ccupcake07's advice column

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Q: My friend is driving me nuts. Every day she calls to complain about her 15-year-old daughter. She spent the last two years trying to transform the girl from a quiet tomboy into Miss Popularity... and she's obsessed with her daughter getting a boyfriend. She's forced her to wear makeup and jewelry and dye her hair and wear certain clothes, and she made her try out for cheerleading, even though the girl didn't want to. She restricts her diet so she won't get "fat", and makes the girl work out and run three miles every day.

Up until recently, she'd complain to me about the fights they'd have when her daughter resisted these things. But she's finally gotten what she wanted - the girl has been completely transformed - and now she's complaining about that!

Now the girl is just as obsessed with boys and popularity as the mother is. She's gone from being a straight-A student to failing several classes. The counselor has advised her to drop down to an easier schedule, but the mother won't do it because there are boys she likes in those classes and the girl would "throw a fit."

Instead of making her stay home and study, she lets her go out every night - god forbid she should miss a social event and a chance to increase her popularity! So mom stays home and does her homework for her... if she can figure out what it is. The girl never writes down her assignments, because she can't see the board. Does she wear her glasses, I ask? Oh, no! She'd never do that - they make her look ugly! Can she ask the teacher to let her sit closer to the board? Oh, no! She likes the friends she's sitting by! So mom goes online each night, finds the assignments and does the work so her daughter can go mingle with boys. On the few occassions that she's tried to make her stay home and study, the girl threw such a fit that the mom "had" to give in or she'd make her life miserable.

She won't make the girl take any responsibility... yet she calls me every day, whining about how the poor thing is doing so badly in school, how mouthy and belligernet she's become - and how she can't do anything about it!

I'm getting so sick of hearing about this. And I'd love to knock some sense into her and say, "Can't you see that this is all your fault!?? Is pimping off your daughter really that important to you??" But I usually just sit and listen, because I can't think of a nice way to say it.

Do you think I should say something? I doubt she'd listen, but it's really hard keeping my mouth shut!

I would talk to her and tell her how you feel about it next time she talks about it. Tell her your point of view and how everyone should be their own person. Hope this helps!

Q: Well, this guy and i have been messing around for about 3 years now. And hes 5 years older than me, but its become more intense. Like, now he wants me to sleep over and all that. But he has a girlfriend of two years, but he says he doesnt care about her. He basically just needs her for now because of work. Well, we are on the level of more than good friends and less than a couple, its confusing. I really have strong feelings about him, and i go over his house everynight and its not always about sex. I dont know if he is using me, and i really doubt it just because of how he acts towards me. I know he cares, but its like we cant be together right now because of our age difference and because i am 16. Am i a booty call? or is this all that can be at the moment? and until i become 18 this is all that can happen?

PLus, i stay over and we cuddle and all that.

idk, please any advice?

He could be lying to you and saying he dosen't care about his girlfriend and he might be doing the same thing to her. If you guys aren't dating, he might not think he has to treat you like one. I would stop seeing him or if you don't want to do that, only be his friend. Hope this helps!

Q: I'm currently recovering from an eating disorder and I realized that I still haven't gotten my period in over 5 months. I was wondering what will happen once it returns... Will I have a major period or something? Is it going to be any more bloody than a normal period?

I would go to the doctor and see what they say. Hope this helps!

Q: my boyfriend is 14 and will be 15 in a month and im 15. we've done everything but sex(hj,bj,finger,eat out).
we both want to have sex, but when i actually think it over i'm scared out of my mind.
i DO NOT want any STD's and i definitely do not!!!!!!!! want to get/be pregnant.
is this a good idea?
he will use a condom but i dont know, i'm still worried.
plus i'm alergic to laytex gloves but not laytex like balloons and stuff so do you think i will have a reaction to condoms??
i will not go to my doctor for anything so PLEASE HELP ME OUT!

If you are scared about it, it means you aren't ready. Sex is something you want to have and you will know when the time is right. It's not really something you should plan. I would wait until you get older because you might regret it when you get older and you would want your first to be someone you love and want to spend your life with. Hopefully this helps!

Q: my face is really really dry lately. i wash my face two times a day and not any more than that. i don't use moisturizer, but i think maybe i should. what kind of moisturizer would be good or is there something else i should try? i use clean and clear morning burst facial wash.

