I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 172988
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hi am 17 senior in h.s i was planning on going to college and everything. i was dating a guy who 25 and we broke up 3 weeks ago about one week ago i found out i was 5weeks pregant should i tell him?? how can i tell him?? (link)
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First of all, what do you want to do about the baby? You are awfully young to have a child, and I can't say it'll make you more likely to successfully attend and graduate from college. If you decide to have an abortion, I don't think it's strictly neccessary for you to tell your ex. Even if he wouldn't be happy about it, he could not stop you & it could cause a lot of mental stress for you.
If you decide to HAVE the baby, he needs to know. It is his child, and as soon as it's born he has legal rights regarding it. He'll get visitation and will have to pay support.
If you decide to have it and give it up for adoption, I would tell him as well. Who knows? Maybe he'll decide to take full responsibility for the baby.
One thing I would NOT do is expect this baby to bring you back together. It'll mess up college and even if your ex does come back, you're getting stuck with a guy who doesn't really care for you. You had reasons for breaking up with each other, and a baby will not fix them.
Good luck.
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ok so theres this boy thats like 4'7 or sumthing in 7th grade and im like 5'7 in the same grade....(i just turned 13) and he supposedly likes me, but is too shy to tell me cuz he thinks...i dunno wut he thinks! anyways, hes so cute(like a little baby) and i have this thing that when i find out that ppl like me, i feel like i like them too, even if i dont...i wanna go out with him, but at the same time, i dont.... i dont wanna be going out with a guy so much shorter than me cuz i wont b able to kiss him and hug him and sutff...sorry this question is so long, but i need advice....thanx mucho (link)
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I think your real problem is more than this one guy: it's letting yourself be led by other people's emotions.
There is no point in going out with people you don't really like. It's not fair to you OR them.
In future, I would only date people who you were interested in BEFORE they asked you out. Otherwise, you're wasting time with the wrong guys while the right guys won't approach you because you're taken.
Be polite but firm to guys who ask you out that you are not interested in - it's the mature way to act, and while they might have their feelings hurt, it's much easier for everyone if it happens right at the start instead of down the road.
You deserve to be with people you actually like. Remember that.
Good luck.
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ok lets start at the beginning! my friend's sister's ex boyfriend is staying in her house until he finds a place/job whatever. so the sister doesnt stay there shes in college and last night he got really drunk and my friend was the only one in the house.. he came in her room and he fingered her. she doesnt know what to do someone give me advice to give her!! thank you!! (link)
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Did she want him to finger her? If so, she's going to have to work through the awkward after effects and try to make clearer decisions in the future.
If she did not want him fingering her, and did not give her consent, then she has been molested. She'll want to tell her parents so that the guy in question is kicked out, and she might want to press charges.
Hopefully her parents will make him leave immediately, but if they give him a day or so to move out, she'll want to stay clear of him. If she has to stay in the house at night, she'll want to lock her door and possibly sleep with a phone near her so she can call for help if things get serious.
First and foremost, she needs to tell her parents what happened. Nothing good can come from keeping it to herself.
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Im falling in love with my best friend. I dont want to ruin our relationship, but i really want to be more than friends with her. We talked about it briefly, and she says she doesnt want to be, but she acts totally like she does. i dotn want to rush things, i just dont know if these feelings are true, or if i should be feeling them. help. im 18 m n shes 18 f (link)
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Okay. Your feelings might be true, and you certainly can't help whether or not you feel them. What you CAN do is listen to your best friend - regardless of what signals you think she is sending you, she's been verbally very clear: she does not want to be with you.
You're going to have to accept what she says and try to move on.
If, however, you remain confused and hopeful, then the only thing to do is talk to her. Let her know that her words don't seem to match her actions. Once you've had this conversation, you need to listen to what she says.
Just like you can't help your feelings, she can't help hers. It's an awkward situation, but you risk losing the friendship if you try to pressure her into liking you as more than a friend.
Good luck.
