I am a father of three, girl, boy, girl, all are now over 18. I have been married for 29 years as of 6-30-07, so yes, if you do the math I was married at 18, just after graduating high school. I am very aware of the pit falls of doing so, but we made it through the really tough times. I came to this site, because of my daughter, she also uses the site.
I am an author and have written three books, only one under this name, but it is not how I make my living. I am in business, working full time and I have a seasonal business in ponds, selling Koi, goldfish, water plants and supplies. I help people to plan and build ponds, as well as, maintenance if they need it.
I am not here for the ratings and could careless what you rate me. I will tell you things I know, I will tell you what you don't want to hear, but most of all, I will tell you things from my perspective. I have experienced a lot in my life, I have not lived with my head in the sand and I'm a realist, you want someone to blow smoke up your as*, don't read my writings, (I don't do fairy tales).
I am not so foolish as to think I am always right, I can only tell you what I know and give you something to think about. It is up to you to find out if I'm right or not.
Life is complicated, because people are complicated and one answer does not necessarily fit all, but that doesn't mean you should not consider what I say as a possibility.
Feel free to write me personally if you wish, there is only so much you can say in such a restrictive environment as this site is, it doesn't allow for proper conversation.
Thank you for coming to my column and giving me the chance to help.
E-mail: gibber@cableone.net
Gender: Male
Location: Minnesota
Age: 53
Member Since: May 14, 2008
Answers: 285
Last Update: March 27, 2013
Visitors: 26926
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so, this is kinda a long story..i don't really know what to do..my boyfriend tells me that my mom treats me like shit and i let it happen..i mean she says the most hurtful things you could think of..like "if i knew you were gonna be like this i'd never have you" or pretty much, "i wish you were never born"..am i that bad?! my boyfriend says it's her that's a bitch, and my mom tells everyone in my family that i never do what she asks, which is bullshit..so now everyone is giving me crap about it..i go to college..i'm 18..my boyfriend says i'm old enough to make my own decisions but until i understand that, my mom is just going to keep treating me like shit..but i still have that respect for my parents..i do what i can..i'm the youngest and my two brothers, one who she favors, moved out a long time ago, and my sisters got married when i was younger..i'll stop here. (link)
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It's funny how life is such a completion to some people. "What have you done for me lately?" No matter what, you can NEVER top what your mother has given you! Would it hurt you to acknowledge that, would it also kill you to find out why she feels this way and worse yet, why she expresses these things openly to you?
Why does it surprise so many of you children when a parent shows resentment for a child who in all reality has taken that parents life from them, then spits on them and their words. They care nothing of what they came from and think they have actually sacrificed because they do a chore or two around the house
Parents give up their lives for their children, they set all their wants and sometimes their needs aside for you and often what keeps them going is the thought that it will come back to them in the end. But, you know what, it never does. We never get what is due use, what we get is a child who fights us all our lives, one who never stops expecting more.
Look at her my dear, take a close look, for she is you, but for a child or two. She is your future, she is what you will be, unless you have the intelligence and strength to see this and face it and change it. Otherwise just continue being the ungrateful child and don't recognize her greatest of accomplishments. YOU dear spirit.
Follow up,
Wow, where did the two of you come up with your responses. I guess it shouldn't surprise me, obviously you have not the capability to understand the written word. Read this again with out your bias and try to understand what I'm saying. Here, I'll dumb it down for you. Parents always, yes, I said ALWAYS, have their favorites, you will too. I love all three of my children and I walked into parenthood with both eyes wide open and gladly gave my life for them and still do to one extent or another. I love them all, but honestly, I don't like one of them, (there is a difference, I love her as my child, but I don't like her as a person). As for the other two, I like them both, but to very much different degrees. This is human nature, you can't fight it.
Second of all, as to your problem, I was trying to give you the in-site to talk with your mother, what the hell is wrong with you MTV watching kids that you can't sit down and talk to your own parents and try to understand them, instead of always expecting us to understand and just except you. I read your letters, both of you and see ME...ME...ME, the world is all about me and you better well understand that. Will you ever come to grips with the fact that your mother is a human being with all the thoughts and worries of one, but then, you don't give a damn about that, because you don't have to understand her, do you?
Get off your pedestal of martyrdom, (Oh poor me), and talk to her like an adult, then maybe she'll treat you like one, gee, maybe you'll even learn something.
