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HELP ASAP! Scared of Parent-Teacher Conference?
Hi! So I'm 13 and female. I'm in junior high and recently failing one of my grades. My school said my dad will have a meeting with 4 of my teachers (I'll be there) to see how I can get help with my grades.
Here's the problem - My dad likes to tell people how much of a horrible person I am. I used to give my dad trouble a few years ago (Telling him to shut up, etc.) and I stopped it a long time ago. But he tells people about it!
Here's an example: I went to a therapist about a disorder, and he just told her about it. And it had NOTHING to do with why I was in counseling!!
So I'm just worried that he'll tell my teachers of this. **Also, the meeting has nothing to do with behavior issues. It has to do with grades, but I'm just scared he'll say something.**
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I understand what your concerns are. I'm surprised you therapist didn't speak to him about this. Sis you and she ever discuss how you felt about dad doing this. If you are still in therapy and have not discussed this with your therapist you should. This is something she should be able to help with in discussions she has with your parents.
As for the problem you wrote about. Since you cannot stop your father from telling anyone he pleases then your best options is TO head him of at the pass so to speak.
I would suggest that you ask for a short meeting with the four teachers in private. Then you tell them the story you expect your father to tell them. If your father is doing this to embarrass you your teachers can head him off by saying; "Sir I'm aware of this and we are not here to discuss former behavioral problems." Your teachers will do this for you. They do not wish to embarrass you, they want to help you, praise you where they can and find ways to improve your grades where needed.
As a parent I don't understand why your father does this. I don't see it as a productive method of parenting only as retaliatory , something parents should not do. By you telling your teachers it shouldn't be as embarrassing for you as you are telling what happened and warning them that dad does this.
Frankly if this behavior was say when you were 11 or 12 it was pretty normal for your age. This is when puberty starts to kick in. Some young people at that age have a lot of problems with early puberty and express them with behavior such as you described. As you got older and your body was able to adjust to the hormones puberty set loose your behavior changed again. Very normal for your age. I'm surprised your dad did not see this.
By talking with your teachers in advance of the parent-teachers meeting you are giving your teachers the opportunity to protect you from dads story telling. It is very possible that hopefully all four teachers will cut him off he will get the hint that his story telling is out of order.
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You could talk to your dad about these things, but I can understand why you might not want too.
It might be more helpful for you to understand how other adults see it when you dad says things like that.
If your dad told me that you, a young teenager. used to tell him off, and to shut up, I'd nod and think "Well... yeah. She's a teen. I called my mom way worse than that when I was 13 and I turned out just fine."
If your Dad goes off about how you used to talk back to him at your teachers, while they are trying to discuss your grades, then they are more likely to feel sympathy for you, than to judge you harshly.
Sometimes parents behave like assholes. Unfortunately, there is no law against it. Sometimes they hold things against their kids, and refuse to see their children for who they are, instead of who they were.
That sucks, and as a young teen, there isn't much you can do about but remind your Dad that it's what he is doing.
But don't worry too much about your teachers. With four of them in the room, I promise you that at least one will see through your Dad's complaints. Frankly, all of them will probably understand what is going on. They will have seen it before. Parent-Teacher conferences are always stressful, and it's okay to be worried, but don't think your teachers are idiots. They probably aren't.
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The only way to change how your dad will act is to interact with him. Ask him not to bring up such things that will embarrass you.
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