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what is the meaning of court summon and does one necessary need to attend? (link)
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It's in the name - the court is summoning you to appear. If this is something which directly concerns you, you might want to talk to a lawyer. Find out what your day in court will entail and how it could possibly affect you.
If, however, you are just a witness or are being asking to testify about things directly concerning other people, you have less to worry about. Either way, you DO need to show up.
If you have a scheduling conflict, you'll want to call the court ASAP and explain your situation. They may or may not be able to set a new date.
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ok, i have liked this guy.. he knows it and basicly everyone knows it. including my best friend. now... one day i introduced them to each other. they liked each other and he asked her out... she said YES! what kind of best friend does that!? she knew i liked him!? am i crazy, or is that wrong?
please help!
what should i do!?
thank you! (link)
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If your best friend definitely knew that you liked him, but is going to go out with him anyway - then no, she's not a great friend. It's up to you what you do next, though I think a conversation with her is in order.
You need to let her know how hurt you are and perhaps give her a chance to explain herself. Try to hold off making any huge decisions until you have calmed down, but remember to think about a few things: Is she intentionally hurting you? Can you ever trust her? Do you want a friend you cannot trust?
Good luck.
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hey .. my boyfriend is in the hospital rite now .. hes in intensive care .. he got into a car accident and now has a fractured skull, bleeding in the brain. the doctors have him in a drug induced coma right now..and they dont predict him to wake up for a few months, and then they will run the tests on his brain .. they are currently waiting for the swelling to go down on his brain. surgery was going to take place, but they decided to just wait for the swelling to heal on its own .. they dont expect him to wake up for several months now..but my question to you, is .. that im realllllyyy scared ... do yu think he'll be okay? hes in one of the best hospitals in jersey but still .. i need some truth..thnx .. anything yu say ill give yu a 5 .. (link)
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If the doctors are thinking the swelling will go down naturally, then at least you know they are thinking about his long term prognosis. Of course, nobody can say how he will or will not be affected by the damage.
I think talking to his parents and the doctors is the best thing to do. There will be a lot of uncertainty, but doctors can give you info based on past patients, or you can ask for general statistics: full recovery? partial brain damage? etc.
As far as other things go, I'd see if you could arrange professional counselling. This is a lot to deal with, and it would help you tremendously if a therapist taught you some coping strategies, or even just was a sympathetic ear.
I wish you and your boyfriend the very best.
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i recently went on holiday and had sex with someone now im worried i might be pregnant what are the very first signs of pregnancy and what happens the first time you should get your period im 19 (link)
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The first thing you should be looking for is your period. You WILL NOT be getting symtpoms people associate with pregnancy within the first few weeks of being pregnant - and I should point out that many of the symptoms of pregnancy are actually very similar to those of PMS.
So, figure out when your last period is. Hopefully you know the length of your cycle and when you can expect your next period. Do keep in mind that stress can make your period late.
If your period comes, hurrah. If you had unprotected sex, though, you're still not in the clear - you'll want to make an appointment with your doctor or Planned Parenthood to get screened for various STDs. These can make you infertile, make you very sick, or even kill you - so don't put it off.
If your period doesn't come, head over to yor local pharmacy. Read the back of home pregnancy tests. Many tests will not be accurate until your period is about 2 weeks late - it can take that long for your body to build up enough pregnancy hormone to register on the test. If you ARE pregnant, you'll want to make immediate plans to think about your future and whether you want to realistically keep the baby, give it up for adoption, or undergo abortion. The sooner you make your decision, the better.
Good luck.
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I recently had my pap smear and the results came back fine. My doctor said that the Pap smear was normal. I did not have the HPV, but this is were I'm confused, she told me to go back for another testing in 6 months because they found changes in the cells of my cervix.
Thank You So Much for any information that you can pass on to me.
(link)
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PAP smears are testing for changes to your cervical cells, which could indicate cancer. Most women will experience 'changes' or needing a retest at some time - it does NOT mean you have cancer.
It's best to talk over any concerns with your doctor, and make sure you are prompt in your 6 month retest. Get involved and stay involved - you should know what sort of changes they are looking for, if your 'changes' are increasing or mutating, etc.