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Tonight, a guy that I hate poured some capsule and its contents all over my food before I unknowingly ate it. The capsule was clear and pill shaped, inside it was a grainy/powder of a wheat, beige color. It has an awful smell that I couldn't name. Anyone have any ideas what it could be that I ate?
I know the guy is lactose intolerant, so if you are .. do you take a pill like that? (link)
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There are many herb based pills like this, melatonin for instance has a very pungent smell similar to dirty socks in a way. Any thing strong like date rape drugs, or pharmaceuticals would kick in fast and you would not be writing this. Most real drugs act with in minutes, very few take more then 5 minutes, most over the counter drugs take no more then 20 minutes.
Don't take any chances, go to the doctor and make sure this boy spends most of his night explaining himself to the police.
I hope for the best dear one.
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So, when I was younger, I wasn't really attractive. I had glasses and what not. When I was in 5th - 7th grade I never went a week with out a boyfriend.It is sad. I lived at apartments. I got asked to have sex a lott. But i never did. I am going into freshmen year now and I am still a virgin. I have to say I am good looking now. I get comments from guys more than like 20 times a day on how hot I am. I get asked to have sex at a minimum of 3 times a day. I am still a virgin but don't want to be. But I don't really want to have a like 1 night stand with a friend.
I was dating somebody last year, but it was a secretive relationship. He wanted to have sex and I said no. I really regret it. Cause all the people that I like are experienced and I'm not. So I don't want to be having sex or getting fingered or anything with my friends when I'm still a virgin.
But I really want to have sex and stuff with them, but it is embarrassing.
I really need advice!!
Pleaseeee help me!! (link)
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Should you have sex for the sake of having sex? Hmm, let me think about that one, sure why not, if everyone else is doing it, you should defiantly be a drone like everyone else. It's silly to be a leader and do things for the sake of right and wrong when you can just follow everyone else.
You should always get what you want at all costs, even if you screw up your life in the process. Being pregnant and popping out kids at your age is fun. You get lots of attention that way and you can always just give the babies away so you will have no responsibilities for them.
The Human Being is the combination of the Human animal and the spiritual Being. Why should you be any different from the majority of people out there that live their life satisfying the animal instead of controling it? You have urges, you should always appease them, sexual urges, the urge to eat what ever you want, the urge to kill, you should always appease your animal urges. Tell you what, the next guy you see that turns you on, just go up and say, "Hey do you want to F*ck me", hell just do that with every guy you meet, you'll have the time of your life, no matter how long it turns out to be.
Be well dear one, you are given many gifts in life, do not be in such a hurry to give them away. There are gift that should be earned.
Second response,
HAHAHAHA, your age is showing dear one, as well as your intelligence. Sarcasm totally escapes you and humor as well. There is no response to your question that differs from mine in any other way other then the angle that I chose to right it from. There are 4 responses here, yet mine is the only one you responded to, (as of writing this), I consider that a job well done.
I made you think about your stupid question and the total lack of any thought or brains going into it. Your anger, so obviously, stems from the truth you see in my writing, for no matter what you say, my words are true and come from what you so clearly wrote in your question.
I broke a decision I had made in even answering your question. I had decided to stop answering any questions other then personal ones and I'll tell you why: One, because so many of you here only come for confirmation of something you want to do that you know is wrong and rate those who don't give it to you badly. Two, so many like yourself don't give any where near enough information in your questions to give you good advice when you are truly seeking it. And three; I don't believe that even half of the questions on relationships and sex are real. I have answered 183 questions on this site since I started here and I have been rated 99 times, that's just over half. I believe that about half of the questions asked here are by some self appointed watch dog looking for that one in million pervert that will say, "come on little girl, I'll show you all about sex."
You have convinced me once again that I am wasting my time answering general forum questions, for there are too many of you shallow little girls and boys who don't have any interest in what anyone else has to say, unless of course it agrees with what you want to hear.
Though your response to me was profane and vulgar, showing how little your mind actually is, I will wish you the best and hope that someday you learn the difference between living life and experiencing life. But in truth, I have seen many of your kind in my time, I know the path you are going to follow. I wish you well.
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I haven't really even given this much thought in a loooong time, but this keeps coming to mind and it's annoying, so any help would be great.
I'm not sure how old I was, probably around 9--I'm much older now. But I was over a friend's house, she was probably 2-4 years older than me. So we were just playing, and at some point she started mentioning how she wanted to 'do things', and I know I was nervous and didn't want to but I have no idea what I said. So she ended up getting me to take my clothes off (I'm pretty sure she said she 'wouldn't play with me' if I didn't--as sad as that sounds) and ended up touching/getting me to do the same to her, among other things.
