Siren_Cytherea's advice column

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Q: how do i get a guy to lay off my butt? he thinks hes slick and he can touch it whenever he wants. i've told him to stop and its not so serious to tell a teacher or w/e cus when i say stop hes like well i dont want u to file a sexual harrassment suit on me but the next day he does it again. what to do...

Don't laugh when you tell him to stop, for one thing. That's a mistake I make a lot. lol.
Just tell him in a serious tone of voice, "Stop touching my butt. I'm serious about this. It's really bothering me, and I really want you to stop."
Try that. If it doesn't work, threaten to tell a teacher. If THAT doesn't work, actually TELL a teacher. Lol. Good luck!
-Siren =)

Q: is it bad to give some one you dont know your pick if your possotive that they are the same age as you and live in a different state?

Nah. As long as you don't give them your address, you should be okay. Lol.
-Siren =)

Q: I have been having these major break outs around my hairline and on my nose..I have tryed alot of stuff that just dont seem to work any ideas?

Well for your hairline, I have that problem too. Try to shower or at least wash your hair every day. Grease from your hair will bother your skin. Sucks, I know. Wash your face every day, too.
Try Retin-A micro. Works beautifully, but sucks if you have dry skin.
Hope I helped!
-Siren =)

Q: I HAVE THIS EX B/F...WE STILL TALK ON THE PHONE ALOT... AND WE FLIRT ALL THE TIME.. A PART OF ME WANTS TO DATE HIM AGAIN.. BUT THE OTHER PART DOESN'T.. SOME ONE PLEASE HELP ME!!

Okay, look at it this way:
There's a REASON you two broke up. Would you really want to go back to the guy who did something wrong? That's like backtracking. It's understandable to make a mistake in breaking up, but that really happens very rarely.
There are a lot of other guys out there. I'd take a good look around before really wanting to go BACK to your ex.
Good luck!
-Siren =)

Q: Hey Yall i have a friend whos name is canidce she is 16 bout to be 17..and..she asked me if i could help her on a guy situation but I dont know what to say. So this is the story..well she likes a guy named Jeff but he has a girlfriend..and she is confused because all these guys like her but she likes Jeff..and just so happenes her ex boyfriend that broke her heart 2 called her yesterday and told her that she was the only one thats made him smile and he asked her how she felt and she said she didnt know..any ideas??
-Hal

Well, this is definitely a messy situation.
First she needs to decide if she wants to move backwards and go back to her ex, who broke her heart in the first place, or wait for Jeff and his girlfriend to break up and then go for him. Her best bet, I believe, would be to see if she can find another guy that's tolerable besides Jeff. Who knows how long Jeff and his girl could be together? She might not have a chance at all, and she needs to know that.
If I were in your shoes, I'd advise her to look around and see who else she could tolerate. I don't believe in walking back into the past/making the same mistake twice, which is what she'd be doing if she went back to her ex.
I dunno about her, but once a guy breaks my heart, he has no chance of getting me back.
I hope I helped!
-Siren =)

Q: ok well theres this guy broc and i like him alot. broc's best friend cole and me talk all the time and cole always tells me that broc likes me and that he wants to go out with me, but hes just too shy to say nething. im not the shy kinda grl so i dont care if i have to make the first move or nething, but i dont want to ALWAYS make the first move, ya know. do u think after were together or after ive made sum moves hell loosen up and make sum moves??? cuz i dont want to feel like im doin all the work in the relationship.

If you feel like you wanna make the first move, go for it. He might open up after he sees that you want him to.
Hell, I AM the shy kinda girl, and I had to practically tell my current bf to kiss me the first time. Lol. He just didn't want to move too fast. That might be Broc's problem.
So just give him a little nudge and he should loosen up.
Good luck!
-Siren =)

Q: How many people regret their time having sex?

* raises hand *

That's gotta suck...*Sends hugs in your direction*
I don't. 'Specially since I'm still with the guy. ^_^
-Siren =)

Q: well after seeing my ex yesterday.....today when we were talking he keeps on talkin about other girls and everything and that they are cutter and prettier than me and it really hurts....he keeps on telling me how all the other girls are all over me and it really hurts b/c before i went to see him yesterday, he thought i waz da finnest gurl and sweetest and everything and now everything itz so weird...im so sad...wut do ya think????? am i not good enough for him :(?? he is not that fine but he is okay....

Honey,
one thing you gotta learn - a lot of guys are sheer assholes. You can't do anything about it. It's not that you're not good enough for him. It sounds to me like he's trying to make you jealous. Don't let him get to you. Either that or he just found a new girl he likes, and doesn't realize that he's hurting you by complimenting her so much.
Remember - "love" is blinding. She might not really be cuter than you. He might just think she is 'cause he's infatuated. Don't let it get to you.
He might be treating you like one of his buddies now that you're not dating anymore, and telling you about this new girl he met. This guy I liked used to do that to me, and it hurt so much. I didn't even think to tell him that it was bothering me.
Just ask him not to talk to you about the new girls he meets because it bothers you. If he's halfway decent, he'll comply.
Hope I helped!
-Siren =)

Q: If you cut yourself once...then realize what you've done is stupid..should you seak help?

