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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
My dad was driving me home from school and I was talking about driving the nice car to prom, with my date (who is deaf, I'm hearing ) and my dad said he would never let him drive me, just because he is deaf, because he dosent believe it would be safe... Yet his dad (my date's) is the drivers Ed teacher. Should I be offended? And should I tell my date this?
The Answer
Yep, that was rude. Understandable perhaps, but rude and not okay.
Deaf people can legally drive. In fact, most studies have shown deaf individuals are actually less likely to be car accidents than those who can hear.
So your father needs a talking to. As long as your boyfriend has a valid licence, there is no rational reason for to restrict you from being in a car with him. Anything else is discrimination, and it should be called as much.
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The Question
My boyfriend of about eight months and I have been having sex somewhat regularily. There's a bit of an issue (always has been) throughout all my sexual experiences, it hurts to have sex. I feel like every time we have intercourse, I'm a virgin again! ( and sometimes still bleed!!) he stretches me out with his fingers first but that never seems to help. Any advice as to how I can go about just being able to have sex without pain? When he is penetrating, it sometimes feels good and other times its like he rips my vaginal walls open. I really just want to be able to have pleasure sex, and every time we have it, it takes at least a day or two to recover. Please give me any advice you can!
The Answer
You should see a doctor.
All the regular advice applies: Buy and use a good lube. Lots of foreplay and take your time. Use positions that put you in control of the depth and speed of penetration if possible...
But, you should also see a doctor. Why wait until something gets worse? Just go now. Get the ball rolling on possible solutions.
It's possible your hymen never 'broke' properly (there are a few different ways the hymen can stick around and cause trouble) and that could be responsible for the pain and blood. It's also relatively easy to fix.
You should see a doctor to rule out that, and to check on any other physical issues that could be causing the pain.
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The Question
I am 21 years old, and pregnant. I am about 4 months along. My boyfriend and I were living together, but now he has decided to beat me up and kick me out, so i live alone in a hotel. I told my dad I was pregnant and the first thing he said was "don't worry about anything, you have family who loves you and will help you." the next day he said "have you considered adoption for your baby? i want it to have the opportunity to have a normal life." what the fuck? I am an adult. it's not like i'm 16. I will admit, I don't have a job. I want to find one but there has been no luck. I have never had a real job. I have some mental problems. but it is mild autism and attention deficit disorder. people have always told me i can have a normal life despite being autistic. I have high functioning autism, which is autism without a learning disability. if anything, it's just a diagnosis. it means i am socially awkward and inappropriate and impulsive at times. my friends dont even know. my ex boyfriend doesnt know. i got this diagnosis ages ago, more than ten years ago. why do my parents think I can't be a good mother to my child? I also think they might be racist, because my ex boyfriend is Mexican. he lives in mexico. i concieved the baby in mexico. i live in mexico, and I am Italian american. my parents live in new york in the united states and have never been to mexico and say they are scared for me everyday. I'm not in danger. I plan to have the baby in california, since I will need to recieve WIC. It hurts me that they dont want this grandchild. My brothers who are 24 and 26 have toddlers now, and of course that means that they were having kids at around age 21.Surely my parents didnt say this to them? but then again, they married, they went to college, they have jobs, and their babies arent biracial. and they are male. honestly, my parents have given them more oppurtunities than me, by paying for their college, buying them cars, helping them find jobs through friends, etc. my parents never did these things for me, either because I am a girl, or because i am autistic, or because i am the youngest...i dont know.
The Answer
You are unemployed, unprepared to provide for a child, with no place to live, dependent on the state for basic medical care for you and your child, have an ex-boyfriend who doesn't want to be a father and who you'd probably have to go a Mexican consulate in order to get him to pay any support cross-boarder - which you might realistically never see a dime of.
I don't think this has a thing to do with you having autism, or anything to do with your brothers.
Given your circumstances, it's reasonable for your parents to suggest adoption.
You have no idea, and have offer no plan, of how you are going to survive. How you are going to fed yourself or your child.
You may be mentally prepared to be a good mother. You might be a wonderful person. But being a 'good mother' isn't going to keep your child healthy and provided for.
Your parents would be stupid, cruel and careless if they DIDN'T suggest adoption to you, given the fact that you do not, at this point, have any way to provide for this child.
You should start to make a plan. And while you are researching that plan, it should include a serious consideration of adoption.
