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Cheated, Lied to, and he doesnt understand me :'(
I KNOW THIS MESSAGE IS LONG BUT PLEASE HELP ME :(
Hello i am 19 year old girl, i have a loving family and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years, he is my first ever boyfriend and my first in everything sex wise and relationship wise. ALOT has happened so i'll just tell you the simple version. The relationship started out fine in the beginning and then after about a year he started to get very argumentative and very angry later on that year he broke up with me and told me he slept with another girl and wore a condom BUT didnt cheat on me, and after a month he wanted to get back together, so i did, 3 months after we got back together i dragged out of him that he didnt in fact wear a condom so he lied to me, i undertook the correct precautions when he told me this and thankfully everything was fine with me and him so stayed with him despite the lie, 6 months later i then found out that he lied again when he said that he slept with the girl when we broke up he actually cheated on me, he acted very sorry and said the arguments would stop and things would change so i forgave him again.
Throughout all of this he has gained a very bad relationship with my mother and relatives, when we first got together my mum treated him extemley well but since the cheating he has been cocky and arrogant to my mother, when he was arguing at me again about a month a go, my mum got involved as she didnt like the way he was talking to me and he told her to 'shut her f***ing mouth.'
he refuses to take me out anywhere as he says he cant be bothered.
It has now been 6 months since these lies adn arguments and i feel now has been the final straw. my grandmother was ill and i told him that i could only see him for 3 hours, i told him this as his house he FLIPPED 'What the f*** you didnt tell me how dare you' i then said im leaving and he blocked the door i shouted and went into the living room, he blocked that door he wouldnt let me out i called my mother and he was in the background SHOUTING and SWEARING and he wouldnt let me out, he then said go on get out theres the door f*** off and DIE i went to leave and he blocked the door again saying it was a joke and he loves me. eventually his parents came home and said they would give me a lift home, he said 'its my f***ing car too im coming as well' he was swearing at me saying your a bitch you treat me like s*** you treat me like a dog no wonder you dont have any friends. now he is acting like nothing has happened saying i love you all the time and saying he wants to take me some place special for my birthday and give me my birthday presents.
i know i should leave him but this is all i know since i was 17 and im so scared to leave him, im going to university but i have no friends and scared of never being loved by anyone else and he'll be the only one who'll ever love me :(
please help
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Believe me he wont be the only one who will ever love you. This boy obviously doesnt love you, if he did he wouldnt do this. You deserve so much better. You are in an abusive relationship and that gets dangerous i would know that. please its your choice but you need to get away from him
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Ok what this guy is doing is abuse. He is just beating down on you with words and insults and you don't deserve that. This guy is your first love and that's tough but you need to let got. From what you have posted, I see no reason for you to stay.
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Woah woah woah. That sounds exactly like the relationship i just got out of.
The only difference is that I'm only 17.
I dated someone for two and a half years. And she treated me exactly how it sounds your boyfriend treats you. She yelled at me and called me names. She hit me and if I tried to leave, she would block the door. I wasn't "allowed" to hangout with my friends and she controlled every part of my life. When my mom was living five hours away, I hadn't seen her in 3 months and my ex wouldn't let me go visit her at Christmas. She said it was "me or your mom." She would tell me to go die and that I should kill myself because "no one will ever love me." Then after every big fight, she would tell me she was just kidding and try to laugh about it.
She cheated on me four times. She broke up with me numerous times for seven different girls. Then lied about it and told me it never happened. Then told me it did. Then tried to change her story and messed with my head.
I'm telling you from experience myself, that its really not good for you and you need to get out of it.
When she broke up with me again for another girl in December, I said that was it. I wasn't gonna deal with that anymore. Its not healthy and I didn't deserve any of it.
And neither do you.
No one does.
I realized that I had manipulated myself into thinking that I "needed her" because I didn't have anyone else. All of my friends had given up on me. Plus, I was moving to a completely different school two hours away so I had to start over completely, which again kind of sounds like what you're going through.
I thought for sure that no one would ever love me again and that I'd never make new friends.
But I was wrong. Being in that relationship taught me alot and now I know what to put up with in a relationship.
I know that you don't personally know me. But I can PROMISE you that you will be better off without him. You don't deserve anything he puts you through and you will find someone who makes you so incredibly happy. Especially when you're going to a new university, meeting new people.
I know this might be wierd because I am younger than you. Haha, but I really think you should get out of it while you can.
I hope I helped and I hope everything works out for you.
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Oi...
Being alone is hard. Everyone has a first love.
Thing is, he gets to get away with these things because you let him, and you're three years into the relationship which means its a bit too late to change things now.
As I said, everyone has a first love. Its generally not a good idea, and rarely does it happen that you stay with your first love.
I guarantee you that other people will love you. As long as you see something in yourself worth loving, others will see it too. Thats not an opinion, thats a fact.
I had issues with this a while back. I'm in a relationship going on 4 years now. Last October, we broke up. Bad break up too.
I was terrified. All of a sudden I was alone in the world. Well, it felt like it anyway. I'm kinda the opposite of you, I have amazing friends and don't speak to my family. I took comfort in those who cared about me, and got back out into the dating world.
I was surprised to find that I actually was seen as "worth dating". I didn't think that would have been the case. I felt like I had nothing to offer anyone but my girlfriend and only she would see value in me.
I could not have been more wrong. Neither could you.
Honestly, your self esteem is shot to shit. He's got you where he wants you, he keeps you feeling like he's your only option and he can do whatever the hell he wants.