You can think about it all you want, as long as you don't act on it. If you do, seek help. Talk to someone, anyone, really.
To tell the truth...I thought about it one night, but never did it 'cause I hate pain. Lol.
it's normal to get really depressed/emotional. You're a teenager...I'm guessing you're young, like 14/15, maybe 16.
It's good that you realized what you did was stupid. Means you're not depressed beyond reason.
Honestly, I don't think you're a true cutter. Cutters cut - I believe - to escape their emotional pain, and they don't think what they're doing is stupid.
I'm glad you came to your senses before you did any real damage. =)
Don't cut. Talk. Talking works. Yell to someone, punch your mattress, write bad angsty poetry...but don't cut.
Hope I helped!
-Siren =)

Q: You never know what someone means to you until their gone.
Those are good words to live by, and here’s why.
Once a day, everyday I talked to two girls that rode my bus.
They were twins, and also older than me, they were seventeen.
They were always nice, not even once were they mean.
We would talk about all sorts of things.
They even helped Kyla with one of her reports.
I remember Kim would always drop her books on the floor.
One time Kathy tripped walking out the door.
Soon school was out, I had no fear that I would see them next year.
But I was wrong.
I heard about the accident from a friend, I didn’t know what she meant.
She said it was a car accident and they went to the hospital.
But I didn’t think anything of it.
I got online to look up any information about the accident.
It took me a while, but I found an article.
It was named “Twin Disaster”.
I started reading slow and I got faster and faster.
I couldn’t believe what I had read.
The accident was really bad.
Their car was hit by a pick up truck
The car was so smashed that they were stuck.
The paramedics came and got them out.
There were five people involved in the accident.
They were all alive, but Kim and Kathy were barley living.
So they were rushed to the hospital.
The article said the other passengers would be all right.
The next day I got a phone call.
It was my friend she said Kim and Kathy had passed on.
She also asked if I wanted to go to the funeral.
I said no because it was more of a family thing.
I soon got off of the phone and started crying.
I later found out that they both had died around eleven.
I was happy that they were in heaven and didn’t have to suffer.
But it was so sad because they were so young.
I remember them telling me they were going to go to the Career Center.
But they never will.
I know the guy that had hit them didn’t go out that night to kill.
But he did, he ended two teenagers lives.
They didn’t get to get married, have a kid, and so much more.
I feel so sorry for their mother because she didn’t only loose one child.
She lost two; it must be so hard to live in the house without them there.
I think everyone should live their lives to the fullest,
And never take anything for granted.
Because you never know what something means to you until it’s gone.

That really happened?
Dude...That's so sad...=(
Teaches a good lesson, though...treasure what you have because you never know when you might lose it...depressingish...but meaningful.
Not bad. =)
-Siren =)

Q: I talked to my x today...its only been a week since we broke up. He said "sometimes I have the urge to call you and tell you I want you back, but I don't"...it hurts. I miss him so much, and I can't get my mind off of him. I know we're not meant to be together b/c we are two totally different people and want 2 different things...but I really love him, and I want to stay friends it just hurts so much when I talk to him...what do i do?

Aww, honey. =(
Take a break from talking to him. Give your heart time to heal. Breakups hurt. Y'know why? It's chemical. We get physically addicted to the chemicals released by all the attention and attraction, and then when it stops, we go through withdrawal. Doesn't it suck?
True, though.
Just try doing everything you can to take your mind off of him, and don't talk to him until you heal a little more. A week is not that long a time. I wouldn't expect you to be healed and all by now. You shouldn't either. The human body takes awhile to heal, so give it the chance.
When you've healed enough, talk to him again, and resume your friendship.
The only other option is getting all mad at him and fighting for, like, three years. One of my exes and I did that. It sucked. Lol
Good luck in life and love! *Sends hugs in your direction*
-Siren =)

Q: Just wondering...how old is everyone that is on here?