The thing is, was this my fault or was I responsible or what? I have no idea how to analyze this, and I never really mentioned it to ANYONE, so ... yeah. Any thoughts..?
I know I did'nt wan to do it, but for some reason I did? I don't even know what this is considered.. (link)
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Sorry this took so long, but I've been very busy, yeah, it's an excuse, it should not have taken this long and I apologize.
Loosely, this is taking advantage of our need to be accepted, which in our younger years is very strong. As we get older the need to be accepted at all costs diminishes to varying degrees. I'm sure if you think about it you can think of many other times where people have used this against you to get what they wanted, this one just sticks out in your mind because of the sexual content of it.
This is why I speak against mixing ages in many of my posts. She was ready to explore the differences between the male and female bodies, you were not. This is not uncommon and you should not look on it as being so. She was curious and had the perfect situation, a young one that she could control.
I will tell you a story about a young girl, she lived in a more rural situation when she grew up. There was not a lot of kids to play with and she was desperate for friends. The only other girls close by were some years older then her and they asked her to play with them. She was in heaven with the though of having these older girls as friends.
Well, as it turned out, they took her to one of the girls houses, this girl had a young brother, thinking back, she figures he was some where near 5 years old. These girls took them both down stairs and talk the girl into showing them her young breast, then proceeded to expose the young boys penis to the group. They then talked the young girl into playing with the young boys penis, even to the point of putting it in her mouth. Needless to say, these girls never asked this young girl to play again, they got the thrill they wanted, and never called on her again.
She was about the age you speak of yourself being and what you should realize about this is that the young are very easily taken advantage of and is why we must always protect them. But, when it comes right down to it, you can never stop children from being children. The older children should always know better then this, but there will always be those that will recognize this and exploit this.
You, precious spirit, were exploited at age 9, like many many people have been. It's hard to think back and realize how weak you were then, isn't it? We all have the things we carry to the grave, I have my share of regrets for things I did when I didn't really know any better, but then, that's why they call it growing up. We all learn what is right and wrong, the key is to be able to stop doing what is wrong. I will tell you, I have learned more from what I have done wrong, then what I have done right, I know, it's kinda backwards, but most of us learn that way, because we don't believe what others tell us, only what we experience.
If you are thinking of this a lot lately, I would guess that you feel now that there is something you have not learned from this experience and you are trying to find it. If you look for justification, you may never find it. Nor, may you understand the reason. I urge you to separate yourself from this experience, do as I do, the child was not me. What I was before 18, is not me, the things that happened to me, was a whole life away.
Remember, your life is a bible in itself. Every time you look back and read the pages, the meaning changes and you come to new epiphanies and you wonder how you missed it the last time you read that story.
Use what you learn dear spirit, not all lessons are plain as the nose on your face.
Be well, hope I helped, feel free to write again.
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Ok well something has happened and i dont know how to feel. There is this guy but comes off as really immature, concieted, and just a plain jerk sometimes. But when we are alone he seems so sweet.
And he told my little brother, (they are friends) that he thought i was hott and was going on and on about how he couldnt wait to meet me. And when we did meet (he lives in my home state, i reside 6 hours away) he was asking me questions about me like my intrests and my hobbies. But if there were other girls around or his friends it was like i was a burden. And it really hurt. But at the same time it makes me want him more. All i ever tried to do was be friends with him, even though i wanted more. My dad said he is always asking about me and going into my room.
He has a crush on this 12 year old, and he is 16, but he untied her binkini top and it made me mad because this little girl is like my little sister. So i seriuosly wanted to kill him. Because it hurt her so much.
When i was there for the summer i saw him talking to one of our neighbors so i went up and said hi and the neighbor said "your girlfriend is waiting for you tyler." and he said "she isnt my girlfriend, and still she lives in kentucky." and the neighbor started saying if tyler did anything i didnt like to tell him and he would kill him.
Whats going on because i dont know what to feel or what to think or what to do???!!! (link)
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I hate to tell you something you don't want to hear, but you are best off staying clear of this guy until he can stop being a pervert. Understand that this is not too far from being a normal guy, if he had untied another 16 year olds top. My best friend growing up would do things like this when he was about that age, he once pulled a girls tube top down, (hope you know what that is), exposing her in front of me. This girl was our age and it was all in fun, but he was going out with her, to say it was not nice would be an understatement.