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The Question
"That's straight up sexism. The assumption that men shouldn't be bothered by the inappropriate sexual conduct of women, that women never harass men or behave like sexual predators. Women do these things, and it's just as wrong when they do it as it is when men do it. I'm sure you didn't mean it that way, but that cultural bias seeps into your question when you feel it's important to include her age, and her level of attractiveness, when asking about whether her behavoir is acceptable.
"
that can apply to anybody. Everybody feels more or less comfortable depending on what person does a certain thing
this comment just sounds normal and natural she she is a young and I am guessing straight woman
The Answer
Yes, everybody feels more or less comfortable depending on just who it is making a comment about their body... I think you've missed my point.
My point is that it is not okay to make comments about other people's bodies while you are at work, regardless of whether you are the kind of person they would want to make those comments (a hot young woman) or the kind of person they would not want to make those comments (an creepy, unattractive person). Either way, it's unprofessional, rude and inappropriate.
If you understood that it's not for anyone to act this way, you wouldn't feel the need to add that is young, pretty and red-headed. That's the bias comes in - the part where you assume it's okay for her, a person you find attractive, to make these comments, but it wouldn't be okay for a person you found unattractive to do it.
It's not okay for anyone to speak to this way about anyone's body in the workplace, or at school. At best, it's rude. At worse, it is harassment.
You are right that there is nothing abnormal or unnatural about her comment - there is nothing wrong about noticing the bodies of others, but it's wrong to comment in certain circumstances, like when you are at work, and especially when you are a teacher.
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The Question
I thought I would ask this question to you since the front page said "Ask Rahzie"
Was it wrong for my gym teacher to make this comment?
so I have this gym teacher in high school who is young, (younger than 30 I think) really pretty and good looking and red headed, and she teaches physical education and Health and so we are doing the swimming unit and while in the pool she was walking around and she then said to me and some of my friends later when we were walking back to the locker room to change that she likes the swimming unit the most because she likes to look at all the male students without their shirts on in the water and it gives her lots to look at and she hopes you work hard so they all look nice for her. I have zero problem with what she said, but if some kid who was around me decides to go and cry to someone about it, will she get in trouble?
The Answer
I saw your question previously, and I think you've been given the correct answer already.
Yes, your teacher could get in some trouble for this comment, and yes, she should get into some trouble for this comment.
Even if she wasn't a teacher, it's unprofessional and rude to talk about other peoples' bodies in that way while you are at work. If she was a lifeguard, or a shift manager at McDonald's, it would also be wrong for her to comment about co-workers or customers in that way. In almost any line of work, an employee might find themselves reprimanded for such a comment - and teachers are held to a higher standard than most.
It might be fine chatter among friends, but it's not a professional, polite or acceptable way to speak about people.
Your question also betrays an unfair bias: You imply because she's an attractive women it's not such a big deal, and that the young men in your class would be 'crying', like sissies, if they made uncomfortable by the attentions of an attractive woman.
That's straight up sexism. The assumption that men shouldn't be bothered by the inappropriate sexual conduct of women, that women never harass men or behave like sexual predators. Women do these things, and it's just as wrong when they do it as it is when men do it. I'm sure you didn't mean it that way, but that cultural bias seeps into your question when you feel it's important to include her age, and her level of attractiveness, when asking about whether her behavoir is acceptable.
It doesn't matter how hot anyone is. That shouldn't be factored in when considering when considering whether their behavoir is acceptable or not. Whether she is a fat, married old hag with warts and a limp, or Emma Stone's twin, the behavoir is still not cool.
I personally don't think she should get into much trouble. A stern warning to behave professionally and respectfully of her students would be sufficient, if I were her supervisor. But school's can have zero tolerance for these sorts of things, and it's possible that she could get in a lot of trouble.
And she should know that, because she's a teacher and adult, and not make stupid comments about her students' bodies.
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The Question
13/F
It costs no money.
Anyways, I don't like my school. I've mentioned moving a few times but not really asked them.
I get bullied at my school, I don't get a good education, and all my good friends have moved to this school. So... How do I convice them?! Please help... And this school costs nothing, as I believe. My parents said so.
The Answer
First, start by straight up asking them.
They can't know you are serious if you are only mentioning it. If it doesn't cost them anything, or make their lives any more difficult, they might be very happy to have you switch.
