Siren_Cytherea's advice column

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Q: can u get birth control without ur parents knowing?

In some states, you can. If you're at the legal age, planned parenthood, or whatever, is the place to go.
I really reccomend, though, that you let someone know you're gonna go on the pill (if that's what you're going to use) because the side effects can be really...not fun. It might not have any side effects, but still...
Talk to your doctor first and see if it would conflict with any meds you're already on. Good luck...be sensible!
-Siren=)

Q: I like a 6th grader and I'm pretty sure he knows but there is no way I can talk to him without barely being able to speak how do I deal?

You just have to calm down. That's really the only way to fix it. I mean, what's he gonna do, say "Get away from me, freak"? If you like him, he's probably nice, and therefore probably wouldn't say something like that. Don't assume he knows - assume he doesn't. That'll help calm you down. Just take a deep breath and be yourself! Good luck!
-Siren=)

Q: I like this guy and I really have no idea why.. We have never talked in person but I think he's cute and we've talked on the internet before. Do you think I should take a chance and go up to him and start talking or what ? Im confused...

If you know him from school or whatever, go talk to him. You've talked, technically, through IM. In-person speech isn't that different...there just aren't any typos and "lol"s. Nothing to lose!
-Siren=)

Q: 17/f
Hey!
oookkk i need major advice lol cause my friends def. dont give me any. i really like this guy, but he does a lot of stuff i dont like. he smokes a lot, drinks to much (i like to drink but he drinks all the time) and hes just kinda known as a "bad boy". a lot of people tell me i could do a lot better. he gets into trouble a lot and starts fights with people, but im really comfortable with him and i like the way he makes me feel. i dont know what balances out more or if its worth going through stuff he does... and if i should keep being with him cause i really like him but i really dont wanna get stuck in his drama and the stuff he does. i dont want to lead him on either... so if i should get away from him i need to. hes a really nice guy and he has a lot of friends and i know he would never hurt me... but the things he does really bothers me... and i dont like to see him get hurt or get in fights. I NEED MAJOR ADVICE!!!
-kelly

*cracks knuckles*
Okay, so you like this guy a lot. You just don't like his behavior, right?
Have you tried talking to him about how you feel? Sometimes if a girl really just tells a guy something is bothering her, he'll try to fix it if he likes her enough.
Miscommunication is a BIG relationship-killer.
The first thing you wanna do is prevent the killer from even coming close.
Tell this boy what you just told me, aside from the obvious points. If it doesn't change anything, let me know what's going on and I'll try to give you advice accordingly! Good luck!
-Siren=)

Q: I'm 13 years old, a girl, and I go to school with this boy. We are always flirting and I like him a lot. I would like to date him, but he has a girlfriend. He is wonderful, and I would do anything to go out with him. Is there anyway to get him to like me more than her? or some other way for him to dump her and to be with him? Any way for me to be with him is ok, I am open to any suggestions.

From your raving about him, he sounds like a great guy. However, I don't reccomend involving yourself in their relationship. If you get him to like you more than her, it counts as breaking them up, which isn't nice by any means. If he's the only guy you could ever go for, the only thing to do is to wait. If they break up, be there for him and all that jazz. If they don't, move on. You may choose to move on over waiting if you think they have a solid relationship. Whatever you do, don't try to break them up. If you're meant to be with him, it'll happen. If not, it won't. Let fate do its thing. =) Good luck!
-Siren

Q: ok how do i get bigger boobs without having a boob job? i hwear a size 36A and im 13 but my my freshman yeari wantr at least a 38A or 40A so can someone please help me?? how do i get bigger boobs!!!!WITHOUT HAVING A BOOB JOB

You have a lot of time to keep growing. Girls grow until they're at least eighteen and most of the time, after. Don't worry about size. It'll come in its own time. No need to rush!
-Siren

Q: How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsi pop?

I tried to figure it out once...but I got impatient and started cronching on it. Either that or I lost count...can't remember which...
-Siren

Q: I've really liked this one guy for about two years and I've finally got the courage to start flirting with him. We became friends and everything was going great. I could tell that he had a small crush on me (and that's what I wanted) however, all of a sudden my best friend starts to talk to him. My best friend is a lot prettier, funnier, more athletic, and smarter than me so of course the guy that I like starts chasing after her right away. Once I find this out I asked her if she liked him. She said yes and she was thinking about asking him out soon. I can't help but think that my best friend has stolen him from me because she's known that I've liked him for over two years. I feel jealous, betrayed, rejected... many other negative things. Should I fight over the guy? Forgive my friend? Drop the whole thing and pretend that nothing ever happened? Please help!