The guy you're talking about went further with it though and exposed, (or tried to expose), a 12 year old girl. At 16, he should know that is very inappropriate, I'm sure he does, but did it anyway. This tells me he has an attitude of looking at girls as easy victims. He's going to get his jollies any way he can and there is a better then 50% chance he will be a rapist before his 18th birthday.
When a guy ignores you when other people are around, it should give you a good idea of what he really thinks of you. If he had any respect for you at all, he would be going out of his way to make you feel comfortable around them, not alienated.
Many Girls, like yourself, are attracted to these kind of guys. Some, because, they think so little of themselves, they think this is the kind of guy they deserve. Some, because, they think that these guys are what men are suppose to be like. Pretty much all of these girls, sooner or later, come to realize that they are wrong. A real man's strength does not come from being a jerk and an as*whole, it comes from wanting to protect you from everything, because he can't imagine being with out you. And when I say everything, I mean even himself.
All guys have their softer, kinder side, but don't be suckered in dear one. If he is willing to hurt your's and others feelings, there is not much he is not capable of at this time in life. Distance yourself from him, check in with him when he hits 25 years old, see if he's changed, I'll bet you money right now that he will not have.
Be well good lady and never settle for a sloppy joe, when you can have a sirloin steak. Keep looking, he's out there.
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14/f
I'm going to use fake names: the first person is Andrew and the other is Nick.
I started taking classes at my high school early, and, naturally, I got to meet new people and started to hang out with them. Well, Andrew one of the guys that I talk to, and he points out little stuff about me, but not in a bad way (ex. my hair, my shoes, whether I'm talking a lot or not, etc.). I started to hang out with the girls a little more during our breaks, and he always manages to find where we sit, but break is pretty much over by then. Andrew keeps staring at me in class too. Does Andrew like me? Or is he just being nice to me?
Thanks for any of the helpful advice! Answer soon! (link)
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If I say yes, are you going to get all carried away and start making your wedding plans? If you are, then the answer is no, but if you can keep your cool and not try to take this situation to a level you should not at your age, I will tell you the truth.
If a guy say more then hello to you, he is open to liking you, he is open to being your friend. This is where it should stay for a while, friends. Get to know each other without the pressure of having to preform as a boy friend and girl friend. Let the relationship develop naturally and find out who you are together and apart.
Making demands on each other is not the place to go, finding out about each other is where you need to go. Be calm, take it slow and don't get stuck in something you are not ready to handle.
Be well dear girl and be smart.
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how can you give advice if you're not open-minded? i see a lot of answers on this site saying negative things towards certain religions and sexual orientations. and lots of labeling (preps, emos, etc).
i think that if you're going to try to help someone, you need to accept what they have to say and answer respectfully. am i the only one who feels this way? (link)
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Your question is more of an opinion then a question and I try not to get involved in opinion questions, because one should never be rated on their opinion. Opinions are just that and like religion, opinions should not be judged. I think the thing that most people forget here is, that the "advice" that is given here can only be as good as the persons question. If they are short and leave too much open to interpretation, the advice will be shoddy at best.
It also seems, many who ask for advice are not really looking for advice, only for someone to tell them they are doing the right thing when they know they are not. People get mad when they look for confirmation, but get told the opposite.
Often, my replies, are more possibilities. I read all advice that is written before my own, if I feel something has not been touched on that could be a possibility, I bring it up. It does not mean I'm right, just that it should be considered.
I take nothing personal here and it doesn't hurt my feelings when someone trashes me here. To hurt my feelings I have to know and respect you and your opinions. I admit that sometimes I seem terse, but sometimes that is what is needed. Sometimes a person needs to be grabbed and shaken up a bit. But yes, name calling is the defense of a weak mind and is all to often used. You should pay attention to the real though, tv, movies, politics, it is all about name calling and trashing. Should it surprise you when the brain washed masses copy their hero's?
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Hello,
I am from India. Very recently I met someone in my office whom I liked so much that I could not stop myself from falling for him, knowing that he is married. I have conveyed my feelings to him and also told him that I understand we can't have a life together since he is married. We are quite friendly to each other but whenever he talks about his wife, I feel hurt, don't know why. What do I do?
Thanks.
SR. (link)
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Good lady, lessons come from where you least expect them. Love was never meant to be kept to yourself, it was meant to be given and given freely. I am a Spiritualist, I believe in the strength of the spirit and that we are suppose to love people. I have the most pure love for you right now and if I could, I would give you a great hug, but it would not mean I would trade you for my wife.