Good luck.
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Ok! Well I have to go to the doctor tuesday with my mom to get birth control. Im just really stressing out about the papsmear. I shave down there and Im not sure whether or not I want my mom in the room when they do that. They also have to ask you if your sexually active and I really dont want my mom knowing all that either! Any info, advice, etc.? (link)
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Your mom shouldn't be in the room with you. If you're old enough to have sex, you're old enough to see the doctor. Letting your mom know in advance you want to be alone shouldn't be a problem - I should think the doctor would EXPECT your mom to stay in the waiting room.
With no mother there, you can ask questions and be totally upfront about your sexual life; they will not pass the info onto your mom.
So - go in alone. It sounds scarier than it is - though I can't think of anything worse than having your mom be there while your vaginal area gets examined!!
Good luck.
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I recently had sex for the first time (about a month ago) and since then I've needed to pee an unusual amount. And when I do pee, it can really hurt. I now have trouble controlling when I need to pee too. Like, the second I get home from school I have to run to the toilet or I'll like pee myself. It's so embarrassing. The other night I even peed while in bed and got really freaked out. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?! (link)
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Urinary tract infection? Bladder infection?
Either way, this can only be fixed with anti-biotics; you'll want to make an appointment with your doctor ASAP as this'll only get worse if untreated.
You'll want to be upfront with your doctor and let him/her know it could have resulted from sex - your doctor will be able to offer advice to prevent it from happening in the future, and will NOT tell your parents about your sexual history. It's confidential.
Your parents won't even guess as these infections can happen to anyone, sex or not. So go to the doctor and get well soon!
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I am a 35 yr old Christian with Christian parents and wish to help my parents financially.My Mom has no job experience, other trying to be an Avon lady when I was a kid, got chased by a Doberman and quit. She's a mother that's all she knows how to do. My parents have raisied 6 children and 1 grandchild, he is a jr in high school. My Dad receives a very small disability check and now a little social security from a work related injury 10yrs ago and forced into early retirement (which is all gone now) He has had several back surgeries and still not in real good physical shape. He has to have cortizone shots all the time just to unstiffen. For extra income he mows lawns in his neighborhood, but it is just killing him. He's stubborn. But now that has slowed down due to the season change and honestly I'm not sure that next spring he will be able to do it anymore. My nephew, that my parents are raising, needed braces, has an upcoming school band trip in February..etc, etc, etc. For the first time, my Mom called us all and said no Christmas this year, we can't afford it! That's ok it's time we (my 4 sisters and 1 brother) take on the Christmas event. I am about to receive a $10,000 commisson check thru work (biggest yet-and rare)...how and how much should I give them? They will take it eventually (after refusing due to pride) but how do I go about presenting it to them without making them feel bad, or depressing my Dad for not being able to provide like he always has. My Dad can't get life insurance due to medical problems and I know they have not planned for the future (life insurance, death,etc.). Since there are so many of us kids, they were never able to set back $. Honestly, I am the only child that can afford to do this for them, I just want to do it right and find a way to make sure they are financially comfortable. Any advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated.
Denise in Texas
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Denise, instead of giving them money, why not give them THINGS? For example, you could pay for the braces, band trip, etc. I should think if would be easier for people to accept gifts - especially when they are going to their nephew rather than themselves - than money.
Say you feel a sort of obligation for the nephew and feel great that you are finally in a position to help out. This way, you are taking the burden for expensive things they are responsible for - helping them without making them feel like a charity case.
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OKAY i just got the sims 2 game and im like sooooo confused!!! when i want to buy items it will let me do it except it won't let me click on the appliances icon and the plumbing icon so therefore i can't have food in a refridgerator and i can't have any bathroom stuff! yea i really need that in its house!!! so if you have any idea why it won't let me click that icon that is like faded just tell me please! im pretty much desperate now!!! I"LL RATE ALL 5's FOR ANYONE WHO HELPS ME OUT!! thanks a bunch! P.S. i don't think my game is messed up or broken so don't tell me that (link)
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Is you game slow during gameplay at all? Mine is - it can take a few minutes for it to register that I've clicked into a different buy area, for example.