You can't know what concerns or arguments they might have until you straight up ask them.
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The Question
2 weekends ago, I found out by looking through my boyfriend's phone that he has been meeting up with this girl. I found out that he took her to a movie on one weekend and confronted him about it. (He has never taken me to the movies. In fact, we don't go on dates. Ever. We only went on one 'date' in our 8 month relationship, to a diner where he spent about $4.50 on each of our plates, and I recall he was being cheap and ordered water for both of us instead of soda. I thought by confronting him, he would stop taking this girl out. After all, he has been caught. This weekend, I went to my parents house for the weekend. I came back on Sunday to find a receipt on the floor for a moderately nice Meditteraneian restaurant. He spent 34 dollars total on their dinner. I also found a corkscrew on the counter, and we didnt own a corkscrew because we never drank wine together. He had her here at our apartment sometime this weekend and he treated her to a nice dinner and a bottle of wine. It really hurts me because he never makes an effort to do something nice like that, for me. I texted him telling him I have caught him for the second time, and I asked him "Why am I not good enough to take out to dinner, the movies, or buy a bottle of wine for?" He answered: "Honestly, I don't want to tell you why." I then told him that there would be no sex until he started treating me like a girlfriend and he stopped taking girls out on dates. He just responded with an "okay." This got me very angry, so I told him he had a small penis. I knew it would get to him. (His penis IS pretty small, calling it average would be an overstatement.) I am pregnant with his baby and I love him. We tell each other we love each other but I don't think he ever loved me if he could repeatedly be hurting me like this. The solution to this problem is easy, all I want is to be taken out on dates, not ditched while he goes with other girls. What is his problem? He said I am always welcome here in his apartment, which means he just wants me to stay so he can have sex on demand and I know he feels bad about kicking his pregnant girlfriend out. What should I do?
The Answer
Leave.
He's not your boyfriend anymore. He only allows you to stay in his apartment because you are his pregnant, unemployed, EX-girlfriend. Frankly, he probably only has sex with you in a very mistaken, confused effort to keep the peace between you two. He's might be relieved to make your relationship even more like roommates, and continue to date others.
That isn't a relationship.
He doesn't want to be with you.
Maybe he does love you. Maybe part of him would like to make it work between you two, but not a large enough part, because he definitely doesn't want to act like your boyfriend anymore.
This relationship is over.
You have broken up. (Even if neither of you have admitted it).
One or both of you need to find somewhere else to live. Probably you.
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The Question
Hi I have been romantically involved with a man much older than me for 6 months now and have decided to leave him and move back home with my parents. I can recognize that I am doing this/ testing him to see if he really loves me- he will ask me to stay with him. He always sends me mixed messages telling me he loves me and then calling me a bitch/ verbally abusing me. I can't tell if he cares about me because he is an erratic unpredictable man. I am addicted to being with him and am codependent on him. I don't know what to do help???
The Answer
You know he's abusive, and a bit crazy. You know your dependency on him is unhealthy and destructive.
An erratic, abusive and mentally unbalance man MAY truly love you - but is that a good enough offer for you? To be loved, but to be treated poorly, forever, by someone who doesn't want too (and perhaps can't) treat you well.
I've dated older men throughout my 20s and had a good time doing so, but I do have to admit in hindsight that most of them were still single for good reasons. They were stuck I thier ways, and in many ways, were emotionally immature and had some strange ideas of what a woman should 'provide' for them, rather than what healthy and respectful relationships between equals should entails.
Regardless of my experience, you know this guy is bad for you. You are a less heathy person with him, than you would be without him.
Okay. So leave him. Move out. No testing. No waiting by the phone. Get a hobby. Join a book club. Don't take his calls. Break the hell up.
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The Question
Hey, I've recently decided to move off campus into the apartment next door so I don't have to room with my friends anymore. Not that there's anything wrong with them, I just would like a place of my own. I want a good companion and a great guard dog since I am a woman and I will be living alone. I've done my research on Dobermans and found that they are very intelligent so are therefore good to train as well as loyal. What other considerations should I take in before I adopt a doberman? Anyone else owned a doberman? Comments on this particular breed? Let me know of your opinions on the breed, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks. My family has owned 2 dogs before, and we have one now, but it is my mom's dog.
