as my husband at the time (now ex) was verbally abusive to me every day of my life with him.
I dont' understand why you feel guilty. Your friend should feel guilty for messing where she shouldn't have and if anyone else should feel guilty, your male friend should for not discussing what she said to him with you and then making a decision together to break up or not. He caved in to 'popular opinion' and let someone else make a decision for his life instead of making his own decision.

So what if a guy is a really bad guy like my ex or worse? Can someone tell you or him to break it off or get divorced and it will work? Most women with a really bad guy still have misplaced feelings of love and will not break it off no matter how many times they are told it is an abusive relationship. That is something a person needs to learn for themselves or work though.
It's up to you if you want to have a little talk with your best friend. Get it all out, get her to tell you what exactly she had issues with him about and then ask if she was jealous that she didn't have someone to date or was worried he would steal you away from her. let her know you'll always be friends. however in the future you would appreciate if she has an opinion of this guy or anyone else you might date that she come to you and let you know she has an opinion on the guy and asked you if you want to hear it. She needs to ask and get permission to even share it with you. You have written in to advicenators wanting advice. Its different with my adult daughters. too many moms would butt in a voice their opinions and why...because we love our kids. Same with your friend. She did what she did because she loves you as a friend and doesns't want to see you hurt. Let her know you understand that she most likely did what she did, crossing over boundaries, because she cares so much about what happens to you that she forgot about manners and boundaries. But theres a chance that it was done for other reasons, and though you don't want to hurt her, it is smart to not ignore the possibility that deep down where she can't admit it to herself yet, she was jealous of you having a boyfriend when she did not. Said in this way is kind and not accusatory but if true for her, she will likely react in a not so nice way, probably defensive and hurt, but the idea will have been planted. When she calms and thinks about it, eventually if true for her, she'll come to see it and apologize. You can let her know you still having feelings of love for him and if given a chance, you want to explore those with him if he wants to try. I beleive the best thing that can happen is your best friend having another talk with him letting him know she was out of line telling him what she did.She doesn't know why and can't say it really is all true. Or she can admit she was jealous and afraid of him stealing you away.

It is a fact that when a new couple forms, they feel a heightened energy when together, its called New Relationship Energy. And it feels so much more exciting but that state of feelings and emotions is so addictive like a drug that we can indulge ourselves seeing more of that special date than our family or friends for a couple months until it wears off and you are left with what your true, not NRE induced feelings are for the person. this is why so many friends end up feeling like a 3rd wheel when their best friend starts a new relationship and they don't have one.

If once warned, your best friend decides to meddle again, let the guy know to tell you if it happens as you'll need to know because at that point, she is no longer acting like and treating you as a best friend should. with a best friend who treats you more like an enemy, you don't need any enemys.
It would be time to break off the association with her, I can't even call it friendship if she goes against your wished.
It is your decision whether you and this guy are deserving of each other and can make each other happy.

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This is a question that I'm generally curious about if you were to travel by sea. I've never actually travel in a cruise ship before but I do wonder if the process functions rather similarly to airport, when it comes to long trips and laaways.

Say that if you generally booked a destination to Location C from Port A, and this trip to Location C would be a very long journey within 1-2 days. You depart from Port A on the first day, but first the ship must also dock at Port B in between to drop off passengers destine for that Location.

Would a "layaway" be expected for a short time at Port B? If I were a passenger expected to get Location C, would I be able to hang outside of the ship for a while (before arriving back inside on time for the ship to leave to my destination)?

That is a good question. I would call the cruie line to ask such a question. This is something I haven't heard of because most people getting on a ship leave one destination and end up at another without taking a 2nd ship. If this happens, it is likely rare compared to the amount of people who book cruises on a yearly basis. So again, I advise calling the cruise line to get the info, even if you are not ready to book a cruise, they should be able to answer you.

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I dress in black ever day cause i like the dark side of things i dont even like using bright lights i prefer black light Does this mean I'm gothic

No, it doesn't mean you are gothic. Black is a color that looks good on everyone. It is so versatile. There is more to being gothic for some than just their favorite type of fashion or fashion statement. However for some, thats as far as it goes. I am sure others will label you goth. The comments about being Goth will be more if you also wear black lipstick and darkened eyes with lots of heavy eyeliner. To me, its just a look that is as captivating and unique if not pretty as the kind of person who can carry off dressing like a model.
If you are interested in reading more about Gothic fashion and such, I came across this blogger and I am sure there are more if you search for Goth bloggers.

http://www.theeverydaygoth.com/2011/12/whats-all-this-fuss-about-nu-goths_10.html

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Actually i have anatomy issues and i am a med student i am having my finales in one month so how should i study it

When a student has issues with the material in a class, they should bring it up to the teacher so they can get some help and then pointers also on how to study for exams.

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So I'm super sweet towards his family. Have been the whole year and three months that we've been together. I have put effort into showing them how sweet and loving I am towards them. And they know exactly how perfect I treat him.

But they're so cold towards me when I haven't even done anything wrong.

I rarely ever get replies back. And there's just no acceptance and love from them AT ALL.