I would try the "Ultra Light mouisturizer" It is by CLEAN& CLEAR! It works really good! It's in a light blue bottle. Hope this helps!

Q: If I dress up as ugly betty for Halloween, do you think people will know what I'm supposed to be? Do a lot of people watch the show anyway?

I don't watch the show and i know who she is so i think people will know. That's actually a really good idea.

Q: A few nights ago my family had the first actualy sit down talk all together that we have ever had. In this talk everyone including my two brother cried along with my Mother and myself. My Father walked into this talk like he has nothing to change, but slowly discovered that we all had a problem with him and they all seemed to be the same. That my Father doesn't care. He doesn't care about his children, or his wife. My brother Scott is 20, and currently staying at my house for free. Only because my brother Jason is 18 and does not have a job at the moment. Well my Mother believes Scott shouldn't have to pay because Jason is unable to which I completely agree with. Scott said that the only time he talks to his Dad is when my Dads telling him to get the hell out, which really is the only time the talk. And I joked with him about it too about your 20 get out, get your own life. Move Out. So I apoligised to him... and told him I'm sorry, and that I love him and that I don't want him to leave. My Mother said that she didnt want him to leave, everyone did but my Dad which his opinion was the only one that mattered. So Scott moved out. Jason doesnt feel wanted here either, so he's just got aob and is planning on moving out with Jackson [[his BFF since like ever]]. In this talk my Mother admitted that she has had suicidal thoughts, and was planning on killing herself and that she went to the hostpital last week to get help. So my brothers are leaving, my Dad isn't someone I have fealt close with at all, and my Mother wants to kil herself. and the whole suicide thing hit my the hardest because i honestly didnt remember the last time I told her I loved her.
My Mother has said she will never forgive my Father for tearing this family apart, and I asked her if she was planning on leaving him and she didnt denie it. So I had her promise not to leave me.
Im only fourteen where will I go?
Well ever since then everythings gotten worse. My grades have always been an issue with me, and I struggle to get the grades I do.
There already slipping, because I refuse to do shit about my Father. I would rather fail.. and I dont want the teachers to know everything thats happening and i cant exactly bull through this..
I know you dont know how to solve my family issues but how do i explain to my teachers that I cant exactly do everything because im worried about my mothers life, where my brothers are at the moment and controlling myself from killing my father.=X yeh not exactly easy.

Wow! I feel sorry for you! Okay, well first of all, i'm really sorry you are going through this. Being a teenaager is hard enough and now you have problems with family. What i would do is help your mom in ANY way you can. Don't leave her alone for long periods of time. If she is getting help, then support her through it, tell her you love her, give her a compliment every day. Make her feel like she is needed in the world. If i were you, i would talk to your conselor at school and tell them everything that you put on here. They will understand and help you! Hope this helps!
If you have any more questions or need help, just message me!

Q: Can you explain to me what is friends with benefits? I'm kinda confused about it. Thanks

It means that your not dating the person but you still kiss, make out, hold hands, have sex, and whatever else you want to do, all while being friends.

Q: 13/f. kinda long.

i cant sleep. ever. like i have HUGE problems going to bed. i mean i get up at 6 every morning. and i go to school. and sometimes i have soccer game at 8:30 at a soccer pake like almost an hour and half away. and i get home and cant go to sleep. i mean i sit in bed for 1 to 3 hours before i even get tired. and by the time i get to sleep its around 11 or midnight. and you night say go to bed early? well when i try, i just sit in bed for longer. and on sundays, when i sleep in, i cant go to bed until the wee hours of the morning. i cant keep doing this, its mentaly and phyicaly(sp?) draining me. i mean my head hurts almost everyday, all day. and i never can do my homework because my head hurts. also, i never take naps, i sometimes take sleeping pills but i dont want to become dependent on them. also, i dont think the doctor will think anything of it because im 13. and it happens almost everynight. and i cant do this anymore. please please please please please please please help. if you had this problem, what did you do? if not what could i do to help this?

(also, i have tryed listening to music, having all the lights off, having all the lights on. having a nightlight, haveing my kitten sleep with me, sleep with stuffed animals, drink warm water, take a shower before bed, sleeping pills, sleeping in the cold, sleeping in the warm, sleeping with pants, sleeping with shorts, and also sleeping in like ever room in the house. NOTHING WORKS. im going crazy here.)