The Answer
Honestly, before you decide on a breed, its best to think about what you want from the dog, and what you are willing to put into the training. Most breeds can be trained to do most things.
You've already started if you know you want to a loyal dog that will intimidate or deter strangers, there are lots of breeds that will do that - and a Doberman is definitely one of them. But more important than the breed is this: do you want to train the dog up from a puppy (which is a lot of work, no matter the breed, and especially if you live alone it will put limits on your social life for a year or two as the dog becomes more able to be alone for longer periods) or would you rather get an older, trained dog (which can very expensive), or are you looking for a rescue (which can be wonderful and relatively inexpensive, but involves some risk as well.)
I think its better to start with those sorts of decisions, rather than have a certain breed in mind. Once you know what age and training you want your dog to have then you can start to look around and find out what breeds are avaible that fit your needs.
Frankly, when I'm looking for a dog I do prefere large dogs that may intimidate strangers in thier look, but have limited actual aggression. I tend to choose a confident but submissive dog. Of all the breeds I've had, I've come to prefere Newfies and St Bernard's for that reason - they are large and loyal, but also generally gentle with strangers and guests. A Doberman is often bred for, and trained for, stranger aggression, which could frighten even people you don't want to frighten.
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The Question
hello, my name is Sam. Im 13 almost 14 year old guy. There is this girl on my swim team and i really liked her. I asked her out and she told me it was wrong timing, because she had just broken up with her boyfriend. I told her that that was fine. I gave her some time and about 3 weeks later i asked her again. She said no. Again because she wasnt ready. Then i asked her if she reslly meant that, or if it was just an easy way of "putting me down" she said honestly a little bit of both. Well then she told me later that she likes a guy in my grade (shes one year below me) and asked me if we could just be friends. Honestly.... I dont want to be friends anymore. I want to show her that i am better than him. And i dont know what I should do.
The Answer
If you don't want to be friends, that's fine. I think more people should be honest and not try to force a friendship where none exists.
HOWEVER, you aren't going to be able to show her you are better than him, unless you actually act like the better man, be friendly and respectful, and give up on her.
I'm serious. The better guy respects a woman when she says no, and values her friendship as a person.
If you don't want to be her friend, that's cool, but it also means shell never know even if you are 'better' than the other guy. You'll just be the guy who held a grudge when she turned him down and didn't like her enough to bother being her friend.
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The Question
So there is this guy that was in my college math class. He was very quiet but I thought he was the most gorgeous guy I have ever laid my eyes on. Now he told my friend he was single so I decided to just go rite up to him and give him my number because I would have felt really bad if I didn't even try to communicate with him. Anyways he texted me later on that same night I gave him my number. And we got to talking then I told him to tell me some things about himself he felt comfortable sharing and the one thing hat kind of got to me was that he said "I am in a long distance relationship but shit happens" and when I complemented him he told me thank you and"at least you see that" then asked me to go somewhere with him the following weekend. He keeps flirting when we talk what is he trying to say?
The Answer
He's saying he has some sort of an agreement with another woman, but is willing to carry on with you anyways.
I understand that you like him, and that his long distance relationship appears to be going badly, but despite that, he's being asshole who is basically asking you to play the other women to his long distance girl.
Hang out with him if you like him, but I'd strongly advise you to remain 'just friends' until he figures his shit out. He's playing with fire, hinting at feeling unappreciated by some other girl, enjoying your attention, and showing signs of being willing to decieve her. Not only do you risk being just the girl who distracts him and flatters him, but not a girl he takes seriously, but these things should also be ringing some alarms bells of the 'not a nice guy' variety, or at least 'guy who needs to get his shit together' before he's capable of being in an honest relationship.
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The Question
My boyfriend and I have been together for about 9 months now,I keep finding so many old pictures when I am on his laptop searching for OUR pictures and it makes me nauseous. They briefly lived together for about 5 months and were dating for almost 2 years. Before that he has had multiple relationships, but he tells me I'm the one.. why do i find that hard to believe he may have told the others the same. He is my first everything and I am 21 years old, he is 24 years old. How do I know hes the one for me because he was my only one? I'm envious that he and his ex even moved in together but he told me she was crazy.
The Answer
Well, the first things you do is stay the hell off of his computer and ask him for the photos you want.