your fellow advicenator,
sp4rklingr4in

Wow.
I recognize this situation so much...
except I was on the other side. I was the "best friend." I feel rotten about what I did now, though. It was unintentional - I didn't realize how much my friend liked this guy.
Talk to your friend. Explain to her that you feel "jealous, betrayed, rejected..." Chances are, she doesn't realize how much she's hurting you. God knows I didn't. Miscommunication kills all sorts of relationships, including those between friends. The only way to keep the friendship is to start talking! So open your mouth and tell your friend what you're thinking. If she's a real friend, she'll understand. Good luck!
-Siren

Q: thx 4 answeren my ?...id luv 2 suck up my pride but even if we did get back 2 gether my parents totally would neverlet me see him....he came by 2 day and we kissed and all and he talked to my lil sis and her friend and they all like each other but i had to sneak to do it.im still totally in love w/ him and all tho. my parents jus dont get it @ all...

Have you really talked to your parents, and explained to them what's going on in your head? As much as we'd all like to think so, parents can't read minds. (which could be a good thing in some cases!) Since they can't, you gotta lay it out, plain and simple. Tell then why you broke up, and that you realize - both of you - that it was a mistake. Just - when you're talking to them, keep your cool at all times. It helps them not get pissed. Never make accusatory remarks like "if you had listened..." or something. Instead, change it to "if I had been listened to..." It might seem kinda dorky, but it works like magic. Seriously.
Good luck with all this! If you need more help, feel free to contact me. ^_^
AIM: SirenCytherea
-Siren

Q: well here it goes ,,,,i ha ve this friend and she likes my boyfriend i'm about to break up with him so when i do should i try to hook them up or just really let them be.... but she it my best friend what should i do.

First make sure you're not breaking up with him for the wrong reasons (i.e. you want your friend to be happy, or whatever). When you're sure of that, and you do break up with him, let them be. If your friend wants him and he wants her, it will develop by itself. =)
-Siren

Q: I have been dating this guy for some time now and I have caught him lying to me several times already. Lying about stupid things like who he has talked to and just little things that build up. I love this guy with all of my heart but all the signs are there that he is cheating on me and that scares me to death. We were so close for so long and now we really just aren't. I don't want to loose him, but I can't have him lying to me all the time. No he has been doing things, hanging out wise, with all of these different girls and he doesn't tell me about it until one of them call or I find out by him telling a friend or something that retarded. Is he cheating on me?

The only way you can know if he's cheating on you is if you catch him at it, ask him, he tells you, or the girl(s) tell you. But, as he's been lying to you, talking to him doesn't seem to be the best option. Have you confronted him about this? If you haven't, you might want to. Just tell him what you told us, minus the obvious information, of course. You've gotta find out if he wants to stay with you. Because if he's gonna cheat on you and lie to you, you don't want to stay with him. No good can come out of a relationship like that. I hope everything goes well!
-Siren =)

PS. If you need more help, don't hesitate to contact me. I'm on every night, and always willing to help!

Q: Wats up.. Im shocked that i even came here for advice... and i have my own advice column here but i wanna kno sum suggestion so here goes...

See,there's this boy i like... uhh... I had a chance to go with him last year when i was a freshmen but i said no.. because i felt i didnt really kno him and he kinda rushed it. Well we hadnt talked at all after that situation.. well now im a sophomore and in the beginning of the year i wrote him a letter telln him i apologize for wateva happened and i would like for us to be friends again.. and he is a understanding guy and he doesnt hold grudges.. so we became friends again. But as the year went along.. i started to like him again and i really regret wat i did last year and i feel stupid. But he calls me and we talk on the phone all the time and we also talk in school but the problem is.. is that he has a girlfriend but she's a senior so she's gonna be gone next year and he is a junior.. and i kno he feels me becuz we talk all the time.. when he is suppose to be talking to his girl, he's on the phone with me, and I 've talked to him about wat happen b/t us and he's cool wit it and everything. So should i try it again with him becuz i really like him, or should i jus leave him alone...?

I would appreciate an answer... Thanks a bunch...

My email: DanvlleFinest31@aol.com

Well, since he already has a girlfriend, I wouldn't push yourself on him. Not to say you are, just that you could unintentionally do that. Ask him how he feels about the situation. Have you actually told him you're starting to like him? He might not pick it up. If you haven't told him, it would be a good idea to do that. Good luck in life and love!
-Siren

Q: ok I'm the one who liked a 6th grader well last nigt I found out that he got a new girl-friend and I liked him alot so what do I do?
Plus what's the sence in likeing someone if you know they're not going to like you? PLEASE HELP!