If i were you, i would just go ahead and go to the doctor. He will be able to tell you why you can't sleep and give you medicine. Hope this helps!

Q: I'm 12, &I can't tell if I've started my period yet. I'm too embarrassed to tell my mom cos I don't know how to put it in words.

If you have any brown or red stains that means you started. When i first started, i didn't want to tell my mom either, but you have to tell her because she has to buy you pads or tampons. It's not bad after you just say it quick. If you started go up to your mom and say "Mom, i started." That's all you say. If you don't want to tell her in person, say it over the phone (that's what i did). Hope this helps! Good luck!

Q: when people say how far have you gone, whats it mean as in what all is there? kissing.. sex.. what else??

It means what have you ever done with a guy/girl before. Blow jobs, hand jobs, etc.

Q: okk soo theres this boy I like.....but all my friends say hes too bad for you and all this crap and he doesnt deserve you and stuff....and he likes me 2.....what should I dooo???

Help....Plz,

Kateyy

Well, i would get to know him a little better first. Talk to him more and talk on the phone. Then decide if he is really the guy for you and if you like him. What your friends think about who you date DOSENT matter. If you like him, go out with him. It's your choice. Hope this helps!

Q: 15/f
Okay So Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost a year.
He is eternally hooked on me, and i think i could stay with him for the rest of my life if i really wanted to! He is crazy about me, and has become so comfortable with me. Were both only fifteen and hes talking about our marraige life, and how many kids he wants to have. Anytime i say something along the lines of breaking up, whatever it may be he always says "Oh please dont let those words come out of your mouth ever again, i cant even think of that happening." something like that.
I am also his first girlfriend, and before he met me he was sort of considered the "Loser". Which, i really dont care about what other people call one another.

I, on the other hand, have had boyfriend experience, and i know what to say and what not to say.
When i first met him, i always had a burning sensation in my stomach when i saw him and i really really liked him alot, despite what everyone said. Now, i dont know if im getting used to the feeling, or if i simply dont like him anymore. But, the burning feelin has gone away, and when i see him i dont normally get as excited as i usually did.
Im also being attracted to other guys, that never happened when i liked him, and only him. I also dont know whether thats normal, or a sign to move on.
He says things that upset me sometimes, and i also get realy bored with him sometimes too. Like, we never do anything different, and he never says anything different. When im with him, he never wants to talk, all he wants to do is hook up, and if i make it clear i dont want to, he'll keep pushing it. I dont know if hes using me becuase im the only girl thats ever liked him, or if he really likes me. I really dont know!
Any advice?

Ok. Well what i would do is take a little space. I would tell him that you still like him but you need a little "break". It sounds like you guys are spending too much time with eachother and are constantly around. This could turn into a problem because you will suffocate eachother. Hope this helps!

Q: 14 Female. I Started My Period When I Was 11. It was Normal Until Last Year. I didnt Get My Period From June Untill October! Then It Was Normal Again All The Way Untill May. I Didnt Get It Till The Begining Of September. I Havent Started Again And Its October!Is It Normal??? I Mean Ive Already Heard From My Doctor It Is!! But Does This Only Happen To Me?? Or Does It Happen To Other People Too. Also is There Such Thing As A Pre-period Because My Cousin Says She Had A Pre-period Because She Hasnt Had HEr Period IN LIke Forever And She Started When She Was 12 And Is Now 14! Thanks For Ur Answers In Advance!

It is normal. Don't worry. The first couple years it will be irregular because your body is getting used to the changes. It happens to all kinds of people, not just you. It happened to me when i first started and i worried like you but trust me, it is normal. Hope this helps!

Q: So i am new to my school. Well on like the third week of school i noticed this guy in class named stephen. Well he kept looking at me and well i like it so i didnt complain. Well he hangs around with this girl april alot and it is now the 10th week of school. well i started giving him hugs because well i kinda liked him. everytime we saw each other he would give me a hug. But he does that to every girl. Well last week i added him on myspace and he asked me to do his about me..so i did it and he has a pic of me right above his about me. I felt special but then he had this girl name tiffany do it too. Well I asked him to do mine like 3 days ago and he did. He flirts with me at school telling me that my profile is sexy. At lunch today he came up and gave me a big hug. and kept coming up to me and talking.Do you think he likes me. I really like him. If i tell him i like him do you think it will mess up our friend ship? I cant stop thinking about him. He wanted me to hang with him during our break but I couldnt so he called me once and we talked for like 30 mins then he had to go. He messages me everytime he sees me on myspace..what do you think?