I would recommend thesimsresource.com - they have forums for the sims 2 and thousands of people are on at any given time. If you type a question in, you'll get an instant response from other Sims 2 nerds like ourselves!
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Today My dad told me I needed to pack my bags and get out... what can I do... I have no where to go or anything... My friends arnt at home and most of the ones who are dont want to come between my parents and myself... what to do? Plz Help... (link)
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You can always call the operator and ask to speak to someone who works in social services or in the department for family and child welfare. These people are not interested in making things tough for your family, but they WILL find you a place to stay, talk to your family, and try to get things sorted out between you and your dad so that you can move home again.
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i've been eating a lot of candy for like the past 3 days, pretty much all ive ate was candy and chocolates and soda, n the only food was pizza and a hot dog. me and my parents are like 99% sure that i have diabetes and ive heard that one of the things that will happen to you when you have diabetes is mouth pain and i always have mouth pain, i have to tak 3 aspirins every morning so it wont hurt in school. so we thought it was a cavitty and we went to the dentist and there was nothing on the x ray so now were like positive its diabetes. anyways, today my mouth was hurting really bad so i took 4 aspirins and i couldnt take the pain and that hasnt helped so i took one more and it still was hurting so i went to go brush my teeth and wen i spit out blood came out and i checked my gums to see if they were just bleeding from the toothbrush and they werent so i just spit and blood came out in this thick mucus (sorry if thats gross) so i was kind of worried then it still hurt so i took 2 more aspirins cause the pain was unbearable. so basically i have taken 7 asprins and i only weigh 100 pounds, im really scared but no ones home and im scared to go to a neighbor or call 911..and i really dont want to puke, do you think ive over dosed or anything please help
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Regarding the overdosing: call 911. There is nothing to be afraid of - the people will be friendly and helpful, and this could save your life. It'll also get you into a doctor's office, which is where you need to be.
If you've eaten nothing but candy and you were really diabetic, you'd be having a lot more of a problem than some mouth pain. That much candy and nothing else could send you into shock and kill you. So do I think you have diabetes? No.
Do I think you need to get checked out? Yes. A doctor can do a simple pee-test and blood-test to check if you have diabetes. If you don't, then you DO need to find out what is causing mouth pain (problems from all the sugar? pain from wisdom teeth? an absess somewhere in your mouth? clenching your jaw unconsciously? grinding your teeth while you sleep?) and where the blood is coming from.
Bleeding right now could be happening from your stomach - if you've taken too many pills, they'll literally rip your stomach apart. So call your parents if you can reach them, and if not, see if a neighbor can take you to the hospital. Or call 911.
You've taken a lot of medication in a short period of time. You may or may not be damaging yourself.
A doctor will fix this problem and get you an appropriate medication to help you manage your mouth pain until it's sorted out.
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THIS MAY SEEM A LITTLE CRAZY TO YOU, IT DOES TO EVERYONE ELSE,SO I AM LEFT WITH NO ONE TO TALK TO ABOUT IT, BECAUSE EVERYONE JUST THINKS I'M NUTS, BUT HERE GOES...MY BF AND I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 11 YEARS. I LOVE HIM MORE THEN ANYTHING.