There may not be any sense in it, but it happens. It's called "unrequited love" and it hurts like a bitch. Here, you have two options. you can either go on pining away for the boy, or insist to yourself that you move on and find another crush asap. I reccomend the second option. The first is just painful. I speak from experience. *Sends hugs in your direction* Good luck in life and love!
-Siren =)

Q: I am turning 12 in October. I am about 5'1". I weigh maybe 115-120... is that bad?
PLEASE HELP!
Oh, and I'm a girl!
Thanks! Bye

Honey, you do not need to lose weight. You're eleven? When I was eleven, I was a little under 5' and weighed 125 pounds. I was overweight. You're fine. You have a lot of growing to do yet, and your body will use the so-called "baby fat" to allow you to stretch out and get taller and bigger in a lot of areas. If you're too skinny, you don't have anything to use to grow. You're absolutely fine the way you are. So relax and don't worry so much!
-Siren=)

Q: I was hot one night.... 3 nights. So I turned the air temerature down and then my mom realized and she said that costs money! my family doesnt have alot of that to spend on something like this! what should i do? i dont want them to be mad at me!

help!

Just explain to them that you didn't know it cost money, and you know you should've asked before turning the temperature down, and apologize. They shouldn't be too hard on you if you didn't know. =)
-Siren

Q: ok i haven't had my period yet but i have a question. When ur having ur period and your swimming, what do you wear- pads of tampons so u won't leak?

Tampons. Pads are both uncomfortable and sort of pointless in the water. Tampons plug up the flow so nothing gets out, whereas pads just catch the blood, which is pointless in water. It'd just seep out. So, tampons. ^_^

Q: I like a 6th grader but I'm not sure if he knows I think he does but I'm not positive any-way how do I talk to him I'm always nervous around my crushes I either can barely talk or I can't talk at all how do I deal?

Aww, I remember those days...Lol. Just take a deep breath. Imagine he's just one of your friends and imagine you don't care what he thinks. Remember when you were a little kid and you used to play pretend? You'd go camping with your friends...use that part of your brain to convince yourself you're just talking to a friend and not your crush. So just relax and open your mouth! Good luck! =) If you need more advice, you can contact me again, or through AIM if you want!
-Siren

Q: do i give good advice to the people i give advice to. i whana know if i am good at giving advice i am a female.

Well, no one can tell you, as we don't know who you are...the name doesn't show up when an advicenator asks a question. =)
-Siren

Q: i watch a little girl on a friday6 she drives me crazy what shouyld i do to calm her down

Try getting her to draw with you. Drawing calms everyone down. ^_^. Good luck!
-Siren

Q: OKay. I'll try to keep this short. Can I getpregnant from not having sex or giving a guy a head? Like I have not done ANYTHING sexual and I for some reason feel like I'm pregnant. Like maybe this guy just touched his penis then he ate chips then he gave the rest of the chips to me. Could I get pregnant from that??? pLEASE tell me cause i'm 10 and I DO NOT want to be pregnant!!!!!!!

You can't get pregnant from giving a guy head. I hear that the semen tastes awful, though, so I wouldn't reccomend doing that. As for the penis/chips thing, impossible. His semen would have to actually get into your genital area.
You also can't get pregnant unless you're ovulating, which, as you're ten, I doubt. So relax. Good luck in life!
-Siren

bio

I'm a laid-back 26 year old with a Psychology BA, starting my MA program, and working my way into the field as quickly as I can. It took me an extra Bachelor's degree (in vocal performance and creative writing) to figure it out, but I was put on this Earth to help, to heal, and to love.

I have made the decision to dedicate my life and career to helping others. I am here to do just that.

I've been a member since 2004, and since I signed up, I've gone through quite a lot and learned quite a lot from it. I'm here to give guidance where I had none; no one should have to go through the difficulties I went through alone.

Feel free to visit my website/blog, if you want to read my experience with domestic violence and my thoughts on it.

***While I do tend to answer mental health and other health-related or medicine-related questions, I am by NO MEANS a licensed physician or practitioner of any sort. Any and all advice I give for these questions is from my own experience or studies.***

If you need to get a hold of me quickly, my screen name on AIM is SirenCytherea. Just let me know you found me here.

I'm a strong believer in the idea that there are no stupid questions except the ones left unasked, so, please, keep an open mind, heart, and mouth.

Siren