Well it sounds to me that he is a player. I think he likes you and some other girls as weel. If he is asking you to hang out with him, that obviously means that he wants to spend more time with you. I would get to know him a little better but don't get to attached because this happened to my friend once and she got her heart broken. Hope this helps!

Q: Here's the situation: I'm 14/f (freshman), and my parents recently got a divorce. My mom is now remarried and my dad has a girlfriend that lives in Florida. Now, the dilemma is, I now have a choice to make. My dad's girlfriend moved up here for a short time but then had to move back because she was unable to sell her house. My dad didn't want to go with her because he didn't want to be away from his kids (four of us). Now, I have the choice to either move to Florida with my dad or stay in Arkansas with my mom. They said I could do whichever and it wouldn't hurt their feelings, but I know I'm going to end up hurting someone. I suppose I'm afraid of change, in a way. I think it would be really fun to move to Florida. I think I'll make new friends and like it better. I'll get to start over, be anyone I want, blah blah blah, etc... But I'm afraid that if I move, I won't be able to return to Arkansas. Not literaly, but meaning, I'd have to forget about the life I've built up here and start over yet again. My old friends will have replaced me and will have tons of inside jokes that I wasn't there for. I'll have missed everything. Then I wouldn't have anywhere to go. However, if I went to Florida and did end up having a better life, I would be glad I did, because life in Arkansas is pretty boring. I just don't know how things will turn out in Florida. I don't know how to make this decision. I've asked my friends and family to help, but of course they are all trying to convince me to do what they want me to do, not what's best for me. I just don't know what to do. I want to move, but yet I don't. I've tried making a list of the upsides and downsides of both, but it's all coming up dead even. I don't want an answer saying "ultimately it's your decision". I don't want it to be my decision. I want it to be someone else's. Just tell me what to do please! Or if you've had a similar situation, what helped you make your decision?! Help PLEASE!? I'm stressing out so much!

Wow! This is a really tough decision to make. What i would do is wait another month or so and talk to your mom about moving to florida and how she feels about it. If you did move to florida, you would make new friends so it wouldn't be a big deal that you are leaving your old ones behind because you can still keep in touch. It's your life, live it the way you want. I would have a sit down convo with your mom and dad and ask them what they THINK and how they feel about it all. Hopefully this helps you!

Q: so this is weirding me out now. theres this gut on my bus every sunday afternoon.

he's quite cute and seems to be my type. (shy, likes books, messy hair, wears hats :D)

and for the past couple of weeks ive had dreams about him while asleep and awake about him being my bf.

its really strange. like if i go to make a drink i'll imagine him next to me talking, joking, laughing and cuddling with me.

in the dreams at nite i feel like he could really know me, understand my and my problems and that i could talk to him about them and he could help me. i dont know what to do about it.

i dont know his name and have never spoken to him. this has never happened before so i dont have a clue.

im freaking out about it. should i act on it or not.

could i ever tell him about these dreams?

what if he turns out it be the complete opposite of what ive imagined?

I would just try talking to him first. Have a normal conversation and get to know him. The dreams might go away after you get to know the "real" him. Hope this helps!

Q: okay, this is getting out of hand. these dots on my legs are getting worse and worse every night. do you think i have beg bugs? look at these links. please help me. i have a halloween party soon and my costume is very short and you can see my whole leg.

1. http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=2iv1r1x&s=4

2. http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=51oja&s=4
(sorry about the mess :D!)

3. http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=2uibqyr&s=4

this is absolutely discusting!
please tell me what this is, its been going on for a while. i have no recently shaved my legs because of this [thinking it was a reaction from the razor] could i have beg bugs??