I QUESTION HOW HE FEELS ABOUT ME. HE HAS THIS LITTLE DOG, WHOM WAS AROUND BEFORE ME. SHE IS CRIPPLED AND OLD AND HE ADORES HER. HE SLEEPS WITH HER RIGHT NEXT TO HIM (HE WANTS TO CUDDLE WITH HER, BUT I GOT TIRED OF IT AND MADE HIM PUT HER OFF THE BED, SO SHE IS RIGHT NEXT TO THE BED AT HIS HEAD WHERE HE CAN REACH HER TO SLEEP WITH HIS HAND ON HER.) HE RUNS TO HER AT HER EVERY BARK, HE SHOWERS WITH HER, IS ALWAYS PETTING AND RUBBING HER, TELLING HER HOW MUCH HE LOVES HER. MY PROBLEM IS THAT HE WONT GIVE ME EVEN HALF THE ATTENTION HE GIVES THAT DOG. HE ALWAYS TELLS ME THAT SHE'S A DOG, YOUR SICK TO COMPAIR MY FEELINGS FOR YOU AND MY FEELINGS FOR MY DOG. HE IS NOT INTO SEX, HE MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I AM NOT ATTRACTIVE (BUT I AM ACCORDING TO EVERYONE ELSE-I LOOK ALOT LIKE ROSEANNA ARQUETTE, SO I'M TOLD)BUT HE MAKES ME CRY AND HURTS MY FEELINGS, AND WHEN I TELL HIM THESE THINGS HE JUST SAYS HE DONT CARE. I DO EVERYTHING FOR HIM (HE'S DISABLED AND DONT DRIVE, I WAIT ON HIM, I TAKE CARE OF HIM, I DO EVERYTHING FOR HIM). BUT WHEN I ASK FOR SOMETHING, (I AM VERY INDEPENDANT) ITS OF THE EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL CLOSNESS SORT, I JUST GET PUT OFF, SET ASIDE, AND HE CAN JUST GO OFF TO SLEEP KNOWING THAT I AM IN THE OTHER ROOM CRYING BECAUSE OF HIS BEHAVIOR. HOW DO I GET HIM TO UNDERSTAND THAT HE IS HURTING ME TO THE POINT THAT I JUST WANT TO GO AWAY, AND FORGET ABOUT HIM AND ALL OF IT? I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW HE CAN SAY HE LOVES ME, BUT HIS ACTIONS SAY OTHERWISE. HE IS ALSO BIPOLAR. OUR AGES ARE 35 HIM 38 ME. I JUST WANT HIM TO SHOW ME THE AFFECTION THAT I NEED, BUT HE JUST DONT GET IT, BUT THE DOG DOES!!
PS I HAVE SEEN HIM WITH MY OWN EYES TOUCH THAT DOG INAPPROIATLY, HE DENIES THIS WITH INSTANT ANGER! HE IS NOT DISABLED TO A POINT THAT HE CANT CARE FOR HIMSELF, HE JUST CANNOT DRIVE OR WORK OUTSIDE OF THE HOUSE.....I JUMP FOR HIM, HE WILL ONLY DISAPPONT ME AND BREAK PROMISSES (link)
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Look at what you've said. He 'will only disappoint' you and 'break promises.' He gives a mere dog more attention and affection than he gives you. Is this the sort of relationship you had ever pictured yourself being involved in? Is this a fair way to let someone treat you - or a fair way to treat yourself?
It sounds as if you've told him your feelings, and I'll be the first to back you up. I think you have ever right to feel frustrated, hurt, and used. Have you told him exactly how serious you are?
If he knows you are considering leaving him, he might shape up. If he doesn't, you can try couple's counselling - if that doesn't help or he won't agree to outside help, then I guess you have your answer. He doesn't love you.
I think you would be justified in leaving, and I don't think his status as a disabled person should make you feel guilty or like you have to stay. I think the first thing you need to do when you finish reading my reply is ask yourself a few questions: 'Do I love him? If he doesn't change, can I be happy in this relationship? Is this how I want to spend the rest of my life?'
You deserve someone who will show you how much he loves you - cuddling you, caring for you, not taking advantage of you. You sound like a warm-hearted, giving person who already really knows what she wants - she just wants to know if other people agree.
And I do. You need to take care of yourself; you need to respect yourself. Whether that is trying to make things work (and leaving if they don't), or leaving now - that choice is up to you. Listen to your deepest feelings and act on them. There is no shame in getting out of a bad relationship.
Good luck. My thoughts are with you.
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Mkay.. im 13 and i am really falling in love with my boyfriend. Like i want to be with him for the rest of my life and ive never felt this way before. How do i know if this is really true love? Is it to eairly to have a serious relationship?
p.s. my aunt found her true love in Jr.High. they got married so maybe it will happen to me! (link)
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One in a billion couples might get together in junior high, get married, and stay married. I'm not trying to be a downer, but I am trying to give you a realistic picture.
