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Should I just stop worrying about my fiance's family?
So I'm super sweet towards his family. Have been the whole year and three months that we've been together. I have put effort into showing them how sweet and loving I am towards them. And they know exactly how perfect I treat him.
But they're so cold towards me when I haven't even done anything wrong.
I rarely ever get replies back. And there's just no acceptance and love from them AT ALL.
I love my fiance with all my heart and we're genuinely in love. Should I just stop worrying about his family, especially since when we move in together we won't be living like three hours away from them?
I don't know. I just feel so bad about myself because of how they treat me. It's like I literally don't even exist towards them.
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I would not worry about them as they will be the ones missing out. As long as the love between you and your fiancés is real that is all that counts. While it is usually the brides father who feel there is never a man good enough for his daughter. His family may feel you are not good enough for their son. It may be nothing you do or say. It maybe where you came from.
Is your fiancé aware his family has not accepted you and how cold they are towards you?" What does he say, how does he feel about?"
If I had to chose between having them in my life and having them being cold and unaccepting or not having them in my life and just ignoring them I would pick ignoring them.
Stop trying to please them and getting them to accept you. Should they say something about your new attitude toward them. I say you have every right to tell them, "were is the love I should be getting from you." "Since its never been received I've chosen to stop trying and just ignore the insult and move one without you in our lives."
Enjoy the wedding and have a happy life with your husband.
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I am trying to imagine what you meant by being cold towards you. I don't know if its just the look on their faces or what. not getting replies hints at you asking them something and they do not answer which is rude if doing so face to face. If you are using some social media, I understand delayed response due to not seeing it right away but lets say you see they are on and your fiancee says ask them if they want to do (blank) with us next weekend and you ask and they do not respond but when he does the same, they do....that is just adults acting like children for whatever preconceived idea they have in their heads how something should go.
The bigger question hon is whether your fiancee is aware of this or not and if he sees it as a problem or not. Because if he is not going to side with you and side with his parents, there will be some awful days in the years ahead of you having to be treated badly. What happens when you have kids. They want you to come visit and pay attention to the kids and their son but not to you. Its worse if lets say they undermine your authority as the parent in front of your kids because they dislike you. Lets say you've told the kids they can't have a snack until after dinner but grandma opens the cookie jar and hands them cookies anyways and gives you a smug look. You'd have to tell the hubby who will either say, its not a big deal, let them enjoy the kids cus they don't see them often or you drag him in and he says something to the parents and they're mad at him now too and the rest of the visit is so uncomfortable its cut short. I hear these stories all the time so its not hard to come up with this as a very possible future issue if your fiancee doesn't stand up for you and tell them they need to get over whatever their issue is and treat you nicely or they won;t get to see him either because you both are a team. If the man you plan to marry is too much of a wimp to do so, which is what needs to happen if it hasn't already, then there's no hope of the situation getting any better.
The only thing that had me concerned right off the bat is your explaining how you were not just being yourself but that you put effort into showing them how sweet and loving you are. This means you are having to go well and beyond what a daughter in law should have to do. It sounds almost as if your fiancee told you something about his parents demeanor and something about how they are hard to win over so you are trying too hard. As you can see, their minds are set for the time being and for some reason they have a personality clash, or you are not the kind of person they pictured in their minds that their son would marry. That has nothing to do with you dear. I was married to a man, (now ex) who would get an idea of how his day should go, how a conversation should go, and what end results should be on anything and if it turned out to be different, like the unexpected things life tosses at us, he would lose it and throw a fit, yes an adult with a temper tantrum. Some adults have learned how to have silent temper tantrums. It could be that this is what they are doing to show their son that they will only tolerate you but will never welcome you as family. YOu can't change them so stop the worrying but have a talk with fiancee to see where you stand.
If you'd like to write back and explain in detail some of this coldness of theirs, I may be able to tell if that is just more of their character and personality trait vs a chosen stance to ignore you and not welcome you into the family.
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