Its time to cut that off. Permanently. Simply put, this relationship you described is past recovery. He is too used to the way things are, and at your age you are slowly learning who you are. You are changing into a new person, and he doesnt want to let you because who you are now, he has control over.
I can't say you'll find the willpower to break it off, but without question that is what I advise.
If you live with him, move out. Delete his phone number, change yours, block his e-mail, tell him you don't ever want to hear from him again. Cut off contact as totally and completely as you possibly can.
He is a spoiled brat with no concept of the fact that he is supposed to control himself and not be an arrogant angry insulting prick.
Do what he deserves and kick his ass to the curb.
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yes not only has he cheated on you but he lied, and hes been a down right messed up guy. NON WAY should you question this. break up with him. break up with him now. I know everyone says not to break up with a boy over the phone or in a note, but in this case i most definitely would. also if you are going to do it on the phone do it at a friends house and dont tell him where you are, he might be a little angry and you will want him to cool down before you confront him. thats all i got to say hun, BREAK UP WITH HIM, YOU DONT DESERVE THAT CRAP HE GIVES YOU.
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if he is cheating and lying to you leave him i garentee with in the first month of college one guy will be interested in you dont think youll die alone cuz YOU WONT!!!
hope i helped
loveboys
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This guy is not the guy you want to be with. The way your explaining this makes him sound like a total jerk. You don't deserve to be treated like this. He has told you a lot of lies and cheated on you before. No girl should ever be put in this situation. If i were you i would break it off and you will find another person to be with. When people do this and they say they will change, they are lying. The person won't change. That's who they really are. I hope you decide to leave him because you don't deserve it. I hope this helps!!
Let me know what you decide to do and if you need anymore help feel free to send me a message!
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I know that you have been with him for three years, but believe me when I tell you that it is never a good idea to stay in a relationship because of the time table. Three years was a good run and now it is time for you to move on. It’s obvious that you love him, but it is not worth it to endure the abuse from him. He is not well in the mind. The abuse will only get worse in the future. It seems to me that he wants you to wait around on him while he still has the benefits of doing what he wants to. He will never give you what you need or want. He has no respect for you or your mother which should be enough. If he has become violent, that will only get worse and I'm telling you from experience that you will find yourself in an unthinkable situation and wonder how you ever let yourself get in so deep. He says he's sorry, but that does not excuse his actions. I honestly think that this relationship has run its course. I know what it feels like to have been with one person for a long time and you know nothing else. He has been your comfort for so long, but he is a dangerous, emotionally abusive security blanket. You need to bite the bullet and let him go. Maybe you can be friends down the line, maybe not. You need to be away from him and make a fresh start. You are afraid because he is all you know, but don't ever let something like fear keep you from getting what you deserve in life! You deserve better than he can offer you. He wants you to believe that no one else will love just like every other coward that is losing his girlfriend does. They all say that, it’s been said to me. These lies are not even remotely true, so don't believe them. You will go to college and make new friends and meet lots of guys. Take things slow if you are not ready to get involved with another guy right away, but don't let this guy hold you back because that is all he will try to do while you are in college. You want to believe he will change, but more than likely he won't so move on and cry if you need to and go through the motions. I know it seems like your whole world right now but one day you will look back on this experience and it will only be a memory. Don't let your situation define you, learn from it. You will have really hard days, and others will fly by as you sigh in relief. It is all a part of the process. Choose yourself and your happiness over him. I wish you the best of luck!!
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Hi,
get out of that relationship and get out fast. He has been treating you like crap and believe me he is not going to change. His treatment of you is deplorable. His treatment of your parents is disrespectful.
He wants you to feel exactly the way you are feeling right now. It's a way of controlling you. He wants you to feel totaly isolated so that you will be totally dependent on him and always run back to him.
The fact that he not only cheated on you is bad enough, but he didn't wear a condomn! He put your health at risk and like you said lucky for you everything worked out, this time.
I think that if you stay with him his treatment of you is only going to escalate into violence. I know you are afraid of being out there alone, but everytime you take him back, you are condoning his behaviour; you are showing him that it's okay for him to do you that way. Your gut is telling you it's not right.
Go to college and get your education. Believe me you will make friends, you will find a boyfriend who will treat you the way you should be treated. You have to believe that you deserve to be treated with respect. Once you believe that, no one will be able to do that to you again and you will respect yourself.
I know it's hard to think of a life without him since he's all you know, but time heals all. Each day will getter easier and better. The more you put yourself out there, the more you'll push him to the curb. Don't be fooled by cards, flowers, a good dinner, or anything else he throws your way. It won't last. I hope I helped.
Good luck,
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Leave him.
If his version of love includes bullying you, physically threatening you and cheating on you in dangerous ways... you'd be better off never loving again then staying with him. He hasn’t just ripped your heart out, he’s put your body in danger.
Is he going to have to punch you around a bit before you leave him?
Break up with him. Cry it out. Go to university, met some people, join a club and learn to love yourself. Someone else will come along. Someone who doesn't treat you like shit. This is a good time to make a clean break. Your world is about to expand with new people and possibilities. It will be hard, but it will be easier without him.
There is no acceptable explanation for his behavior. There is no excuse, and NO love. He is using you. He is letting out the very worst of himself on you and one of these days more then your feelings will get hurt. The only other choice you have is to stay with him, endure his verbal abuse and wait for the day you need to call an ambulance.
Lean on your family for support, and end this. It’s already out of control.
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