In our lives we will and have loved many spirits, but you cheapen that love by thinking it can only be given to your spiritual mate. This time around there is someone for him and another for you, but why must you not love him? Why can not someone else love him too and he love someone else? This is where the world falters today, we are all so short sighted when it comes to love and we can't take it for what it is.
Love and sex are two separate things, hugs, wanting to be around someone and thinking them special, there's nothing wrong with that. Take your relationship for what it is, don't think it has to be more, just be glad you have found it and go out and look for more, they are out there waiting for you.
Get to know your spirit dear one, understand that your life is suppose to be full of love, expect it to be, live it as if it is.
With much love,
Gilbert Mar
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I was the one who asked the question about getting back with my ex...
I appreciate your advice, it's very helpful. But I think you misunderstood. He didn't just come out and say, I think we should have sex. We never had sex when we were going out before either, so he shouldn't have any reason to expect it. However he WAS hinting at it playfully. And I was playing along to an extent but then it got carried away and I just want him to know that I'm not easy.
Anyways, are there any signs to know if he really cares about me, or if he just wants someone to please him? (link)
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It doesn't matter who the guy is, we all want sex, that's a given. Time is the best test of what a guy really wants, hold out on him for as long as it takes to satisfy you that it is not all that he wants. Most guys who are solely focused on one thing will only take a certain amount of time to get it before he moves on. This varies from number of dates, to number of months. If you are both still young, then make it a matter of years, at least that is what you make him think. If you are say, 16 or younger, tell him you don't intend to have sex until you are at least 18. If your 18, tell him you won't until you're 21, or out of college, or something along that line. If you're older, pick another dead line, like not until I'm married, or until we've been together for one, or maybe two years.
Signs are very hard to read, there are a lot of people who will do what they think will get them what they want, so you can never really trust signs. Trust tests, test him, see his reaction, so many people will say one thing, yet do another. "You are not what others think you are. You are not what you think yourself to be. You are what your actions reveal you to be." That is what dating is all about, you are waiting for him to reveal his true self, don't think twice about pushing him to reveal himself, you'll waste a lot less time that way.
Be sure you know his core dear spirit as well as your own.
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ok i have a boyfriend and i think me and him are getting pretty serious. and im pretty sure i love him. And that makes me really scared and it makes me want to cry. lol im a nerd, i know. But its really scary. Im kinda scared of commintment(sp?)
iv never really stayed with one guy for long. And i really love him and i want to stay with him. My heart says stay. But my mind says go...Even though hes all i think about anymore. Iv never been in love. SO i guess what im asking is,
how can i be less scared of being in love?
How do i really know im in love?
How can i make my heart and mind agree with eachother. (lol)
Because i really dont want to hurt him again.... (link)
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You have answered one of your questions already, if he is the only one you can think about, you love him. But that is not where it ends. Love is easy, almost as easy as lust, it's liking him to a point of no return that seals it. My wife's way of looking at love is, "If this guy were to have something happen, (an accident for instance), and he was left totally dependent on you for everything, (he could do nothing for you), would you stay with him? In other words, would your love truly conquer all?
Much of what you say, says to me that you are not ready for a serious relationship, that is where your fear comes in. Having this deep of a relationship is scary. You put yourself out there in a way that is dangerous. You open yourself up to all kinds of pain and sorrow, because the better a person knows you, the better they can hurt you. Doing this takes a lot of trust and trust is not something you mention in your letter. Your mind is not with you, because trust has not been achieved, I would guess. So, what your heart feels must be put on hold and your brain must be appeased.
Lastly, I don't normally suggest you do this, but I think you may have to talk with this guy, but you would be the best judge of that. Help him to understand where you are mentally and let him know your fear. You know, odds are, he has the same feelings. If he is any kind of a man, he will help you explore these things and perhaps the two of you will learn somethings about each other.
My best thoughts go with you on your journey.
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This past week I went to a camp and my ex-bf was there also. And over the course of the week I realized that I still liked him. He had already told me about 3 weeks ago that he wanted to get back together with me, but I turned him down because I was still upset with him for dumping me in the first place.
Anyways, now I've told him how I feel and we've decided to get back together. But tonight he was texting me and talking about starting back right where we left off, and suggesting sex too. I told him right then he was moving too fast, but he pulled the whole "you do love me don't you?" to which i said, "i did once until you broke my heart. I'm not just giving it back to you so you can do what you want with it. If you don't want a serious relationship and you just want to mess around then I don't want anything to do with you anymore."