Can you be in love? Sure.
Is this the only sort of love there is? Nope.
Love is the sort of thing that deepens as you grow - each relationship you have will take you to new levels and understandings of love. While you are in love now, it's not the same sort of love you'll experience when you are older. That's not a bad thing; humans grow. It's what we do.
Personalities haven't even been completely formed until your mid-twenties; if you don't yet fully know who you are, it's impossible to know who you will end up with.
Your aunt was lucky. But remember this - whether you DO end up with this guy, or an even better one down the road - you're lucky too. We all end up with someone who is genuinely right for us.
Good luck.
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I'm concerned about my relationship with my husband. He is a fabulous guy and I deeply, deeply love him. I just don't want any kind of physical relationship. That doesn't mean I want a physical relationship with someone else - I don't. I just enjoy our time together and his support and friendship. What's wrong with me??
I'm 40 and have been married to him for 16 years. (link)
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If you have always felt this way, then I would say that you are either: 1) a lesbian, 2) not really in love with this guy.
I think there are a lot of different sorts of love; this includes deep, committed love...but it's just not romantic. Sex is a part of love, and if there is no attraction, then one has to wonder why.
If you have been attracted to him in the past and just not recently, have you considered that you are approaching menopause? Changing hormons can wreak havoc with your libido - as can high levels of stress, new medication (or a changed dosage), etc.
If you or your husband are not happy about the no sex situation, something needs to be done. A first step could be medical - if you believe you are heterosexual, then you'll want your doctor to test your level of hormones in your blood, evaluate your overall health, etc. It's possible there might be a medical culprit - or equally possible that you two may need to undergo counselling.
At the very least, keep an open mind and heart. I wish you the best.
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I was dating this guy, and I was really starting to like him. We had "relations" and it became intense for a minute. But my best freind saw him in the mall, and every since then some how he got he number and they have been talking on the phone since. I stopped liking this guy because I felt he didn't respect me or my best friends friendship. Come to find out my best friend want to have "relations" with him and is talking to him on the phone. She really isn't telling me everything. We told each other that a man could not come in betwwen us, but I think in this situation it is diffrent. I mean I stop liking this guy because of her, and now she wants him. Is she being a friend or a freak? (link)
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I don't know if I'd call her a freak so much as a human being. People lose all their common sense when love and sex are involved - even if it means hurting friends they are close to. You've got a couple of options.
You can explain to her that you stopped liking him because of her and you would want her to behave similarly, or you can suck it up and just let her have a relationship with him. If you genuinely don't like the guy anymore, that might be the best option.
I do think I'd be cautious about your friend - it sounds like she was moving in on this guy when you were still with him. You want friends you can trust; you shouldn't have to worry that they'll steal your boyfriend, ditch you for a guy, or just generally treat you without respect.
The main thing is to treat yourself with respect - I think you have made some really good choices in choosing to not date a guy who was also interested in someone else. If you set your boundaries as far as relationships, sex, or friendship and then stick with them, you'll end up being surrounded by people who respect you and won't stab you in the back.
Good luck.
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im 18/m. I had a gay realtionship about a year ago, and it went on for about 6 months. Im now tired of guys and im with my girlfriend. I really should tell her that i was with this guy, she has no idea that i was. She even knows the guy. How can i tell her w/o her finding out who it was, and will she leave me if she finds out? (link)
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Your girlfriend might need awhile to adjust to the idea that you were in a gay relationship, but if you treat it matter-of-factly, she SHOULD be able to deal with it ... particularly if she really cares about you.
Make sure to let her know that you are only interested in dating her at the moment and that you find her attractive - this'll help with any 'competition' worries she might have about losing you to a guy.
I think it would be enough to speak in general terms if you don't want her to know who your ex was. Just say you were in a gay relationship - use no names. Your sexual history is intensely personal and it is up to you how much you share and how you share it.
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