I'm 16. Most of us are in the teens, but there are a few older.
-Siren

Q: ok i met this girl named jessie last summer and like over the school eyar and stuff we got really tight i mean people would swear we were lieing when we told them we wern't going out well since like jan she has been like hangin around this this other really stupid chick who does alot of bad stuff and she kinda gets around well i am afriad that jessie is startin to act like her well not really act like her but pick up her bad habbits and like when ever she is in a jam she calls me when ever she needs money ASAP she calls me needs a place to stay she picks up the phone i go and get her my self but like i think i am kinda startin to like her i mean we flirt a whole lot as is but i dunno how to tell her i like her cause one i think she is way outta my league and two with her past i dunno if i wanna get involved but i like her more then i have ever liked people i was goin out with and well it would just be kinda odd if i just came out and told her so i am wondering what i should do
do i ? take my chances with her past and just come out and tell her i like her or should i just let things be so as to not get mixed up in all that or should i attempt to like beat around the bush that i like her even more then she knows?

i really like her and i would like to go out with her and just maybe it would also help her keep clear of some of her other problems?
WHAT DO I DO!
15/M

There should be no "out of league"s here. We're all equal. I'm a choir/music/art geek and I'm dating a wrestler. League...?
Lol...if I were you, I'd just come out and tell her. She might be suspecting that you like her already, so it'd help her to know that she's right and not seeing things that aren't there. Or, better yet - she might like you, too. If you flirt so much, then chances are high for that one.
If you tell her you like her and she freaks out, just assure her that you won't act on it, and don't.
But, if you tell her you like her and she likes you back...kudos to you! Lol.
And - don't act like you don't like her if you do. That's like lying, and you don't strike me as the kind of guy that lies all that much.
FYI - Most girls hate it when guys flirt a lot and make the girl think that the guy likes them, but then never says it. So be open! SPEAK!
Good luck! =)
-Siren =)

Q: ok hey im 14 n im very confused!!!! u c i really like this guy, hes ur typical bad-ass smokes,drinks, fights, gets arrested n all that crap... well i relly though he liked me bcuz he told me he LOVED me and he was very sweet to me n everything... im very stupid as i know now bcuz i lost my virginity to him!!!!!! that was in february!! i felt like it was right at that moment but now i regret it all!EVERYTHING I TOLD HIM N DID WITH HIM most of all cuz he told his friends i was "easy" n now i have a rep! i am always saying that all that is b/s that i never did ne thing with him but still not all of the ppl beleive me! but after all the shit he put me thru is like my heart doesnt want to forget him!!! i still really like him i dunno if its bcuz hes always with his cuzin n his cuzin n me r best friends so i gota c him all the time n then hes till calls n asks me stuff like "so u still fucking guys?" or "i heard so n so wanna fuck u, should i kick their asses?" hes STUPID N I WANNA HATE HIM SO BAD 4 ALL THE SHIT HE DID TO ME WAY TOO MUCH TO MENTION BUT Y DO I FEEL LIKE I STILL LIKE HIM????(by the way i was pregnant but had a miscarrige n he was the dad) ineve told him though. n last time we were talking he was telling me he never knew how pretty my eyes were!! wut kind of b/s is that? IM CONFUSED WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Oh, honey.
You need to tell this asshole to stop bothering you and get the hell out of your life. I know you probably still like him, but you gotta do it.
God, that's stupid. Not you, him. So you're 14, and you lost your virginity to this guy who got you pregnant, and you had a miscarriage, but never told him. He's SO stupid. He should've known you're way too young to deal with that kind of stuff. Hell, I'M too young to deal with it. I'm 16.
He's being a typical player, basically. How old is he?
I had this kind of problem with a guy when I was your age. The guy I dealt with, I dated for 2 months. My friends told me, months later, that all he wanted was to get into my pants.
Seems that this guy did the same thing to you, but actually succeeded.
You probably still like him 'cause he's hot! Lol. The bad-asses usually are. You have to get over him, though. If it helps, here's what I did:
I wrote hate letters, telling this guy how much I hated him, but never sent them. I wrote angsty poetry, filled to the brim with hate for him. I wrote songs about me yelling at him to get out of my life and stop torturing me. I made lists of everything to like and everything to hate about this guy, making sure there were more hate things than like things.
Try that. You have to convince youreself he's no good. Then you have to convince HIM to get the hell out of your life because all he could do is ruin it. Sorry to say it, but it's true.
Good luck. If you need more help, don't be afraid to ask for it. =)
-Siren =)

Q: Well... im 130 n im 13 yrs old n im 5'5/5'6 n i want to loose some weight... Im a very sporty girl like everyday i run n do basketball n situps n pushups n w/e else u can think of... My favorite food is salad... thats like all i eat n I want to loose at least 30 pds to be the little 100 pd girl... n i have 3 weeks til summer n i want to be able to wear a bakini n look cute in it.. not fat... im trying to loose my tummy because it bugs me... HELP!!!!

100 lbs is not healthy for someone who's 5'5" or 6". I'm 5'3.5" and I weigh 115. I weighed 100 when I was 5'2".
Since you do all that excercise, a lot of your weight is probably muscle. So don't worry about losing weight so much. To lose your tummy, do partial curl ups and other crunches. Partial curl ups are like situps, but no one's holding your feet down. You curl up just to get your shoulderblades off the floor, then go back down.
You don't have to look like a stick. That's not healthy. So don't worry about it. Good luck!
-Siren

Q: ok how do u play hard to get? i want to learn how to play hard to get .. im a girl 14 help!