After awhile he texted back saying "I do want a serious relationship. I was just messin' with you. That was just once." Would you say that he truly meant that or just said it cuz he was scared I would leave?
Also, what are some ways we can help to make our relationship exciting but not always so sexual? I want this to work out because I really like him but I want to make sure it is a healthy relationship.
(link)
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It's hard to know for sure, but I would say this boy is very serious, about having sex that is. He dropped you, played the field a bit and determined that you were his best bet for getting sex. No one in his right mind would come out and say let's have sex, right after getting back together with a girl he dropped. I don't believe for one second he was joking and neither do I believe you can trust anything that he says. Everything he does from this point on has but one conclusion in his mind and you know what it is.
I'm sorry you like this guy, but if you want to know for sure, keep your stance solid with him and don't give in, see how long it is before he drops you again.
"Fun things," come when two people are not fixated on one act,(such as having sex). When you do things together, keep them as unromantic as possible and as group related as possible. That is not to say you have to know the group, being out in public is the same as group dating.
Put this guy to the test dear one, don't be naive, keep your eyes open and your hormones in check with this one.
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15/f
i want to start useing toy but i have no why to get dildos is there things i can use arould the house??
thanks! (link)
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Think clean smooth and non-porous, always clean what ever you use before and after use.
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16 f
How do you know when a guy is trying to get inside your pants? Like what are the signs that lead to this conclusion? (link)
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You know, it depends so much on the guy. Some guys are artists when it comes to seduction, some are quite clumsy, but don't kid yourself, pretty much all guys want to get into your pants. The key here is to find the ones that it is not their number one priority and are not looking for just a conquest.
I am going to clue you in on the best of them, the others are easy to spot in comparison.
The best way, believe it or not, to tell the true artist is if he focuses on you to the point of ignoring everyone else around him. The true artist knows that the way to get sex is to give the girls he's after all his attention. In general, you girls are pretty vulnerable to attention, it is at the core of all the great fairy tales. Prince Charming being entranced by Snow White.
Also, remember what I said, "the girls he's after". The artist rarely works only on one girl, the more he works on, the more likely one will pay off and it is the rare occasion that he fails with any one target.
So if a guy is making you feel like you're the only one in the room at a big party and you have only just met him, be careful around this one.
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Hii Advicenators!
Okay. This question is about a boy. Hes 14 just like me, also starting high school after the summer (even though were going to different ones).
I threw a party, & my friend invited him & a few of his friends because they are family friends of hers. I didnt mind because i knew of them, my close friends (who were all at the party) were really close with them so i knew they werent dangerous or anything. We ended up going swimming so i was soaking wet & even though he didnt want to get wet he came & sat next to me. Because i motioned for him to. & we were talking for...maybe five minuites. But i was the one who started conversation. Apearantly it was a big deal that he was sitting there talking to me because he usually dosent do that...or so his best friend (whos my close friend) said. & he was all like "oh yeah my dads company is you ever want a belt i could just bring you one" and so thats another sign i think! & he was smiling the whole time! (Well so was i!) & im a really big flirt so its pretty obvious that i like him im sending him all the signals. & im always making the first move you know? & hes pretty shy. We've been talking every day since then but theyr really short conversations & we dont say anything. Im trying to make conversation but i keep getting short answers & it just gets so frustrating so i end the conversation. But i have a feeling he likes me. At the party he gave me one of those looks with a huge smile & he didnt look away for like 5 whole seconds even though we were both walking in different directions. I know he wouldnt be flirting if he didnt like me because thats not how he is.
So my question is, how can i tell if he likes me or if hes being nice or whatever?
& my second question, how do i get him to open up & be more comftorble around me? How do i get somthing besides these one word answers?
Thanks so much! (link)
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Sweetheart, this guy is not ready for anything serious, so take it as it is. Frankly, most boys this age and older are not ready for anything serious. You should have been told by this age that girls mature mentally much faster then boys, so stop expecting him to be Brad Pitt, or whom ever you worship now a days.
Time is the only thing that will bring comfort for him, but it may be a long wait, so get use to carrying the conversation.
