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What do I do?


Question Posted Tuesday May 25 2004, 1:09 am

I have been dating this guy for some time now and I have caught him lying to me several times already. Lying about stupid things like who he has talked to and just little things that build up. I love this guy with all of my heart but all the signs are there that he is cheating on me and that scares me to death. We were so close for so long and now we really just aren't. I don't want to loose him, but I can't have him lying to me all the time. No he has been doing things, hanging out wise, with all of these different girls and he doesn't tell me about it until one of them call or I find out by him telling a friend or something that retarded. Is he cheating on me?

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OneMan answered Thursday May 27 2004, 1:05 pm:
There's an old idea that many people of varied wisdom like to follow, including me. It goes, "If you have reason enough to believe that he/she may be cheating on you, then he/she probably is". Regardless of that, I think the lying alone is more than enough to step away from the relationship. It not only shows his disrespect for your intelligence, but it also stops any base of trust from being established, and without that, you have nothing, anyway.

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storageanddisposal answered Wednesday May 26 2004, 12:11 pm:
Not sure, he might be. My friend had a similar relationship, she stayed with him for a long time, even though I thought she should have gotten out of the relationship a long before she actually did. Almost everyone drifts apart, there's not much you can do about it. If he's a liar he can't be trusted, and trust is a key element in a good relationship. I know you don't want to lose this jerk, but you should look at it from his point of view. It doesn't sound like he really wants to be in this relationship, nor does it sound like he respects you. If he lies to your face constantly, and hangs out with other girls doing God knows what, he's not worth it. Maybe it's his way of getting you to break up with him, so he doesn't have to do anything. Personally, I would dump him.

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beenthere answered Wednesday May 26 2004, 12:38 am:
it doesn't mean he's cheating but if you have to wonder about everything he says or do then you will never be able to enjoy what a real genuine relation is or what you have to offer to this union because youre so focused on what he might be doing you have to love yourself be you can began to love someone else.......smile

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Siren_Cytherea answered Tuesday May 25 2004, 8:05 pm:
The only way you can know if he's cheating on you is if you catch him at it, ask him, he tells you, or the girl(s) tell you. But, as he's been lying to you, talking to him doesn't seem to be the best option. Have you confronted him about this? If you haven't, you might want to. Just tell him what you told us, minus the obvious information, of course. You've gotta find out if he wants to stay with you. Because if he's gonna cheat on you and lie to you, you don't want to stay with him. No good can come out of a relationship like that. I hope everything goes well!
-Siren =)

PS. If you need more help, don't hesitate to contact me. I'm on every night, and always willing to help!

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AuTy answered Tuesday May 25 2004, 1:56 pm:
Girl.. im sorry to tell you... It seems to me that yo boy tryn to be sneaky.. so yea he probably is cheating.But do you kno for sure? Those are sum serious signs yo. Wat i would do is make sure that he is cheating, and if he is .. then there's one thing u have to do. Drop him, i kno its probably gonna be hard but think to yourself.. Do you need someone in your life who is jus gonna hurt u continously? God said you would have to eliminate one person in your life jus to make u happy and he also knew that..that one person was gonna be the hardest let go. But God will get you through this situation and i think you deserve alot better, no girl desrves or needs a cheating guy. Good luck..

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wondering answered Tuesday May 25 2004, 5:41 am:
Here's what I think : Yes , i think he's most probably cheating on you . Either that , or your relationship is seriously falling apart . Was he always like this , or has this been happening all the while since the beginning of your relationship ? Are you sure he hangs out with girls , or does he hang out in groups mixed groups ? ( with girls and boys ) If he has been doing this since the beginning , i suggest you tell him what you think . After all , he deserves a chance .

Maybe he thinks that you might be mad at him if you find out he has hung out with mixed groups . If you find out that he has been playing with you , and he has been meeting other girls and being "more-than-friends" with them , i suggest you dump him straight away . Better you dumping him because of what he did , than he dumping you because of what he did and because he is bored with you .

Also , why don't you enlist the help of some of your closer friends ? ( never tell too many people , or rumors might start to circulate , and any chance of reparing your relationship might just fall apart ) Ask them to "spy" on him , and to tell you what they think . At this point , rely more on your girl friends than your bf , as signs such as he lying to you have appeared , so you had better be cautious .

Trust is a very important element in bf-gf relationships . If he can't even trust you enough to know that you will not blow up at him if you find out he has been hanging out with mixed groups , what are the chances that in the future , he would lie to you ?

Wishing you all the best with your problem ,
Laura .

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