Lol...you find out a guy likes you, then tease him, then avoid him, tease him again, and then avoid him.
I used to do that. It's really, really mean to the guy, and kind of kills your chances of a relationship with him.
Generally, bad idea. Hope I helped!
-Siren =)

Q: My and my boyfriend have been dating for almost 15 months and we have come close to have sex sooo many times... the only thing stopping us is that he doesnt have condoms. We both know that if he did, that we would probably end up doing something if we had the chance, but we are also both worried about pregnancy! Thats why we are hesitant about buying condoms.
I am 16 and he is 17.
What should i do?

First of all, you should buy condoms, or make him buy condoms. You might end up carried away anyway, and if you didn't have them, then what would happen? That would freak you out even more.
The pill, the patch, or the shot would be a good idea to get a hold of. I reccomend the pill. That's kind of how me and my boyfriend were. I was freaked out about pregnancy. It made me feel a little better that he had condoms, but still freaked me out. I just decided to go for it and pray I was lucky. I wasn't on the pill the first time we did it. I was worried for 2 weeks until I got my period.
Don't have sex 2 weeks before your period. You're really fertile then. And if/when you get on the pill, it doesn't go into effect completely until after you've been on it one month.
Good luck with everything!
-Siren =)

Q: how far do ya'll think is the best to go in a relationship of 5 months.

Whatever you're comfortable with, really. It's totally up to you, as long as no one's pressuring anyone into anything. Have fun! Lol
-Siren

Q: ok i had sex, ok well i tryed to have sex with my boyfriend and i love him so much and he loves me, i mean he said he wasnt mad or anything but it hurt! so i had to make him stop, how many times is this goin to hurt?! kuz i really wana do it with him. he said it wasnt my fault and it was ok but still! i mean come on ,so how long do u think it will hurt before we can do it? plz help lol* thanks

Ouch...I feel your pain. Literally. *sends sympathy in your direction.*
Lol. For me, it hurt the first two times, and the beginning of the third. After that, it was perfectly fine.
The problem with me was that I never used tampons, or fingered myself or anything, so it wasn't stretched, like, at all. and he's BIG. If the guy's big and you're a virgin, chances are it's gonna hurt a few times.
Try to relax. It helps the pain a little bit. Make sure he's gentle. It actually might not hurt anymore after this. Don't be surprised if it does, though. Brace yourself for pain...then if it doesn't hurt, rejoice! Lol. Good luck!
-Siren =)

Q: this is gonna sound really bad...please no body be offinded...but i fell in love w/ this black guy and we dated for 6 months then i moved in w/ my aunt and uncle and they wont let me date him.i think its the most stupid thing ive ever heard in my whole damn life. what should i do.

Ah, parentalish troubles...Some of my favorite kinds of troubles. Okay. You need to sit them down and explain to them that you love this person. The hue of his skin should make no difference. He's a great guy, and you fell in love with his personality, etc...
Just give them the "equality" talk. Like "everyone should be equal. When I see this guy, I see a great person. Not this black man that you two see. Besides, this is my life. I should be allowed to date whomever I please," and all that jazz. Just be sweet and unaccusatory and try to talk some sense into them. If that doesn't work, try sitting down with them, WITH your guy. Maybe he'll have a bit of a calming effect.
All I know is, whenever I have issues where my mom doesn't want me to do something involving my guy, I have HIM talk to her. He's better at dealing with my mom than I am. I go away for a bit, leave them talking, and I come back and they're smiling and laughing. Lol Weird, but true. Give it a shot. If you need more help, don't hesitate to ask again. =)
Good luck!
-Siren =)

bio

I'm a laid-back 26 year old with a Psychology BA, starting my MA program, and working my way into the field as quickly as I can. It took me an extra Bachelor's degree (in vocal performance and creative writing) to figure it out, but I was put on this Earth to help, to heal, and to love.

I have made the decision to dedicate my life and career to helping others. I am here to do just that.

I've been a member since 2004, and since I signed up, I've gone through quite a lot and learned quite a lot from it. I'm here to give guidance where I had none; no one should have to go through the difficulties I went through alone.

Feel free to visit my website/blog, if you want to read my experience with domestic violence and my thoughts on it.

***While I do tend to answer mental health and other health-related or medicine-related questions, I am by NO MEANS a licensed physician or practitioner of any sort. Any and all advice I give for these questions is from my own experience or studies.***

If you need to get a hold of me quickly, my screen name on AIM is SirenCytherea. Just let me know you found me here.

I'm a strong believer in the idea that there are no stupid questions except the ones left unasked, so, please, keep an open mind, heart, and mouth.

Siren