I mean really, I don't understand why some people (mostly women) believe that computers, email and social networks sites are things that people in relationships should share. I've been with my partner for 3 years and I've touched his computer maybe three times, and he's only ever touched mine to be awesome tech support for me.
Solve your problem by stopping exposing yourself to photos, that he is totally allowed to have and keep, and staying off his computer.
Here's the more important second step:
Accept that you don't KNOW he's the one, and he doesn't KNOW you are the one either.
There are probably lots of people out there in the universe that you both could date, and be with, happily.
People are only 'The One' when we choose them to be.
Trust him when he says he is choosing you to be his one.
Trust yourself to choose him and be loyal to him.
Maybe it won't last forever. Sometimes we find the person we choose to be 'The One' just isn't what we thought. Nothing in the world will protect you from that. The only thing you can do is make the choice you want too, make the best choice you can, and trust the person you love to do the same.
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The Question
So theres this girl which i REALLY like. Shes one year older than me(if u think that matters) she hugs me sometimes, but shes a person who socializes with everyone and hugs many other boys, she has a boyfriend but i really dont care. She really likes my shoes( sea-foam colored all-stars, but my friends say i got it in the woman's section but who cares.) When i first wore them i said they're cute like me, and she laughs and i hear her say yeah! One of her best-friends used to like me and we are just friends now. I need help!! What should i do??
The Answer
She has a boyfriend.
You do the only thing you can do: be her friend.
You might not care that she has a boyfriend (which is sort of nasty and disrespectful for you to say about her...) but she probably does, and so do other people who know you both.
So don't be a jerk. Be friendly and chat with her. Don't make a move. That'd make you a lousy person, and people (including her) may be very unhappy with you if you cross those lines.
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The Question
Okay so lately i have been losing weight, the last time i lost weight, when i was like 14, i lost so much, in a very unhealthy way, i worked out alot and didnt eat much, and i stopped getting my period for 3 months but then it came again and i gained all the weight back and since then ive been getting my normal period every month, nothing unbalanced or anything. Now im 18 years old and ive decided to lose weight again, i started 3 months ago and basically ever since i started my workout conisisted of The Insanity workout and running. every day ill do a video and then go for a run, anyways something just happend that freaked me out, i was working out to insanity, and i went for my run and i came home and i found blood on my underwear, this has never happend before, now i would say that it was my period but i had already gotten my period ,and it was done 3 days ago, and so i thought it was done so i showered and it didnt come for 3 days and now suddenly i got a big red drop on my underwear, im scared i broke my hymen somehow? im not sexually active, and i dont really come near my area that much, the insanity workout does consist of stretching but i dont think the stretch would break my hymen i mean ive been doing insanity for 3 months ( i know its a 2 month program , but i finished it and started again), ive lost so much weight, but not unhealthy weight, i do eat but i eat very clean and i take a vitamin a day to give me the energy and nutrients i need daily, im just worried because never in my life has my period stopped for 3 days then came back again and im worried because i feel like maybe when i was working out i broke my hymen but it didnt even hurt at all, like my area was fine and i didnt feel any pain at all, and its not normal for me to break my hymen if i did so, its just a personal matter, and now i cannot calm myself down, maybe its hormone imbalance? thank you in advance, im sorry if its long. :)
The Answer
Relax.
If you've never experienced spotting before, then seeing a doctor isn't a horrible idea, but there is no panic.
If you are worried that you are loosing weight at an upheathy rate, or aren't getting all the nutrients you need, you should definitely speak to a doctor.
There are two basic truths about your body I'm not sure you recognize.
It's really easy for some women to break thier hymens through exercise or sports. For all you know you may have done it years ago. It's a silly thing that some cultures tell women to worry about (usually cultures where women are forbidden from doing things like sports), but it is not actually entirely under her control. Some women are born with very thick, even very painfully thick hymens that are difficult to break, and some women are born with very thin ones and break it while running around the school yard before they even know what it is. Being a virgin is one thing, your hymen is another. Breaking your hymen is a harmless thing that happens to many women before they have ever had sex, it doesn't make you any less of a virgin, and its not worth panicking about.
The second truth is that spotting is relatively normal. Vigorous activity can dislodge menstrual blood, or spotting can just happen spontaneously. If you haven't experienced spotting before, than it might be worth bringing to a doctors attention, but if you aren't in any pain, personally, I wouldn't be worried about it.