I love my fiance with all my heart and we're genuinely in love. Should I just stop worrying about his family, especially since when we move in together we won't be living like three hours away from them?

I don't know. I just feel so bad about myself because of how they treat me. It's like I literally don't even exist towards them.

I am trying to imagine what you meant by being cold towards you. I don't know if its just the look on their faces or what. not getting replies hints at you asking them something and they do not answer which is rude if doing so face to face. If you are using some social media, I understand delayed response due to not seeing it right away but lets say you see they are on and your fiancee says ask them if they want to do (blank) with us next weekend and you ask and they do not respond but when he does the same, they do....that is just adults acting like children for whatever preconceived idea they have in their heads how something should go.

The bigger question hon is whether your fiancee is aware of this or not and if he sees it as a problem or not. Because if he is not going to side with you and side with his parents, there will be some awful days in the years ahead of you having to be treated badly. What happens when you have kids. They want you to come visit and pay attention to the kids and their son but not to you. Its worse if lets say they undermine your authority as the parent in front of your kids because they dislike you. Lets say you've told the kids they can't have a snack until after dinner but grandma opens the cookie jar and hands them cookies anyways and gives you a smug look. You'd have to tell the hubby who will either say, its not a big deal, let them enjoy the kids cus they don't see them often or you drag him in and he says something to the parents and they're mad at him now too and the rest of the visit is so uncomfortable its cut short. I hear these stories all the time so its not hard to come up with this as a very possible future issue if your fiancee doesn't stand up for you and tell them they need to get over whatever their issue is and treat you nicely or they won;t get to see him either because you both are a team. If the man you plan to marry is too much of a wimp to do so, which is what needs to happen if it hasn't already, then there's no hope of the situation getting any better.

The only thing that had me concerned right off the bat is your explaining how you were not just being yourself but that you put effort into showing them how sweet and loving you are. This means you are having to go well and beyond what a daughter in law should have to do. It sounds almost as if your fiancee told you something about his parents demeanor and something about how they are hard to win over so you are trying too hard. As you can see, their minds are set for the time being and for some reason they have a personality clash, or you are not the kind of person they pictured in their minds that their son would marry. That has nothing to do with you dear. I was married to a man, (now ex) who would get an idea of how his day should go, how a conversation should go, and what end results should be on anything and if it turned out to be different, like the unexpected things life tosses at us, he would lose it and throw a fit, yes an adult with a temper tantrum. Some adults have learned how to have silent temper tantrums. It could be that this is what they are doing to show their son that they will only tolerate you but will never welcome you as family. YOu can't change them so stop the worrying but have a talk with fiancee to see where you stand.

If you'd like to write back and explain in detail some of this coldness of theirs, I may be able to tell if that is just more of their character and personality trait vs a chosen stance to ignore you and not welcome you into the family.

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I'm a junior in college and after working an at-home make your own hours kind of job for two years, I'm being laid in a week. Luckily, I start a new job in a Verizon store on Tuesday. It's supposed to be full time and it's the only job I could find that had the potential for extra money from sales. Everything else I found was part time and minimum wage.

I'm thinking about taking a semester off to get settled into my new job and to save up money. The reason being that right now a relative pays my rent, but I think he wants to stop in December/March and I don't want to ask him for more money, because he's already loaned me a lot so I could continue going to college. I also can't live on campus.

Without that money though I would need to save up an extra $800 a month to pay it myself on top of about $900 worth of other bills I have. I also can't really find a cheaper place since that's a good deal in my area.

Anyways, that amount is doable by myself, but only if I'm working full time, which makes me think maybe I should take a semester off to figure out if I can even make it work myself and if not figure out what my other options are for living more cheaply.


What do you think?

If you can save money and save up money thats good but I am trying to figure out on what you are going to save money because even if not going to school, you have the same bills like rent, food, utilities, phone, and vehicle if you have one. Those won't change. The only change I can think of is if you are paying as you go for classes at college, and that's what one of my daughters did. If it would only be less hassle taking a class or two online, then that is a good choice but I assume there is cost there too and if it costs the same and this is the only thing you would be avoiding paying out, then you are not getting ahead. There is no ideal set time or age a person had to earn a degree. SO don't worry about how old you are if it's delayed. If your new job will bring in more money, then more money can go into savings or the cost of paying for the semester can also be saved. If the big difference was working PT before and now Fulltime, then yes, you'll have less time for school. But a class from home via internet is still not a problem. If you'll have enough money with just that job. Or if you decide no school at all, you might want to take on more, some kind of side jobs, a day or two elsewhere where they hire PT or PT every day. My husband and I have both told an employer that we wanted part time but due to other circumstances can only work so many hours in a month or per week. The extra of even just 8 hours of two 4 hr shifts per week will bring in extra money so you don't have to dip as much into what you put away for savings and you are still not overdoing it workwise and will still have some evenings to yourself. If you decide on this and can't find PT work easily, the fast food places and Dollar stores are usually the most flexible working with people who have only a certain day or amount of hours they can work per week

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My sister just got diagnosed with an eating disorder and I'm scared. I know it's not my fault but I still feel like it is. How can I make these feelings go away?