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There's this guy that was in my class and i noticed that he's been staring at me since April..so i started to like him and i told him and he said that he has a g/f...but after he told me that, he still would stare at me then look away..he even tried to start a conversation with me on msn but i wasn't at my computer..i was going somewhere with my sister and i saw him walking on the same side of the street as me..he walked by me and we never said anything but then i looked back and i saw him look back at the same time..I'm so confused..does he like me? (link)
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Did you learn something? I'm sure you did, but I'm not sure you learned the right thing. Number one rule, never ask the question, "Do you like me, or announce that you like him. It puts the guy on the spot, how does he know if he likes you or not, he doesn't know you. When you say you like him, it says many things and among them is "I'm easy," you want to know what else it says, that's another letter. There is also the fact that you take the relationship immediately to another level. You have gone from "Hi, my name is Gilbert," to, "let's go steady". There are quite a few steps in between that.
You are confusing his staring at a girl that turns him on in some way for him liking you. Do you really think he's going to answer your question with the truth. "Hi, I like you," "Yea, I'm sorry I was staring, but you has great breasts," great way to break the ice. Think of a better, less confrontational means of approaching guys that you think like you and you like. Talking is good, something you have in common, like the class you have together. Slow down, to some guys you may appear a bit hard up and needy, not a good way to look.
Learn that guys are just going to look at you. it will happen all your life, it does not mean that they want to be your boyfriend, get in your pants maybe, but again, that's another letter.
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my bro n his wife r having trouble raising their son which most of it is lack of common sense and mainly being to selfish so i was asked by my parents if i wud move home(2 hrs away) to help them help my bro n wife..dnt want to move back to home town however there is a little boy to b concerned 4..very confused and a rollercoaster of thots running thru my head that i dnt feel im thinking with full clarity..and i have to move by end of month so the pressure of time isnt helping either...... (link)
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This is not going to be easy for me, because I know you want to hear that you have no responsibility here, but you have already got that from the other responders, so I will go head long into this.
It is your duty to watch after the young of this world and you have no idea what effect you can have on a youth. "Gee Gilbert, tell us a story, we do so love your stories," well, in that case I will.
Recently, my Uncle Ernie, I was told, was on his death bed, but the son of a gun is still kicking, (frankly, I knew he would not give in to death that easy). But, it got me thinking. I really didn't see him all that much as a child, but I loved him from the first time we met. He was such a delight to be around, always happy, a child in his own mind, if you will.
As I thought of him, I realized that I am what I remember him to be. I'm 48 years old and until just months ago, I didn't realize how much the few times I had seen this man impacted me. I fashioned my personality around my perception of this man.
The rest of the story is my life. As a child I was abused both mentally and physically by my parents and I have stories that would curl your toes. By all rights I should be a mean vindictive man writing you from a jail cell, but for a few people, (one of them my Uncle Ernie), I would be.
There is nothing more important in our life then the children, much less one who is family. If it were but adults here, my answer would be tempered by that, and you must be careful not to take away lessons meant to teach the adults, but one person can make a huge difference in the life of a child. If you are not up to what life is now so obviously trying to charge you with, then say no, but remember this when that young man becomes an adult and you realize how much you could have changed what he has become.
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ok...about 1 2 3 and home run, who knows the real one? or there isn\'t...b/c sooo many peaple say different things. like this is one that i heard, 1-kissing 2-touching 3-fingering and home run- is sex. is this right? if not please tell me the right one... (link)
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Coming from ancient times now, the 60's and 70's, the bases were only a reference to how far a guy got with a girl.
First base is kissing.
Second base is feeling her breasts.
Third base is fingering her.
A home run is intercourse.
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13/f
so i like this guy.
it is summer now, but when i was in school he would always look at me on the bus ride home.
we sat diaginol from each other.
when school let out we talked a lot on myspace.
we still do but not as much.
i am VERY shy, to shy that i cant even barely talk to guys.
we would talk abotu music, movies, skateboarding. . . etc.
how can i tell if he is interested?
is he not interested since we dont talk as often?
how can i hint to him that i like him?
please dotn say ask him to go out on group dates, or exchange phone numbers because i am WAY to shy for that.
please help (link)
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Tell me, how do you know when a girl likes you? It's not any different really. If he has said more then hi to you then you know all you need to, he is friendly. Just keep being friendly to him, but I suggest you stay away from asking him, "Do you like me". What is a person suppose to say to that? Also, it puts pressure on a person to preform, I'm not sure you can understand what I mean by that, but it sends mixed signals.