It looks like it could be mosquito bites or maybe chiggers. Make sure that you wash and dry your sheets so you get rid of any bugs that may be in your bed. Also, if you go in tall grass, wear long pants and boots so they don't get in your clothes and bite you. You can try benadryl itch cream. If it dosen't help or clear up within the next 5-7 days, i would go to the doctor. Hope this helps!

Q: hello everyone, my fiance' and I got engaged this past summer because we do love each other. He proposed on the beach, but ALL we do is fight. We've been fighting since last january on and off but now we don't even get along. I bought us our own house and we now live together. We always just get into fights and we always cry. I just want our relationship to be happy again. He says I always "bitch" constantly (but he never cleans up after himself and never gives me hardly any affection) He told me recently that the dog treats him better then I do and he hates living with me. I can admit I can be somewhat controlling but it just hurts me that I never get any affection. We're both stubborn and try talking to each other about how we feel but nothing ever changes. Please give me advice about how to make my engagement better before we get married (this april!) I just can't marry someone who verbally abuses me a lot, but I love him, so please don't tell me to leave him! Thanks so much!

Well, everybody goes through rough patches during their "almost" married life. It's normal. If i were you, I would be the bigger person (even if i didn't start anything) and when he comes home one day, have dinner ready for him, dress up a little, give a really big KISS and compliment him. He can't get mad if you do that. Then you will start getting along better. Don't give up, your just going through a stressful time right now! Have faith!!
Good luck!! Hope this helps!

Q: I KNOW THIS MESSAGE IS LONG BUT PLEASE HELP ME :(
Hello i am 19 year old girl, i have a loving family and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years, he is my first ever boyfriend and my first in everything sex wise and relationship wise. ALOT has happened so i'll just tell you the simple version. The relationship started out fine in the beginning and then after about a year he started to get very argumentative and very angry later on that year he broke up with me and told me he slept with another girl and wore a condom BUT didnt cheat on me, and after a month he wanted to get back together, so i did, 3 months after we got back together i dragged out of him that he didnt in fact wear a condom so he lied to me, i undertook the correct precautions when he told me this and thankfully everything was fine with me and him so stayed with him despite the lie, 6 months later i then found out that he lied again when he said that he slept with the girl when we broke up he actually cheated on me, he acted very sorry and said the arguments would stop and things would change so i forgave him again.
Throughout all of this he has gained a very bad relationship with my mother and relatives, when we first got together my mum treated him extemley well but since the cheating he has been cocky and arrogant to my mother, when he was arguing at me again about a month a go, my mum got involved as she didnt like the way he was talking to me and he told her to 'shut her f***ing mouth.'
he refuses to take me out anywhere as he says he cant be bothered.
It has now been 6 months since these lies adn arguments and i feel now has been the final straw. my grandmother was ill and i told him that i could only see him for 3 hours, i told him this as his house he FLIPPED 'What the f*** you didnt tell me how dare you' i then said im leaving and he blocked the door i shouted and went into the living room, he blocked that door he wouldnt let me out i called my mother and he was in the background SHOUTING and SWEARING and he wouldnt let me out, he then said go on get out theres the door f*** off and DIE i went to leave and he blocked the door again saying it was a joke and he loves me. eventually his parents came home and said they would give me a lift home, he said 'its my f***ing car too im coming as well' he was swearing at me saying your a bitch you treat me like s*** you treat me like a dog no wonder you dont have any friends. now he is acting like nothing has happened saying i love you all the time and saying he wants to take me some place special for my birthday and give me my birthday presents.

i know i should leave him but this is all i know since i was 17 and im so scared to leave him, im going to university but i have no friends and scared of never being loved by anyone else and he'll be the only one who'll ever love me :(

please help

This guy is not the guy you want to be with. The way your explaining this makes him sound like a total jerk. You don't deserve to be treated like this. He has told you a lot of lies and cheated on you before. No girl should ever be put in this situation. If i were you i would break it off and you will find another person to be with. When people do this and they say they will change, they are lying. The person won't change. That's who they really are. I hope you decide to leave him because you don't deserve it. I hope this helps!!
Let me know what you decide to do and if you need anymore help feel free to send me a message!

bio

Hey Everyone! I am on the computer a lot and if you and questions or concerns, you can send me a message here on advicenators and i will answer as quickley as possible. I give honest answers but am not to harsh on people. You can ask me any kind of question and i will answer it! Ask away! Thanks!