Only one thing occurred to me for a situation in which someone could truly feel guilty, and that would be if they saw and they knew what was going on but promised not to tell when asked to not tell. If this is you, then read on:

If this is the case, you were put in a terrible situation by sis. You support her to show you love her and keep quiet but at the same time you may realize that something may be wrong and you want to tell the parents because you do love and care about her that much and don't want to see anything bad happen to her. Now learning she indeed has a disorder can make you feel guilty for not saying anything.
If this is your case dear, it would be normal to feel badly about not speaking up but your sister already had this condition, you didn't talk her into trying an eating disorder, it was already there, so the fact she has the disorder can not be your fault. The amount of time before she was diagnosed was delayed by you keeping silent, that's all. You merely enabled her to stay stuck longer by not saying something sooner. What matters is that she is under Dr.s care. Find out from the parents and the Dr. what you can do to support her. If she at any point doesn't want to do what shes supposed to do and tries sneaking or getting away with something during her treatment for this disorder, you now know you need to be part of a core of people helping her make the trek to recovery without any sidetracking or stopping. Find out ahead what you are expected to do in case you see anything and follow through on that. That is how you can make things right again.

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I started a new job on Wednesday that was 45 minutes away from where I live. My first day went great, I got along super well with all my coworkers and my boss. At the end of the day my boss asked me to come in after my last class on Friday (today) which of course I agreed, then he said 9:15am and I nodded. I thought he was confirming with me what time I had come in that morning because I came in at 9:15 and couldn't clock in yet so they had to fix it.

I realized after I left on Wednesday I didn't know if I was coming on Thursday so I emailed him, but he didn't get a chance to respond. So Thursday morning rolls around and I slept until 11am because I'm also sick right now and needed the rest. When I woke up I checked my email and he had emailed me back saying I was supposed to come in at 9:15am that morning. I panicked and immediately called him and explained my confusion and apologized. He said he understood the confusion and it was fine, but then told me he talked to the area manager and asked if he could move me to a closer store since I was so far from his. I immediately thought he was angry and trying to get rid of me and in turn I felt upset because I didn't feel like it was entirely my fault and I also worried that I screwed up my good first impression. So I called the area manager too and also asked him to move me to another store that was closer (where I felt like I could start again), which he obliged, but said I had to work at the current store until Sunday.

Well today I went into work expecting it to be very awkward and with kind of a chip on my shoulder expecting the guy to be angry with me. Instead I had another great day there again with the boss and other employees and now I'm sad that I'm leaving after tomorrow for a different store. I feel really bad, but at the same time the store is 45 minutes away from my home which is a long drive to do twice a day. The new store I'm supposed to move to is 30 minutes away and across from my favorite mall so I really like that because I can just pop in there whenever I want. I'm afraid I'm going to miss out on the great experience I was having with the boss and coworkers at the current store though. They seemed really cool and were like a little family. They were also really good about teaching me things and the only reason the boss asked if they could move me was because he was worried about my safety driving home late at night for almost an hour (I'm a petite girl and he has two daughters).

I don't know what to do now. I do kind of want to work closer and be next to my favorite mall, but not if it means I'm going to be working with people who won't be as nice as the workers at this store. I also don't want to tell the area manager I've changed my mind this early on because he already let the other manager know I was moving to her store.

:(

Don't worry ahead of time about something that may not happen. Nice people aren't found in only one place. Workers usually follow the mood of a boss. If the boss is corrupt or hateful and mean, then the employees will no longer care cus they're miserable. So the likelihood that everyone will be nasty to work with is not very big. If you have a decent new boss then it should be so with the employees. If a problem does arise at your new job, don't run from it and leave immediately. Have a talk with the boss if one employee does give you trouble. To have a friend you need to be a friend, so don't wait for others to be extra friendly to you first, you make the first move and be extra nice to everyone there, complimenting them, smiling and greeting them by name, truly listening to anything they say in case its something you can later ask about, like how's your dog recovering from the surgery? if they mentioned having to take the dog in to the vet for surgery. Do favors for others that take little time like offering to refill their coffee when you're getting up to go refill yours. I once worked where our office was like a small family and we took turns bringing in treats sometimes, not weeking or every day thing but just the nice kind of surprise to break up the usual day and make it feel it bit more special. These are things you can do. Most people are friendly but waiting for someone else to make the first move. This I've learned in life by starting up conversation at parties or in new groups like at work. I had to interact with many other departments in the company so I struck up friendship with everyone. In fact, my cubicle partner told me that 'Shelly' in such and such department is such a mean cold person. How do I manage to interact with her? I said she wasn't mean but actually a nice friendly person and the few times she'd laugh was with me. She has a face that in relaxed mode always looked too serious and I suppose or frowning. She didn't change until I spoke first. When I showed true interest, she lit up like a Christmas tree, smiled and went from being quiet to actually a very talkative person. Trust me, most people wait for others to make the first move. YOu do that at your new location and it should be another wonderful place to work.

I'd like to hear back how it goes for you with you making the first move. Let me know if you think of it. If any situations arise at new job you're not sure how to proceed, just contact me from my column and ask away. Blessings to you at your new location.

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