When I was young, a bit older then you, 17 to be exact, I started to go out with a girl who was a bit shy too, but at 17 she had started to be able to deal with that better and she actually approached me first. I hadn't been going out with her long when a guy named Rich came up to me with a warning. "Be careful with her, she'll have you married to her inside of two weeks". He was referring to her jumping the gun a bit and saying things she was best off keeping to herself. (By the way, I asked this young girl to marry me inside of a year and we are still married after 30 years.)
The thing you need to remember is, that at your age you know so little about yourself and others. You need to learn to handle things one step at a time. Learn how to be friends with boys and girls. Learn what you like about yourself and learn what you like about each individual person you decide to call a friend. Most important, learn how to rid yourself of those you decide you don't like. That is one of the most challenging thing in life, how do you get rid of those around you that are not good for you.
One last thing, I will give you a piece of knowledge that most females never come to understand; the vast majority of men don't do hints well. You have to make it clear to us or the next time you say, "I would like something shinny for my birthday", he'll bring you a set of stainless steel pots and pans, not that diamond ring you had your eye on.
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Someone else knows the truth. Two days after I was molested, my dad dropped me off at the YMCA daycare center in my home town. I took one look around and left. I ran home falling many times on the way. I made it home. It is a mile and there are a minimum of 5 turns.
My "stalker" has had 4 different people tell me this story over the last 24 years and I am always 3 years old in the story.
My dad had a policeman come to the house that night to scare me. They told me I could have been hit by a car. I said, I looked both ways. They said a dirty old man could have gotten me. I said there werent no dirty old men.
I dated the son to the policeman who came to the house. In 1995, as we were coming home from a date we passed the house where I used to live and he said "My dad told me he once responded to a call at that house because a 3 year old little girl ran away from the YMCA and made it home." My response was "Well, we're the only family that lived there and I was the only little girl". Duh I was still blocking the memory.
One reason it is so hard to remember suppressed memories is every time I have remembered things I actually relived the terro and horror of it all!
Should I have taken these memories to my grave? My "family" members are wicked. You see, it always is, always was and always will be all about them! (link)
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There is no one here on this site that can help you, not even me. I am not there with you, I can't see what you see, or know what you know, none of us here can.
I can tell you that in my experience, living in the past does no one any good, there is a reason for the saying of, "Put your past behind you", do you know what that reason is, it's because you can't go back and change it. The only thing you can change is the here and now and your future.
You need to talk with someone face to face on this, a professional that has seen this kind of thing before. Psychologists have dealt with things like this and you need to find a way to become whole again. Please find someone good that can sort all this out.
Please my dear lady, your troubles are far beyond the people here. Take control and find someone who can truly help you.
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I asked you a question before and your response really did help me then, as I hope it will now. I have, well, a few problems, with the males. I'm 14 and a girl and I feel like sometimes relationships at my age are awfully shallow. Yet, I would like to date someone eventually. I have a friend who is amazing, it's just that he is two years older. We have a very good friendship though, but it seems that although he displays the characteristics of liking me as more than a friend, I think that he and I have this mutual [unspoken] understanding that it would be inappropriate for us to date. So, I'm in the process of getting over the idea of seeing him as more than a friend. My problem is that I fluctuate a lot between crushes and I want to remain constant with myself. I know that this seems rather broad and all but I just feel confused and thought that maybe you could say something to help me out here. Thank you so much for reading and responding to this. You are my hero. :) (link)
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I'm glad to help. The reason they seem so shallow is, they are. At your age, kids, especially boys, don't have the first idea of who they are. That's why dating at your age is so futile. Stick with friendships until you understand yourself and your feelings, then wait for the boys to catch up, because believe me, they will be behind you.
If you fall for this boy now, the odds are he will change as he grows and comes to understand himself. You may not like how he changes, small changes are easy to accept, but odds are these will be big changes, as will your changes be.
Some would argue that you could be the one there changing him and he would become what you want. Trouble is, you can not be his only influence to change, unless you lock him up, then he would come to hate you anyway.
Parents should be the ones to have a heavy influence on a young one, but I can tell you, they have so little. It seems everyone has more influence on you then your parents do, but I have found that once your kids reach the stage of critical thinking, then you start to see the work of the parent. That is really where a person becomes who they are, when they reach the stage of critical thinking.
You obviously know these things, yeah, maybe you can't put them into words, but you know it. Don't let urges get in the way of what you logically know.
And believe it or not, you are the hero here. You are young, smart and can still make a huge difference in your world. Where I am the hero, who's use is fast coming to the end.
Be well my dear and always be my hero.
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