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friend is not happy recently!
They've been together for 3 years and have a little boy together but he's not happy as she's being selfish and hypocrite lately. they live together but he's thinking of breaking up and I think he's falling out of love with her. he's my very best friend and he talks to me. now, I've asked him do you love her, do you STILL LOVE her and he says he DON'T KNOW, which I don't understand, I mean if he still loves her he should easily say YES but not I don't know, I'm trying to help him but when he says he don't know if he still loves her or not, that will be hard. guys, what do you reckon? he don't know means he still loves her or is he just hanging on to her?
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He is choosing to not answer yes or no and likely that is because the answer is no.
At the end of my marriage, an ex counselor friend saw what we were going through and he asked my husband if he was in love with me. Instead of answering yes or no, and mind you, I was right there, he said "oh but you don't know what she is like to live with . . ." and he went on to list my imaginary faults. So the guy ignored all that and kept asking him until he finally answered
'I love her for being the mother of my children.' The guy wouldn't accept that. Thats like loving a certain flavor of icecream, loving a certain sport, etc. and those are things you can live without but miss. However being in love with someone is not something you fall out of so easily unless it was never a state of 'being in love with' to begin with.
He might have loved some things about her personality or the sex and felt that was enough. Sounds like a marriage without a license but I will treat this as a marriage. If he is confused and needs help deciding, it might help if the two of them go to couple counseling and in voicing their concerns in a proper way, perhaps a counselor can help them through to decide if there is anything worth saving or not.
Some couples get together when they feel new relationship energy, nre, that super excited head in the clouds feeling you get when you find someone new. However this is the same condition as being over excited at Christmas when you get the gift you begged for and wanted so much. Then after a couple days or weeks or a month, you are already bored with it. It doesn't hold the appeal it once used to. I will use myself as an example. When I was 5, I saw a doll that was life size, as tall as me. I was goggled eyed over it and couldn't stop looking at it. So the parents got it for me. I was excited at first until I realized it wasn't as fun as I thought, I had to carry this big cumbersome doll around with me and there really wasn't anything I could do with it. The reason I got bored with it was because I needed something more interactive, things that were creative like the Etch a scetch, paint by numbers, spirograph, weaving loom kits, anything artsy craftsy. Those things i never tired of and played with throughout the year.
Yes a relationship is more complicated but basically its the same thing. If the person is truly right for you and the two have a very close match in chemistry, then the two or one of the two will never fall out of love.
There is something else I can tell you that has to do with mistreatment of a partner. In my first marriage I was verbally abused. You only mentioned the gal being selfish and hypocritical lately. A recent occurence isn't enough to kill his love. It would have to have been occurring over a longer period of time, try two or 3 years or more. Being that they are together 3 years, if would more likely have to be bad treatment from the start. Heres my story to explain that. Love is like a bank account. Every time you say something kind, supportive, compliment or do special things for the one you love, that is like making deposits in their 'love' bank account, in their heart. When you want to draw on that account, there is always love in that person for you because you've invested your time, your life, your love into that individual. You can not draw on an empty account.
When I first married, I really loved my husband, we were maybe not the best match in chemistry but enough to make it work. However he was verbally abusive, critical and putting me down in public, in front of friends and family, humiliating me and so on. It was the typical abuse cycle. Mistreat, apologize, make up time and a very short period of fun times followed again by the mistreatment. Then he expected me to feel loving towards him , this would qualify as attempting to draw out love from my heart when he had done nothing to put deposits of love in there. The good times got shorter and shorter until eventually they did not exist anymore. I cared what happened to him but I no longer loved him because I had not been loved back unconditionally and love deposits were not made every day as should be. I do not know if this is the beginning of that for him. But this is the best I can explain to you what Might be happening.
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