I'd be far more concerned about my weight loss, if I were in your shoes, and making sure with a doctor that I was healthy despite the extreme weight loss, than anything else.
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The Question
So I'm 17 and go to college in England.
I get very high grades and have lots of plans for the future in terms of career and stuff. I'm friendly with alot of people.
But everyday when I walk around college, I feel self consciouss. Like no one ever comments on how nice I look/dont look.I'm very thin and have thick brown hair (when all girls have straight hair)
I know that alot of girls try alot harder than me on their appearence, probably sacrificing their grades along the way.
How can I feel attractive in myself? Is there anything I should wear/do/say?
The Answer
What do you want to wear/do/say?
Actually, let's start even before that.
You are defeating yourself before you even begin when you tell yourself that you can't be academically successful AND feel good about how you look. You are defeating yourself (and demeaning other women) when you make judgments about women you think look put together as being less academically successful than you.
Stop jumping to negative conclusions about others. If you wanted to learn how to dance, you'd pay attention and speak to people who know how to dance. Just like dancing, looking good and put together is a skill, even if biology helps some people more than others.
I’m being a bit harsh, but the reason I’m being harsh is because I recognize what you are doing. I did it too. I had to wait till I finished university to recognize that not only could both feel good about how I look AND be successful, but that in order to be as successful as possible I HAD TO look good.
Call it sexism, call it the beauty bias, call it whatever you want but it’s not evil and not something you can fight:
When you present an image of yourself to the world that is put-together, personal and deliberately designed to suit your goals, you get treated better, trusted more and you get more opportunities.
So if you want to take the first steps, I’d recommend this:
Dedicate yourself to keeping your nails and eyebrows well groomed.
You don’t need to paint your nails all the time, but remove chipped polish promptly, and clean your nails (including some filing to keep them even and tidy) almost as often as you do your teeth. Women are very lucky – these two little inexpensive things can give us a huge leap forward in looking put together.
Go through your wardrobe and determine things that shouldn’t be worn in public anymore.
As much as your finances will allow, get rid of all stained or torn clothing., no matter how small the problems are. If you aren't going to mend it, right away, chuck it. I LOVE comfy clothes and I get emotionally attached to my favorite clothing, so every year I have to go through my closet and say “Nope. As much as I love you, you are looking ratty and you no longer can be worn out and must be replaced.” It’s better to have less clothing and to have to do laundry more often, than to risk giving up and throw on something ratty in your morning rush.
Take a risk and be willing to pay for it.
Have a friend with mad makeup skills give you a tutorial, or go visit a pro and have them teach you how to use make up. Too many women never get taught, and stay intimidated by the tool and options. Be ready to invest some money into a few key things (a subtle lipstick and eye liner that flatters). You don’t need to paint yourself every day (or, ever), but you want to have the skills to give yourself that edge when you need it.
Pay attention, in a positive way, to those around you. You might find other things to start putting on your personal to do list, but I’ll tell you this much, even at the risk of sounding shallow:
Now, years after university, I feel better about being able to leave the house feeling prepared inside and out for my day of work, than I ever felt about nearly any A I ever got. No one asks me what my grades were in university, they ask me if I can do the job, and when I say yes, part of why they believe me (and part of why I believe myself!) is because I LOOK like I can do the job.
I'm not an overly attractive girl. (I also have a heap of thick brown hair and spent a few year carefully mastering easy, but impressive-looking, ways to pin it up) But I get compliments not because I'm particularly pretty, but because the way I look is the way I've clearly and actively chosen to look.
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The Question
I'm 19and I have a 20 year old boyfriend and all he wants to do is haw sex with me. I dont want to have sex with him but he sometimes put's his hand on my thigh and starts touching me and he grabs my hand and puts it on his dick which I don't mind but it is when he sends naked pictures of me to his mates and they all want a bit I love him but I don't want him to take anymore pictures but I can't stop him.
Sort of dont know what to do!
The Answer
Dump him.
He's abusing you. He's pimping you to his friends. What he is doing is criminal.
The solution to this problem is to dump him.
He's a creep and an asshole.
He can't take naked photos of you if he is no longer allowed to see you at all.
