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Dating and me
I asked you a question before and your response really did help me then, as I hope it will now. I have, well, a few problems, with the males. I'm 14 and a girl and I feel like sometimes relationships at my age are awfully shallow. Yet, I would like to date someone eventually. I have a friend who is amazing, it's just that he is two years older. We have a very good friendship though, but it seems that although he displays the characteristics of liking me as more than a friend, I think that he and I have this mutual [unspoken] understanding that it would be inappropriate for us to date. So, I'm in the process of getting over the idea of seeing him as more than a friend. My problem is that I fluctuate a lot between crushes and I want to remain constant with myself. I know that this seems rather broad and all but I just feel confused and thought that maybe you could say something to help me out here. Thank you so much for reading and responding to this. You are my hero. :)
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I'm glad to help. The reason they seem so shallow is, they are. At your age, kids, especially boys, don't have the first idea of who they are. That's why dating at your age is so futile. Stick with friendships until you understand yourself and your feelings, then wait for the boys to catch up, because believe me, they will be behind you.
If you fall for this boy now, the odds are he will change as he grows and comes to understand himself. You may not like how he changes, small changes are easy to accept, but odds are these will be big changes, as will your changes be.
Some would argue that you could be the one there changing him and he would become what you want. Trouble is, you can not be his only influence to change, unless you lock him up, then he would come to hate you anyway.
Parents should be the ones to have a heavy influence on a young one, but I can tell you, they have so little. It seems everyone has more influence on you then your parents do, but I have found that once your kids reach the stage of critical thinking, then you start to see the work of the parent. That is really where a person becomes who they are, when they reach the stage of critical thinking.
You obviously know these things, yeah, maybe you can't put them into words, but you know it. Don't let urges get in the way of what you logically know.
And believe it or not, you are the hero here. You are young, smart and can still make a huge difference in your world. Where I am the hero, who's use is fast coming to the end.
Be well my dear and always be my hero.
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