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The Question
I THINK MY DAD IS CHEATING ON MY MOM!! So I'm 13yr old and I know that this shouldn't be any of my business but I really think my dad is cheating on my mom.so I was looking thru my dads phone to show him this picture that I took then I saw a naked woman on his phone my mom found out and was crying. I felt so bad but this was in 2011. Then it's 1:04 right now and my dad isn't home and it is his off day. My mom is staying up all night because I know she is waiting on him.i really don't want to tell my mom but I really have a felling that he is cheating. He doesn't even act romantic and give any compliments towards my mom. He is never home and when he does come home he always smells like ciggerates. He has 3 jobs but always says he has no money. I love my mom way more than I love my dad and I hate to say that. I even found a text message on his phone that said hey baby were where you last night. And a condom in his pocket. I don't know what to do please respond.
The Answer
Talk to your Dad.
You are right - It's shouldn't be any of your business, but because of your father's carelessness you've been exposed to it.
What goes on between him and your mother is something they need to manage and figure out, but whatever is going on there, it is absolutely wrong of him to hurt YOU in this way.
You can't fix your parents marriage for them. You can't make your dad never cheat, or your mom feel secure about any of this. But you can tell your Dad that he is hurting you when he carelessly and inadvertently exposes you to his cheating. It's putting you in the middle of something you should never have to deal with. It's horribly irresponsibly as a parent.
Let him know he is hurting you. Let him know he's being a careless prick. Let him know that he shouldn't be involving you in this because he's to stupid to hide it. Let him know that YOU know, and that it makes you love him less, and respect him less.
You can't manage his relationship with your mom, but let him know he is fucking up his relationship with you. He deserves to hear it, and only you can tell him.
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The Question
Hi! So I'm 13 and female. I'm in junior high and recently failing one of my grades. My school said my dad will have a meeting with 4 of my teachers (I'll be there) to see how I can get help with my grades.
Here's the problem - My dad likes to tell people how much of a horrible person I am. I used to give my dad trouble a few years ago (Telling him to shut up, etc.) and I stopped it a long time ago. But he tells people about it!
Here's an example: I went to a therapist about a disorder, and he just told her about it. And it had NOTHING to do with why I was in counseling!!
So I'm just worried that he'll tell my teachers of this. **Also, the meeting has nothing to do with behavior issues. It has to do with grades, but I'm just scared he'll say something.**
The Answer
You could talk to your dad about these things, but I can understand why you might not want too.
It might be more helpful for you to understand how other adults see it when you dad says things like that.
If your dad told me that you, a young teenager. used to tell him off, and to shut up, I'd nod and think "Well... yeah. She's a teen. I called my mom way worse than that when I was 13 and I turned out just fine."
If your Dad goes off about how you used to talk back to him at your teachers, while they are trying to discuss your grades, then they are more likely to feel sympathy for you, than to judge you harshly.
Sometimes parents behave like assholes. Unfortunately, there is no law against it. Sometimes they hold things against their kids, and refuse to see their children for who they are, instead of who they were.
That sucks, and as a young teen, there isn't much you can do about but remind your Dad that it's what he is doing.
But don't worry too much about your teachers. With four of them in the room, I promise you that at least one will see through your Dad's complaints. Frankly, all of them will probably understand what is going on. They will have seen it before. Parent-Teacher conferences are always stressful, and it's okay to be worried, but don't think your teachers are idiots. They probably aren't.
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The Question
I know none of you are doctors but you might have some insight on this:
We are both 22, my boyfriend is healthy weight and healthy inside as far as I know, he doesn't have diabetes or high blood pressure or anything like that. But when we are in bed, he cannot stay hard. He has told me that he really wants to have sex with me but we have tried so many times and we still can't do it. I'm not mad because of the sex, it is just frustrating because I can tell he gets very upset that he can't do it. I don't know if there is anything I can do to help, I try so hard!
Do you think the problem could be erectile dysfunction? And do you have any tips for me/him?
Thanks
The Answer
He should see a doctor.
There isn't much more to say. He's so young, if its a problem that can be managed by a doctor, wouldn't that be soooo much better to know now, rather than years later.
Suggest, gently, that he see a doctor. He may not be keen on the idea, but hopefully he can warm up to it.
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The Question
what do i do when my house is haunted
The Answer
I'd remind myself that all the available evidence points to there being no such thing as ghosts, and I'd look for simpler, natural reasons that strange things might appear to be happening.
Like too much carbon monoxide for example, which can cause visual and auditory hallucinations and has often been found in so-called haunted houses.
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